Title: Trigger Happy
Author: Megara79
Series: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating: K+
Summary: After an impressive amount of Temporal Prime Directive breakage, Voyager is suddenly back in the AQ, where a trigger happy Captain Janeway confronts her first officer with his new blonde. Carnage, revelations and resolutions ensues, with the Doctor thrown in for good measure.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Thanks to: Evil Shall Giggle, my very own personal trigger happy beta, who always manages to fire at the appropriate time! :D
"Captain!" The shocked voice of the EMH sounded through the room. "Put the phaser down and step away from the first officer!"
"A compelling argument!" Chakotay yelped from where he was standing behind the head of the biobed, hands raised in a vain gesture of peace and self-protection. He tried to ignore the rather unmanly way his voice had squeaked on the last word. There was no reason for hysterics. She was a reasonable woman, albeit with a will of steel and a phaser in hand, but she was still his best friend, a good officer, and not prone to shooting unarmed men in the face.
Or at least he didn't think she was.
Janeway was eerily calm as she addressed the hologram, eyes never leaving the unfortunate commander. "Doctor, if the next thing out of your mouth isn't something in the liking of 'I'll be in my office' so help me God I'm going to decompile your programme quicker than you can say safety buffers."
"You wouldn't!" The Doctor's chest puffed up in indignation.
"Try me." Her glacier voice told the hologram, in no uncertain terms, that this might be a good time to bid a hasty farewell.
He only weighed his options for a nanosecond.
"Commander, I'm afraid you're on your own." He hoped he'd managed to make his voice sound apologetic, but he wasn't counting on it. At this point it was every man—or hologram—for himself, and the EMH had become quite fond of his life and well-established sub-routines. Besides, it wasn't like the captain would actually shoot the man.
Fingers crossed.
"Traitor!" Chakotay snapped after the retreating EMH, before facing the woman on the other side of the biobed. Silence reigned for a moment, and he tried to smile. Her eyes narrowed and he quickly spoke in an attempt to distract her from the breach of propriety his facial muscles seemed to be accused of. Apparently this was no laughing matter.
"Listen, Kathryn—"
"Oh, don't you Kathryn me!"
He actually took a step backwards. It was not one of his proudest moments.
"Just think of what you're doing Kath—Captain," he pleaded, taking a step to the left, keeping the distance between them as she moved around the corner of the bed. "You don't want to kill me. You like me, remember?"
"At this particular point in time I wouldn't put credits on either of those assumptions."
He was, for the umpteenth time, struck with the woman's uncanny ability to strike fear in her enemies, or in this case, unsuspecting victims, and he took another step to the left. He fought the urge to shudder and tried to rack his brain for the possible reason of her anger. For all intents and purposes she should be a happy woman. She should be thrilled, even! After the most intense week of their journey, time-travelling Admirals and all, Voyager was now orbiting Earth. They were home, and it was only a matter of days before the crew would disembark and be on their merry way. He had expected her to ecstatic, tired, maybe a bit weepy, but not livid, and certainly not with him. He briefly wondered if she might be having some sort of breakdown, but he wasn't able to explore that option any further as she took another step towards him. He swallowed hard and skipped to the left.
Oh yes. There was no doubt about it. He was a man's man.
"Of all the dim-witted, moronic, unintelligent things you could have done, this takes the proverbial cake!"
"I'm not following." And he really wasn't. He had done some foolish things in his day, but at the present nothing particularly idiotic came to mind. She shamelessly ignored his plea for clarification.
"I've been going over this in my mind, telling myself that she couldn't possibly be right."
"Who?"
"It was just another ploy to get me to do her bidding," she continued, gesticulating with her phaser-free hand as she spoke. "Then I told myself that it really didn't matter. After all, the timeline's been corrupted. Whatever happened in hers will not happen in ours."
It was beginning to dawn on him. She was talking about the Admiral. Now that had been a treat neither of them had foreseen.
"And it's not like you'd told me. I was convinced I had nothing to worry about, because surely my best friend wouldn't keep something like that from me. I even tried to convince myself that you and I had some sort of understanding, that we both knew things would be different once we reached Earth." Her voice was low and shaking with poorly concealed fury. If only the hand holding the phaser had been shaking as much, he might've had a chance to over-power her before she could pull the trigger.
"I guess in the end, I should have realised that I was asking too much. I've been too wrapped up in protocols…"
He zoned out when he heard her mention protocols. She'd been quoting protocols for the duration of the seven years he'd know her, and zoning out had become a well-practiced defence mechanism. Instead he concentrated on keeping his distance. They kept dancing their little dance around the biobed, and he was struck with the image of a lioness on the hunt, her actions controlled and calculated, just waiting for the right moment to pounce.
"…but to think that you'd actually…"
He watched her chest move with each irate breath, her blue eyes blazing. She was still wearing her uniform, but the jacket had been left behind, and the tight fitting turtleneck was doing its best to keep him distracted from what she was saying. He closed his eyes briefly, trying his hardest to pay attention.
"…of all people you could possibly land on, you choose…"
He visualised her muscles tensing in preparation for the kill, and he had to lick his lips. An unmistakable stirring in his pants made him clear his throat, and the glare it evoked only served to arouse him further. 'Focus!' he told himself. This was not the time to start thinking with the wrong head. He saw her lips move, but didn't quite catch what she was saying. "Pardon?" he croaked.
"Seven!" she repeated.
"Seven?" he questioned. What did Seven have to do with anyth—
Oh crap.
"I mean, yes, your penchant for blondes is legendary by now, but Seven?"
"I—"
"You've hardly said a civil word to her over the years, and now all of a sudden you're dating?"
"We—"
"You wanted to airlock her, for crying out loud!"
"She—"
"What in hell were you thinking?"
The concerned voice of the EMH put an effective stop to her tirade. "Is everything ok out there?"
In hindsight, Chakotay had to admit that it probably hadn't been one of his brightest moments. He'd watched Kathryn's head whip in the general direction of the Doctor, telling the hologram to get his photon-manufactured behind back into his office. Seizing the opportunity her momentary lack of concentration had offered, he'd put an end to his continuous move to the left, and lunged for her.
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion after that: tresses of auburn hair swished leisurely across her cheeks as her attention diverted back to her first officer.
The Doctor, looking like he was running through molasses, making his sluggish way towards them, his contorted voice sailing through the air, "No!"
Her pupils languorously dilating in realisation of what her XO was trying to do.
His own slothful attempt to back away, belatedly realising that he wouldn't reach her in time.
The yellow beam, inching its way towards him before connecting with his chest.
The last thing he saw before he slumped against the bed was her blue eyes widening in panic, and then the world faded to black.
A groan escaped him as the world slowly filtered back into focus. He felt like he'd been kicked in the chest by a mule. His memory stirred; a ginger mule, to be precise. He shifted, wincing as the movement sent ripples of pain through his upper body. Grunting, he thought to himself that this was it. He was going to kill her. Clench his fists around that creamy neck of hers and squeeze until she slumped against him. Lifting his arm, he rubbed at the spot on his neck where the hypospray had connected and forced him back to the land of the living. Oh yes, there was no doubt about it.
She was a dead captain!
"Ah, Commander. You're awake." A hand holding a tricorder moved into his line of vision, shortly followed by the dour face of the EMH. "How are you feeling?"
"Like I've just been phasered by a mad-woman," Chakotay growled, his index finger carefully prodding his bare, and impressively, sore chest.
"I prefer Captain Mad-Woman," Kathryn quipped from somewhere off to his left, and he gritted his teeth
"Yes, well—" said the Doctor, "—you can rest assured that Captain Mad-Woman has relinquished her weapon, and you, Commander, will suffer nothing more than as slight chest ache for the next couple of days."
"A slight chest ache?" It didn't feel slight to him.
"I'm sure you've had worse, Commander, especially considering your affinity for crashing my Delta Flyers," Came Janeway's voice again.
His anger simmered at her words. Dead, deceased, departed, she could take her pick. Any of those D's were going to apply to her not too long from now. Moving into an upright position, he saw her sitting on the bed next to his, legs dangling over the side and hands phaser-free.
"Hello." The radiant smile that accompanied her greeting could have lit an auditorium and his breath involuntarily caught. Then his eyes narrowed. There was only one thing that provoked a smile like that.
Guilt!
"You shot me." His voice was dangerously low and he took great satisfaction in the fact that her lovely smile faltered with each word.
"No," she corrected, sounding astonishingly confident considering the wavering look in her eye. "I stunned you."
"You shot me." he repeated, his voice echoing throughout the room. She quickly jumped to her feet and hurried to the opposite side of her biobed as he moved to stand.
"Captain, Commander—" The Doctor was unceremoniously cut off.
"The phaser was on the lowest possible setting."
"You shot me!" He headed towards her, but she neatly sprang to the right and away from him.
"I didn't mean to!"
"And that's supposed to make it all better?" Ignoring his protesting muscles, he quickly rounded the corner of the bed, but she kept on jogging to the right and he missed her.
"I really don't understand why you're being so sensitive about this. It's not like you haven't been phasered before." Kathryn huffed.
"You shot me!"
"Oh for heaven's sake, Chakotay. It didn't even break the skin."
"Didn't even—" He drew his breath in an attempt to quell his fury. "Thanks to you and your overdeveloped trigger finger, I'm sporting a bruise the size of Arizona on my chest!" Chakotay pointed, unnecessarily, at the contusion covering the better part of his left pectoral.
Her eyes darted to where he was pointing, and she quickly licked her lips.
"And it's a very lovely chest," she offered, trying to put some levity into the situation.
His hand shot out to grab her but she gracefully leaped away. The movement made him groan and he rubbed his chest.
"Commander, please…" started the EMH, but the glare from the other man left nothing to the imagination, and the hologram closed his mouth. Again, he only needed a nanosecond to decide on his options. His attention turned to the captain and he jutted out his chin, "Sorry Captain, it looks like we've had a reversal of power here. I regret to inform you that this time around you're the one who appears to be on your own." He turned on his heel and shot in the direction of his office. Chakotay could have sworn he heard him mutter something about 'juvenile behaviour' before disappearing out of sight.
"Listen Chakotay," Janeway started, raising her hands in an attempt to placate the advancing commander. "I'm sorry I accidentally shot you, but what did you expect, pouncing on me like that? It was pure reflex. I would never shoot you on purpose. I like you, remember?"
He scowled at having his own words repeated back to him and jumped towards her.
Slippery little woman. She got away again.
"As I remember it, you didn't seem to hold any faith on that particular assumption twenty minutes ago."
"Chakotay, please. Let's talk about this rationally, okay?"
"Rationally, huh? Try this on for size: You, my dear Captain, would have pulled that trigger whether I'd lunged for you or not."
She almost stopped at that. His arm shot towards her, jolting her back into motion and she scurried away. "I certainly would not have! I really don't know where this prickly demeanour of yours is coming from."
"Prickly? Prickly?" He could practically feel his jugular pulsing and a low growl escaped him. Squeeze until she slumped against him! "Of all the women in all the Quadrants I have to end up with the most infuriating, pig-headed, stubborn, frustrating—"
"Careful, Commander," Janeway warned. He ignored her and thundered on.
"—wilful and unruly one there is. And to make matters worse, I not only have to work with her, oh no, I damn well have to be in love with her too. Did you ever think to just come out and ask me about Seven? Maybe tell me that our relationship bothered you this much? If you had I could have told you that we broke up about a minute and a half after Earth appeared in the view screen because suddenly the prospect of you and I didn't seem so farfetched. Had you acted like any other rational human being I would have been able to tell you that though I might have managed to fall in love with Seven in time, it simply doesn't matter. We're home and protocol is about to lose its power. I'll be damned if I let you slip away without even trying to see what this thing between us really is. All you had to do was ask, Kathryn. But no, you just storm in here with your phaser drawn, sporting a bad attitude, and regardless of any action on my part you would have pulled that trigger, because me being with someone else just managed to piss you off that much!"
"I—"
"What?"
"I—"
"Well?"
She bumped into the corner of the biobed, stumbled backwards, and he finally managed to get a hold of her. Yanking her towards him, he glared into her eyes, challenging her for an answer.
She swallowed hard, but managed to keep her voice remarkably firm. "You're in love with me?"
"Not at this very moment, I'm not!"
"But you tend to be? When I'm not carrying a phaser and a bad attitude?"
"What do you think?" he growled before his lips were on hers, his body pressing hers into the biobed.
She hardly had any time to process what was happening before her lips parted and his tongue crashed against hers. His hands which had been pinning hers to her side, moved up her arms until his thumbs brushed against her trachea. He briefly considered going with his initial instinct and squeezing, but who was he trying to kid? Exasperating as she might be, she was hungrily kissing him back, biting his lower lip, licking at it, and though he'd probably feel a momentary flash of satisfaction at her slumped body, he knew he'd kick himself for it later and that was the most maddening thing of all.
"Damn woman," he muttered into her mouth, his thumbs moving away from her windpipe.
Coming to the conclusion that while silence was golden it could also be the telltale sign that his commanding officers had actually managed to kill each other, the Doctor dared himself to venture out of his office. He hadn't been all that prepared for the sight that met him, and the words slipped out before he could stop them, "People, please! This is a sickbay, not a motel!"
The pair against the biobed broke apart, both breathing hard. The Doctor backpedalled fast as two sets of death glares bore into him like photon torpedoes. "On the other hand, we are back in the Alpha Quadrant now. Who knows what'll happen to Voyager."
"How about heading back to your office again?" Janeway suggested.
"She has a point." Chakotay agreed.
"Well, look who's suddenly singing the same note." Again the words tumbled out before he could stop them, and the Doctor briefly wondered which of his subroutines had suddenly developed a death wish. His eyes widened as he saw Chakotay put a restraining arm around an advancing Janeway, and he hurried back into his office.
"He has Tuvok's impeccable timing." Kathryn mumbled, before becoming aware of the hand splayed against her stomach. It tugged at her and she almost immediately found herself pressed up against the biobed again, facing her XO.
"I'm sorry I phasered you," she offered.
"I'm sorry I nearly choked you."
"Nearly choked me?"
"I had an urge," he shrugged.
"And?"
"It was overpowered by another."
"Ah." She was acutely aware of his erection pressing against her and looked down.
His laughter bounced through the room and she gazed back up at him, one eyebrow raised. "I was thinking more along the line of the whole being in love with you scenario, but that urge—" he rocked his pelvis against her, "—probably had a say in it as well."
From his office the Doctor huffed indignantly. He could hear laughter, which had to be a good sign. At least they weren't ripping each others throats out. He wondered how long he would have to stay in here. He didn't appreciate being confined to his office, and he didn't appreciate the idea of what was going on on the other side of the wall. He was happy for the pair, but he preferred to be happy from afar. From very, very afar. Sighing, he decided to deactivate himself. The last thing he thought before glimmering out of existence was that if they weren't done by the time he reactivated, phasers, ex-Borg and carpet burns would be the least of their worries. A hologram could only stand so much and Captain Janeway wasn't the only one who could wield a phaser and a bad attitude.
The end