I Ask Forgiveness
Female!Prussia x Angel!Canada
Rated: T
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia
Her heart sped fast, pounding against her chest harder by the second. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, but it escaped her. Everything became blurry, her crimson eyes stared at the dark sky, not a single star shined. The only source of light was her flashlight that laid on the grass, far from her reach.
Sitting in her knees, she clasped her hands together and closed her eyes, letting the tears that had formed finally fall. Even with her heart pounding in her chest, even with her throat hurting, aching to let out a painful scream she couldn't.
Her silver locks dance with the wind as Gillian tried to ignore the pain. Her own darkness was swallowing her and she wasn't sure what to do. Desperately wanting help, she prayed, prayed that everything would be alright. That help will find her way to her, even though deep down she knew it wasn't likely.
She knew she had committed sins, but the world wasn't the same. There was no more human life, there was no more safe place. Living in a world that has fallen, government collapse, people destroying each other. No one to trust, no one to seek help. The right and wrong didn't exist anymore. Everyone ruled themselves.
Gillian couldn't help but let out a small sob, she was never this weak, she never let her emotion get to her. She was always the sarcastic, self-centered person there could be but she couldn't handle it anymore.
'Vater unser, der Du bist im Himmel.'
Her father was killed in front of her and she didn't cry, she would have, but she was left with her baby brother. Being young and having to deal with taking care of her sibling at an early age was difficult.
"Schwester, where is Vater and Mutter?" Asked a young blond hair boy, his innocent blue eyes stared at his albino sister, who at that age was only seventeen. Gillian just smiled sadly at her five year old brother.
"Vater and Mutter are up in the sky..."
"Up in the sky?"
"Ja, they are angels, looking over us...you can say. Mutter and Vater died protecting us and they always are."
The five year old nodded his head and sat down beside his sister as they both sat on the edge of side walk and stared at the night sky filled with stars.
'Geheiliget werde Dein Name.'
"FREAKS SHOULDN'T BE HERE!"
"GO DIE YOU FREAK!"
"YOU AND YOUR NAZI BROTHER!"
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" An Gillian yelled, pushing her ten year old brother behind her as the towns folks kept insulting her.
"LEAVE US ALONE! WE ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING TO YOU!"
"WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE!"
"LEAVE YOU FREAK!"
Not sure what to do, Gillian grabbed her brothers arm and started to pull him towards their home, a small place but enough room for them to live.
"Schwester, what are we going to do? The school is kicking me out and the town keeps throwing things at us." Ludwig stated, sitting down on the arm chair as he stared at his older sister. Gillian didn't know what to do, she was tired of all the crap she was dealing with, it was more worse for her but it was now gradually growing to the point her own brother was being bullied as well.
Biting her bottom lip, Gillian sat down on a chair. "Hm...bruder, we are going to be moving. Can you deal with this for a bit more. Just a bit more, I just need a couple of bucks more and I can get a place near this town that seems to be really nice. Verdamnit!" Gillian spoke, she was angry, angry at herself that she couldn't do anything right.
"Ja, I can take care of myself." Nodding her head, Gillian stood up and hugged Ludwig.
"I am sorry Ludwig, I wish I can do more then this...you deserve better."
Patting her shoulder awkwardly Ludwig understood. He didn't need Gillian to repeat herself, he understood perfectly well, he knew that she was trying her best, he knew that is wasn't her fault that their parents died because of cruel people.
"It is alright schwester."
'Dein Reich komme. '
The day before they almost left, they were so close in living their hell. Gillian couldn't help but smile, feel giddy about leaving the dump with her brother and move away from here.
"LUDWIG! Let's get going!"
"Coming!"
As both sibling started towards their way to their new home and leaving the hell hole, Gillian couldn't help but feel something bad building up in her stomach.
"Gillian, are you feeling alright?"
"Ja, I just feel a bit tired. Ya know with all the working two jobs to earn enough money, it is getting to me." Gillian grinned as she continued making her way to the packed car. "Alright." Ludwig said as he entered the car and buckled up.
Shaking off the bad feeling, Gillian grinned and got into the car and started to drive. It wasn't until their car got impact by a big truck, causing the Gillian's old car to turn around several times before coming to a stop.
It wasn't until she hear sirens and people yelling, that she open her eyes. Seeing blurry, she hung upside down. Her silver locks covered in blood and her body ached. Moaning loudly, she turned around to see Ludwig, hanging upside down as well, but he wasn't moving. "L-Ludwig..."She whispered before losing conscience.
'Dein Wille geschehe, wie im Himmel, also auch auf Erden.'
Gillian screamed, she yelled, she pushed the nurses away. She yelled at the doctors as her tears felled.
"Gillian Beilschmidt, I am sorry to inform you that your brother has passed away. We did all we could but he wasn't able to survive, we are truly sorry."
That made Gillian break even more, the way they said it to her. No emotion could describe how Gillian felt that day. She had just woke up, searching in frantic for her little brother once she figured out what had happen.
"Nien! N-NIEN! THAT CAN'T BE TRUE! VERDAMNIT!" Gillian screamed, she yelled. She had lost her only family, her only hope for life.
Now that was gone.
'Unser täglich Brot gieb uns heute.'
It had been a couple of months that had passed since the death of her brother, Gillian found herself trying to live again in a different new life, but it was never the same.
Finishing her shift, Gillian walked outside, huddling in her Prussian blue coat as she walked down the busy night streets. Her crimson eyes looked straight forward as she made herself towards the small apartment.
Turning on the television, Gillian made herself busy by going to the kitchen and making herself something small to eat before she sat down in the living room and watched the news.
"Well, today we have been receiving reports about a new violence growing in the cities, police officers are tyring their best to put the violence down. Also we have been seeing more and more groups of protester, is the government going to talk about their movements or will there be violence."
"Wow, a lot of violence, but that is not all, as the country starts preparing for war, other nations are doing so as well. The tension is growing bigger and bigger. There might be a World War III if this continues."
"Ah, and there apparently have been scientist who have been test for curing cancer, apparently a cure has been found. Tune in later today for more information."
Turning off the television Gillian let herself fall into a deep slumber Letting herself go...forgetting about praying. Forgetting about asking forgiveness. Forgetting to ask for protection. Just like she has been doing the past months.
'Und vergieb uns unsere Schuld, als wir vergieben unsern Schuldigern.'
It had been a matter of weeks that the so call cure was let out for cancer and a matter of weeks since the people started to become infected and started attacking others.
Gillian was now on the run, only this time she was joined by Francine and Antonio. The only two people she could trust.
"Do you have everything?"
"Oui."
"Ja."
"Alright, let's get going before those things come out." Antonio said as he looked around, carrying his ax in his hands. Francine nodded her head before taking out her pistol Gillian let out a sigh. They have been moving for days now and they barely managed to escape. It was a miracle that she was still alive and that they could find shelter and food for them to survive.
"Come on mon ami, we need to get moving." Francine said as she placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Nodding her head Gillian nodded her head. "Ja, I am just a bit tired." Gillian stated as he started to move. Francine frowned at her albino friend but decided she wasn't going to question her.
After hours of walking, the trio decided to stop and camp out in the woods. "Ah, mes amis this has been a long day." Francine complied as she laid on the floor but not before taking out her blanket. Gillian laughed and Antonio shook his head.
"Well I am going for a walk, call me if you guys need help~!" Gillian said as she stood up, grabbing her flashlight and stared walking away, not before winking at Antonio and Francine.
'Und führe uns nicht in Versuchung; Sondern erlöse uns von dem Übel.'
It was the same thing, all three of them would walk around a town in search for anything good but also being on the look out for the creatures. Francine, Antonio and Gillian had started to groe used to the idea of moving around and searching around.
Gillian didn't mind it at all, but as time passed, the feeling came back and it scared her even more but she didn't know why or how to explain it to her friends. So she kept quiet.
"Gillian, you have been too quiet lately, what's wrong mon ami?" Francine asked ask she sat down next to Gillian as they huddled for warmth from their small fire.
"Si, Francine does have a point, you haven't been exactly yourself lately."
Gillian shook her head and laughed, "I am fine, I am just remembering to many things...things that shouldn't be spoken off." Gillian mutter as she looked at her friends, smiling a lightly at them. Both of them understood what she meant and let it be.
She felt guilt eat her up for not mentioning anything about her past or the feeling that she was having...the same one that killed her brother.
"I am going for a walk." Gillian said as she stood up and took a flashlight.
"Alright, just be careful!" Antonio said as he made his way to sit next to Francine.
"I will, plus I am awesome so I will be alright!" Gillian yelled back as she left the campsite.
'Denn Dein ist das Reich und die Kraft und die Herrlichkeit in Ewigkeit. '
It wasn't until she heard the screams that she ran back to the campsite, but she couldn't get any further. As she hide behind a tree, she looked carefully not to get caught by the creatures.
As she watched Francine shoot as many as she could, tears were falling from her eyes. Gillian couldn't help but cover her mouth, keeping herself from screaming.
Antonio was attacking them with his ax, trying to push them away.
As Gillian tried to move forward, Francine saw her and shook her head. "NON! STAY BACK GILLIAN!" She screamed. Gillian froze from her spot, she stared wide eye at her friend. Antonio looked over and saw her too," GILLIAN LEAVE! NOW! YOU CAN ESCAPE. LEAVE US AHORA!" Shaking her head she was about to scream back but Francine screamed first. "MON DIEU! JUST LISTEN TO US AND LEAVE! LEAVE NOW!" Biting her bottom lip, Gillian looked at them for the last time before mouthing her goodbyes to her two friends.
Turning around she ran, ran as fast as she could. Trying to ignore the fire shots and the moans and groans of the creatures. When Francine and Antonio started yelling, they had attracted more of the creatures.
Hearing the last shot be fired, she heard Francine screamed, stopping she turned around. Her eyes became more watery but the tears didn't fall. Staring at the woods, Gillian dropped her flashlight as she walked backwards.
Hearing another scream, she froze. They were dead, they died and she couldn't do anything.
'Amen'
The flashlight lit the dark forest as Gillian sat on her knees, the tears had fallen and the memories replaid her mind.
Around her the moans and the groans had disappeared and she now sat in silence. Praying for the first time ever since the accident happen with her brother.
But now she had lost two more people and it was killing her.
"Nien, nien! This can't be happening!" Gillian finally managed to speak. Her voice was hoarse but it was clear. Her throat stilled ached, her chest continued to pound and the feeling of guilt and regret still continued to eat her up. Hearing crunching from the behind, Gillian laughed weakly, but didn't turn around.
Instead, she continued praying.
"Ehr sei dem Vater und dem Sohn und dem Heiligen Geist, wie es war im Anfang, jetzt und immerdar und von Ewigkeit zu Ewigkeit."
As every word she spoke, more and more noises stared and started coming in closer, opening her eyes, she blinked but continued to pray. Letting a small smile come to her face.
Even though around her, creatures, who once were humans, started walking to her. All in rags and missing limbs. Moaning and groaning as they got closer to the sound.
But in front of her stood a man, shoulder length blond hair. Smiling at her that soft smiled, letting his violet eyes meet her red ones. Just like any normal male, he stood there, dressed in all white. Only though he wasn't normal, he had this soft glow around him as he took his steps closer to her.
"Amen." Gillian utter as she stared at the male. The male reached a hand out towards her, "Let's get going mon amour." He spoke softly, his voice was soft and musical. Nodding her head, Gillian slowly took his hand.
"Am I dreaming...am I dead Matthew?" She whispered.
"Non, you aren't dreaming."
Smiling she slowly stood up, letting the warmth cover every inch of her body. Feeling every emotion escape her and settle with comfort and love.
"Am I forgiven?" She asked once more, Matthew nodded his head. "Oui, you are forgiven, you always have been Gillian."
Nodding her head, she closed her eyes and let herself feel drowsy. "Let's get going, everyone is waiting for you." Matthew whisper as pulled Gillian closer to him, wrapping his arms around her body.
"Ja, lets go." Gillian mutter as she open her eyes and looked up at Matthew. Hearing something ruffle, she looked around, only to see pure white feathered wings start flapping.
Closing her eyes once more, Gillian wrapped her arms around Matthew, her lover who had died long ago, was now there to take her away.
Feeling as her soul was being lifted away, she opened her eyes, to see her body slowly fall to the ground and the creatures start ripping it apart. Closing her eyes once more, she snuggled closer to Matthew, her angel that rescued her, the one that accepted her and her prayer. The one who forgive her first.
Fin
A/N: umm...I don't know, I was suppose to be typing up my chapter but instead, this came out..uhh...yeah..
Translations:
German: Vater unser, der Du bist im Himmel. Geheiliget werde Dein Name. Dein Reich komme. Dein Wille geschehe, wie im Himmel, also auch auf Erden. Unser täglich Brot gieb uns heute. Und vergieb uns unsere Schuld, als wir vergieben unsern Schuldigern. Und führe uns nicht in Versuchung; Sondern erlöse uns von dem Übel. Denn Dein ist das Reich und die Kraft und die Herrlichkeit in Ewigkeit. Amen. :
Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, in earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
German: Ehr sei dem Vater und dem Sohn und dem Heiligen Geist, wie es war im Anfang, jetzt und immerdar und von Ewigkeit zu Ewigkeit. Amen. :
Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost; as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
Okay, I hope you guys like it and that I hope I didn't make female!Prussia that bad...er..yeah..
Please review and tell me what you honestly think about it!
Thank you~
Lucyxxx