T.B looked very bored as she sat in front of her computer. "Alright, I've gone on the internet, I've checked my favorite websites, I've scanned over the fanfics at Fanfiction.Net, I've read my webcomics, no one is on to talk to, I don't feel like feeding my dying Neopets, I don't wanna checkout any new sites. Off-line, I have already made attempts at webcomics, I don't wanna Paint, I don't wanna scan, I don't wanna play Solitaire, and I DON'T wanna work on my DBZ masterpiece at the moment. I'm bored. I'm really bored," T.B. sighed as she stared at the computer in a very bored way.
"I'll just write a really crappy yet humorous Animorph fanfic with absolutely no plot."
And she did.
By: T.B. Stormshot
T.B. doesn't own the Animorphs. T.B. Stormshot doesn't own anything. T.B. Stormshot is sad that she doesn't own anything. Will you give T.B. Stormshot some money to buy something? Maybe speech lessons so T.B. Stormshot can learn to speak in first-person?
T.B whipped out her cattle prod and looked at it thoughtfully for a moment in the psychedelic coloring which had invaded her own private dimension. She then got the smart idea of twirling it around like a baton and accidentally stunned herself. After three days of powerful medication and rest, she again looked at the baton thoughtfully-wearing oven mitts.
"Oh great Dragon hear my ROAR-" T.B. began, before suddenly remembering she was omnipotent and didn't need any help, which was a good thing since the great Dragon never did anything she wanted anyway. "Stupid dragon..." T.B. muttered as she snapped her fingers and suddenly the Animorphs were deposited approximately 3 feet in the air, where they hanged for about 1.2 seconds before the horror known as gravity settled in.
Various squeaks and sounds of discomfort could be heard as the Animorphs came crashing to the ground.
The fic then took a turn for the worse.
"Alrighty people, I don't have all day!" T.B. yelled angrily as she threatened with her cattle prod.
Marco groaned as he struggled to get up from below Cassie, Jake, Rachel, and Ax in his conventional Andalite form. "I think I broke my ribs..."
"How many?" Cassie asked.
"All of them..." Marco muttered.
"This ain't no time for whining about a few bruises, we got a fanfic to get on here and I plan to get it done quick, if possible..." T.B. muttered angrily, a very disgruntled look on her face.
"What's up with YOU anyway, usually you're so high... run out of happy pills?" Rachel asked.
"Hey! I don't take drugs! Drugs are bad for you! If I took drugs I wouldn't be able to come up with half of the crap I think up!" T.B. yelled in an annoyed voice.
I wouldn't be too hard on her, she has a REASON for being angry this time, Tobias thought-spoke from his hawk-form. Hey, you realize how many thermals there are around here?A hawk's dream!
T.B. looked startled for a moment but just as quickly went back to being disgruntled. "Yeah, whatever... probably from all the radiation my dimension puts out... Trust those bananas to sell you a faulty universe... when I'm done here I'm just going to have to go down there and kick some-"
This radiation will pose no threat to us will it? Ax asked as he finally got up off of Marco and stretched his tail, the whip having the unfortunate position of doubling over itself into the small of Marco's back.
"Nah, should be fine as long as you have omnipotent powers like me," T.B. waved off as she yawned-being careful to keep the cattle prod as far away as possible.
"Uh, what if we DON'T?" Jake asked nervously.
"You'll die a horrible bloody death from popping like a balloon under 5 minutes," T.B. yawned.
"Well THAT sucks..." Rachel muttered in that half-insane way she mutters.
"That IS, unless the non-omnipotent people in question are in a four-legged morph of some sort," T.B. continued with an 'educational' tone of voice.
"What does being in a four-legged morph have to do with avoiding a horrible bloody death by radiation?" Marco yelled.
"I'dunno, don't ask me how my universe works, I bought it off the sales rack," T.B. shrugged.
"Fine then, as long as I can have a form that kicks some butt..." Rachel muttered as she began to morph bear.
"And you can't morph any bears, because they can stand on their two legs!" T.B. suddenly called out.
Rachel looked annoyed before switching to elephant morph.
"And you can't morph anything over 100 pounds!" T.B. added unexpectantly.
"Well shit! What CAN I morph?!" Rachel yelled.
"Umm..." T.B. muttered as she tried to remember Rachel's morphs. "Ah! Try your cat morph from Book #2! The one who's name I cannot remember!"
Rachel sighed, "Well it's better than going rat..." She proceeded to morph into her once good friend Melissa's cat.
"Yeah, it would never have worked out anyway, rat's can stand on their hind legs and they especially like cheese. That's the other thing, if the animal you're morphing especially likes cheese they'll be affected by the radiation too."
This radiation doesn't make any sense! Radiation poisoning should not be effected by whether or not you have four legs or if you like cheese! Ax yelled in confusion.
"It's a very peculiar sort of radiation," T.B. told him solemnly.
Then since I already have four legs, I will stay in my andalite form, Ax sighed.
"Nuh-uh," T.B. warned as she shook her head, "You have to be in a four-legged MORPH, technically, your andalite form is not a morph."
Ax sighed as he started to morph into uh... into um... "Hey Ax, what four-legged morphs do you have? I can't remember any of them... um... uh... geez, just go turtle," T.B. shrugged.
I don't have a turtle morph! Ax yelled mentally.
"This is MY universe and YOU have a turtle morph! New rule! Andalites have to morph turtle in order to avoid death by popping-like-a-balloon radiation!" T.B. yelled angrily.
Oh, so YOU are making up the rules now? Rachel asked sarcastically.
"YEAH! YEAH I AM! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!" T.B. screamed.
Well... yeah, Rachel shrugged.
T.B. seethed. "I would SO kill you if you weren't already dead," she growled.
Wait, if that's true... Rachel said as she morphed back to human. "Then I don't have to worry about dying by radiation since I'm already dead!"
T.B. growled. "Damn SMART people... always finding a way around the rules *mumblegrumblemumble*"
But what about me? Tobias yelled as he floated on dream-like psychedelic waves. This is only the second time I've spoken too!
"Shut up Tobias. I don't like you. I don't hate you as much as maybe Marco, and I don't hate Marco as much as a bunch of other Animorph people, but I DON'T LIKE YOU. 'Sides, I'm getting bored. So Tobias is a raccoon, Jake is a dog, Cassie is a skunk, and Marco is um... uh..."
"How about a wolf?" Marco asked.
"No, you can be a rat," T.B. told him haughtingly.
"I thought you said I couldn't be a rat!" Marco yelled.
"I retract my former statement," T.B. said with a snort as she crossed her arms and looked the other way. Immediately the other Animorphs turned into the various animals T.B. had selected.
Well this just sucks! Marco yelled.
"Talk in Spanish Monkey-boy," T.B. ordered.
Porque? Marco asked.
"I don't know so many words in Spanish pal, I won't have to listen to you so much that way. AND NONE OF MY NON-SPANISH-SPEAKING READERS WILL BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND YOU HAHAHAMWAHEHEHAHWAHAHAHAAAA!" T.B. laughed insanely.
Tu estas stupido... Marco muttered angrily.
So uh, when is the Drode going to show up anyway? Jake asked, scratching himself with as foot like a dog... because he was a dog... yeah.
"And what makes you think the Drode is going to show up? I hate that guy..." Rachel muttered angrily.
"Really? He likes you pretty well..." T.B. Stormshot snickered for a moment. "But really, I've been thinking maybe I'll pop him in sometime towards the end maybe, as a sort of kicker-"
*POOF!*
"-Or he could just show up now," T.B. shrugged.
"You. Suck," the Drode growled as he crossed his flimsy arms, refusing to say anything else.
Hey, are you the Drode with the girlfriend, or the one *ahem* who has no need of one? Cassie asked simply because she hadn't had the chance to say much else.
The Drode simply growled angrily and refused to say anything.
"I think it's the one without. Considering I'm not in a particularly good mood today, my character choices reflect on my mood and I'm not really in the mood to deal with a Drode that is particularly out-of-character," T.B. said rather scientifically.
Then why the hell is everybody else out of character? Tobias asked, angry about being stuck as a raccoon.
T.B. shrugged. "Because you are. This is how I write. This is how I write humor. And if you wish, talk to the ancient 8-ball of the age of Cliches, maybe it'll find a better writer for you. It probably will-that is if it doesn't pick my enemy." At this point T.B. scowled menacingly. "Stupid enemy... how I dislike you, I REALLY DISLIKE YOU ENEMY! REALLY! DISLIKE! YEAH!"
No se que hablas tambien, Marco said defiantly.
"Of course I know what I'm talking about! I dislike my enemy, that's obvious! It's also what I'm angry about!" T.B. snapped in annoyance. "And may I say, YOU are a mouse my friend, not a man."
Why are you angry with your enemy? Ax asked logically as he stopped sulking in turtle-morph.
"Well duh, BECAUSE SHE'S NOT BEING AN ENEMY! HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE AN ENEMY WHEN MY ENEMY JUST HIDES AND SULKS IN A CORNER BECAUSE OF A FEW BAD REVIEWS?! I didn't even DO most of it..." T.B. yelled angrily.
So you're saying you DID do some of it...? Cassie asked because she's a pacifistic person and doesn't like anybody getting hurt. (Gotta go with the Drode's point of view on this one...)
"Heh heh... heh, not most of it," T.B. chuckled evily.
But you did SOME of it, RIGHT? Jake goaded.
"Hey. I don't have to put up with this. I MADE this fanfiction. I am the mega 8-ball, the all omnipotent, the maker of stupidity. YOU are... not," T.B. said defensively.
But you did do SOME of it... RIGHT? Jake asked again.
"You know what? Forget you. I'm watchin' T.V." T.B. said angrily as a T.V., easy chair, and a bowl of popcorn popped out of nowhere. She promptly sat down, turned on the T.V. with the remote that suddenly popped in her hand and took a handful of popcorn. "There's nothing on T.V. right now, so I'll just watch NICKELODEON! CUZ IT'S THE COOLEST AND THEY DID SUCH A GREAT JOB ON THE ANIMORPH T.V. SHOW!!!! I'll never know why they canceled it I guess," T.B. sighed to no one in particular *WARNING!! SARCASM IS IN USE! REPEAT: WARNING!! SARCASM IS IN USE!! Thank you for your time, please have a nice day*
"You are SUCH an idiot," the Drode sighed in disgust.
"I thought you weren't talking," T.B. said as she glanced towards the Drode.
"I'll only speak to call you an idiot," the Drode told her neatly.
"Hm, fair enough," T.B. nodded in agreement, she then turned back to the T.V., clicking the remote to change to a different channel since she was only being sarcastic about watching Nickelodeon and was not really that desperate. However, she soon realized that the television set was not responding to her commands and lifted an eyebrow in response. "Huh... Hey, Drode... did you remove the batteries to my remote control?"
The Drode gasped dramatically and gave a look of disbelief, slitted eyes opened wide. "Something goes wrong with your beloved T.V. and you automatically blame it on ME?!"
"Well... yeah," T.B. shrugged.
The Drode shrugged in response, looking as cool as ever. "Yeah, yeah I did. Idiot."
T.B. shrugged again, not to be deterred by the Drode's name-calling. "Well, maybe I'll get lucky and Invader Zim will be on or something. Or maybe an asteroid will suddenly come and destroy the Nickelodeon station. Or maybe terrorists. Yup, there's always hope." She settled back in the chair, clutching deeply into the armrests.
Soon she was deep into the horror known as Nickelodeon. Though the evil menace known as "Animorphs: The T.V. show!" had long since been banished to the realm of Cancellation, still many terrors lurked inside that horrible station. Such as teeny-boppers, shows which had the gall to call themselves TEEN shows, and... worst of all NICK. TOON. ORIGINALS.
T.B. promptly blew up the television.
"Ham. Play with it. Mold it. Loads of fun. Huh. Excuse me while I throw up," she said calmly as she got up and turned around. She blinked as she realized that the Animorphs had disappeared. "Hey, Drode," she asked calmly, turning to the Drode who had failed to disappear with the others. "Where'd they go?" she asked. The Drode shrugged.
"They got bored and went home," the Drode said, scratching the back of his right ear. "Idiot," he added after a moment.
"Oh... well they can't do that... Can they do that?" T.B. asked, scratching the back of her head. The Drode shrugged in response. "Well... I wanted this specifically to be an Animorph fanfic... so... uh..."
T.B. reclined her head and raised her arms wide. "Oh ancient spirits of EEEE-vil, transform this decayed form into-" T.B. then remembered she was omnipotent and didn't need any help, which was a good thing since the ancient spirits of Evil never did anything she wanted anyway. "Stupid ancient spirits of Evil..." T.B. muttered as she snapped her fingers and suddenly Visser 3, the Ellimist, Crayak, an army of Hork-Bajir, Ares-God of War, an Average Joe and Mary-Sue, and a weird dude named Grok which was named that way for reasons T.B. did not want to go into.
"... okay..." the Drode blinked, an anime-like sweat drop falling from his head.
While the rest simply looked disoriented, Grok neatly picked himself up, dusted himself off, and walked over to T.B. "Yo T.B." he said as slid over to T.B.'s right side, looking at the confused persons with her.
"Yo Grok," she replied, studiously looking over the carnage she had caused. The Drode, forgetting his former complaints, slid up to T.B.'s left.
"So uh, I get Visser Three, the Ellimist, my master, and the army of Hork-Bajir... what's with Ares-God of War?" the Drode asked calmly, looking coolly over the group as they had begun to look over their surroundings.
"I think I need to sharpen my verbal warfare, Ares-God of War seemed to be fairly easy to get wriled up," T.B. told him calmly, not taking her eyes off the scene.
"Ah," the Drode nodded. "So uh, what's with Average Joe and Mary-Sue then?" Grok asked, glancing at T.B. and the Drode once before returning his eyes to the scene of the crime.
"They're there to save us... just in case anything goes wrong," T.B. replied, she then blinked and turned to Grok. "Not that anything would of course." T.B. then squinted upwards. "Did you get taller?"
Grok grinned menacingly. He was tall, not just Goku-tall, but Piccolo-tall.
"I hate you," T.B. replied in turn.
"Yeah..." Grok grinned.
The Drode raised a nonexistent eyebrow but decided better than to comment.
I demand to know who has done this to me! Visser Three shouted angrily, his stolen blue tail thrashing about angrily, accidentally beheading a nearby Hork-Bajir.
DAMN FANFICTION AUTHORS... Crayak muttered in annoyance, his red eye glaring over the rest. He then noticed the Drode standing next to T.B. DRODE! IS THIS WHERE YOU KEEP POPPING OFF TO ALL THE TIME?! TO HANG AROUND WITH SOME FANFICTION LUNATIC?! I WILL DESTROY YOU FOR THIS!
The Drode began to look very nervous.
"Wait a minute. By destroy you mean kill, right?" T.B. asked, cocking her head to one side.
YEAH... Crayak blinked, his silent voice drawling slowly.
"Then... why didn't you just say kill? As in, I will KILL this person with the might of a thousand SUNS! Or-Ares really sucks and I shall KILL him! Destroy just seems kind of like... well, a sissy word to me... does that mean you are a sissy?" T.B. asked, scratching her head as she squinted in confusion.
W-WHAT?! Crayak cried silently, outraged and slightly confused.
"Crayak, you're wasting your time if you think you can understand her. She's a fanfiction author after all," the Ellimist chided in the form of a glowing blue man.
R-RIGHT, Crayak stammered, remembering that all fanfiction authors are suffer from the critical illness known as STUPIDITY.
"Who doth saith that Ares, GOD OF WAR, SUCKS?! Thou shalt feel the cold steel of my bloody blade and knowth eternal death!" Ares screamed, holding his ever-bleeding blade over his head.
"First off, you ain't cutting me with that thing!" T.B. shouted to Ares. "Look at that thing! It's all bloody and disgusting. Who knows where it's been! I could get AIDS from that thing!" She then blinked and looked thoughtful before shouting out again. " And you STILL suck! As in you suck with the might of a thousand MIGHTY SUNS!"
"I give it a C," Grok shrugged. T.B. blinked and frowned unhappily.
"Really? That's ALL?" she asked in a surprised voice, right before Ares attacked her.
"Now thalt shalt DIE!" he shrieked before rushing up to T.B. He raised his sword high and brought it down with bone-crushing might onto T.B.'s head where it was sure to split it like a melon left soaking in mosquito-ridden water under the hot, hot sun.
Instead, T.B. looked pissed as she disappeared the instant the sword would have dropped down on her head, appearing just a few feet away with an annoyed hurt look on her face. Ares instead slashed through mid-air and brought the sword slamming into the psychedelic-colored ground, which instantly slurped it up like so much spaghetti.
"M-My SWORD!" Ares stammered in a shocked voice.
"Foolish god of war, swords are for... uh... Grok, line," T.B. asked, glancing over at Grok who, with the Drode, had backed away from the slightly deranged god of war.
"Kids?" Grok offered. T.B. shrugged.
"Sure. Why not. Swords are for kids!" T.B. grinned.
Maybe I'm simply belaying the obvious, but where are we, and WHO THE HELL ARE YOU??! Visser 3 yelled angrily. T.B. blinked, and then grinned.
"To answer your second question first, I am T.B. Stormshot, lord and master of this realm. And you are in... my realm. Got it?" T.B. grinned.
And who's he? Visser 3 asked as he pointed to Grok.
"My right-hand man Grok, don't ask," T.B. said, right before Visser 3 could ask why. "He does stuff for me, you know, the really tough stuff. The stuff I just don't want to do. Isn't that right Grok?" T.B. grinned as she glanced at Grok.
"Yeah, it's on account of how she is just so weak, and I'm just a whole lot stronger than her," Grok grinned back, evilly.
"Shut up," T.B. simply responded.
Okay then. And who's he? Visser 3 asked as he pointed to the Drode.
"This is my pet."
"Hey!" the Drode said angrily in protest. T.B. just grinned.
Oh, alright then. Just wanted to know before I kill you. Hork-Bajir! ATTACK! Visser 3 yelled as he pointed towards the trio.
One of the Hork-Bajir yawned, scratching its head vaguely with a claw.
Well? the Visser asked.
One of the Hork-Bajir slumped down to the floor to take a nap.
"They're all on break. Silly Visser, thinking you could order Hork-Bajir around during their lunch hour!" T.B. grinned, she glanced at Grok.
"The Trix lines are getting a little old," he commented.
"Try coming up with something original for once," the Drode recommended.
"Hm, how about, you're so wrinkly you make my grandmother look baby-smooth?" T.B. offered. The Drode mulled it over.
"Better than being called prune," he shrugged.
"Ah," T.B. nodded.
Damn it! I'll kill you myself! Visser 3 roared as he charged at T.B. T.B. looked up at Crayak's red eye.
"You see Crayak? HE used 'kill', don't you see the difference now?" T.B. grinned, ignoring the ever-enclosing Visser.
"He's not listening to you," the Ellimist told her dryly.
"Oh, okay," T.B. said hesitatingly. "Can you tell me when he is?"
"No."
"Oh... okay then," T.B. sighed.
"Gee golly! Where are we?" Average Joe asked in surprise as he looked around his psychedelic surroundings in astonishment.
"I don't know Joe! But we sure aren't in the Philadelphia anymore!" Mary-Sue commented. "It's so-so, oh gee Joe, I'm scared!" Mary-Sue drew close to Average Joe.
"Don't worry Mary-Sue, everything is going to be alright. You just stick by me," Average Joe comforted as he put his arms around her.
T.B. blinked, then decided to ignore the scene that had just taken place.
DIE! Visser 3 yelled as he reared up above T.B. He then brought his tail slashing down upon her.
T.B. caught the tail.
"You're a pretty smart yeerk. Right?" T.B. asked as she held the wriggling tail.
Let go of me! Visser 3 yelled.
"Okay I will... if you give me 10 bucks!" T.B. grinned. Visser 3 stopped struggling.
What? he asked.
"Uh, T.B..." Grok said from behind her.
"Not right now Grok. Give me 10 bucks and I'll let you go! C'mon! It's a great deal!" T.B. tried to bargain with the large, blue controller.
"Really, T.B.," Grok tried to say again.
"C'mon, I'm trying to cut a deal here," T.B. growled at Grok. "If I get 10 bucks I can... buy stuff!"
"Really! T.B!" Grok shouted.
"What?!" T.B. yelled as she turned around, dragging the poor Visser with her, he promptly sprawled to the ground. "Oh..." she said, before disappearing. She barely avoided to sweep of the bloody sword. T.B. appeared a few feet to the side with an annoyed look on her face. "Hey! How'd you get that sword back?" she asked.
"I doth call upon the glorious power of thou Mother of Earth, Gaea! She doth spew thou sword from the ground, where I take it to reap thou'est vengeance upon THY! Now doth hold still! This doth hurt very much so!" Ares-God of War yelled as he charged T.B.
T.B. frowned. "And here I thought I could at least trust my own personal dimension," she sighed unhappily. "That's what I get for counting pennies... Hey!" she yelled as she barely avoided the sweep of Ares' sword again.
Can you please let me go? asked the disoriented Visser 3. Andalites were not meant to teleport from place to place.
"But you haven't given me 10 bucks!" T.B. whined, dragging the Visser along by his tail to avoid Ares-God of War's sword.
I don't have 10 bucks, Visser 3 informed her unhappily.
"Oh, well what else do you have?" T.B. asked as she turned her head to glance at Visser 3, just as Ares-God of War's bloody sword swung by her head, missing it by millimeters. Unfortunately a few wisps of her already very short hair were not as lucky. T.B. gave a very pissed off look at Ares-God of War. "Hey! You jerk! You messed up my hair! That's it now, if you can't handle your sword like a mature adult then I'm just going to have to take it away!" T.B. pulled one hand away from Visser 3's tail and grabbed the hilt of the bloody, bloody sword as Ares-God of War made another pass. She promptly pulled it out of his hands.
Ares-God of War gave T.B. a shocked look. "W-WHAT? But-but how? How can thouest defeat Ares-God of War??" he said with a squawk.
"Woo! Look! I got a sword!" T.B. said with a grin, waving the bloody sword around with no pretense of safety. As she was waving it though, blood began to drip down onto her arm, causing her to sneer in disgust. "That is so a sheer lack of hygiene. C'mon man! Would it take you THAT long to wash it? Or wipe it in the grass or something. THAT long??"
"Ares-God of War's sword doth flow eternally with the juices of thou's enemies," Ares informed her with a sneer. "Now return thyest sword so that Ares-GOD OF WAR, might slice doth's head from doth's shoulders!"
"Mmmm... no... You... uh... your mama... no... you're too... uh-uh... um... Aphrodite could kick your ass!" T.B. tried in vain to insult Are-God of War. She glanced at Grok and the Drode.
"Do you REALLY want me to rate that one?" Grok asked.
"... not really..." T.B. sighed.
"W-WHAT DID DOTH SAY??!" Are-God of War asked in a most pissed off voice.
"Nothing that concerns an chauvinistic, pig-headed god of War," T.B. sighed unhappily.
"Thou tryest repeating that?" Ares-God of War asked in a oddly calm voice, a sure sign that he was not in the brightest of moods.
T.B. sighed. "Let's face it, you're not the brightest god that fell off mountain so just cool off in a corner somewhere and I'll come and explain everything to you later. Okay?" T.B. told him, brushing the God of War off.
"Ah, I'd give that a B," the Drode commended.
"You're just pessimistic," Grok remarked, glancing at the Drode. "Full A!" The Drode simply snorted.
"Woo! And I wasn't even trying!" T.B. celebrated with a cheer. Ares-God of War took this distraction to try and grab his sword away from T.B., luckily T.B. wasn't quite as stupid as she seemed and teleported out a of the way. "Prick!" she yelled angrily.
Or maybe she was.
"Well bye bye sword!" she said as she held the sword up, blade facing downwards so it wouldn't drip all over her. "You attract too much trouble, and while I like trouble, I also like to be informed of when and where such trouble is coming, and if possible, what it is." With that the sword disappeared from her hands. She turned back to the shocked Ares-God of War. "Nothing up my sleeve!... you know what? I'm starting to get into a good mood now." She grinned happily before turning back to the still slightly dazed and very unhappy andalite-controller. "So what'cha got?"
Uh... hork-bajir, Visser 3 coughed mentally as he glanced back with his eyestalks at the very lazy army of hork-bajir.
"Cool. How about this, I'll let you go if you give me two hork-bajir controllers as my personal slaves... err, servants. They'll probably force me to pay them anyway," T.B. offered with a grin. She turned to glance at Grok and the Drode. "You guys want anything?"
"Nah," Grok shrugged.
"Don't need anymore slaves. Too much work to care for," the Drode also declined.
"Alright then," T.B. said with a nod, she turned back to Visser 3. "We have a deal?"
Hell yes, Visser 3 agreed. T.B. grinned and let go of his tail. Visser 3 scrambled to his feet and trotted quickly back to his army of hork-bajir.
You and you, he shouted, pointing at two random, lazy hork-bajir. You are no longer part of my army. The hork-bajir blinked and hesitated, giving the Visser enough time to say the rest. He pointed to T.B. You are now her slaves. Good riddance.
The two hork-bajir glanced at each other, and shrugged as they walked over to T.B. Stormshot's side without any real trouble or problems. T.B. blinked.
"You don't seem to be having too much trouble with this whole situation," she commented.
"Not much difference between Visser slave driver and human slave driver," the larger of the two hork-bajir replied with a human shrug.
"So true," T.B. responded with a sigh and a curt nod.
"Hey Joe, you think we should maybe ask them what we're doing here? They seem to know an awful lot!" Mary Sue said as she fiddled with the tortoise shell barrette in her long blond hair.
"I don't know Mary Sue, they don't seem so nice to me! What if they try to fool us?" Joe responded with a shake of his slicked-back, black-haired head.
"Well we have to try something. Mother's expecting me home after school! I need to work on my home economics project you know. We're going to make chocolate chip cookies," Mary Sue replied worriedly, clutching at Joe's sleeve.
"Well gee whiz Mary Sue, I would never miss a chance to have some of your famous chocolate chip cookies!" Joe said in alarm. "We better find a way out of here fast!"
"Okaaay..." Grok said slowly as he glanced over at Average Joe and Mary Sue.
"THYEST SWORD! THYEST SWORD! GIVE IT BACK TO ARES-GOD OF WAR OR THYEST SHALL BREAK THOU IN TWO WITH THYEST OWN HANDS AND DRINK THYEST SORCEROUS BLOOD AND EAT THYEST SORCEROUS FLESH!!!" Ares-God of War shrieked as he lunged towards T.B.
"Now you see you idiotic twit? That's how you insult a person. Maybe you should be taking lessons from him," the Drode commented with a snort.
"Yeah? Whatever ya loser!" T.B. snorted angrily as she dodged Ares quickly.
The Drode shook his head. "She just doesn't listen... but then again she is an idiot," he then turned around and began to walk away.
"Hey. Where are you going?" Grok asked curiously.
"I'm bored. I'm leaving," the Drode said shortly, he then looked over shoulder with an evil smirk. "Why? Are you going to try and stop me?"
Grok shrugged. "No. I actually really don't care."
The Drode blinked. "...Really?"
"Nope."
"... Not at all?"
"Not a bit. Not an iota. I just don't CARE."
"Wow," the Drode remarked. "...You're not much of a friend, are you?"
"Eh. I'd like to think of myself as mildly friendly."
"Huh... I could like you..." The Drode started to leave.
"HEY! Where do you think YOU'RE going??" T.B. yelled as she dodged another Ares-induced attack and teleported in front of the Drode.
"I'm leaving this freaky mad house," the Drode responded in annoyance.
"Not without a HALL PASS!" T.B. Stormshot yelled sternly.
"...What?" the Drode asked in slight confusion.
"Sorry, ... it just popped out. You can't even HAVE a hall pass! They don't even exist in my discount dimension!" T.B. put her hands at her sides and laughed heartily. Her eyes bulged ever so slightly.
"GOOD," the Drode snorted. "Now get out of my way-"
"BUT. Since they don't exist in my dimension, it's totally impossible to leave because you really DO need one!" T.B snickered evilly.
"Now when did that rule come into effect?" the Drode asked in exasperation, throwing his seemingly weak arms into the air. T.B. Stormshot was really annoying.
"DOESN'T MATTER!" T.B. yelled angrily.
Very annoying.
"You know what? It really doesn't. So while you're dealing with old Ares here, I'm just going to leave," the Drode shrugged.
"Eh?" T.B. had time to say before she sensed Ares-God of War behind her and ducked to avoid another blow. She teleported a few feet away and noticed the Drode about to blink out. "Oh no you don't!" she shouted as she shot out a bright tendril of yellow light and snaked it out to catch the Drode. "You aren't going anywhere!"
"Pffffht," the Drode said in response as he found himself caught in the light string.
"DIE BOTOSAE! DIE," Ares shouted as he swung at T.B. with his mighty right arm.
"Huh? I thought Ares was greek... and since when did I become a man slayer? THAT IS JUST SO INACCURATE!" T.B. yelled in annoyance as she teleported out of the way. However, the combined force of teleportation and thinking complicated thoughts made T.B. totally lose focus on the Drode's snare and it disappeared into the psychedelic background.
"I repeat. Pffffht," the Drode said as he disappeared.
"Jerk," T.B. muttered. "I'm starting to feel bugged again... buuuuut anywoo..." T.B. snapped her fingers and the Drode reappeared.
"That is so annoying!" the Drode remarked.
"Yeah," T.B. replied as she dodged Ares-God of War. T.B. then teleported over to her new hork-bajir slaves, which had, up to that point, just been standing around... like everyone else... doing... nothing. Yeah. "Hey, you two," T.B. shouted in a commanding tone.
"Er...?" one of the hork-bajir said.
"I endow you both with semi-omnipotent powers. Now you," T.B. said as she pointed at the Hork-Bajir, "-you go hold that guy. Make sure he doesn't get away," T.B. commanded, the Hork-Bajir shrugged and sidled over to hold the Drode by his skinny arms.
"Piss off," the Drode hissed as he tried to shake free of the Hork-Bajir's grip, however, the Hork-Bajir's new, surprisingly easy-to-handle powers made that impossible. "I hate you," he then said angrily.
"That makes me sad," T.B. remarked. She then looked at the other Hork-Bajir. "Okay, you. You go hold him," she said pointing at Ares-God of War, who had just made another lunge at T.B. The Hork-Bajir grabbed him in mid-air and easily put him in a head lock. T.B. grinned and walked back over to Grok.
"Hey," Grok said.
"Hey," T.B. said.
"Hey," T.B. said again.
"ARGGHH!!!" Ares-God of War screamed as he arched his back trying to break free of the hork-bajir's grip. However, it was to no avail-T.B. Stormshot assigned powers to specific lengths and degrees and Ares was severely out matched by the hork-bajir. T.B. Stormshot was just way too awesome for him. YEAH.
"Huh?" T.B. then said in confusion. Because though she had said 'hey', she hadn't actually said it. Oh, sure she had said it the first time, but that second time, though it had been her, it had not been her in the sense that it was her. T.B. being her... ... ... anyway...
T.B. Stormshot and Grok swung around in shock to face... T.B. STORMSHOT!!! Yes! There were TWO T.B. STORMSHOTS! IN THE SAME ROOM! WOW!! HOW LUCKY!
"How are you all doing today?" the other T.B. said with an evil smirk on her face, crossing her arms across her chest.
"Huh?" T.B. shouted in shock.
"Oh, CRAP!" the Drode yelled in fright.
"Woah," Grok said.
"RAGGH!" Ares-God of War roared again.
"Oh my!" Mary-Sue cried in surprise, barely managing not to faint.
"Jeepers!" Average Joe said in shock, almost, but not quite, jumping out of pants and shoes alike.
HM?! Crayak said as he looked up.
"Pay no attention Crayak. It just won't help. Your turn," the Ellimist said as he moved a pseudo-chess piece on the pure-energy chess board.
RIGHT. Crayak agreed as he concentrated on the game even harder than before.
The army of hork-bajir just sat around doing nothing.
"H-Hey! You're ME! No fair!" T.B. yelled angrily.
"Actually," said the evil T.B. Stormshot (because OBVIOUSLY she has to be EVIL,) "I just morphed you. After all, one with such powers as yours would be the perfect form for me. With your powers I can crush the andalite bandits and easily take over planet Earth. I'll be promoted to Visser One in no time! Or..." the copy's hazel eyes narrowed and her lips thinned to a line. "... with this kind of power... the Counsel of 13 would be no match..."
"Wait a minute... morphing? Andalite bandits?? VISSER ONE??! You aren't me at all! You must be-!"
"Obviously," the evil T.B. Stormshot chuckled as she crossed her arms across her chest.
The non-evil T.B. struck a dramatic pose.
"...the pizza guy!" T.B. grinned.
"...what?" the evil T.B. Stormshot asked after a long pause, unsure of what else to say.
"Yeah! Visser One's Pizzeria! Best pizza in all of T.B. Stormshot's dimension! Get your pizza delivered by any one of the 13 morphing 'andalite bandits' in a half hour flat or your money back!" T.B. replied happily. "I ordered before doing this whole thing but I guess in all the excitement I just forgot!"
...
...
...
"Well... that certainly came out of left field," Grok remarked after several pauses.
"So uh... where's my pizza?" T.B. asked hopefully, leaning to look behind the evil T.B. Stormshot's back.
"Oh my freaking-you IDIOT! That isn't the pizza delivery boy!" the Drode yelled angrily. T.B. blinked.
"Well... who is it then?" T.B. asked as she scratched her head in confusion.
The Drode sighed angrily and shook his wrinkled, dark-green head and then grinned evilly as an idea popped into his head. "Well obviously it must be the real T.B. Stormshot," he said calmly.
"...wait... I'M T.B. Stormshot," T.B. said in confusion.
"No... she's the real T.B. Stormshot. Obviously," the Drode grinned evilly.
"But she just said that she morphed me!" T.B. whined unhappily, thoroughly confused.
"You misunderstood. She said that you morphed her," the Drode said, shaking his his.
"...Oh," T.B. said, blinking rapidly. She looked over at Grok. "Is that true Grok?"
"...I'm not getting involved," Grok replied.
"Okay then," T.B. nodded, she then looked over at the apparently evil, apparently 'real' T.B. Stormshot. "Hey, T.B... is that true?"
The other T.B. shook her head in exasperation. "You truly are an idiot. No. I am not the REAL T.B. Stormshot. In fact, I think it is pretty obvious that I'm Visser 3. Of course, I didn't acquire you for your mind, just your sheer power," Visser 3 sneered.
"Nobody has a sense of irony anymore..." the Drode muttered off to the side. Nobody cared.
The original T.B. looked shocked. "You aquired me?! When did you do that?! And don't you realize that it's RUDE to morph other people without asking their permission first? Don't you realize how many social laws you just broke??!"
"Do you really care?" yelled the Drode.
T.B. blinked. "Well... no. Not really."
"Anyway, I believe that for my first act of... uh... Visser One I suppose... I shall destroy YOU!" Visser Three grinned evilly.
"There again is that pansy word..." T.B. sighed unhappily.
Crayak shuddered.
The Ellimist patted him on the back.
Visser Three stuck out his arm and it slowly began to glow-
"Wait a minute... if you morphed me how come you have clothes on??" T.B. asked curiously. Visser Three blinked and lost his concentration.
"... ... Actually, I really don't know..." Visser Three said worriedly. He looked down and yes, he was wearing the same monkey t-shirt and blue jeans the real T.B. Stormshot was wearing! "I swear I wasn't wearing these a moment ago..."
"Aw, don't worry! It's probably just my natural instincts kicking in," T.B. Stormshot said with a grin.
"Natural... instincts...?" Visser Three said in a unsure tone.
"Yeah, you know, natural instincts! Like my natural instinct to wear clothes! Or my natural instinct to act zany around anybody with... well... actually just about anybody!," T.B. replied happily.
"So what you're saying is-" Visser Three began to say.
"And of course, my natural instinct not to kill anything."
"Wait, you mean this body is incapable of killing?!" Visser Three asked in shock.
"Well... it's more of a deeply ingrained rule then anything, but in a sense, yeah. You know, with great power comes great responsibility or some shit like that."
The Drode snorted. "Right, like this is responsible..." he muttered disdainfully. The hork-bajir tightened his grip on the Drode. " Oh bug off!" the Drode yelled in annoyance. Again, very few people cared.
"I can't have a body that is incapable of killing! And anyway, how do I know that you are even telling the truth?" Visser Three yelled angrily.
"Well just try it!" T.B. shrugged, she then spread her arms wide and gestured towards herself. "Come on! Hit me!!!," she shouted challengingly.
Visser Three snorted. "As if hitting you would prove anything! No, I believe I'll try my new powers on THEM!" Visser Three gestured dramatically towards Mary-Sue and Average Joe. T.B. Stormshot paled.
"Whoa man. You don't know what you're messing with there... I mean, if you don't want to try and kill me, try Ares over there! Sure he's immortal but he IS only a Greek myth. With my powers it theoretically should be quite easy to-"
Visser Three held out his arm and blasted a beam of energy towards Mary-Sue and Average Joe. And just in case any of you are wondering how Visser Three learned so quickly to use T.B's powers, just remember, her powers are surprisingly easy to handle.
T.B. shrugged. "Well, it's out of my hands now..."
The beam of energy blasted through Mary-Sue and Average Joe, reducing them to cinders with barely a 'gee golly' from either of them.
"...Well what were you talking about now...? Visser Three asked with a sneer as he turned back to T.B.
However, T.B. was not listening. In fact, she was now hunkered down in a army-grade bunker which had mysteriously appeared out of nowhere. "Hey, Grok! I'd get down here if I were you!"
"Right!" yelled Grok, looking slightly nervous as he raced over to the bunker and hopped in. "What about them?" he asked as he glanced over the edge at the hork-bajir army (who had all fallen asleep to give some reason as to why there is no interaction from them), Crayak and the Ellimist (who, finishing their Chess game had begun to play Candy Land for apparently no reason), Ares and his hork-bajir guard, (who had been struggling against the hork-bajir. However, all grunts and snorts had been deleted from the story as they were not important), and the Drode and his hork-bajir guard (who apparently DID have some one to care about him).
"Oh, yeah. Right," T.B. nodded. More bunkers mysteriously appeared and hid the others from sight.
"...What are you doing?" Visser Three asked nervously. He was the only one left without some semblance of protection.
"Well, I'd have to say... hiding. Yeah, definitely hiding," T.B. called out. "I have no reason to die today so I would rather not. It'd put a real crimp in my plans, you know?"
"You have plans?" Grok asked in surprise.
"Well... no. But if I did have plans they wouldn't include dying," T.B. shrugged. She peeked over the bunker towards the spot where Mary-Sue and Average Joe had blown up, blinked, and popped down besides Grok. "Care to join me in a count down Grok?"
"Of course," Grok grinned mischievously.
"10"
"What the heck is going on back there?!" Visser Three yelled angrily.
"9"
"This SUCKS," the Drode screeched angrily.
"8"
HAH! I LOVE LICORICE! Crayak yelled triumphantly.
"7"
The Hork-Bajir army slept on.
"6"
"This game is for children! I don't want to play anymore!" the Ellimist said angrily.
"5"
YOU'RE JUST MAD BECAUSE YOU'RE LOSING!
"4"
"Ares-God of WAR shalt drink thouest blood! Ares-God of WAR shalt crush thouest bones and scatter them to the four corners of Gaea! Ares-God of WAR shalt condemn you to the fiery pits of-"
"3"
"Wait, we should have started at 8. My bad," T.B. said to Grok as she interrupted the countdown.
BOOM!!!!!!!!
A cloud of black smoke burst into being where Mary-Sue and Average Joe had been blasted by Visser Three. As the smoke began to clear two figures became visible, outlined like people but with wings that spread like those of demons. Visser Three took a step back, even in the psychedelically colored background of T.B. Stormshot's world he could feel the virulent yet magnificent power these two beings held. Barely held, as if a wrong move from either of them would scatter the power and send it rushing out like a tidal wave to crush him.
"I told you that was a bad move!" T.B. yelled from here bunker. Visser Three barely heard here, the power emanating from the two figures seeming to block all hearing.
Finally the smoke dissipated, leaving only the two figures in the wake. The faces vaguely resembled the faces of Mary-Sue and Average Joe. The same, yet older, more serious. They were no longer wearing their yuppie clothing, but were clothed in silks and leathers, both wore golden crowns above their brows. Wings like bat-wings spread behind them, fully extended and menacing. Mary-Sue carried a ball of light. Average Joe carried a glowing sword.
"We can not allow you to use these powers for evil," Average Joe said softly, his power surging in the whisper of his voice, not unlike that of Crayak's.
"We are the representatives of all that is good. You are not good," Mary-Sue agreed in the same soft voice, here ball of light glowed ever brighter.
"Ooo, this is going to be good," T.B. grinned to Grok.
"I don't know about this T.B," Grok said nervously as he peeked over the bunker with T.B. "They might be too powerful. I mean, what if they went after us?"
"Ah, they won't go after us! We're the good guys!" T.B. reassured him.
"Well... what about him? Are you going to let them go at him?" Grok asked unsurely.
"Nah, even Visser Three need a chance to redeem himself. Besides, technically I can't let him die, up against them there is no chance of saving himself and that'd be a breach of my death law. And you already know that'd kill me," T.B. shrugged.
"And you've already stated that dying isn't in your plans today," Grok realized.
"Exactly. So I'll rescue him... well, in a little bit. After they scare him a little more..."
"So now you must die," Average Joe said. He pointed his sword at Visser Three, it's glow intensified to a bloody red and Visser Three could feel its power gathering, growing more powerful.
"NO! I won't allow it!" Visser Three yelled hysterically as he threw his hands forward and began blasting wave after wave of destructive energy at Mary-Sue and Average Joe, anything to try and take them down before they took him down.
To no avail. Mary-Sue lifted her orb and suddenly it expanded, passing through her and Average Joe and then encasing them in a barrier of light. The energy that Visser Three had expelled was simply absorbed into the transparent shield.
"Your evil powers will do you know good where you are about to be sent Visser Three. Goodbye," Average Joe whispered, his red-glowing eyes flickered, as if almost in pity of the poor Visser, and then the red energy of his sword surged forth.
"WAIT!" T.B. yelled as she bounced out of the bunker and in front of Visser Three. Startled, Average Joe's energy beam rebounded on itself and sank back into the depths of the sword.
"Huh?" he said, the questionative response almost sounding normal.
"You can't kill him!" T.B. yelled.
"He is a vestige of evil. We must kill him," Mary-Sue muttered angrily.
"No you can't! He's an endangered species!" T.B. grinned. "You wouldn't want to kill one of Mother Earth's magnificent creatures would you? That's be evil!"
"He is not endangered. He is both yeerk and andalite. Both are not endangered species, both will survive, and perhaps be better off, without him," Average Joe replied, shaking his head slowly.
"Yeah! But right now he's a most endangered species!" T.B. said, shaking her own head in reply.
"And what is that?" Mary-Sue asked with a sneer.
"Me!" T.B. laughed triumphantly. "There happens to be a severe shortage of me in the universe. In fact, before Visser Three came around there was only one! Me! But now there is two! Me and Me! Right now we are making excellent progress in repopulating the universe with me, but if you kill Visser Three you'll be killing 50% of the whole population of me! And that would be wrong!"
Average Joe and Mary-Sue hesitated. Though as insane as it was, T.B.'s logic had a certain amount of logic to it.
"And even if he is evil, you have to remember that evil is a vanishing species too! We have to save our evil population from extinction! Or that in itself would be evil!" T.B. remarked with a flourish of her hand. "Don't you want to keep a species from extinction?"
"Uh..." Average Joe said uncertainly, his bat wings drooping.
"Well gee..." Mary-Sue said, not quite sure of what to say, her light shield vanishing.
"Exactly! And besides! I just made these homemade chocolate chip cookies!" T.B. said as she whipped out a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies, straight from the oven.
"Gee golly!" Average Joe said in reply, suddenly the power emanating from him and Mary-Sue vanished as well as the batwings and the strange clothes they had been wearing. They were simply Mary-Sue and Average Joe again. Immediately T.B. snapped her fingers and they disappeared from her dimension.
T.B. grinned and looked back at the distraught Visser Three. "Just had to get them to let down their guard," she said nonchalantly. "And speaking of guards..." she snapped her fingers again and Visser Three found himself back inside his normal, stolen andalite body. "If you don't mind, I took the time to remove the T.B. Stomshot DNA from your body. That stuff's dangerous you know."
H-Hell, Visser Three said, not able to think of anything else to say. He sat down on his andalite rump, trying to sort recent events through.
T.B grinned back at Grok. "That was fun."
"Yeah, let's do it again some time," Grok nodded as he picked himself out of the bunker.
"Yeah, but not for a while, I really should get to work on my other stories," T.B. shrugged.
"Riiiiight," Grok replied, rolling his eyes.
T.B. grinned. "Yeah, I know. I probably won't."
"See ya," Grok said as he vanished in thin air. Or whatever sort of air T.B. had in her dimension.
T.B. looked over at Visser Three. "Well Visser Three, it's definitely been some trip... definitely. You want to come back over sometime?
Good God NO! Visser Three cringed, he jumped to his feet and backed away.
"Okay..." T.B. muttered unhappily, her shoulders slumped in disappointment. She then brightened. "But I can come over to your place, right? RIGHT?" she grinned happily.
No! NO! Visser Three yelled.
"Well that's just great! We're going to have so much fun!" T.B. laughed happily.
Aren't you paying attention to a word I'm saying? NO! Hell NO! Never! Ever! EVER! Visser Three screeched in thought-speak.
"I'll bring over some of my friends next time too! We'll have a big party! It'll be great! There'll be dancing and everything!"
No! JUST STAY AWAY!
"I'll see you later!" T.B. waved as she snapped her fingers. Visser Three disappeared as well as his entire Hork-Bajir army, even the two T.B. had supposedly bought. T.B. really didn't have any need for slaves, no matter how freaking awesome. Though in her haste she had forgotten about the powers she had granted them both and how easily they were handled and all.
Ares immediately went after her with his blood-streaming sword held high, screaming with all the fury of a pissed off greek god. "DIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"
"No... you, you weak pass of a god! I've met Roman gods better than you! I bet Mars could beat the crap out of you too!" T.B. shouted happily, she then snapped her fingers as Ares was about to come down on her head and Ares disappeared.
"B+, and that's the best you're getting out of me," the Drode said begrudgingly and he walked up to T.B. Stormshot with his multi-jointed arms folded across his small chest. "I don't give A's"
"Fair enough, " T.B. nodded in understanding. "So uh... you want to hang around? Watch some T.V. or something?"
The Drode snorted and shook his head. "Idiot," he muttered as he disappeared cleanly.
T.B. shrugged. "Well I can always force him back later," she remarked calmly as she walked over to the Ellimist and Crayak. "Okay, show's over boys I need to wrap this fic up as soon as possible. I'm bored."
"Just a sec," the Ellimist muttered as he put up a blue glowing finger to stop her. He concentrated intensely on the board game in front of him.
JUST MAKE A MOVE ALREADY ELLIMIST, WE DON'T HAVE ALL ETERNITY.
"Technically we do," the Ellimist reminded him.
IT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH, JUST MAKE A MOVE. YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE EITHER WAY, Crayak told him in annoyance.
"Fine... " the Ellimist muttered, he made his move.
Buzz!
"DAMNIT!" the Ellimist shouted as he accidentally touched the side as he lifted the butterflies out of the stomach.
HAH! I WIN AGAIN ELLIMIST! I WILL ALWAYS WIN AND THAT IS WHY IN THE END THIS UNIVERSE WILL BELONG TO ME! Crayak crowed silently. He then disappeared without further adue, his job was done.
The Ellimist grinned at T.B. "We were just playing for fun... I let him win." With that, he disappeared too.
T.B. Stormshot looked around her, realizing that she was again alone in her psychedelic universe. She blinked and then plopped down on the ground with her head on her hands. "Well now I'm bored and lonely too... I wonder if any of the DBZ characters would mind coming over..."
She then blinked.
"Well I guess that doesn't really matter."
This story is older than you might think. I started it a little more than a year ago and have been doing it a little at a time. For instance, when I first started, Fanficfan was still an aggravating pest in my mind. She was the 'enemy.' Nowadays I have other enemies and I'm always looking for new ones by the way. I like enemies. For instance, another guy with painfully horrible stories reviewed my Pokeball Z story a few days ago. He said my stories sucked. And that nobody watches Pokemon or Dragonball Z anymore. And that I should find a new hobby. Shame on you enemy. Shame on you. I have many hobbies, such as sending e-mails to people who have foolishly left their e-mail addresses right out in the open for anyone to find.
*Takes a look at her own account* Ah darn...
Also, don't bust me on Ares-God of War's language problems... I have absolutely no idea how Greek people speak, much less ancient Greek people, much less Greek Gods. And also, I wrote this when I still had some vestige of Spanish, it's been a whole year since I have taken Spanish. I no longer know any part of the Spanish language... damned class dragged down my GPA. Also, thanks to my main man Grok... who is now called the Beast for some reason... eh... you're a cool guy the Beast! Grok! Care Bear!
WHATEVER!!!!
Oh, and I never got my pizza. Apparently Visser One's Pizzeria doesn't exist. Damn.
BYE!