Hey people and welcome to the first collaboration I've ever posted to the world! It's a song fic based on both the original and acoustic version of Dagny's 'Love You Like That'- a song you should definitely check out because it's fantastic and catchy as hell. I want to say a massive thank you to user melroihag for the idea and constant love and support and being the best person I could've thought of to work on my first collab.
This is the longest one shot I've ever posted but I hope that you stick with it and love it all the same.
Like always, any love and support is appreciated and makes me smile- like, stupid wide as hell smile. Any ideas and constructive criticism is also always wanted because it's nice to improve!
Follow me on Tumblr (pitchslappedasheck) if you wanna see more fics and gay acapella content!
Okay okay, enough of the long as hell introduction and on with the long as hell fanfic instead!
Enjoy!
...
Love You Like That
Beca scrunched up the napkin she had just used to wipe her face and threw it into the small wastepaper basket a few feet away in the corner, feeling smug when it bounced in without a hitch. She span around in her chair in celebration but as she span, her eyes landed on the empty room before her and she deflated slightly. There was a moment where she picked at the lint on her jeans and then she was standing from the chair, just desperate for something to do after the temporary distraction of her lunch.
It wasn't that she wasn't enjoying the fancy suite that DJ Khaled's label (WTB, which Fat Amy insisted on calling WTBeca in every text she sent her) had put her up in whilst she went through the seemingly endless meetings and contract signings that a newly signed artist had to go through, that wasn't it. But after living in what was essentially a shoe closet with two other girls for so long, the large open plan suite felt very empty and very, very dull. Sure, there was no one banging about at 2am getting water (Amy.) or singing far too loudly in the shower (Okay, that may have been all three of them…) and there was a sofa she could stretch out on as opposed to sitting squished together on a pull out bed, but Beca missed her roommates hugely, having become accustomed to their routines and habits as if they were her own.
Beca paced around the room for what felt like the fiftieth time that day, picking up the same accoutrements that she had every time before. The little soaps, the tiny potted plants, the overly fancy stationary- it was all so nice and so unnecessary, Beca thought.
Eventually she reached the corner of the room, where a large furniture item stood with a crimson sheet draped over it, a few vases and photo frames stood atop it. Beca furrowed her brow as she traced her fingers along the fabric, wondering why she hadn't had the curiosity to see what the sheet covered earlier. Maybe the delivery of a mozzarella and pesto panini had something to do with that…
After moving the various items that balanced atop the mystery item onto the nearby desk, Beca threw the crimson sheet back and smiled confusingly at what lay underneath.
A modest but pretty ancient looking upright piano stood where crimson had been. Beca lifted the cover, it creaking loudly where it was stiff, and ran her fingers along the yellowed keys. She pressed a middle E and winced at the slightly out of tune note that rang out and echoed off the tiled walls of the room. As the note tailed off, Beca moved her hands onto the keys. There was a long moment as she stared, trying to dust off that year of piano lessons she had taken in fourth grade. After a quick count of white notes to black and figuring out which one was what, she played a C chord and smiled proudly at herself when it sounded out. At least she could blame the instrument for sounding out of tune, not her being rusty after ten years or so without practice.
She dragged over the chair she had just been sat on up to the piano and sat down at the keys, hands instantly settling on them in preparation.
It turned out to be a pretty excellent time killer, with Beca quickly recovering the basics from her long forgotten memories and before long she was messing around with a chord sequence that she really liked the sound of, her right hand plunking away blindly until it found notes in the right key to form a melody.
After a few runs of the newly forming song, Beca stood and hurried over to the fancy stationary sat on the desk, uncapping the pen and scribbling down what she had written so far as she crossed the room back over to the piano. She sat and propped the paper up, throwing the pen haphazardly next to it as her hands settled back onto the keys. But just as she was about to play, her phone buzzed in her pocket, temporarily distracting her from her creative process. Beca pulled the phone out of her jean pocket and pressed the lock button, the screen illuminating with one missed text.
Chloe Beale (1 unread: Just Now)
Beca felt her heart stop for a beat before somersaulting and carrying on it's usual rhythm. It had only been hours since she had last spoken to her roommate and best friend but in the hours between then and the text currently on her screen, Beca had found herself just paranoid thinking about why she hadn't shot back a text straight away like usual.
But then again, it wasn't unusual for Beca to be thinking about Chloe Beale.
In fact, it had been consistent ever since Beca's birthday in her junior year of college, when Chloe had insisted on throwing her a party and baking her a cake. A cake that they had sat and eaten, steaming drunk sat on the kitchen floor of the Bella house, when everyone else had fallen asleep or gone home. They had laughed until it hurt, drunkenly shushing each other because the rest of their housemates were asleep on the floors above, as they ate the cake messily with a shared fork and plate. Chloe had gone to kiss her sloppily on the cheek but Beca chose the wrong moment to turn to feed her friend a bite of the cake and Chloe's lips had landed on hers. It lasted for only a half a second, not even long enough for Beca to kiss back, and Chloe had pulled away with a giggled apology, never mentioning it again.
One tiny kiss and Beca was done.
And here she was four years later and still madly in love with her best friend, who seemed to be none the wiser even though they lived together, hung out together and even slept together every night, tucked up in the same small double pull out bed.
Beca missed it. Don't get her wrong, the insane king size bed that sat in the middle of the suite was incredible- she didn't know a mattress could be that soft- but there was something about the vast expanse of empty space behind her and the absence of an arm slung over her waist that kept her tossing and turning for the majority of the four nights she had been sleeping in it.
With a small intake of breath, Beca swiped her phone open and waited for the text to load. It was a photo of Chloe smiling as she was sat on their bed in New York, pointing at the black hoody she was wearing- a hoody that had "B.M" in white lettering stitched on the right hand side. Underneath it, a text came through.
Chloe Beale: This is all mine now, k thanks ;) xx
Beca laughed, staring at the beaming smile of her best friend lighting up her phone screen. The black hoody was a little small, considering it was Beca's old high school leavers hoody and was even small on her now seven years later, but Beca had no issue that Chloe had stolen it, considering she looked pretty damn beautiful in it. But then again, Chloe could look damn beautiful in a trash bag.
Beca typed out a reply, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the piano keys, too preoccupied with replying to Chloe to notice how the clash of notes rang out around the room.
Beca: You're a dirty thief Beale.
She waited for a while, watching the three dots to indicate Chloe was in New York typing a reply. Then they disappeared and words were in their place.
Chloe Beale: You left it here!
Chloe Beale: Plus, I miss you and it makes our bed smell like you again :)
Beca felt her heart hiccup a little at reading the words 'I miss you' and then felt it full blown backflip at the words 'our bed'. She missed her so much. She wished that Chloe was here right now- she definitely wouldn't be bored out of her mind if Chloe was with her. They'd probably be out exploring all that L.A. had to offer or watching cheesy TV on the huge flatscreen on the wall or just cuddled up together scrolling Instagram so Beca could show Chloe every single dog picture she came across just to make her smile. But as it was, Beca had been cooped up in the hotel suite for five days and had exerted all her options to keep herself preoccupied.
Beca took a moment to think of a reply, typing out several versions of the same text before finally deciding and shooting off it off.
Beca: Keep it, looks better on you anyway dude. Miss you too.
After a minute of screen watching just waiting for those three dots to appear, Beca deflated with disappointment as no reply or indication Chloe was typing came. She locked her phone with a sigh and placed it atop the piano. Then her hands were back on the keys and she was playing the same chord sequence she had just been working on, only this time her brain was significantly more filled with thoughts of a certain redhead.
And so she found, as she played the same chords (as well as a person who hadn't played piano in ten years could) in rotation, she was humming a melody that slowly turned into words. She didn't even realise that she was singing them until she had sung the first few lines- jumpy and shaky as improvised lyrics often were. But still, Beca really liked how they fit against the chords and could already hear the rest of the song mapping itself out from it. So she hastily uncapped the pen, pen lid held between her teeth as she scrawled out the first three lines with her left hand. After some muttering whilst playing the chords again, some sloppy added words and manic crossing out, the first verse was there on the page.
You hate that I usually don't open up
I know when I say it doesn't say enough
But with you close I'm the happiest I ever was
Beca propped the paper up on the piano stand and sang it out, smiling slightly to herself as the words rang out around the empty hotel suite- it sounded good, even if Beca did say so herself.
Before she could even stop herself, she was carrying on and writing more and more until she was underlining the words 'Repeat Chorus x2' and putting down the pen. Beca sat back, coming out of the insane creative trance with a long blink. The page was full of scrawled lyrics, with annotations and rough chord diagrams littering the elegant paper. But it was a song. A whole song. All about Chloe Beale.
Beca couldn't believe she'd written a song. She could make music, sure, it was her bread and butter so to speak. But writing it herself? Now that she struggled with. Lyrics were Beca's kryptonite, so to speak. When she'd produced Emily's track 'Flashlight', she hadn't had to worry about the lyrics, as the Legacy had taken care of that part for her. She couldn't hide the fact she was extremely impressed with the young woman's ability to write songs. It was the only aspect of music that Beca herself was most uncomfortable with. Like a fish out of water, she just never knew where to start.
But sometimes, if the world was turning in just the right way or the sun was shining just bright enough or Chloe had said the right string of words to send her heart into juvenile panic, Beca found that she could write a song.
—
Beca paced around the suite, phone to her ear and her thumb between her teeth- a nervous habit she had started at the beginning of middle school and never quite managed to drop. The ringing on the end of the phone cut off and Beca took in a short breath before she heard the person she had called speak.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Rebecca Mitchell." The smarmy voice at the end of the phone said. Beca just rolled her eyes as it continued. "What can I do you for superstar?"
"Hey, Theo." Beca replied, brushing off his awful attempts at flattery. "I was wondering if I could ask a huge favour."
"Anything you like. But I'm not making any promises." Theo joked, prompting a short forced laugh from Beca, who had decided to play along in order to get what she wanted- then again it shouldn't be hard, considering Theo made no effort to cover up the weird crush he had on her. A crush that she definitely did not reciprocate. The man honestly looked like a turtle. Like seriously.
"I was just wondering if I could have a little studio time. I wrote this song and I'd love to have a go at making a rough demo to give to the label in the meeting next Friday." Beca rambled, trying her hardest to put her case across in order to get her boss to agree to her request.
There was a long moment of silence and Beca checked her phone briefly to see if the line was still active. When she brought her phone back to her ear she heard Theo reply.
"Sure. How's about tomorrow afternoon? Say about 1?"
Beca smiled for possibly the first time ever at something Theo had said.
"1 is great. I'm super psyched." She cringed. "Forget I said psyched. I mean stoked. Wait no, that's worse… Damn it."
She was cut off by Theo laughing on the other end of the line. She fell silent after saying a final, "That's great, thanks."
"Not a problem Rebecca Mitch. Anything for my favourite new signed artist."
"It's, uh… It's just Beca. But thanks anyway. I'll see you tomorrow." And with that she hung up the phone, not even giving him the chance to respond, before moving to her laptop to start making some ideas to bring to the studio.
—
I'm not always clever with the words I use
You want something deeper
Yeah I know you do
But right when I hold-
Beca hit the spacebar, stopping the track and leaving silence in its wake. She had been working in the studio on the same song for going on seven hours now, recording all the parts and editing what she had. Apart from stopping to grab a coffee and a basket of french fries, Beca hadn't left the desk, choosing instead to work tirelessly on the song until it was finished.
But now, as she listened back to it, there were just a few tweaks to be made. A high pass filter on the keys, some more background vocals or perhaps a different bass line… There was something not quite right and Beca couldn't put her finger on it.
She was just about to press play again when a knock at the door interrupted her thought process. Beca span in her chair and dropped her hands into her lap before calling out "Come in!"
She watched as the door opened and a woman around her age poked her head around the heavy studio door. The woman smiled before stepping into the room, holding the door open with a hand as she scanned the empty room, with the exception of Beca sat cross legged on the chair at the desk.
"Hello. Are you working in here?" The woman asked curiously, a thick European accent smattering her words. Beca nodded, fiddling with the wire of her headphones as she thought of an answer.
"If that's okay? Sorry, am I allowed or…?" Beca asked, gesturing to the desk, not sure if this woman was an engineer at the studio or an assistant of the label sent to fetch her to go back to her suite. She didn't even have time to ask though, as the woman interjected her with a wave of her hand and a shake of her head.
"Oh no, please carry on. I am working in here tonight and just arrived early." She explained before holding out a gloved hand to Beca. "I'm Dagny."
Beca took the outstretched hand and shook it with a smile.
"I'm Beca." She said, letting go of Dagny's hand and pointing to the screen before she continued, "I'm just working on this. I need like twenty minutes to finish up and then it's all yours… Sorry."
Dagny nodded with a smile. "That's okay. Am I okay to stay here though? Otherwise I have to take this all the way back downstairs." She gestured to a couple of gig bags and a stack of notebooks perched atop them. The load looked like it would've been hard to manage with two people, let alone one, so Beca didn't hesitate in nodding and motioning for her to come in, which she did whilst dragging the bags with her.
Beca smiled a trademark awkward tight lipped smile, with an added eyebrow raise as the other woman collapsed into the chair across the room with a relieved sigh. As she began removing her coat and pulling off her gloves, Dagny nodded towards the screen with a smile far less awkward than the other studio occupant's.
"So what are you working on?" She asked, throwing her coat onto the floor atop her gig bags. Beca turned in the chair back to face the desk, her fingers resting on top of the space bar as she scanned the screen.
"Oh, it's just a… Well, a song kind of thing." She waved a hand in the air as she continued. "I'm one of the new signings for WTB."
Dagny's face lit up and she gasped, a hand flying to her chest.
"Me too!" She beamed, making Beca laugh and reply with a "No way!"
"Are you working on your song for the Introducing Evening?" Dagny asked, gesturing to the screen. Beca shook her head. She wasn't eligible to play the label's annual 'Introducing Evening' as it was known, seeing as she was such a new signing who hadn't even completed all of her contracts. She was invited to watch and support but performing was something she would have to wait a while to do.
"Ah, no. It was just to bring something to a meeting on Friday. To show I can make my own stuff, I guess?" Beca shrugged. "Thought it might get me some Brownie points."
Dagny nodded, clearly understanding what Beca was talking about having probably gone through a similar thing herself. Then she was picking up a notebook and waving it in the air.
"I'm meant to have a song for Friday and I don't, so that is just great." She set the notebook on her lap and sighed heavily, clearly distressed at her lack of material before smiling back at Beca to hide it. "May I hear what you have?"
Usually, Beca would've said no. But it was something about the blonde woman's kind smile and the fact that she was in the exact same boat as Beca that had her rewinding the track and mumbling a "I mean, yeah, it's not finished but… Yeah, okay." Then her fingers pressed the spacebar and the song began to play.
Beca didn't dare watch the reactions of the woman in the chair opposite, choosing instead to stare at a patch of carpet whilst she cringed at every little error or unfinished editorial mistake. She heard more than saw Dagny open her notebook and click a pen to begin scrawling in said notebook. Beca didn't know what that meant and was too entranced by the patch of carpet to look up to find out.
As the chorus trailed off, Beca finally looked up at the woman opposite and was glad to not make immediate eye contact as she was too busy looking at the wavelengths on the screen and jotting things in her notebook. Then Beca pressed the spacebar and the room fell quiet again. It was Beca who was first to speak.
"Like I say, it's not finished. But yeah." Beca shrugged again, hands dropping to her lap awkwardly. Dagny sat back in her chair, a wide smile back on her face as she met Beca's eyes again.
"I love it. You are very talented, I can see why they signed you." She smiled, making Beca grumble something about Dagny being too generous as she deflected the compliment even as she blushed slightly. "Who is this for?" She asked, pointing her pen at the screen.
The question took Beca by surprise and she looked up again with wide eyes. Was it that obvious she was some lovesick fool? Clearly, if this basically stranger could identify it from just one song. And so she cleared her throat before shrugging her answer.
"Oh, no one."
"Doesn't sound like no one." Dagny retorted, an eyebrow raised knowingly. Beca sighed and shook her head, thinking of how best to summarise Chloe in one word. But then again, how do you summarise your everything into one word?
"My friend." Was what Beca finally landed on; it wasn't untrue but it didn't reveal anything more than Beca was willing to say.
"Friend?" Dagny pushed, not quite believing the other woman's vague answer. No one could write a song like that about just their friend, could they?
Beca swallowed, taking another moment to think of a response.
"Yeah." Beca nodded, a sad smile on her face. "Friend."
Dagny mirrored Beca, nodding back as the words hung in the air. There was a beat of tense silence as Beca thought about said 'friend' and Dagny just watched her. Beca was pulled out of her thoughts by Dagny scooting over to join her by the desk on the wheely office chair.
"If you don't mind, I had a few ideas about it." Dagny held the open notebook towards Beca, who turned her head to look at the handwritten notes, grateful for a distraction. After reading through, with Dagny explaining a few points in an impassioned and musically enlightened way, and seeing some excellent suggestions, Beca smiled as she moved to the side so Dagny could sit by her side at the desk.
"Get your cute butt over here then dude." Beca jerked her head in a 'come here' motion and Dagny laughed before doing just that, the two new signed artists sitting to work on their first collaboration, glad that they had found someone who understood their new crazy lifestyle in the same way they did.
—
After three days in the studio, many cups of coffee and shared dinners as well as endless tales of their lives before all the WTB insanity, Dagny and Beca sat in the same studio they had been in for nearly 78 hours straight. Only this time, there was a few music execs stood with them, listening to the song that they had put their entire beings into with straight faces.
Dagny and Beca shared a few nervous glances between them as the song played through, seeing as they had put so much time into it in order to make it perfect and the three surly faced men were making no reaction aside from maybe an eyebrow raise or occasional head tilt.
The last line was sang and just like that, the song ended, Beca pressing the spacebar in order to get it to stop completely before the two girls looked up at the three men. There was a long moment of silence as the three men looked at each other in silent communication, then the grey haired on in the middle crossed his arms and looked down at Beca.
"This is your song?" He asked in a no nonsense tone that Beca couldn't help but find a little intimidating.
"Our song, sir, yes." She nodded, glancing to Dagny who sat looking just as nervous as Beca felt. "Well, I mean I wrote it, but all the instrumentation and good shit- stuff! Shit, sorry. I meant stuff. That was Dag." Beca rambled, her words jumbled and unfiltered under the three intense stares she was getting. She fell silent, choosing to just twiddle her thumbs instead of attempting to salvage her dignity- knowing that if she did, whatever scrap remained would be out of the window in a flash.
The three men looked at each other again and nodded. The two girls tried desperately to figure out what that meant, not understanding how the men could operate with this silent communication so well. They didn't have to wait long though, as the youngest of the three spoke.
"It's good. It's really good." He nodded, a hint of a smile of his clean shaven face. Both girls deflated as the tension left their bodies. The young man continued, this time talking directly to Dagny. "You're playing this on Friday, yes?" He asked, talking about the Introducing Evening that Dagny was due to perform at.
Dagny stuttered for a second, looking over to Beca for an answer. They hadn't actually spoken about what they were going to do with the song after they had finished, just content to work on something with someone like minded and spend time with the other. Beca, however, knew that if Dagny didn't play it then it would never see the light of day considering she wasn't due to perform for a while, and so was nodding with wide eyes to make the girl agree to the exec's question.
"Um, yes. If Beca plays it with me." Dagny answered in a confident voice. Beca's eyes widened even more at the bold demand and she turned slowly back to the three men with a sheepish smile on her face. Time moved very slowly as the three men did that silent communication thing again, with Beca not daring to take her eyes away from them in case she missed anything that might give her a clue as to what they were going to say.
"Fine. We can set up a keyboard and mixing set up, no problem." The grey haired man waved his hand, looking down at his phone and typing something hastily. He glanced up, pointing at Beca for a second. "You won't be officially performing in the lineup, of course, but you can be on stage."
Beca nodded, opening her mouth to thank the older man before he put his phone to his ear and gestured for the remaining two execs to follow him out as he spoke authoritatively to some poor soul at the other end of the phone. And with a slam of the door they were gone.
There was a beat of silence before the two women turned to each other with a myriad of squeals and shouts of excitement, all being voiced through flailing limbs and rushed hugs. Beca pulled away first, wheeling away in the chair she was sat in, her hands pushing her hair off her face as she shook her head in disbelief.
"Dude. They liked it!" She grinned, still not quite choosing to believe that the meeting had gone so well. Dagny threw her arms in the air, a wide open mouthed smile on her face.
"I know! We get to play your song!" She shouted, hands balling in victorious fists above her head. Beca pointed at her in faux sternness.
"Hey. Our song." She corrected her.
"You wrote it." Dagny shrugged. But after seeing Beca just raise an eyebrow, a silent reminder of how Dagny had rearranged it and added all the harmonies and parts that made it a hit, she rolled her eyes and conceded.
"Fine. Our song."
—
Friday rolled around quicker than Beca thought time could move at and before she knew it, she was stood in the wings with Dagny after a day of rehearsals and costume fittings and soundchecks ready to perform in front of the sizeable (and very important) crowd of the WTB Introducing Evening.
"Are you okay?" Dagny nudged Beca's arm, knocking the brunette into the world again, loosening her white knuckle grip on the microphone in her hand. Beca took in a breath before smiling unconvincingly.
"I'm good. Just… I don't know. I'm good." She assured the blonde woman staring back at her. Truth was that Beca was nervous. Like stomach drop out of your ass nervous. It was the first time in nearly seven years that she would be performing without her trusted Bellas there with her. The girls who she had always felt confident dancing and singing with. Her family. And they weren't here.
They should have all been crowded in the wings with her, Amy giving some ludicrous and often inappropriate pep talk as Cynthia Rose sorted out last minute hair emergencies. Jessica and Ashley would be beaming, hanging onto each other as they took in the last second madness. Flo would be jumping up and down on the spot, firing herself up for the number up ahead whilst Lily stood at the back, murmuring something under her breath that soundly oddly like an enchantment of some kind- whether it was of good luck for them or wishing death to their enemies, Beca could never quite figure out. Stacie would complete her pre show ritual of kissing each and every Bella straight on the mouth- something Beca had always protested, even up to that last ICCA final. Even the innocent Emily Junk would get a long kiss on the mouth that always managed to turn her cheeks a dark red under her foundation, making the Bellas laugh and often have to be shushed by the nearby stage hand.
And then there would be Chloe. Chloe would alway she right wherever Beca was, holding on tightly to her hand and smiling that thousand megawatt smile that Beca couldn't help but be drawn into.
It's really Chloe's doing that she's even here, signed to a label and living her dream life she had had since she was 13. If Chloe hadn't burst into her shower that day (something that even now, seven years later, Beca had not let go of) then she would never have joined the Bellas or competed in Nationals or Internationals or gone on tour or met Theo and… She would have been working some shitty desk job, 'paying her dues', Beca is sure of it. But all thanks to her insane redheaded co-captain, best friend and the love of Beca's damn life, she was stood on the side of a huge stage hearing the stage manager give her the "3…2…1… Go." signal.
And then, with a distinct lack of familiar hands on her shoulder and back, Beca followed Dagny onto the stage. She threw the singer one last good luck wink before moving to the desk setup and keyboard at the side of the stage near the band. She didn't even dare look up to the crowd, knowing if she did then she would freeze. So, instead, she familiarised herself with the equipment before her, cuing the right parts up to the right channels and sliding her trusted pair of overear headphones over her head. (The technicians had asked her to use standard company ones but after Beca's stubborn refusal and rigorous PAT testing, her lucky headphones had made the cut.)
Beca listened as Dagny cleared her throat.
"Hello everyone, thank you for coming along." She spoke brightly, her voice coming loud and clear through the monitors in front of Beca. "It's such an honour to be signed and I look forward to working with such great people. This is a song my friend Beca and I have been working on." She gestured behind her, making Beca smile her signature tight lipped awkward smile out to nobody in particular as her hand fell to a particular fader. "I hope you enjoy."
"This is Love You Like That."
And with that Beca played the first few chords and the song began, instantly allowing Beca to forget for a while that it was not music being made with her mouth and that she was not partaking in any form of synchronised lady dancing. She was just Beca Mitchell doing what she did best- music.
As each part was cued in by Beca and the band began to build up the track, Beca found herself loosening up. First by the bobbing of head to the drum beat, then to the swaying of her body as her hands flitted from keys to controls and back to keys. Eventually, as the second chorus kicked in and Dagny turned to sing the first few lines at her, Beca was full on dancing, a broad smile plastered on her face as she sang the harmonies back to her friend. It wasn't quite the same as singing to Chloe and having the harmonies mix with her voice, but Beca couldn't deny the pure joy that singing with Dagny bought her right then in that moment.
They sang the rest of the song together and Beca could vaguely note the mix of cheers and clapping sneaking the way into the song as the small bridge played out. It just made the already copious amounts of adrenaline flowing through her veins double, knowing that there were hundreds of people enjoying something she had written.
And sure, she had made arrangements with the Bellas and people had liked them, but these were her words. Her words about Chloe that she had torn from the walls of heart and scrawled onto a page. It made said heart jump but the thought of her roommate back in New York made her want to do her best- just as she had always made Beca want to do.
So, with the thought of Chloe's blue eyes and wide smile and red hair in her head, Beca put her all into the last chorus, with loops and free form improvisations that they hadn't rehearsed but oh man, did they sound good from where Beca was standing (if she did say so herself).
Then, with a few deft flicks of her wrist, Beca stopped the instrumental parts, leaving just Dagny to sing the final line, her amazing voice echoing around the venue for a second before she stood and smiled out to the audience.
An audience that promptly exploded into applause.
Beca looked up at the sudden explosion of noise, seeing the hundreds of smiling faces in the dim lighting of the room. There were tables of ten going back into the darkness of the long hall and each one was full of clapping people. Beca laughed in disbelief at the response but was promptly dragged out of her thoughts by being physically dragged from behind the desk by a warm and firm hand until she reached the centre of the stage. Dagny threw an arm around her shoulders and the two of them took a bow as the announcer called out over the noise.
"Aaaaand give it up again for Dagny!" He paused as the crowd let out another set of cheers and whoops before carrying on. "Her EP will be available in the New Year so keep an eye out for that folks." The cheers and applause died down to a hum and the announcer finished off. "Next we have an exciting hip hop group from the Maldives, so stay right where you are and have a complimentary glass of champagne, courtesy of WTB Records International."
"EP in the New Year?" Beca asked in Dagny's ear as she made her way down the stairs, still with Dagny's arm slung across her shoulders. The blonde turned her head and laughed, a sheepish grin on her face.
"Yeeeaahh, about that. Maybe we can collaborate more over the next few months?" She asked, heavily hinting at needing the music producer's help. Beca rolled her eyes and shook her head, laughing as they made their way into the crowded mass of tables, all bustling with important people with smart clothes and endless business cards.
After reaching the point where they had to split off to their respective tables, Beca and Dagny hugged each other tightly, promising to drink their weight in alcohol at the afterparty and taking one final celebratory photo together for Instagram later. Then Dagny had followed her manager and Beca had followed Theo.
"Great job up there Becky." He jerked his head back to the stage as they walked back to their table. His accent and irritating efforts at charm reminded her of Luke the station manager from all the way back in freshman year of college. Both had the stupid British accent drawling from their lips and those boyish good looks and they were both Beca's boss and they both drove her insane. But, like she had all those years ago she just smiled and mumbled a "Thanks." as they walked to the table, stopping so a few people could congratulate and hand her a business card, of which she had started to make a small collection of in her jacket pocket.
"Hey, I've got a little surprise for you." Theo said, crouching down to her height so he could say it in her ear. Beca instinctively flinched away and took a step to the right to maintain some professional distance between them before he continued. "I thought it was a shame that no one was here to support you on your first performance, so I looked up your emergency contact and arranged for them to come out here." He told her smugly, and honestly? He kind of had the right to be because Beca's mouth dropped open and she smiled before laughing.
"Seriously?!" She laughed, making Theo nod and hold his hands out to the side as he shrugged like it was no big deal- which it probably wasn't because a flight was like a pocket money purchase for a label the size of WTB. Beca thanked him with a quick hug, pulling away when she saw his face move towards hers. God, the guy really couldn't take a hint.
As she continued towards the table, she thought hard about who she had even put as her emergency contact. With the adrenalin from the performance still rushing through her head, she couldn't quite access the memory of that very first meeting with HR all those weeks ago.
But then, as she reached Table 34, her destination for the evening, her thoughts were thrown at the window by the sight of a thousand megawatt smile.
"BECS!" Chloe all but screamed, arms high in the air and the widest smile Beca had ever seen on a human plastered on her face. Beca let out a mix of a laugh, a sob and a scream all at once before running the last few metres to her best friend. Beca barrelled into her, hugging Chloe tightly around the waist and burying her face in her neck. Chloe bought her arms up and around Beca's shoulders and the familiar smell of her perfume and feel of her arms had Beca nearly crying into her shoulder.
After a good ten seconds, a nearby event organiser wearing a headset and an apologetic smile tapped the two women on their shoulders and asked them to return to their seats before the next act began. Beca hastily wiped at her misty eyes and apologised before sitting in the empty chair next to the one Chloe had returned to.
"What are you… I mean, how did you? I just-" Beca stammered, reaching across to Chloe to clutch at the arm of the leather jacket she was wearing. (Which Beca made a note of to admire her in later because damn she looked good.) Chloe laughed, covering Beca's hands with her own.
"Theo called me the other day, asked if I wanted to come to your first performance so obviously I said yes!" She shrugged, as if that was obvious. "What person says no to a Beca Mitchell gig?" Chloe giggled before giving Beca's hands a squeeze. "Especially," She continued, leaning in so she was inches from Beca's face. "When she's looking so damn hot." Chloe winked before retreating with a laugh at the way Beca's face immediately became warm with embarrassment.
"I don't know, if you were as uncomfortable as I am right now then you would not be saying I was anywhere near… That." Beca grumbled, letting go of Chloe's hand to pick up her champagne flute that had been left on the table for her. It was true, Beca was uncomfortable due to a healthy mix of the wedge sneakers she'd been teetering around on for four hours, a jumpsuit that left her chest and arms feeling pretty damn chilly and enough boob tape (vigorously applied by a stylist with less than gentle hands) to wrap several presents. But then Chloe was finding her free hand with hers and threading their fingers together. Beca looked over and saw Chloe staring at her with such fondness that any uncomfortable feeling she had been harbouring was chased away so the warmth and love for Chloe could settle in its place.
"You were amazing Beca. Like…" Chloe shook her head lightly as her mouth moved in the shape of words she just couldn't quite decide on. "I'm so proud of you." Chloe smiled and Beca was sure that those insane blue eyes were clouded over with tears. Beca took in a juttering breath, tears of her own catching in the back of her throat as she smiled back.
"I missed you so much Chlo." She got out after a second, grateful that all the things she wanted to say stayed in. This was the first time she had seen Chloe in weeks and would see her in potentially months. She didn't want to ruin it by spilling all her long felt emotions all over the one evening they had and ruining what was potentially- no, definitely- the best friendship she had ever had with anyone.
Chloe opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by the boom of music around the arena where the next act had begun to play. The lights dropped and the last thing Beca saw before turning back to the stage was Chloe grinning in excitement, the familiarity of it making her cold arms warm and her aching feet suddenly forget they were ever in pain.
Beca smiled back and ran her thumb along Chloe's in her hand before turning back to the stage to watch the rest of the acts- a feat much more appealing with her best friend leaning into her side and her favourite hand in the world in hers.
—
After watching the rest of the acts and critiquing each and every one (something that Beca had felt very reluctant to do, considering these were technically her colleagues now, right up until she realised that Chloe just shrugged them off in order to keep complimenting Beca on her performance) the tables were pushed aside and the venue turned into a drinks and sensible discussion event. Well, up until 11pm, when the DJ took to the stage and all business arrangements and new contracts were forgotten in lieu of generic dance music and copious amounts of alcohol.
Alcohol that neither Beca nor Chloe really drank too much of, considering Chloe was on a lunchtime flight back to New York the next day that she really couldn't miss and Beca was living in constant fear that a mix of adrenaline and emotion would result in regretted confessions if the right amount of liquor was involved. So, Beca and Chloe settled for dancing and laughing and talking and hugging instead, just savouring the last day they would have together for months.
It didn't stop them stumbling into Beca's suite in the waking hours of the morning, laughing and singing far too loudly- undoubtedly pissing off everyone else on the floor with them. (But then again, it was mostly WTB artists anyway, so they would understand, surely.)
When the door had finally shut behind them, Beca collapsed onto the bed, lying splayed out on her back on the huge king size mattress, arms spread out by her sides as she finally felt the effects of eighteen hours on her feet wash over her body in a wave of tiredness that she tried to fight off considering Chloe was there. Chloe was there after weeks of Beca wanting her to be. And that was more than worth not sleeping the night.
It didn't stop her sitting up and tugging off her wedged sneakers with a grunt though, wiggling her toes that were finally free from the tight constraints of the leather. She threw them to the side of the room and then watched as Chloe walked around the room, picking up all the same accoutrements that Beca had done so a hundred times since living in the suite.
"This place is amazing Bec." Chloe shook her head in disbelief as she looked at the view of the LA night skyline from the window. And okay, that was the one part of the suite that Beca hadn't quite gotten bored of yet, because LA was bustling and diverse and never the same no matter how many times she sat and looked out. But it wasn't where Beca's attention was right now.
"Yeah, pretty amazing." Beca agreed, her eyes not even bothering to look out the window where they were too busy scanning the outline of Chloe against the streetlights. The way her hair fell down the back of the leather jacket. How she brought the fingers of her right hand up to follow the path of an airplane across the sky. And Beca couldn't see but she knew that she would have a soft smile of wonderment across her features. One that Beca was all too familiar with after seven years of knowing the woman and had had to try her hardest not to kiss every single time it played across her lips.
"Hey," Chloe began, startling Beca out of her silent reverie. She turned around, shrugging the jacket from her shoulders as she smiled over to Beca. "So, that song you and… Dagny?" She asked, not confident in the pronunciation of the singer's name. But after a reassuring nod from Beca, she continued. "You and Dagny played. Any chance you could get me a copy of that for my flight home?" She winked, knowing it was a cheeky ask as the song hadn't been officially released and Beca could get into all kinds of trouble for releasing music from another artist without the label's permission. But what Chloe didn't know is that Beca had written that song- it technically belonged to her and she knew that Dag would have no problems in letting Chloe having a copy.
"Luckily Beale, I can." Beca smiled, an unintentional air of smugness about her at being able to fulfil what Chloe probably thought was an impossible request. That suspicion was confirmed when Chloe dropped her jacket onto the sofa next to her, leaving her in her short black dress and knee high boots, with a surprised gasp.
"Wait. For real?" She asked, crossing the room until she threw herself down on the bed next to Beca, grabbing Beca's arm and shaking her slightly. Beca laughed through the movements, letting herself be jostled and pretending like she hated it, when really she was just happy to be hearing Chloe laugh back.
"Yeah, for real." Beca nodded after Chloe stopped shaking her, taking secret joy in the fact that Chloe's hands had stayed on her bare arms- the warmth from Chloe's hands was a reminder that she was here and real after weeks of Beca wishing her to be. "I mean I wrote it so-" That was all she managed to get out before Chloe interrupted her with an excited squeal.
"Wait, you wrote it?!" Chloe asked, an excited grin on her face that Beca felt her heart hiccup at. It took a millisecond longer for Beca to answer due to Chloe's fingers tapping excitedly of their own accord on her upper arm, but she cleared her throat and gestured to the piano in the corner that she had written the song on four days ago.
"Yeah, on that piano actually." Beca shrugged as if it was no big deal, secretly hoping that if she didn't play it up then Chloe would move on, seeing as the song was about Chloe and it was already dangerous territory Beca was treading in. But, true to her excitable sunshine disposition and constant need to be Beca's biggest fan, Chloe pressed on.
"Oh my god, well now you HAVE to play it to me." She demanded, a sure smile on her face as she playfully punched Beca's bare shoulder. "It's the rules." She nodded, as if that logic was infallible. And to be honest, in a mixture of Chloe being so confident and Beca hanging onto every word Chloe ever said anyway, Beca believed her. It didn't stop her teasing her though.
"The rules?" Beca chuckled, an eyebrow raised as she watched Chloe's face morph from one of playful mischievous smiles and bright eyes to faux seriousness in the form of drawn eyebrows and a stare that Beca could feel going right through her.
"Totes." Was all that Chloe said, a single nod and crossing of her arms accompanying it. Beca narrowed her eyes for a second before rolling them when Chloe just raised her eyebrows expectedly. Beca was never one to say no to Chloe Beale and she wasn't about to start now.
"Eurgh, fine." Beca groaned, standing from the bed with a melodramatic grunt that was drowned out by Chloe clapping frantically. "But just remember that I don't even really play and it sounds so much better when Dag sings it." Beca sat at the piano, taking a second to position her hands and run through the structure in her mind. She took a breath and played the first chord.
Which she briefly cut off by turning back to Chloe.
"I haven't played for days. I don't know any of the harmonies either so it might sound a bit flat but-" Beca's rattled off excuses that were serving as a stalling mechanism were stopped short by Chloe laughing as she stood.
"Just play the song Mitchell!" She laughed, moving over to the small carry on bag she had left in the corner of Beca's suite before the event. She unzipped it before turning back to Beca who now sat dumbly on the chair at the piano watching her. "I'm going to get changed, I won't even be watching your piano playing. Get over yourself." She winked, doing nothing to help the icicle of nerves that ran through Beca's blood except maybe thaw them slightly with the red hot surge of attraction that always came with a wink like that from Chloe.
"Get over yourself." Beca repeated to herself under her breath as she turned back to the keys. She had never been nervous like this when performing around Chloe, with the exception of maybe her first audition to get into the Bellas but that could've been to do with the icepick daggers she could feel burning into her courtesy of Aubrey Posen. But Aubrey wasn't here now. She'd prefer it if she was. Because the song wasn't about Aubrey. She could sing the song to anyone else and it wouldn't matter, it would just be a song.
But she wasn't singing it to anyone, she was singing it to Chloe. Pouring her heart out whilst accompanying it with chords and harmonies. It was like putting her neck on a chopping block, except the one holding the axe wasn't a huge hulking executioner, it was a girl with red hair and eyes bluer than any tropical sea and a smile so sweet it'd give Hershey's a decent run for its money.
Beca knew which one would do more damage though.
She pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind, instead focusing on the scrawled lyrics that had remained propped up on the piano stand from when she first wrote it. Then, with a long breath and an inner pep talk, she began to play.
You hate that I usually don't open up
I know when I say it, it doesn't say enough
With you close, I'm the happiest I ever was
Beca cringed as the chords were stumbled over and the words came out shakier than intended due to nerves and a lack of practice over the last few days. Mostly though her mind was focused on what she was saying, over analysing whether the lyrics were specific enough to the girl she could hear getting changed behind her.
I tend to avoid getting emotional
I'm not shutting you out
It's just the way I'm born
But I see myself next to you until we're old
That wasn't specific, right? Beca shut everyone out, that wasn't just unique to one person. The seeing herself next to Chloe until they were old? Yeah, that was specific. Beca shook her head slightly, just focusing on playing the chords right for the chorus.
You know how they say you got the real thing
When nothing else matters
I love you like that
I love you like that
I love you like that
I love you, I love you
I love you like that
All I wanna say is I got the real thing
And nothing else matters
I love you like that
I love you like that
I love you like that
I love you, I love you
I love you like that
And yeah, it may not be the most creative thing ever written but it was a rare insight into the heart of Beca Mitchell, something she only revealed to people she trusted- people she loved. Her parents had seen the gold of her heart before they had divorced in a fiery split that put them on opposite sides of the world and Beca in the middle with not so much as a life jacket to help her float. The gold of her heart had been covered in a layer of tar right then and there and she had vowed to not let anyone else in for fear of further pollution.
She had managed to do that for ten or so years before arriving at Barden University, where a group of misfit acapella nerds who sang Mariah Carey chart toppers had managed to wiggle into the space in her ribcage and begin to clean that tar off with their kind smiles and stupid habits that Beca missed so much.
Then she had met Jesse. Jesse with his boyish charm and silly dances and desperate need to love her every minute of the day that he was with her. And for a while, she had let him. Let him in and showed him glimpses of that golden heart that she had long forgotten she possessed and been happy. Been really happy. But on the days where the tar covered her heart a little more than usual, making her standoffish and snappy, he had just given her a hurt puppy dog look as opposed to trying to accept it as part of her.
Maybe that was why he had dumped her and moved in with Little Miss We've Got A Cat.
She tried to be happy for him, she really did, but on the occasions he cropped up on her Instagram feed, on a date with Katie (Or Cady… Or Rachel… She never cared to actually find out.) or snuggled up with his cat in his little apartment, she couldn't help but feel her heart twinge with jealousy underneath it's thick coating of black.
But then there was Chloe. Chloe saw the tar, sure, but she saw the person that had put it there more. Saw Beca as her best friend. Moody and standoffish at times, angry and somewhat rude when she wanted to be. But Chloe didn't care. She'd just accepted them as tiny parts of Beca that made her a whole person and it had made Beca feel more love than she had in a while. Chloe was fresh air, clearing out the pollution in her heart and replacing it with warmth and allowing Beca to be a kinder, more loving person all over again. That gold had shone through a little more with every hug and kiss on the cheek and laugh and it made Beca apprehensive that it could take so much feeling all at once after being out of service for so long.
It turns out it could, but sometimes the feelings spilled over into tangible things: like post it notes with cheesy messages on them left on Chloe's lunch bag or necklaces that she couldn't really afford for Chloe's birthday just because the redhead had mentioned once when they were shopping that she liked it or songs declaring her love after weeks of being on opposite sides of the country.
I'm not always clever with the words I use
You want something deeper
Yeah I know you do
But right when I hold you, don't you know the truth
Beca carried on playing, fully dedicated to the words she was singing now. She had already started spilling her feelings through lyrics so she might as well try and make the song sound good to go along with them.
One look in my eyes
And you should know the truth
You should know the truth
Yeah, you
Beca paused on the line, partly to take a breath before the chorus but as she did, she was sure she heard Chloe take a breath of her own a few feet from behind Beca. But then again, that could've just been the echo of the tiles or the adrenaline rushing through Beca's ears.
You know how they say you got the real thing
When nothing else matters
I love you like that
I love you like that
I love you like that
I love you, I love you
I love you like that
All I wanna say is I got the real thing
And nothing else matters
I love you like that
I love you like that
I love you like that
I love you, I love you
I love you like that
She played the chorus again, this time attempting a counter melody on her right hand that she almost executed until she played a flat note that made her laugh nervously at her mistake, causing her to stumble over her words. She carried on regardless, singing the heartfelt words for another round before she realised there was no real way for the song to build without another singer or any other instruments.
Suddenly, she was hyper aware that the song was becoming repetitive without any extra parts, so she trailed off somewhat awkwardly in a way that pained her to do so as a musician, mumbling the last lines as she held a sustained chord that she let ring out before taking her hands from the keys and dropping them into her lap unceremoniously.
She cleared her throat, spinning around on the chair as she waved a hand in the air at nothing in particular.
"And then it just does that for another few times." Beca shrugged, picking at a loose thread on the leg of her jumpsuit. When Chloe didn't respond after a second, Beca sighed. "I don't know, it sounds cooler when it's not played by a shitty pianist on an equally shitty piano…" She continued with her umpteenth excuse of the night, ready to offload a whole catalogue more until she looked up to find Chloe stood looking at her.
She was half way changed, her boots now lying next to her bag and her jewellery lying atop them haphazardly. She was stood five or so feet away from Beca, barefoot and only wearing her black dress that Beca had been present for the purchase of a few months ago. She was smiling down at Beca, but less excitedly now. It was softer, more a smile of adoration or wistfulness than pride. Beca couldn't decide if the stirring it caused in her stomach was a good thing or not.
"I…" Chloe spoke, her voice sounding so quiet after the racket of the out of tune piano. She faltered for a second before sighing and trying again. "I love it."
Beca smiled back, not even bothering to deflect the compliment, knowing it would just cause a barrage more to try and convince her otherwise. Then she chuckled to herself as she thought of something lighter to break the tension in the air between them.
"Like that?" Beca joked with an exaggerated wink. Chloe didn't laugh though. Shit, Beca thought. Abort, abort.
"What?" Chloe asked, tilting her head to the side with a confused smile.
Beca mentally flailed for a second before plucking an answer from her scrambled brain, trying to avoid the intense gaze of blue eyes. "The song. Love you like that? It was a joke. A bad joke. Sorry." Beca stuttered, ending with a physical facial cringe as she heard her own words and realised just how lame the joke really was.
Chloe thought so too, if the laugh and roll of her eyes was anything to go by. Beca took it though; If it took making a fool of herself to make Chloe laugh then you bet that that is what she would do.
Chloe took off her last remaining ring and put it on a small side table before moving over to stand next to Beca, who watched as she reached out and picked up the piece of paper from the stand with delicate fingers, bringing it to her face so she could decipher the scrawling written upon it. Luckily, she was one of the few people in the world who could read Beca's awful handwriting, having to learn to after years of captaining a team together where a lot of annotating of arrangements and choreography had occurred.
Chloe walked away slowly, her eyes moving over the words and diagrams on the page, her bottom lip in between her teeth as she concentrated as it often was when she did so. She paced around the room once slowly, just reading, and Beca took the opportunity to get changed herself. She picked up the pyjamas that she had slept in the previous night up off the unmade bed where they had been since early that morning and was halfway across the room to the en suite when she heard Chloe talk.
"Who's it about?" Chloe asked simply, not tearing her eyes away from the paper, much to Beca's relief, who felt her eyes widen as the sensation of ice cold water being tipped on her flooded her body, shutting down every sense in her body temporarily as she thought of what to say to that question that wasn't just blurting out, "You."
It was then that she was extremely glad that she hadn't indulged in the complementary alcohol because two or three flutes of that champagne and she might just have let the confession slip.
"I, uh, no one." Beca replied, putting on as neutral a tone she could manage in her internal panic. It didn't sound convincing to her, but she just hoped that Chloe was too wrapped up in the words on the page to notice her.
"No one?" Chloe echoed, her eyes flitting up across the top of the paper to meet Beca's for a second. Beca couldn't tell if the question was a hopeful one or a curious one or a polite one- all she knew is that Chloe's eyes destroyed any semblance of thought in her brain to replace it with that bright icy blue and nothing else.
But then Chloe looked back down at the paper, breaking both eye contact and her hypnotic effect on Beca's brain, allowing the younger girl to think enough in order to answer the question she was asked. A question that was similar to one she was asked four or so days ago when she met Dagny for the first time in the little studio they had bonded in. Beca remembers being asked who it was about then and realised she had said no one then too. She knew how to follow up Chloe's further question seeing as she had done the same with Dagny the first time around. Beca laughed quietly at her own inside joke before she shrugged and answered, not taking her eyes off Chloe's face.
"My friend." Beca said.
Then she was shutting the door to the ensuite and leaning over the sink to try and rearrange her thoughts.
Was that a stupid thing to say? What had she done? Wait, friend could mean anyone, right? Not necessarily her. But then she would've said who it was about… Oh damn it, she'd really fucked it up.
Beca looked at herself in the mirror, shaking her head at herself. Nice one Mitchell, she thought. But as she really thought about it, she wasn't going to see Chloe for months after this. She had to make the most of her whilst she was still here because she was her best friend, a stupid little comment wouldn't ruin that in a matter of minutes.
Chloe wasn't like the other people she had let into her heart; Chloe would never break it.
It was that thought that had her scrabbling to get changed, desperate to squeeze the last few hours with her best friend for all they could be. She wanted to talk about their stupid poky Brooklyn apartment and how Chloe's vet school experience was going and what Chloe was going to have for lunch at the airport tomorrow when she left for New York.
Beca slipped (or more contorted) out of the black jumpsuit, hopping around the bathroom when it got caught around her ankle and somehow managing to stay upright when it finally came loose. She hung the outfit up on the hanger she had left on the back of the door earlier that day before she crossed the room and slipped the old crazy zig zag patterned t shirt she had been given for Christmas as a joke four years ago from Cynthia Rose over her head after painfully removing the copious amounts of boob tape still stuck to her chest. She swore under her breath with each sticky strip that was removed until it was balled up into a wad in her right hand that she promptly threw in the small bin. Then she pulled on her favourite plaid pyjama trousers and tied them up where the elastic was getting frayed with age and wear.
After washing her face, scrubbing until her cheeks were tinged a light pink and the sink was a sluice of the twenty or so cosmetic products that were on her face, Beca unpinned her hair and shook it loose, feeling comfortable for the first time in nearly 18 hours.
Then she realised that Chloe was on the other side of the door and that comfortable feeling went from more than just her body and straight to her heart.
She took in a final breath before unlocking the door and stepping back into the main room, the smell of Chloe's perfume being the first thing that found her senses. It was always the first thing that Beca would smell whenever walking into their tiny Brooklyn apartment and the familiarity of the whole situation made Beca do what she always did when at home- look around the room for Chloe.
She found her sat on the edge of the bed, dressed in her own pyjamas now in the form of Beca's old blue t shirt and some far too short to be allowed shorts. Her hair was hanging around her face as she looked down at the piece of paper she was still holding in her hands.
She was still reading the lyrics. Beca didn't really know what to make of that. Whether it was out of her typical 'I'm Beca's number one fan' attitude or because she was hoping to find some hidden meaning in there. There wasn't a hidden meaning, as far as Beca was aware; it was fairly obvious once you knew the subject matter.
Beca decided to just distract her in order to move onto more familiar ground where they could just talk and laugh and fall asleep next to each other as they always did, not wanting the last night they would have together for too long to be filled with silent wonderings and what ifs.
Beca got onto her side of the bed before clambering the short distance over to Chloe at the end of the mattress, where she knelt next to her best friend. Chloe didn't even acknowledge her, her eyes still fixed down on the paper in her hands. Beca sat back on her feet, just looking at Chloe for a second. Then she reached out and squeezed Chloe's shoulder gently.
"Come on Chlo, let's go to bed." Beca said quietly, just like she had done nearly every night for the last two and a half years and it's like nothings changed. Even though everything had changed. Beca being in LA, the two of them being proper adults, facing the world alone for the first time in seven years- everything was different. But here in this moment, it's the same as it's always been- the two of them, in the same apartment with Beca telling Chloe to get into bed.
It's still Beca in love with Chloe, climbing into a shared bed, ready to fall asleep together and settle for just being close if it meant keeping her feelings hidden.
After a good ten seconds or so, Chloe hadn't moved a muscle. Beca sighed and rubbed her hand up and down Chloe's shoulder blade in an effort to get her to tear her attention away from the paper in her hands. She felt Chloe breathe in on her hand's third journey of the bone.
"Chloe?" Beca asked, a little louder this time, her thumb tracing a non sensical pattern on Chloe's shoulder. "You've got to feel this mattress. After that damn pullout it's just-" Beca started to joke, hoping that Chloe would turn around with a laugh and clamber into the bedsheets with her. But she was stopped short by Chloe.
"Is it about me?"
Beca almost missed the question. Was so shocked at the unexpectedness of it that she almost didn't believe the question had been asked. Felt the tar covering her heart turn to instant ice as the question sank in.
"What? I, uh, I don't-" Beca stammered, her brain not being able to form a coherent sentence if it tried. It was too busy screeching and sounding every emergency siren in it's arsenal, telling Beca to get out, get out of this potentially life threatening situation and run as far as her little legs could carry her. She tried to shut off the alarm in her head, desperately searching for a sentence that would help in the current situation. Just as she was beginning to think of something, her logic was thrown off kilter again by Chloe moving suddenly to turn and face her. Her wide blue eyes were alight with something that Beca had only ever seen a handful of times in the seven years she's known Chloe- true right to the bone terror.
"I might be totally wrong and honestly if I am you can just say no and we don't ever have to speak about it again, we can pretend this conversation never ever happened." Chloe rambled breathlessly, swallowing back what sounded like the beginning of tears before she continued. "But I need to know before I go back to Brooklyn and try and start life without you… Is it about me?" She finished her little speech without choking on any of her words, just about, but Beca could see from this close up the tears that pricked the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill out depending on what Beca said next.
But Beca couldn't think. She was too busy trying to get her breathing back to a normal human rate and ignore the ringing in her head where the alarms had stopped shrieking. But that was only because Beca's head had packed in all together. It was almost like she had forgotten every word she had ever learnt in lieu of remembering the little speech Chloe had just delivered- as if those words were the only ones in human history that had ever mattered.
And honestly to Beca, they might be.
After a long silence of Beca staring at Chloe and Chloe staring right back, her eyes searching Beca's for any clue, Beca felt herself nod almost imperceptibly, too nervous to actually speak.
Time trickled by like treacle as Beca counted every single shade of blue in Chloe's eyes, just waiting for Chloe to say something- anything. But nothing came. No change in her wide eyed nervous expression and the terror in her eyes began to make Beca's palms itch where she was so unnerved that Chloe could be feeling such strong fear of her- moody, average looking, overall not worth the trouble Beca Mitchell.
Beca could only take the silent staring for another three seconds before she decided that she would have to be the one to say something or they would be here until one of them went insane or cried or both. So, she cleared her throat and nodded again, more sure this time. Well, more sure in her nod but she had never been so unsure of a sentence as the one that left her lips.
"I, well… Yeah. Sorry." Beca mumbled, feeling tears of her own burning the back of her retinas. Chloe didn't react beyond a short exhale of a breath that she had been holding. And then turned back away from Beca to look down at the paper in her hands again.
Beca felt her ice chilled heart thumping in nerves, the pounding of it the loudest Beca thinks she's ever heard it- even after doing triple cardio at rehearsals back in college. Beca dropped her gaze to her lap, not wanting to see the sympathetic smile on Chloe's face when she turned around and had to let Beca down lightly and politely as she could. She couldn't have that, she couldn't have Chloe feeling sorry for her, not for their last night.
"It doesn't have to mean anything. Like it's just a dumb song that I wrote in like a half hour. It doesn't have to-"
She didn't get any further than that.
Chloe launched herself at her, their lips connecting clumsily and messily for a half a second before they tumbled backwards onto the bedspread, landing in a pile where Beca and her reflexes weren't prepared for impact. Chloe bumped her forehead into Beca's chin and they both laughed for a long moment until Chloe pulled back to look at Beca in the eyes. And there's something else alight in Chloe's eyes that Beca has only ever seen right here and right now but before she has a chance to decipher it, Chloe leant down and kissed Beca firmly.
Beca felt her breath hitch, heard it in the unattractive gulp inhale she took in between soft kisses that made Chloe giggle. Chloe's lips were warm and tasted of her perfume and vanilla and something so Chloe that Beca felt her brain be overwhelmed by it. She felt Chloe graze her teeth over her bottom lip before replacing it with a quick swipe of her tongue. It's amazing and makes Beca's brain feel like it's flying and god, it's everything Beca had ever wanted and why had she waited so long to do this?
As they carried on, Beca's brain finally caught up and the logical side came back online just to scream "You're kissing Chloe Beale! Kiss her back! Do it better!" and for the first time that night, Beca was grateful for the help her head was providing her, as she slid one hand in red hair as the other came to rest on Chloe's waist before using both to tug Chloe closer to her and kiss her back with all four years of wanting to do so, eliciting a happy sigh from Chloe that she felt flutter across face.
After a minute, they broke apart from necessity of oxygen rather than choice. It didn't stop Chloe from ducking her head down from Beca's lips, to press kisses in between heavy breaths of her own as she tried to catch her breath and giddy laughs of disbelief that Beca felt vibrate across the skin of her neck every time they sounded from Chloe's mouth. Chloe kissed Beca's neck and Beca could feel the curve of Chloe's smile there. Beca's hands fell to Chloe's thighs that were still bracketing her where Chloe had straddled her hips from where they'd tumbled over earlier.
And it was weird. Because every other time this scenario- Chloe straddling, no pinning, Beca on a bed whilst kissing her neck- had played out in Beca's head (which was a lot. Like. A looooot.) it had been different than this. In her imagination, it had been hot and heavy, more often wearing clothes a bit sexier than their oldest and comfiest pyjamas- or no clothes at all, most of the time- and after she snapped back to reality with a blush she had had to check over her shoulder just to make sure that no one knew what she had just been thinking about.
What it hadn't been was this. Where Chloe laughed between innocent and reverent kisses to soft skin as Beca cried in relief, hot tears spilling over her cheeks and landing in Chloe's hair. Beca's body shook as she sobbed happily and she was sure she felt Chloe doing something similar until she stopped kissing her just so the two of them could lie there with their arms wrapped around the other as tight as possible.
Beca pressed kisses to whatever part of Chloe she could reach as they lay there until her tears stopped and were replaced with a grin of happiness and disbelief.
There was a long moment as Chloe sniffed her last few tears in the juncture between Beca's shoulder and neck, interspersing the attempts to stop crying with more soft kisses to Beca's skin. And in that long moment, Beca had a sudden stab to her rapidly thawing heart as she remembered what had happened at the end of the USO tour.
Chicago.
Chloe had kissed him, hadn't she? Beca remembered watching it, a grimace on her face no matter how hard she tried to hide it. She also remembered crying about it in her hotel room later but that was a whole different thing.
And as amazing as it was feeling Chloe kiss her and hug her and just be with her, Beca couldn't let it go due to how her brain had betrayed her again and planted the image of the soldier and the redhead kissing in her mind over and over until the thoughts spilt out into murmured concerns.
"Hey, Chlo." Beca said quietly, as her fingers ran through Chloe's hair. She could come to regret her next sentence and she knew that as the words left her mouth. "What about Chicago?"
There was a long moment of silence before Chloe retreated from her place at Beca's neck and propped herself up with her left hand so her face hovered a foot or so from Beca's. She smiled softly down at the girl lying underneath her and Beca couldn't help but notice the way her throat bobbed as she swallowed nervously. Beca steeled herself for whatever Chloe was about to say, but to her surprise, Chloe just shook her head.
Beca didn't know quite what that meant. Did it mean he didn't matter? Or don't mention him for now? Or any other of the plethora of negative thoughts that infected Beca's brain right in that instance with that one simple motion.
Beca tried to push those negative thoughts away, attempting to anchor herself in the soft curve of Chloe's smile, but she couldn't help how her features stayed contorted in a worried frown as she scanned her eyes over Chloe's face. They lingered on Chloe's lips for a few seconds and Chloe must have caught on to it as before Beca could take a preparatory breath, she had leant down and captured Beca's lips with her own.
Beca's pulse fluttered as Chloe kissed her with all the passion she was sure the older girl could muster, a hand coming up to cup Beca's cheek and a thumb brushing softly along her cheekbone as she seemed to get across her reassurance of reciprocated feelings just by using her lips.
Chloe pulled away again after a while, but her hand stayed put as her thumb still traced a slow path along Beca's cheekbone. She looked down at Beca whilst she smiled sadly and Beca felt her heart simultaneously swell and break at the expression.
"I thought you didn't… I don't know…" Chloe sighed, her words trailing off before she leant down to kiss Beca briefly and firmly on the lips. She pulled back again but only an inch or so this time as her next words were murmured close enough to Beca's skin for Beca to feel each syllable. "Six years is a long time to wait."
The words sat heavy in Beca's stomach.
Six years. She'd liked her for six years? Six years?! And Beca knows she should say something, but her brain is just a constant loop of Sixyearssixyearssixyears. So she just stared up, shocked into silence. Until eventually, after ten or so seconds, she found her voice.
"Six years?!" She shouted accidentally, her shocked mind bypassing the volume filter and going straight for 11. Chloe flinched back in shock at the sudden volume change, after the last five minutes had been all soft and quiet confessions and kissing but laughed loudly at it nonetheless because it's Beca being her old ridiculous self and Beca has always been the one to make her laugh hardest, no matter what. As Beca spluttered something along the lines of "Six years, wha- six years?!", still staring up in disbelief, Chloe finally sat up even if her knees remained either side of Beca's thighs.
Beca followed her instantly, sitting up with her. She grabbed at her back both in an effort to keep her still and to prevent her clambering off Beca so she can kiss her again with an almost pathetic desperation. The kisses were quick and clumsy and Beca tried to get as many in as she could, as if she was making up for six years- six years?!- of wasted time.
"You've liked me for six years and you didn't tell me?!" Was what Beca said disbelievingly through kisses, not even bothering to stop the kisses long enough to get the words out fully, choosing instead to mumble them against Chloe's lips. Not that Chloe cared as she kissed back with equal fervour as her arms wrapped around Beca's neck to pull her closer.
When Beca got out her last word, Chloe stopped kissing her for a second, and Beca felt her chuckling when she chased her lips.
"No." Chloe shook her head slightly. Then she leant forward and kissed Beca softly. Beca didn't move as Chloe retracted just far enough that her lips still brushed Beca's. "I've loved you for six but whatever." Chloe smiled against her lips.
And really, Beca should've kissed her. Told her she loved her too. Because of course she does, loves the bones of her. But because it was Beca 'Terrible With Human Emotions' Mitchell, she snapped her head back to stare at Chloe, mouth rudely agape. Chloe stared back, an amused smile playing on her features.
"Chloe!" Beca yelped, her eyebrows raised to her hairline as she tightened her grip on Chloe's waist to pull her closer.
"What?" Chloe asked knowingly, a grin on her face now as she pushed the hair from Beca's face with both hands before she framed Beca's face with them. Beca shivered slightly at the action but ignored it to carry on with what she was saying.
"You can't just say stuff like that!" Beca protested, her volume controls still up a little too high considering that it was 4am and Chloe was literally in her lap. Chloe laughed, both her thumbs running gently across Beca's flushed cheeks.
"Why not?" She questioned teasingly. Beca watched as Chloe's eyes flitted across her face before landing on her lips. Her eyes didn't move as Beca spoke either.
"Because that means we could've been kissing and in love and shit for four years!" Beca blurted, her heart pounding as Chloe's eyes met hers. Her feelings were out there now, for Chloe to do with as she wanted. Chloe just smiled, inhaling slightly as she let one of her thumbs run lightly along Beca's bottom lip.
"Well," Beca watched her eye line drop back to her lips as she spoke. "Why don't you just get on with it now instead then Mitchell?" She challenged before leaning down to capture Beca's lips again.
And this time, when Chloe kissed her neck, it was a bit more in line with the scenarios that had played out in Beca's head for the last four years- only the real thing was so much better.
