What if she didn't have to stab herself in the first place.
What if nobody died.
Nobody cried.
And Monika decided to "set her love interest free" in the first place?
No manipulating.
No envy.
No greed.
No to mention, Yuri wasn't an obsessive, and psychotic girl.
She was an introvert, who liked dark themes, as well as fantasy worlds. Kind of sophisticated, or just an intellectual type of woman. A girl who clearly was in need of having a friend. And not only a friend.
I've seen it from the very beginning. And my heart raced the same way as hers. As we read books. As we spent time, only the two of us. As... No. There's so much I want her to know. And so much I want her to tell me. So please, don't do this. Don't do this, because I…
"Sayori, no! Don't! Just stop crying, please and get up from your knees."
I rejected her even though I know how she feels, but I cannot force myself to love her as more than a sister. But as well I cannot afford to lose her. I shall not stand idle.
"Sayori! I'm really sorry to say that but I LOVE YOU! I love you, but like a sister. And I won't lose you. There's clearly something wrong, and I can't look at this. Yuri, Monika and Sayori will take care of the festival. Let's trust them."
Sayori barely managed to calm herself, because as I was saying my words, she began sobbing and crying like a little girl, whose ice cream just fell off the cone. She was a helpless little girl, in need of attention, and I need to take care of her right now. However, when she heard my words, she didn't understand what I really meant. Her teary eyes blinked in disbelief. She was clearly confused and I would be too if I were her. I was a bit hesitant of what I was about to suggest. Despite being a carefree girl, her current state made me do this.
"Wha-what?" She sobbed and sniffed. "What do you mean?"
"If you have depression... Then, we shall go to the therapist. We're gonna tell the girls that this was an emergency, and don't you even try to discuss it right now. I am certain this will help you, because it helped many people before who've gone through the same ordeal."
"Why are you... N-no... I don't-"
"Yes, you DO need it. Who knows you better than me?" I smiled at her. And despite all the bitterness and pain that gathered in her soul, she smiled a little. And this smile was really warm, not like the previous one. Filled with sadness to no end. "I will take care of you. I promise."
I thought she wouldn't accept this, that she would treat me like a madman, and that the fact I rejected her feelings would be like a death sentence on her. But I was mistaken. Maybe, this is what she needed in the first place? Maybe she needed me, not the way she would like, but as the strings of fate actually destined me to be. She deserves a man better than me, who could give her more than I do. She had to cry in my arm a little bit more. When she was fine, we went to her house. With my garbage cooking skills I made us something to eat. Meanwhile I began my research for a specialist for Sayori's "problem". She was quiet most of the time, but the bad vibes I felt lately coming from her, were gone. She is going to have an appointment tomorrow. I will make sure that she will go there.
And... I'll have to text Yuri. Fuck. I've been looking forward to the festival, I can't help it. I faced the truth, the very moment our glances were crossed, as I tried to clean paint spots off her skin. I've gotten mesmerized by her once again, in such short period of time. BUT! I had to focus for a little longer. I didn't want to, but as Sayori was sleeping I gave a brief look at what was under her bed, and closet.
I found a rope. And in this very second, I felt sudden pressure. I have to burn it. I have to get rid of it. NOW. This finding makes me want to puke. This shouldn't even exist! Why did she have a rope here anyways! I immediately went outside and burnt it. I shivered, even though the night wasn't cold.
But now that the rope had been burnt, every single negative feeling was instantly gone from within my body. Like I already knew, everything's going to be alright.
And... I was NOT mistaken.
The next day, I made sure that Sayori went to the therapist. One cannot leave a sister by herself in a moment like that. She seemed to be okay. I've seen the difference between her actual behaviour and how she was acting previously. I don't know how, but now it seems... a lot more natural for her. She isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but she's bright and calm. This sets my soul at ease. But...
There's still something that bothers me. Not about Sayori, but about Yuri...
Thinking about her, and how she must have felt after I texted her, that I won't make it to the festival. Both of us were looking forward to it. I saw it in her eyes, heard it in her composed and gentle voice.
Also... How the hell I am head over heels with that girl? We had only a few intimate moments, but the chemistry I feel between us. Is it just me? Or the look she gives me, is that type of look?
I've been wondering, while walking Sayori back home. I remained silent for too long, and she also knew me too well to not notice it. As she asked her question my cheeks burnt with an intense redness in split second.
"Tehee~ So you're into Yuri, right? You both were working on stuff for the festival yesterday, and you seemed... Stressed when I saw both of you so close to each other. Were you about to ki-"
"S-stop! I can't handle it, alright!" I cried out loud hiding my flushed face in my hands. "It's so embarrassing that you've noticed it so quickly!"
"That's because I know you so well, you dummy." Sayori smiled gently, and somehow it felt like she was supporting me. I didn't have to wait too long, to witness the fact... that I was correct.
"Maybe you want a little help with it?"
"Won't you feel..." I wasn't sure about that. With Sayori's current state, and her feelings towards me, I thought she would only suffer. "...bad? Won't it hurt you?"
"It won't. After all, your happiness is all that matters to me now. Don't say anything else, just accept my help!"
I didn't really have any other choice. I nod. Her smile widened unknowingly for her, but I felt really relieved, knowing that she's completely fine with that. I don't know if her support is something that I needed, but I gladly accept it. I'm sure she won't help me directly, but I will really appreciate any tips she has for me. After all, who knows girls more than a girl herself? As we got back her home, Sayori called one of her classmates, to visit her after the festival is over. so I won't have to worry about her being alone. Perhaps, now she knows, how to care for herself and that, Yuri is on my mind. I didn't deserve any support... Negative thoughts begone!
I texted Yuri if I could at least walk her back home, after the festival. She agreed, and I gladly went to school when the time has come. I also visited my house for a moment, to grab some money, and I put a certain piece of paper to my pocket, then I was good to go. It was late afternoon. Sun bent down the horizon changing it's daylight colour, to a warm and kind of romantic colour of orange. As I was waiting for Yuri, the one that came out of the school was... Monika. She left earlier as it seemed. I waved to her, but she was heading in my direction anyway. The school's idol smile seemed less wide than usually. I had to apologise, at the very beginning.
"Hi, Monika, I'm so, so sorry that I couldn't-"
"No! Don't worry, really! I knew that you wouldn't make it, so I encouraged Yuri and Natsuki to work harder, which they gladly did. Yuri seemed a little bit sad, but determined at the same time."
"You knew, that I wouldn't make it...?"
"Of course, you silly, ahaha~ Don't bother yourself. From now on... everything is going to be alright. I'm sorry."
"What... what do you mean?"
"Told you, don't bother. You just have to be careful, and keep an eye on Yuri, that is all you have to do. I messed up, only a tiny bit, earlier. I'm so sorry."
I really didn't know what she was saying. But she seemed sad. Really sad, for some reason, like she was about to tear up and run away. There was also guilt, in her eyes. But why did she feel guilty?
Did she think it was because she forced other girls to overwork themselves? Her last words also seemed to be a warning. It sent chills down my spine. Not the good ones, but like a lingering shadow, that barely touched my skin, but ultimately gave up on what it was planning to do. After this... I felt really sorry for Monika. Without an apparent reason, I felt terribly sorry.
"I'll leave you be. I set you free."
The moment Monika told me this I couldn't resist the urgent feeling to hug her. Like if she needed to be comforted. I couldn't stand idle looking at her sad face. I don't know the reason of her sadness. I don't know why she's sorry, and what she means by setting me free. But I don't care. She's my friend. That is what I care about. She embraced me as well and hid her head in my arm for a moment, remaining quiet. The only sound, that we were able to hear, were slight whispers of the wind. Are these thoughts mine? Has writing poems influenced me already that much? She let go of me, and smiled, half sad, half happy and bowed a little.
"I'm grateful for that."
"Don't mind me, I felt it was right thing to do."
"And you, shouldn't mind me. We'll meet tomorrow anyway. Yuri is coming, see you~!"
Before I could respond, she ran away. I turned my eyes towards the school entrance. And I saw Yuri.
Her gentle yet confident manner of walking, seemed to be seductive. Or was it just my imagination? Yes I have to be mistaken. Yuri seemed to be troubled until she saw me. She didn't hasten her tempo, although I went her way. I smiled in an apologetic way. And as I was about to say something, she averted her eyes and grabbed handful of her hair, like she used to when she was embarrassed. Why was she embarrassed tho-
"I was worried. I had a bad feeling, that something may have happened to you... A-and Sayori of course! And..."
"Everything is a-ok." I interrupted her halfway. Her shyness was... really freaking adorable, I couldn't resist, but look at her. I'm not satisfied. I'm just charmed. "How was the festival? Come on, let's go. Tell me how it was."
It felt different, walking Yuri back home, than the usual way with Sayori, or alone. Solely because of the fact that I don't know where she's living. My hands are all sweaty and I focus on every single word she says, like if I'm mesmerized by her. And of course, I'm listening to her. As I notice previously, when there's just us, she's more open, talkative and even a bit cheerful despite being into a bit dark themed books lately. I don't judge though. I enjoyed every single moment that we shared, reading together. I'm looking forward, to more.
"I was completely and utterly stunned by how Monika handled so many tasks, so precisely and hastily. It was very impressive, whilst I felt very clumsy." Yuri stated, not like she was jealous of Monika's contribution, but proud of her. Although her courage decreased when she mentioned her work. "I could've done so much better."
"I've heard something completely different, from Monika. She mentioned, you gave 120% from yourself. Your contribution was highly appreciated. And I'm sure, you did great job."
She flushed adorably once again, looking at me in the corner of her eye. She was at lack of words now, but even though I had a satisfied smile on my face, which probably made her more embarrassed than she'd like to be.
"T-thank you..." She replied at last, and she cleared her throat, surprisingly easy accepting that fact. "I really wanted to cooperate with you, but... It just wasn't meant to be."
"Yeah... Maybe I can repay you?"
"H-how?" She asked hesitantly, like she felt what I'm going to ask her. "Do you mean..."
"We wanted to have time for ourselves, when we were working on decorations last time. So I think, this time we can meet normally. Just to spend time together, you know."
"It's a date then?" She asked, her voice was trembling a little, life if she wasn't sure about this whole idea. However, this time there was no hesitation in her voice.
Wow. Is it just me, or the word "date" in her lips sounded very seriously. I had to take a moment to think about it, but it was a really short, and I answered with confidence.
"Yes, a date." Before she flushed, because the words reached her mind, I added. "Can I go to your house, this time? We may as well go out somewhere, and then come back to your place, just to sit and slack a bit. Maybe we could read something together?"
"Yes!" She answered enthusiastically, calming down in split second, when heat hit her cheeks violently. "I... with pleasure. I didn't mean to... uhm..."
"It's ok. I'm really glad, that you're so happy about it. Saturday then? We can meet at a..." I couldn't think of anything else, than a cliche... "...shopping center? Or, if you don't like
crowds, cause I think you don't then-"
"Your choice is completely acceptable. Y-you satisfied my requirements. Because you will be there. Otherwise, I wouldn't go there, under no other circumstances."
I nod. Her answer sounded cocky, but it wasn't cause her voice was as soft, as her skin. ... I am sure, that has to be a coincidence that I thought about this! Nevermind. Why I also imagined her voice seductively saying those words about requirements and why she is na- no. Stop that! I noticed I was silently looking at her, in rather hypnotised and charmed manner, because the blush didn't fade away from her cheeks. But it was too late, and... she giggled a little bit. Why this TOO had to be cute?
"Am I so funny?"
"I cannot deny that. I feel, that you could make me laugh more often."
Was that a compliment? And she didn't hesitate or stagger saying it? Is it some kind of privilege? If yes, it feels incredibly pleasant. As we finally stood in front of her house, and the time to say goodbye came, I touched my pocket, and I realized I took a piece of paper from my house, that was still there.
Should I give it to her?
I decided... to do so. I pulled it from my pocket and smoothed it a little bit, because it was messy. My hand was shaking a bit as I reached it towards Yuri. She was surprised, at least, and parted her lips a little bit. As she received it, without a word I told her instantly.
"P-please don't open it right now. Promise me do to it after our date, on saturday."
"I'll do as you request. I'm a good secret keeper. I thought it shall be your poem, for next Literature Club meeting. I am mistaken, I suppose."
"It's a small secret too. I hope, you don't mind." She smiled as a response. "Very well then."
"An aura of mystery, in my opinion is really intriguing. It makes me really curious, but at the same time, I'm prohibited from opening it, until the deadline. It feels... special. So... See you in school, yes?"
Should I simply answer her... or do something more? My choice, is obvious.
I step forward and gently place my hand on her shoulder. I felt a little shiver of her body. My mind told me, it's not because of the fear, but because of the excitement. I brought my face towards her, and I place my lips on her cheek for a second, kissing her, as a good premise, of what may happen next time. I bet, her heart skipped a bit, because her facial expression seemed to be a bit delighted, when I stepped back. Was it so passionate of a cheek smooch? Or it was her reaction for something she longed for inside of her heart? Despite her cheeks being furiously red, she didn't avert her eyes. And responded to my light peck, as if I used specific language, only she knows.
"Goodnight, to you too"
The anticipation towards saturday, was really high for me. It really didn't matter - during classes, way back home, or even Literature Club meetings, my tendency to space out has grown stronger. This week was a really fruitful, and a calm one, like the previous one - mostly - before the festival. I always tried to focus as hard as I could, during the meetings. We had our daily Club routine, including writing and reading our poems, discussing random stuff. First two days I felt like... It wasn't meant to be like that. That I had more than it was destined at first, but I'm not complaining! It was just and odd feeling, that reminded me of itself from time to time. Random group conversations, a little bit of book reading in classroom. Even Sayori came to school, very next day, which made me happy. I've even got more acquainted with Natsuki too, it seems we've even read the same manga at some point, and watched the same anime so far. I'm sure, despite her tsundere attitude, there's more "dere" in her, that she would like to admit. Even though, her poems are bittersweet. Yuri and I were acting like we didn't plan any date whatsoever, just like regular friends. B-because hey! It's not like we're gonna start dating for good or anything! Haha! Well... I would love to, though...
At last, saturday came, and we met. She was wearing the same type of sweater like before, but this time it was black. It made her look more elegant, she didn't even need more class in the first place, but this made her look even more gorgeous, she had a little bag with her this time.
"Hi Yuri. You look g-" Don't. Go. Too. Far. "...really, really good. Black suits you well."
"T-thank you!" She answered, giving and impression of being even more intimidated than usually when I complimented her. I guess, she doesn't like crowded places at all, we were already talking about it. She was nervously looking around, like a fatal danger was just ahead of us. So I already knew, we won't stay there for too long. However I felt very sure about keeping her entertained, while being in such crowded place, that she won't mind it at all. Very well then! Gonna do my best! "Your clothing," Yuri said "matches you and your personality, somehow. N-not to insult you! But it's simple, yet charming. Dark red goes well with your bravery."
Whoa. I didn't expect such a sophisticated sounding compliment. It was... flattering! At least! It was an honor for me! However... I didn't wear anything special. Regular jeans, t-shirt and a flannel shirt, because it was quite warm today, and that shirt's colour was dark red.
Then we decided to go at last.
I didn't feel nervous at all, because as we started to talk, the conversation flowed so smoothly, that I didn't even notice how natural she can be, despite being in crowded places. That's what I thought. If I'm keeping her mind busy, she's talkative, and acts like there were only two of us. I'm happy.
The shopping center was quite big, and we didn't know where to go first, but we decided to just visit random places and shops, maybe grab some food if we found something fancy or we're gonna get hungry. I really liked it, how she didn't feel stress at all, although some of conversation moments, made her blush... several times. This experience was fantastic, for both me and her. The only people existing right there and now - were us. I loved the fact, that Yuri, didn't act out of her character at all. I didn't notice anything unnatural during our little date.
Except that one moment.
I encouraged her to try on some fancy clothes, that we found during our little trip through all kinds of shops, and even though she felt embarrassed, she agreed to try on something else. I didn't have an idea, she was hiding, a quite disturbing and questionable secret, up until now. Should I be afraid of that? No. I wasn't afraid of that. I kind of... expected some small, dark secret, she could've been hiding. She had two, or three cut scars on her left hand. I pretended I didn't notice it. But on the inside I was dead worried about her. As I didn't want to ruin the date, I tried to act natural, before we reach her house. I don't know if I did it properly, because as we were heading back her home she remained silent most of the time. Also, touching her hand, that had a few scars. She didn't tell me to go away, so I coped with that.
Her house was quite big, and very peaceful at the same time. There was no one home, so we were all alone...
As we entered her room, it... didn't seem to be gloomy or dark, at all. She had a huge bookcase, filled with literature of all kinds and colours. From the theme, she was into lately - horror, through thriller and crime stories, to fantasy romance novels. I did even notice few light novels.
"C-could you wait here for me? I will bring us some refreshments."
"Sure, you don't want me to-"
"Of course not, be my guest."
Next moment, she was gone, and I was left alone in a girl's room. Good heavens... I didn't expect the room to look like that. I took a quick look around her room once more. I saw two books on her desk, so I decided to take another look - what they're about. I was sure, she prepared both of them, for us to read today, but she couldn't decide yet. I picked up the first one. It was a horror story. A bit dark, but not gory in the slightest. Or, maybe a little bit, there has to be something like that in such books, but I found it interesting. When I picked up the second one I focused on a random fragment of it so much, that I had to shake off immediately...
It was a very, VERY steamy romance fantasy novel, and I had this luck that I had quite... intense moment going on there. I had to calm down as quickly as possible, but then, a scream knocked me back to reality. A feminine cry for help, downstairs. I shot out of the room, and reached the kitchen, where feminine sob echoed, leading me to Yuri.
She was crying, sitting on the floor like helpless child. She looked at me with fear in her eyes. She cut herself again, once again the left hand but this time, it was a really, really deep cut. Blood was dripping down her hand, but something was really odd about this situation. I saw her own knife lying a meter away, covered with her blood. She was either a good actress, or didn't do this on purpose, because her shock and fear were too realistic.
"I'm so... so sorry! I didn't mean to... please, don't hate me, please don't!" She cried, and bitter tears flowed down her cheeks, wrenching my heart even more. "My mind went blank, I couldn't help! Please, please, I'm sorry!"
"Just calm down, and let me do something about this, I can't afford losing you, OK?!"
I didn't expect I will shout... but I did it, with cracking voice because of how much I was worried in that moment. This was oddly similar to what I experienced with Sayori. Her life could be in fatal danger. I was acting at lightning speed. Thrown knife to the sink, and checked every single closet in search of bandages. When I finally found them I helped her get up and put her hand in the sink, under cold water stream. She was still sobbing, and groaning a little bit, because of the pain, but it had to be done. We will clean the floor later, now we had to stem the wound...
As I finally was able to bandage her hand, she was a little bit calmer, but her face was burning red, her eyes swollen and red because of crying. Her explanation was weird... But I had something, in the back of my head, that told me she was telling the truth and it wasn't her fault at all. When her hand has been bandaged, she stepped back and looked on the left, grasping her hair nervously. It was another reason to believe her. How genuine were her tears, and how now are her reactions. It isn't a pose. It's... just Yuri. I stepped towards her once again and held her hands gently, in mine, looking deep into her eyes.
"Don't be afraid to tell me, what you want to tell. Be honest, I won't bite I promise."
"I'm still sorry... you had to see my scars but... It's not... not a kink! N-no! Not in the slightest, previous times I tried it because of... the thrill, but I decided to not do this again, these scars are few weeks old, I pro-"
"I believe you, Yuri." Before she got too emotional again, I stated clearly. "You were too frightened to put up an act, and I know it. Your hands are even shaking a little bit now. Also, you let me hold them so..."
Should I... hug her, or not?
I got her in a tight embrace. It wasn't forced though. I wanted her to feel the warmth. To feel, that there's someone that won't close an eye on such things. I don't want her to hurt anymore.
"Just... promise me, you won't do it again."
As a response... she giggled a little bit, and snuggled, much to her embarrassment, but also a huge amount of comfort as well. She didn't even have to state it. I just knew it.
Somehow, we unwillingly were standing in embrace for longer than I expected, time passed, but then we had to clean the floor, and I didn't give up on reading a book together yet. The magic wasn't gone, as we headed to her room with snacks and water. I swallowed, because she has chosen that... romance novel for us to read. She shared some of her horror stories so far, but she mentioned several times she like fantasy worlds as well. This was a good occasion to introduce me into one. She gave me a worried look.
"Something is wrong?"
"No. Nothing in particular, I just... have some flashbacks of... You know."
"I don't know... w-wait. You mean..."
"Chocolate." One word, and not even a suggestive one was enough to make her flush furiously. She made a troubled face expression which I find funny and gorgeous at the same time. She squealed a little bit then. It was even funnier, that I knew what type of book she wants us to read. It was a huge contradiction to her timidness. "I got mesmerized that moment."
"That's... a compliment I did not deserve."
I shake my hand in disagreement and point towards the place by the wall, where we can sit next to each other. It was quite early and it was weekend after all, so I didn't mind when I would get back home. I could also stay up late into the night! We sat, very close to each other, with book between us, we both used one hand to hold it, like we've done already back in the Club.
So we meld into the fantasy world together. Once again, her focus on the book was extraordinarily magnificent. I truly admire the way she can absolutely drown in the book she's reading right now, because I couldn't. Having such beautiful girl, arm to arm, was more than enough to keep me distracted, although I continued reading like that for long enough. I was able to catch up with her somehow. Her warmth, her sweet scent were... mesmerizing, once again. It wasn't a high school girl, who was sitting beside me. It was a mature woman, woman at her finest, in my opinion.
I blushed a little bit, because the romance got intense in no time. Both main hero and heroine accidentally met in hot springs. They both wanted to run away the second they noticed each other, but got closer somehow. Heroine, covering her intimate parts of the body with hands, soaking wet, neck deep in the water was the more shy one, but as the hero clenched his fists, he decided to make the first step, and swam closer to her. As they were close enough, and able to look at each other's bodies, both of them got brave enough, because of arousal and feelings. Heroine stopped covering her body, and suddenly...
"Oh..." I looked at Yuri's face in an instant. I recognize this type of delight, I saw it when I kissed her on the cheek. What was that sound again? Was it a quiet moan... Oh God. She's reading faster than me, something spicy happened over there. "...I..."
My heart was racing. Like a wild mustang, because the part I've read so far, was enough for me to make my heart pounding. Assuming from Yuri's expression and sounds she made, she was all fired up, because she wasn't even ashamed of it. She looked straight into my eyes, parting lips which I found so tempting at that moment. The time has come. I barely managed to ask her a question, that I had to ask.
"Do you... want to be... with me...?"
She closed the book, and reached my hand, putting it to her own cheek. The temptation was reaching its limits. I loved it... Her voice responded gently, yet eagerly at the same time.
"I want... to be with you. And be yours."
Our faces got closer in no time, but it was me who got closer and closer, I've been consumed by this moment utterly. She parted her juicy lips a little bit more, and closed her eyes. I closed mine too almost in the exact same moment. Softness of her skin, her light and alluring womanly scent and then... her succulent lips, attached to mine in a short, yet passionate kiss. Prickling sensation in my stomach, and heat in my whole body were astounding. I've never felt anything like that before.
A sensation I cannot describe with words.
Our lips parted. But not for a long time, because she gently pulled me towards her, lying on the floor, and me, on her. I opened my eyes for a moment. Both of us were exhilarated, I could see this on her face... but I closed my eyes again. I leaned again towards her, feeling the mellowness of her breasts against my chest...
And once again, we shared a passionate kiss. This time it wasn't that short... We took our time.
It didn't really matter, if she was a loner, if she likes dark themes, if she cut herself. She apologized for the last one after all. I know, as long as she's Yuri, and I'm me, everything is going to be alright.
No. That's not enough.
The best is yet to come.