It was a miserable rainy day at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. Cats and dogs were pouring down, with loud barks and meows.

Harry Potter and Hermione Granger were lounging around in the Gryffindor Common Room. They were contemplating a game of Exploding Snap when a sparkly black vortex appeared in front of them and sucked them inside.

When the lights came back on Albus Dumbledore was standing in front of Harry and Hermione. But they weren't in the common room any more. They were inside a large Winnebago! Harry and Hermione shuddered and tried not to gag. Dumbledore was clad in a pair of purple board shorts, his white, wrinkly chest visible behind his beard.

"Harry Potter and Hermione Granger you are in an alternate universe," intoned Dumbledore. "There are many problems in this universe. You have been sent here to fix them. Once you have fixed all the problems you will be returned to your universe. Everything you need is inside Sparkle Tangerine." Dumbledore shot them a sunny smile and disappeared in a cloud of pink smoke that had them coughing heavily.

"Who's Sparkle Tangerine?" Harry asked when the smoke cleared. Hermione blinked and pointed at the large pink suit case in front of them. Harry frowned and looked at it closely. PROPERTY OF CAPTAIN DMAN THE RESCUEMAN was written on Sparkle. Harry shrugged.

Harry peered outside the Winnebago, who's name they'd discovered was Commando Man, and found that they were in a large hallway with 6 doors leading off.

"We'd best get started so we can get back to our universe and school," said Hermione when she followed Harry outside. Harry nodded importantly and they walked inside the first door.

Inside were Special Agents Matt Flannery and Emily Lehman. They were sitting in their universe's Commando Man the truck. But there was a gremlin sitting on Emily's shoulder pulling her hair. Matt was sitting next to Emily poking the gremlin.

"Please help me almighty Harry and hectic Hermione," Emily cried and Hermione nodded. She opened Sparkle and pulled out a lion that had Kassman written on it.

The lion growled and ate the gremlin on Emily's shoulder with one big gulp.

"Thankyou," Emily said and then looked at Matt. Matt looked at Emily. Harry recognised that look. It was the "I'm so horny, let's have sex right now" look.

"Quick run like the Gazelle," shouted Harry and they ran screaming from the room.

Inside the next room was Moses standing in front of the red sea with a pissy look on his face.

"How the hell am I supposed to get across that?" he demanded grumpily. "For god's sake who do they think I am?"

Hermione stared, "Uh… Moses saviour to God's people," she answered. Moses shot her a withering look.

"I got it," Harry said and pulled out a scull called the Koopa.

They helped Moses get into the Koopa then watched as he rowed across the Red Sea, cackling madly.

"How's he going to save God's people now?" Hermione asked Harry who shrugged.

In the next room was James Potter and Remus Lupin who were whining as they watched Lily Evans and Sirius Black kiss each other wildly.

"This isn't right," whined James.

"Damn right it's not," said Harry indignantly. Hermione nodded and walked over to Lily and Sirius.

"What is this?" shouted Hermione. James and Remus stared at her.
"Hogwarts," they answered. Hermione Gibbs slapped Lily and Sirius hard. They pulled apart and stared at her.

"It wasn't me, it was the Universe," Hermione informed them. They gasped. The Universe! Lily jumped at James and started to kiss him. Sirius did the same to Remus and Harry and Hermione gagged. (A/N Why Danica why?).

In the next room stood two strangers. The girl was dressed in hoeing clothes. The guy was dressed from head to toe in purple.

"My name is Jman and this is Lanaman," the guy said pointing to himself and the girl. "Something's not right. I'm missing the one thing that makes me a pimp," he said and Harry and Hermione nodded wisely. Harry opened Sparkle Tangerine and pulled out bling. She and Harry arranged it on Jman and grinned at their handiwork.

This room held a little girl who was crying.

"I lost my dog," she sobbed. Hermione hugged her while Harry opened Sparkle. He pulled out a dog that had Lanaman's Charlie on it's collar. He handed him to the little girl who stopped crying and started laughing as Charlie licked her face. Hermione held her hand out to Harry and they made their victory gesture/handshake.

The last room held stood Clark Kent and Lois Lane. They were singing random songs to each other then saying no.

"We can't remember our theme song," said Clark.

"I think it's this one," said Lois, "The dawn is breaking,

A light shining through,

You're barely waking

And I'm tangled up in you, yeah

Do do do

Do do do

Do do do

Do do do

I'm open you're closed

I'll follow you'll come

I worry I won't see you face light up again

Even the best fall down sometime

Even the wrong words seem too right

Outta the dope that fills my mind

Somehow find you and I collide

Do do do

Do do do

Do do do

Do do do

I'm quiet you know

You make a first impression

I find I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometime

Even the stars refuse to shine

Even the vacuum you fall into

Somehow find you and I collide."

"That's my favourite song," cried Hermione. Harry nodded.

"But it's not right," said Clark.

"We can help you," said Hermione with a huge grin. She looked at Harry who grinned at her. They started to sing.

"Somebody saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave meeeeeeeeeeeee!

What you want is to break right through

Somebody saaaaaaaaaave meeeeeeeeeee!

Don't care how you do it just

Staaay come on I've been waiting for you"

Lois and Clark looked shocked,

"That's it," they shouted. Harry and Hermione grinned.

Harry led the way back to Commando Man. Their work here was done.

When they were safely inside Commando Man the truck began to shake. The lights went out.

When they could see again they were back in the Common room. Hermione sighed happily. All was quiet.

But then the peace was disturbed. A tall girl with brown hair popped out of nowhere. She saw Harry and started to berate him angrily.

"Step up missy! How dare you steal Sparkle Tangerine and Commando Man. They're mine. Mine you hear? Back off. Just because you're Harry Potter doesn't mean you can take people's stuff!" Hermione looked slightly frightened by this outburst!

"Who the hell are you?" Harry demanded. The girl sniffed.
"I'm Captain Dman the Rescueman. Now that we've got this sorted I have to get back to Staceman the Spaceman," she said and beamed. Harry and Hermione were dazzled by her brilliantly white teeth. Captain Dman started to walked away.

"Oh one more thing. Next time you see Dumbledore tell him to put some clothes on please. Ew gross," she said and then with a pop was gone.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Standoff, The Bible, Smallville, NCIS or How I met your mother.