Title: Third Wheel Thoughts.

Author: AspergianStoryteller.

Genre: Humor.

Summary: Feeling like a third wheel gives you time to think of the silliest things. Inspired by the chain. By the way, I haven't read much DN fanfiction so if someone's already done this idea, I swear I didn't copy it on purpose and please tell me so I can remove this. Don't own Death Note.

Rattle. Slurp. Rattle. Munch. Munch.

'You're going to rot your teeth at this rate, L.'

Munch 'Don't worry about my teeth Light-Kun. I brush them every day and night.'

'Then what about your body? All the sugar you consume can't be good for you. I'm surprised you're not overweight.'

'I have a fast metabolism Light-Kun,' L countered. He put the now empty saucer back down on the coffee table and picked up his tea cup.

Misa was envious. If she ate as many lollies and cakes as L did, she'd be rather fat. Some people were just so lucky.

'I wonder how many apples it'd take to make me fat?...' and there was Ryuk drifting along by the ceiling.

Misa and Light were having, or rather, trying to have a date in her hotel room but L was forced to accompany them on account of him and Light being chained together. It was quite annoying. She and Light couldn't have their date in privacy and the boys spent half the time bickering intellectually! Sometimes it was like babysitting two little smart-ass genius kids. At least they weren't insulting being loud or throwing stuff though.

'You go on about my body and eating habits,' L was saying now, 'I'm sure you must have a guilty habit to indulge in.'

'If this another attempt to verify me further as a Kira suspect-'

'Not at all. I mean that we all have our little guilty pleasures and mine is a sweet tooth. What's yours?'

'I don't indulge in unhealthy eating or time-wasting activities.' Light sounded smug.

'Yeah right Light-Kun. I bet there's something.'

'Well, you can rule out sex,' Ryuk said from above. 'The porn you "caught" him reading was just a cover up. The boy has no life. I wonder if he's asexual actually?...'

I hope not... Misa thought.

Light struggled to keep his eye from twitching as the shinigami's comments reached his ears.

'Geeze you're vulgar Ryuk,' Rem said from her spot by the wall.

'... You've been handcuffed to me for days now, L. You've seen what I get to, or don't get up to. I don't waste time on pointless things.'

'Having fun isn't pointless Light-Kun, it's good for you. You listen to music sometimes yes?'

'So says the workaholic, but yes, I do listen to music.'

'There you see?'

I feel like a third wheel...

'At least my hobby isn't sugar loaded. If you loose a tooth I'm going to laugh at you.'

'You know Light-Kun, the way you go on about that you sound like a mom, or like you're interested in my body.'

This time Light's eye did twitch, rather violently. Misa choked on her tea and faintly she heard the shinigami chuckling. L just perched on his couch with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

'As if I'd be even remotely interested in your scrawny body L,' Light said, regaining his composure. 'Especially not when I have Misa.'

Aww, Light... Misa's heart swelled with happiness when her boyfriend said this.

'That's so sweet of you Light-Kun.' L wore a small smile. 'And Misa-San, forgive us for ignoring you. We do get caught up in our chatting. How are you liking your tea?'

'It's nice L.' L was pretty sweet to sometimes. If she wasn't in love with Light, Misa might have chosen him. 'And you're forgiven.' Actually, maybe she ought to hook him up! There were a few single girls she knew that would adore L. And a few boys, if he swung that way...

Rattle.

The sound of the chain swing as the detective refilled his tea cup caught Misa's attention. Her gaze wandered along it length connecting the boys. Boys. Chain... An idea floated into Misa's mind idly. Vague at first, then growing clearer and more distinct until an image stuck in there. L and Light. Chained together... Making use of the chain... Oh my goodness.

'Misa-San? Are you alright? Your face has gone red.'

L's voice reached Misa, and put together with the picture in her head made her blush intensify.

'I'm fine!' She squeaked. The girl quickly grabbed a chocolate biscuit to occupy herself.

Light studied his girlfriend's profile. A red face, nervousness, nervous giggling? She sounded like a school girl in close proximity to a boy she fancied. But Misa doesn't giggle around me, not any more at least. Thankfully. Surely not L? He sneaked a glance at the detective, then at Misa again. L leaned forward slightly as he also observed the girls suddenly different behaviour.

Rattle.

A giggle escaped. Now the boys looked at the chain linking them across the table and back at Misa, who wasn't meeting their gazes.

A few feet away, Ryuk started giggling himself. 'Rem, check it out. Can you guess what she's thinking about?'

'Ku ku ku...'

Hearing this, it suddenly hit Light. He went pink. Oh no, she's thinking about that? I'm never going to hear the end it if the others think of this.

'By the look on your face, I take it you've figured it out?'

I am not telling L what perverse and ludicrous idea got into her empty head. Light thought. How could she possibly even consider that? There's no way. Even if we are chained together 24/7, and have to share a bathroom, and bedroom...

'Well, um,'

'It's just a silly girly idea L. Nothing to concern yourself with.'

Oh my god, he's even behaving like it!

'Ha ha ha, the signs are all there Light! Are you gonna ravage the poor detective in his sleep? Keep him as your pet when you rule the world?' Ryuk crowed.

'Don't overreact Ryuk. You're an embarrassment to shinigami. Not that there aren't even more pathetic specimens out there...'

'You're so mean Rem. Almost as bad Light.'

Light twitched again. See if he gave that annoying entity any apples this week! Or next week!

'Go on. What's so funny? Don't leave me out.'

She really shouldn't. Light would be mad. She wouldn't be able to look him in the eye again. But the curiosity was burning. 'Um, are you two really chained together all the time?'

Light face palmed. Don't answer her L. Please, just don't...

'We are. Light-Kun is under my constant supervision so the chain stays on every day and night.'

Misa made an odd sound and went so red her ears were lit up prettily.

'Oh.' L finally got it, and now sported a faint pink blush, and Ryuk's cackles echoed throughout the room.

XXX xxx XXX

In the workroom, Matsuda was watching the whole thing while laughing his ass off. 'Ha ha ha! Hey! Can I have a copy of this tape?'

The other Kira case workers just shook their heads in embarrassment and held back smiles.

'I thought this was boring, but things just got interesting! What do you think will happen next? Does anyone actually watch what they do at night chained up like that?'

Soichiro tried to ignore Matsuda and be glad that he couldn't bring his daughter here for "Bring Your Kid To Work Day."

XXX xxx XXX

What do you think? Did I put too much in? Thanks for reading!