Phoenix Rising

Part I: Slow Burn

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: JJ/Emily

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. I just like writing about it.

Summary: While walking along snowy streets, a stranger helps to open Emily's eyes to get her into the holiday spirits.

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The holidays were just around the corner and with a blanket of white covering the world, Emily Prentiss of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit, should have been content to stay at home, indoors, but she felt herself growing listless, anxious. The dark brunette was usually happy wrapping up a case Friday nights then going out with her team, but the out-of-office interactions with her family-like unit had been few and far between as of late. All her teammates had lives now apparently. Penelope Garcia, the unit's tech guru, normally orchestrated the events, but the quirky blonde had recently found herself in a budding new romance that swept her off her feet and away from the team. Derek Morgan, the handsome, headstrong partner of Emily's who was always ready for any night out, was increasing his diligence and self-control. Emily supposed he was trying to settle his life some. Even nerdy Spencer Reid had found a new passion: mastering an instrument. Emily had presented the young genius with a violin for his birthday and he was determined to play at the unit's holiday party. And Rossi and Hotch? Well, Emily knew they were too devoted to their work (hunting down those serial killers) to even being to realize it was the holiday season.

One of the few people spreading the holiday spirit however, was the last person Emily wanted to think of. Unbidden, her mind wandered to their press liaison, Jennifer (JJ to her friends) Jareau. As Emily's thoughts filled with images of the beautiful blonde, she found herself yet again regretting her solitude. For years, no one had been able to get under the brunette's skin like JJ had done in just mere moments. Being an Ambassador's daughter had taught Emily to be wary of the kindness of strangers, and yet, there was something in the blonde's eyes that told of only friendliness and love. Her kindness was genuine, something that Emily was not used to and she didn't know how to react to the blonde's smiles, her soft, fleeting touches and her whispers of maybe, just maybe something else. She knows it sounds foolish, even wishful, to think that the beautiful blonde could feel even half of what she felt whenever JJ was near. She knew her feelings could not and would not be reciprocated.

Pulling her coat tight around her, she sighed. It was stupid, she knew, to fall for a coworker, even stupider to fall for a straight, female coworker. Emily knew better than to question her heart though, for she believed the heart was often smarter than the mind on certain matters. Now, however, she had to admit, she was feeling pretty foolish.

Even more foolish was walking through downtown Washington the day before Christmas Eve, when all the couples of the city were out being lovey-dovey and cute. It was the first time since joining the FBI that made Emily want to gag. Adding to her dour mood was the softly falling snow. She knew the city would look beautiful from her condo's view right now, but home was the last place she wanted to be. In her condo she couldn't escape her mind and her perverse thoughts and a glass of wine only dampened her mood even more.

"Like this is helping," Emily grumbled, watching a couple making out on a bench. She rolled her eyes, thinking of how public displays of affection could use a little less 'public' and a lot more 'private.' The couple separated, the blonde smiled up at her boyfriend and from his pocket he pulled a velvet box. Her blue eyes shone with tears as she leaned in and kissed him again. Emily's mind immediately went to her own blue-eyed blonde.

The she could feel the bile rising in her throat as she thought of how the blonde would be spending the holidays, with that slow talking, stumbling, bumbling, poor excuse for a detective, Will LaMontagne. That detective had wormed his slimy way into JJ's life and had managed to push Emily out of it. The brunette seethed, letting the air escape her lungs and watching as the wind went swept it away. "Dammit," she thought. Emily paused, suddenly realizing where she had wandered to, Pentagon Row Ice Skating rink. There was a massive Christmas tree set up on the far side of the rink, the lights reflecting on the ice, making it glow. The star on the top shone beautifully against the dark, starless night.

Sighing and pulling her coat up around her neck, she walked over to an empty bench and plopped down. Her eyes raked over the skaters, wishing their joy and holiday spirit could somehow reach her. But she was isolated. An island. On the edge. She had spent all her life on the periphery, on the outside looking in...

"May I sit here?" a gentle voice broke through Emily's mussing and she looked up to see an older woman gesturing to the seat beside her.

"Oh, of course." Emily nodded politely, moving slightly to her side of the bench more.
There was silence for a few long moments and Emily almost forgot that the older woman was seated beside her when she heard the woman say, "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

The brunette whipped her head around to face the woman, "Huh?"

The woman smiled, looking out to the rink, "It's a beautiful day, so full of love and promise."

Emily shrugged, "I suppose..."

"Something wrong, dear?" the elder diverted her attention from watching the skaters to the brunette.

Emily sighed, shaking her head, "Ma'am, I..."

"Oh, sweetie, it's the holidays. There's no reason for sadness and regrets, and you're sighing a little too wistfully for me not to ask." The woman crossed her hands in her lap, "I'm sorry for intruding."
Emily groaned inwardly, now she was just being rude to the poor woman. "No, ma'am, I'm sorry. You're not intruding, I just..." Emily stared off toward the rink again, "I've been thinking about someone and I can't seem to get them off my mind."

"Why aren't you with them for the holidays, if you don't mind me asking?" the woman inquired politely.

Emily felt the blush rising quick to her cheeks; if the woman asked, she would say it was the cold getting to her. "Well, they're kind of with someone else..."

"Ah. I see." The woman nodded, reminiscing, "My husband was with someone else when we met. We were happily married only a year later."

The brunette smiled kindly, "That's wonderful, ma'am. I'm glad to hear everything worked out for you."

The woman nodded, suddenly facing Emily. She held out her hand. "My name is Grace."

"It's nice to meet you, Grace, you have a beautiful name." Emily took the proffered hand. "I'm Emily."

Grace smiled, her face lighting up and looking considerably younger to the agent. "So, Emily. Tell me about this woman."

The brunette floundered, her eyes wide with shock, "I uh, wha?" She looked at Grace, fear sinking in. "I never said it was a woman..."

The older woman chuckled softly, "You didn't need to. My son is gay, I know the signs."

Emily's face still registered her shock at being found out so easily. She didn't know what to say to Grace, letting her gaze drop to her hands.

"This woman is with someone else for the holidays you said?" Grace asked, waiting until Emily nodded, returning her gaze. "Is it serious?"

Emily snorted, "Is what serious? My feelings for her or how seriously sad that thing that calls itself a man is?"

Grace nodded, "I see..." She tightened her scarf around her neck, fiddling with the tassels at the end. "You love her." The statement fell from her lips so easily that Emily would have believed it was merely a comment on the weather again.

When the words finally registered in her mind, Emily let them play over and over, like a broken record.

Emily sighed, resting her head in her hands, "She's amazing. She's sweet and kind. She's beautiful and she has a heart of pure gold. Her eyes are so beautiful and blue and I feel like when she looks at me, she sees right through me. I feel like an open book to her and I want her to know everything about me. And I want to know everything about her. And sometimes, when we're working, I can feel her eyes on me. She touches my hand when maybe she shouldn't and I know I sometimes do the same. I thought for a while she felt something for me too, but then she got with a slow talking detective that we met on one of our cases. I felt so broken when I heard." Emily stopped herself there, she felt appalled with herself for expressing her emotions like that. She felt so stupid, "God, Grace, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to blurt out everything like that..."

"Don't apologize, dear! I just want to know what are you doing here pinning away for her when you could be with her," the older woman asked, putting what Emily wanted to do bluntly.

"I…I can't," Emily stuttered lamely, "She's with someone, remember?"

"And what's your point?" Grace asked. "You love her. Go let her know. It's time for new beginnings, Emily."

Emily shook her head, "I can't ruin her life, Grace..."

"Well, from what you've just told me, it might not being ruining her life." The woman looked pointedly at Emily. "Did you ever think that maybe she feels something for you, too? Maybe that slow talking detective is just her way of trying to light a fire under your feet."

The brunette cocked her head at Grace, "What do you mean?"

"Maybe she thinks if you see her with someone else, you'll finally make a move, instead of letting her go," the woman explained, watching the realization sink in.

"No," Emily laughed it off, "JJ wouldn't do that... She doesn't feel that way about me."

"And you know this for a fact? Emily, sweetie. The worst that could happen is she rejects you. The best thing would be that she feels the same," Grace said, patting the brunette on the knee. "Life is about taking chances and following your heart. If I hadn't done that, I would have never married Harry and I wouldn't have two beautiful kids that I adore." The older woman smiled sadly, "I don't regret what I did. Even if he hadn't felt the same, I still wouldn't regret it. At least I would have gotten the closure I would need to accept it and move on."

Emily nodded, wondering why she had never reached this conclusion herself. "So what do I do?"

Grace smiled wider now, clutching Emily's hand tight in her own. "Go tell that woman how you feel. Go sweep her off her feet and away from that detective. Go make your life your own. You deserve it."

Emily looked down, feeling the internal war raging inside her. Her mind screamed for her to remember the reality of the situation and to think logically, but her heart was begging for release. All her pent up feelings that had so long been repressed were aching to get loose. Did she dare cross that line? Could she really win JJ over? Could she take that final step? She stood up suddenly, a move that surprised Grace. Looking down at the woman, she smiled, for the first time in a long time, it was a genuine one. Her cynical mood of early had dissipated into one that spoke only of promise and a new beginning.

"Emily?" Grace questioned cautiously, her voice tentative and full of the wonder of a young love.

"Thank you, Grace." Emily said, clutching the older woman's hand. "Thank you for opening my eyes and showing me the way. Thank you for freeing me. I finally feel like I have the courage to tell JJ how I feel." Feeling like the handshake would be too impersonal for the woman who had just helped her through her inner turmoil, Emily instead, she pulled the older woman up to her, hugging her tightly.

"Thank you," she whispered again.

"Oh, Emily," Grace said softly, pulling away to look her in the eye, "Don't thank me, just go do it." She frowned. "I wish I could know how it goes."

"My business card is in your coat pocket. Give me a call." Emily smiled. "I'd love to hear from you."

Grace beamed. "I will." Then shooed her away. "Go, go. Get your girl." She could feel the sting of unshed tears in her eyes; they would fall any moment now.

Emily nodded, then took off in the direction that she had come in a slow jog. She felt liberated, like a heavy burden was lifted from her chest as she ran through the snow. Every step felt like she was stepping away from her carefully constructed edge. And stepping into the fire.

"Mom?" At the sound of a young man's voice, Grace ripped her gaze from Emily's quickly retreating back and to the three people walking towards her from the rink. "Mom, who were you talking to?"

"Yeah, who was that?" the woman a few paces behind the young man asked.

Grace quickly tried to wipe the tears from her eyes as she addressed her family. "That was Emily. We were just having the most delightful chat..." She reached into her pocket, feeling the tip of the business card with her thumb and smiling.

"Oh, uh, okay, Mom," the man said, his sister sitting beside Grace.

"What were you talking about?" the woman asked, brushing some snow from her mother's coat.

Grace lifted her gaze to the older man that had come to stand beside her now. "True love." She explained, reaching out for his hand. Harry smiled, taking it.

"Sounds magical," he whispered.

"It is."