Vingman

(AN: Tried to write this in Chekov-speech. Don't kill me. Hint of Kirk/Spock.)

"Keptin?"

"Yes, Ensign?"

"Vhat is going on?"

"We're watching girls, Ensign – what else?"

"I believe Mr. Spock wouldn't be too happy with us, Keptin."

Kirk leaned away from the doorway. "What do you mean by that?"

"He seemed… vorried to leave you with a group of beautiful vomen – however, they are nothing compared to Russian girls."

Kirk rolled his eyes. "First, wait till you've sampled Orion girls before making a decision on that. Second, Spock's got nothing to do with this."

Chekov grinned lopsidedly. "Of course not, Keptin."

Kirk shot him a glare. "Look, they're bringing out the drinks – scotch, it looks like."

"Inwented by a little old lady from Leningrad. Wodka is a man's drink."

"These are girls, Ensign. Girls. They don't drink 'men's drinks'."

"Vhy am I here, Keptin? Mr. Spock asked me to do some figures for him before he gets back from the planet."

"I need a wingman – someone young."

"Vingman, Keptin?"

"In case that pretty blond in the corner has a friend."

"Vhat am I expected to do, sir?"

"Talk to those girls – use that Russian accent of yours."

"Vill that vork, Keptin?"

"Of course!"

"Jim!"

Kirk's held fell against the doorway. "What, Bones?"

"You were supposed to be in sickbay an hour ago for a routine check up. Where the hell have you been?"

Chekov hid his smile. "He has been watching Wicktor's friends here, Doctor."

Bones paused in the act of pulling Kirk from the door. " 'Wicktor', Ensign?"

"Yes, sir. Wicktor."

Bones exchanged a look with Kirk. "Damn it, Jim; I'm a doctor, not a linguist!"

"Where's Uhura when you need her?"

"On the planet, with Mr. Spock."

Jim turned quickly. "The Lieutenant's on the planet with Spock?"

"Yes, sir."

"Bones, delay that physical. I'm going to the planet." And Kirk strode off.

Chekov shook his head. "I do not understand. Lt. Uhura is a very capable voman. Surely-"

"Surely Jim's noticed the way's she looks at Spock and ran off to protect his mate. Enough to make a man want to throw up, the way those two carry on."

"You Americans and your funny ideas."

For Shannon:

"Come on, Spock! Just one more-"

"Kindly refrain, Captain. Do you not have a message for a young Ms. Barron?"

"Oh, right. Well, have Uhura send it out right away."

"Gladly, Captain. After we get you to sickbay to sober up."

"Lieutenant Uhura, the captain has a message to send out. Verbatim, he said 'tell Shannon how much Hannah enjoyed their date Saturday, and how she shamelessly stole her extremely amazing/adorable idea to respond – however, it seems to not be as good' – and here I will sum up the message, as our Captain seems to have imbibed too much for coherent sentences – 'and how she hopes there'll be another soon.'"

"Very sweet, Mr. Spock."

"Thank you, Lieutenant."