September 2nd, First Year Potions Class, Hogwarts
The first time James Potter ever had any real contact with Lily Evans was in Potions class on his first morning at Hogwarts. Sure he had talked to her briefly on the Hogwarts Express but between seeing the castle for the first time and getting Sorted into Gryffindor that small event seemed to have escaped from his mind. She was sitting in front of him with that greasy haired guy with the permanent sneer on his face and seemed to actually be enjoyingherself. The thought made James want to be sick. Potions was dull, at best and Slughorn was mildly amusing, if you squinted your eyes a bit and didn't listen to what he was saying. And the work was beyond difficult. He didn't understand it. He didn't wantto understand it. But everyone else in the class was busily working away at their cauldrons, seeming to know exactly what to do and he didn't really feel like being labelled the class idiot on the first day of his school life. Sirius was being absolutely no help at all since he had practically passed out on his Potions book, looking as if he didn't have a care in the world; which he didn't really. He was eleven and blissfully ignorant.
James looked around helplessly for a few seconds, gazing down at his book which just looked like a muddle of pointless words arranged randomly and at the board where Slughorn's nearly unrecognisable scrawl was scowling at him and decided he needed help. Now this was an enormous step for the young James Potter. He had never once, in his short but eventful life, asked for help, regardless of how much he might have needed it but now seemed an appropriate time to be trying new things. After all he had promised his parents he would at least try at his schoolwork and he didn't break his promises. He took in a deep breath, prayed that his natural charm – 'cheek' his mother would call it – would pull through and called out to the girl in front of him.
"Uh... Evans?"
In retrospect he figured maybe using her last name wasn't the best way to engage in a friendly conversation, especially after what an arse he had been the day before. She turned; her face blank but her eyes hard. Make it fast Potter, they clearly said, shimmering green. It was a look he would grow accustomed to over the years. James swallowed. Here goes absolutely nothing, he thought before taking a deep breath and saying,
"Um...can I get some help?" he said, forcing his usual confidence into his voice. Why wouldn't she stop looking at him like that? He hadn't done anything wrong! And this was difficult enough without her leering at him like he was complete scum. "Please?" he added meekly when she still didn't say anything.
She sighed dramatically as if he had asked her to do something incredibly, amazing difficult before getting up, rolling her eyes at the boy next to her who smirked back, and coming over to their table. She quickly turned to the correct page in the Potions book and shoved the correct ingredients towards James, scoffing slightly at his untidy desk and at the snoring Sirius next to him. She silently set the bottom of his cauldron alight and then told him in a tight, clipped voice to chop up the long brown sticky things that he had pushed over to Sirius' side of the table because they had been grossing him out so much. Then she was gone, stalking back over to her table and turning her back to him as if he didn't even exist, murmuring something to the Slytherin next to her. James frowned for a second before elbowing Sirius in the face, promptly waking him up, and proceeding to follow the instructions on the page in front of him as carefully as possible, glaring a little at the bubbling cauldron in front of Lily and that greasy haired kid. Even after spending twenty minutes carefully chopping up those revolting brown things to even sizes and having to threaten Sirius into timing exactly how long he spent stirring the gooey mixture so he could get it exact to the second it was clear that Lily and the kid with their sparkling blue potion had clearly outdone James and his thick, pink mess. The bell rang and the class dispersed, James half-heartedly stuffing his books back into his bag and nudging Sirius awake for the thousandth time that day. Walking down the corridors he glimpsed Lily again, laughing happily with her friends and felt himself pout childishly. Asking for help gets no one anywhere, he thought furiously, there was obviously a reason he had never done it before.
March 9th, 3rd floor corridor, next to the statue of the one legged hag, Hogwarts.
The first time James Potter made a girl cry was in second year. It was truly a sickening feeling to know he was the cause of the small pearly tears welling up in little Lily Evans big green eyes. She brushed them away quickly and angrily. Crying was something she hated doing. Crying in front of James Potter, she found, was a hundred times worse. James of course was at complete loss for words. Crying was bad, it was very, very bad and crying girls was just...beyond bad. It was evil. And he had caused it which obviously made him evil too. He hadn't meant to of course! He would never intentionally make somebody cry. But she had been screaming at him about something or the other, some stupid prank he had played on her greasy little friend Snape that had resulted in him ending up in the Hospital Wing (also an accident!) and he had completely lost his cool, which almost never happened but with Lily it was just so easy to get angry. She was so infuriating with her good grades and shiny eyes and cold indifference to his existence. And the way she absolutely fawnedover that stupid little Slytherin made him absolutely sick. It was just impossible. She paid so much attention to that greasy haired good for nothing scumbag and then acted like he didn't exist! She was a Gryffindor for god's sake, why didn't she act like it! James remembered thinking a few weeks beforehand that someone should tell her how absolutely stupid she was being and how it was pretty much disgraceful that she was willing to mix with the exact opposite of everything Gryffindor stood for and then maybe she'd drop the little twit. However he never imagined he'd be the one to tell her all of this, yelling through the empty corridors everything he had ever thought about her and that stupid friendship of hers. When he finally stopped yelling and forced himself to look Lily in the eye he felt his anger evaporate on the spot, filling up the empty space with self-loathing. She was crying! Lily Evans was crying. The feisty red head with the big green eyes that were constantly glaring at him and the sensitive temper that always seemed to flare up in his presence was crying. Water was coming out of her eyes. It was unnatural and terrifying and James had to resist the urge to turn and run. She was frowning in this sad pitiful way and her lips were trembling. She was, of course, still glaring but it didn't have the same heat. She was just hurt. James willed himself to open his mouth and say something intelligent and sweet that would fix all the horrible things he had just said but instead all that came out was the sound of an unbroken twelve year olds voice squeaking at the pressure of having to comfort a weeping girl,
"Er..."
Lily snapped out of her sad daze and turned up the heat of her glare, huffing a little as she wiped away the last of the small tears, furious with herself for crying in front of such an insufferable prat.
"You absolute arse Potter! You don't even know me so don't you dare pretend you do. And you don't even know him. You'd rather sit around thinking yourself better than those different from you, rather than try and get to know them! You know nothing about Severus, yet you treat like dirt and you know even less about me but you won't leave me alone. If you took the time or the energy to take your head out of your arse you might be able to figure out why I choose to be friends with someone like him rather than someone like you!"
She said the last bit with as much menace as possible and turned on her heel to go, ignoring him as he attempted to get the last word in,
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm not good enough to be your friend!"
She was already long gone and the words echoed pathetically around him. He sighed, pushing his hand through his hair before turning and walking off in the opposite direction, shaking his head a little. When he got to the common room he shot straight up the stairs to his dormitory, ignoring the sounds of laughter and fun coming from the fireplace where his best friend sat. He sprawled himself on top of his bed and closed the curtains roughly, angry again. How dare she? He was a way better friend than some snivelling little Slytherin. He was just going to hurt her eventually, James mused, get wrapped up in the Dark Arts or something crazy like that. How could she possibly think he was a better person than him! He wasn't! He couldn't be!
And yet, the little annoying voice in James' head that sounded remarkably like his mother, murmured, Snape has probably never made Lily cry. In fact he makes her laugh. Something you've never even managed to do. So maybe he would make a better friend.
James growled in frustration and punched his pillow into a more comfortable shape. He would go to sleep, he decided. He would go to sleep and wake up to a brand new day and everything would be fine. But, he couldn't help thinking as he drifted slowly into unconsciousness, how could everything be fine if he couldn't get the image of Lily Evans sparkling green eyes welling up with tears he had caused?
May 22nd, Post Quidditch Match frenzy, Hogwarts
The first time James Potter ever felt invisible he was fourteen years old. It was all going great, perfect even. Everything was falling into place and it seemed like the next few years were going to be equally as blissful. He was popular, he was smart and he was damn worshipped by half the girls in his year and although he didn't really care for most of them he couldn't say he minded the attention. This love for him seemed to be growing the closer they came to the Quidditch Cup Final and when he swooped in again and again and landed goal after goal it seemed nothing could go wrong. They won, no they flattened, Slytherin and the screams of the rabid girls were almost too much to handle. Almost. They all graciously accepted the cup with loud catcalls at the sulking Slytherin's and entered the castle in high spirits. A party was in order, one to remember Sirius declared as he hauled Moony up to the castle, Peter in tow. James sighed happily as he changed out of his sweaty uniform and back into his school robes, waving forward the rest of the team. There would be an entire night of people, he decided, and he didn't want to rush. By the time he was out of the changing rooms everyone had already wandered back up to the castle and even the Entrance Hall was completely deserted. Well almost. A certain girl with long wild red hair and sparkly green eyes had wandered in from the Great Hall, hugging a fairly large stack of books to her chest. James blinked a little before shaking himself back to reality. Damn puberty, he snapped silently at himself, shut up! Plastering on a careful smile he approached her just as she began to climb the long staircase leading upstairs.
"Alright Evans?" he said casually, her surname falling easily from his lips after years of practice. She didn't make any indication she had heard him so he quickened his pace and fell into step with her. "Evans?"
She blinked, snapping out of the usual trance she was in. When she saw it was him however the blank stare in her eyes were replaced with a fiery defence and she raised her eyebrows as if to ask him what he wanted. His forehead crinkled up in silent frustration but that was the only indication of his annoyance at her consistence indifference to him.
"Coming up to celebrate?"
She blinked again at this and frowned.
"Celebrate what?"
It took him a few minutes of silent gaping to figure out she was actually being completely serious. And even then he didn't know how to reply. So he just stared.
Finally growing impatient with his stares she made her familiar huffing sound and stalked off, her red curls bouncing along with every solid step on the stone steps. And still he could only stare.
He wandered into the common room a few minutes later, still feeling slightly in awe of how someone could be that smart yet so dumb. He was immediately drawn into the crowd, Sirius and Remus by his side within minutes and soon he forgot all about the little scene with Lily Evans before. That is until she walked through the door, an even larger pile of books clasped to her chest, a perplexed frown on her fair face. James froze in the middle of letting out a loud passionate laugh and stared as she looked around in confusion before momentarily walking over to her friends. The confused look on her face quickly faded as they spoke to her and her mouth fell into a soft 'oh.' James smiled a little at this, not noticing Sirius staring at him from the side until he was just a few inches from his best friends face.
"What are you doing?" James said, slightly afraid of the close contact. Sirius raised his eyebrows.
"What are youdoing?" He snapped his eyes back to Lily to illustrate his point and James shrugged.
"I don't know. She didn't know there was a Quidditch match today. She just didn't know. And now she's all confused and it's kind of cute, I guess, and, yeah."
He trailed off when he caught the smirk on Sirius' face and shifted his eyes uncomfortably, gulping down more of his drink, trying to concentrate solely on the burning sensation it created in the back of his throat. Lily was looking around the party with boredom written all over her face and within moments she had settled her books back into her arms and was heading to her dormitory door. Her friends called back at her, gesturing towards the middle of the room. Lily's eyes skirted across the group of her classmates, sliding over James as if he was just another one of them before shrugging as if to say 'not important,' and disappearing around the corner. James felt his jaw tighten and his forehead crinkle up in confusion and frustration again.
"What's with her? It's like she...doesn't even care." he wondered out loud before downing the rest of his drink, feeling his spirits lowering rapidly. Stupid Lily. He turned and grabbed another drink, downing it in one go. It didn't help. He had never felt so...ignored. What did he have to do, he wondered slowly as the night went on and he got drunk for the very first time in his life, he helped win the biggest game of the year and she wasn't even there! Hell, she didn't even know when it was!
Eventually around 4am James was pushed onto his bed by Sirius who had threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't shut up and get to bed and stop whining about bloody Lily Evans. He lay there for a few minutes, rubbing his forehead to try and calm his aching headache and think clearly. Stupid Lily Evans, he thought to himself, with her stupid hair and her stupid lack of interest in Quidditch. After a few minutes of half formed thought swimming around his confused brain he began to slip into unconsciousness, his mind still filled with red and green and unfamiliar resentment that came along with being ignored.
December 5th, Greenhouse 2, Hogwarts
James Potter was not a smooth eleven year old. He didn't really say the right things and he was still trying to figure everything out about himself and he certainly didn't know how to deal with girls, no matter how confident he tended to come off sometimes. He just didn't understand them and he really didn't get why he would ever need to have much to do with them. They were just girls after all. But then there was the most complicated girl in the entire world. She was so confusing. She always glared at him and acted like he was doing something wrong even when he wasn't but then, sometimes, if she didn't notice him straight away he would see her smile and laugh and couldn't understand why someone who looked so much better smiling and laughing would bother frowning all the time. Confusing. So that was the exact reason why James Potter could be seen sitting with a very puzzled look on his face in the small greenhouse the First Years went in for Herbology, staring straight at Lily Evans who was busy sitting with a group of her friends. They all seemed to be in quite a giggly mood and she was smiling brighter than he had ever seen her smile before and he couldn't stop wondering why she never seemed to get that look on her face when he talked to her. Sirius walked in through the doors as James ogled Lily, his hands stuffed carelessly into his pockets and his hair casually sweeping over his eyes. He surveyed his friends confused expression and followed his eyes to the feisty Lily Evans who Sirius himself hadn't managed to quite warm up to, especially since Evans' little threat the morning before aimed towards his man parts. He just couldn't forgive that easily. James however seemed to have some kind of strange fascination with proving something or the other to her and even though Sirius didn't understand it he didn't question it.
"James. You look like a stalker."
His friend blinked dumbly before breaking his staring contest with the side of Lily's face and meeting Sirius' eyes.
"Oh."
Sirius slumped down onto the stool next to James before sighing and forcing the next sentence out of his mouth,
"What's with the face?"
James frowned, his forehead crinkling up and his mouth screwing up. He was so confused.
"I don't get her!" He finally said, sounding beyond exasperated. Before Sirius knew what was happening the little eleven year old boy in front of him dived into a full blown rant he had obviously been dying to verbalise for a while,
"I mean, I don't do anything to her and she just walks around glaring at me and acting like I'm some worthless pile of nothingness. Ok fine I'm not the nicest guy to that snivelling little Slytherin she hangs around but so what? She doesn't need to act like that! I've never done anything to her! Hell, she doesn't even know me but she gives me this look all the time, like an 'I've met your type before,' look. Well screw her! I mean honestly what does Snape have that I don't? Lack of personal hygiene? A serious need for a nose job? Tatty old robes? I mean seriously?"
Sirius watched as his friend got himself worked up over his own words and only intervened when he noticed how red his face was beginning to get.
"James! Breathe! She's a girl. Girls don't matter. God, man up!" He snapped, making James jump a little in his seat. Sirius smirked a little at this before continuing, "Look, if you really think she's worth the trouble then the solution's simple, really."
James raised his eyebrows. One of the first things he had learnt about Sirius was that he often came up with great speeches for these theories he had that generally amounted to nothing but he listened anyway, cautiously.
"All you have to do is break the ice."
James' eyebrow tweaked upwards doubtfully.
"Break the ice?"
His best friend nodded confidently.
"Yeah. Okay so she doesn't think you're funny so I wouldn't try that," James opened his mouth to protest but Sirius pressed on, ignoring him, "How about a compliment?"
"A compliment?" The doubt was so clear in James' voice that Sirius rewarded him with sharp slap on the top of his head.
"Yeah! Girls eat compliments up!"
James frowned.
"They do?"
Sirius nodded wisely.
" They spend all their time complaining about themselves so that other people will tell them they're wrong. Oh and they like to have their appearance compared to stuff. Like...your eyes are as blue as the ocean. And stuff."
"But-"
"James! Just do it!"
So therefore James was fully within his right to blame Sirius for what happened when he delivered his first ever compliment. He had walked into Charms confidently and straight towards Lily and informed her that her hair reminded her of tomatoes. And she responded by slapping him sharply across the face and walking off in a huff, not listening to his strangled calls of 'But I like tomatoes!'
January 12th, James rises to Sirius' bait from the night before, Great Hall, Hogwarts
His palms were sweaty and his stomach was buzzing with nerves. This shouldn't be this hard, he tried to reason with himself as he made his shaky way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. It should be easy. He was fifteen years old for gods' sake. He was on the Quidditch team. He was a Marauder. This was not a difficult thing for someone like him. Then why exactly was his heart racing so bloody fast and why was his throat all closed up? Stupid stupid stupid. This was all so stupid! Feeling a little ill James sat down and tried to steady himself. Stupid. After a few minutes he managed to make himself feel well enough to eat something and by the time he had finished his first piece of toast the rest of the Marauders had joined him, easing his nerves a little more. He actually managed to forget why he was so nervous for a few minutes before shewalked in. Lily Evans. He blinked. And again. And again. She was the most astoundingly ferocious girl in the entire school. The only one who ignored him. The only one who could match him in an argument. The one who didn't care about Quidditch. The one who didn't care about him.
Well he was hoping the last part was just an act.
She walked further into the Hall and sat down next to her friends. Right in front of him. He gulped. He was really, reallyhoping it was just an act. He let his eyes flicker up at her for a few seconds. She turned and smiled and waved at someone. He looked and then groaned inwardly. Stupid Snape. Shaking away any thoughts of the greasy haired Slytherin James took a deep breath and met Sirius' eyes momentarily. They were bright with laughter. James glared. Bastard.
James looked up a few minutes later to see Lily had gone. Eyes widening he looked around hurriedly just in time to see her disappear around the corner. Getting up quickly he sped out of the door, shooting a nervous look at Sirius who simply smirked. Bastard.
He caught up to her out in the grounds. She was headed to the lake it seemed, a book clasped in her hand. He tapped her on her shoulder and watched as her long red curls swung around her neck as she turned, a smile on her face that slipped quickly when she saw who it was.
"Oh. Hi Potter."
He swallowed and shoved his hands in his pockets, plastering a casual smile on his face, trying to resist running his fingers through his hair since she seemed to want to slap every time he did.
"Alright Lily? Don't you think after five years at the same school we should call each other by our first names?"
She looked blankly at him, blinking slowly.
"No."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
She turned as if to go and he instinctively reached to pull her back. Her eyebrows shot up. Shit.
"What are you doing?"
He felt his eyes widen and his throat close up again.
"Um...er...look, Lily-"
"Yes Potter?"
He groaned wondering why she was always so stubborn, wishing she would just call him James and let go off her arm, shoving his hands back into his pockets and forcing his face into a casual expression.
"Evans." He purposely waited just to see the look of impatience pass over her face even though he wasn't not quite sure why and then continued, his voice easy and light, "I had a great idea."
"That'd be a first." She muttered. He chuckled making a look of surprise cross her face before leaning forward and placing a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes swept down to it with a look of pure confusion.
"Don't you want to know what it is?" He stepped forward at this and she stepped back, her forehead all crinkled up with confusion.
"Um...sure."
His smile grew large and he leaned completely forward, bringing his eyes level with hers. She gulped visibly and he tried not to punch the air with triumph. Result.
"Well I was thinking about you. And me. And I figured out what's missing."
She didn't give any indication for him to continue but he did anyway, feeling more and more confident as the seconds passed by.
"We should go out." He finished softly, looking her straight in the eye. She didn't react straight away, just looked at him. Then she raised her eyebrows and a look caught between mocking and irritation crossed her face. He felt his confidence falter.
"Hilarious Potter." She murmured. "But not a good idea."
With that she turned on her heel and began to make her way down to the lake as if there James Potter hadn't just interrupted her perfectly ordinary Sunday afternoon by asking her out. He quirked his eyebrow before rushing forward and stopping in front of her, blocking her from the lake she so desperately wanted to get to.
"Oh come on Evans, is that seriously your answer?" The incredulous tone in his voice seemed to irritate her even more. She clenched her fists and breathed through her nose before replying,
"Yes. It is. God Potter we've spent the last five years hating each other and now-
"I don't hate you." He said suddenly, unable to help himself. It was the truth after all. "I've never hated you. I quite like you."
Something flashed across her face and James actually felt a little hope ebb inside him but it was soon pushed back down when her usual stone cold expression returned.
"Well...that's great Potter. You don't hate me. That's such a step up. But it's not a big enough step to start a relationship of any kind on."
With that she stalked off, gripping her book a little tighter than before and walking a little quicker than usual. He should have been feeling rejected. He should have been standing there feeling like absolute hell. He had just asked out a girl for the first time ever – they usually did come to him after all - and she had shot him down. But for some reason he was standing there with a broad smile spreading across his face. He'd seen something sweep across Lily Evans face just then and it hadn't been anger or contempt or annoyance. It had been something nice and he was suddenly extremely sure he was going to be spending as long as possible trying to get her to look at him like that again.
HI. It's been a while since I looked at any of the stuff on here but I have some free time and a working – kind of, not really – computer and Word – honestly, these past few months without Word have been hell – so I thought I'd rehash some of my old stories and make them better and maybe, shock, horror, gasp, FINISH one or two of them. So I put about six chapters of this story into this one big block because I figured it sort of sets up the bit of the story with any kind of…I'm wary about calling it a plot but you know what I mean. But yeah, I hope you enjoy it.