Author: Lost Flame
Warning: Slash, Incest, Suicide. If you have a problem with any of this don't read. Now isn't that easy.
Summary: Charlie's POV one night while he is sitting in jail after "Dominance."
Losing and Winning
I had lost. I had lost everything. I had lost what was most precious to me. You. I look down at you as you sleep. I reach out slowly, I want to touch you but I hesitate and withdraw my hand. "I no longer have the right to touch you." I start to tell you in a soft whisper. I didn't want you to wake, because then I would see the hate in your eyes, the contentment, the betrayal. So many things I didn't want to see. "You think I'm weak now. You think I betrayed you. But that's just not true. The police, they turned you against me. You wont even listen to my side of the story now.
"You must think I'm weak now. The one thing I tried so hard to prevent. The reason we committed all those murders. The reason we kidnapped the girls. I planned it all so that you could see my strength, see I was strong. Even when they were grilling me in the police station I wouldn't tell them a thing because I knew if I did you would learn about it, they would tell you, and then you would think I was so weak. Think I was pathetic for not even being able to deal with being asked a few questions. You handled them. So could I.
"And my plan was working. You were looking up to me. Then they turned you against me. They said that I had framed you but they were wrong. Its true that I moved the victim personal belonging and that pair of boots to the basement but it wasn't to frame you. It wasn't to sell you out. Marie told me that she thought the police were getting close to finding where we hid the stuff initially. I was afraid that she was right so I was in the middle of moving them. I had just put that stuff there that morning with the plan to finish the move that night. But still I had been cautious. I didn't leave both shoes in the basement. Just in case.
"But then the police found it. And they jumped to conclusions. The found a pair of shoes and automatically figured them to be yours instead of mine. But that's not true, they were mine. Yours where in another of the apartments. Where I later waited. Immediately I started to plan a way to show your innocence. I stuck again while you were in custody, to prove that you couldn't have done it. Hell if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have done it. But I had to prove to you. Then I went to see you. Went to talk to you and comfort you. I told you not to tell and I knew you wouldn't. You saw I was strong and I would protect you and I tried. I really did. But all my plans failed.
"I though that the final crime would prove that you didn't do it. I thought they would release you then. I knew our father would tell the police that I was in that apartment, I planned on it. So I sat there and waited. That Detective Fin was correct, mostly. I had planed to kill them and then myself, but not our father. It didn't matter if he died. I hated him, sure, but whether he lived for died then didn't matter in the long run. I figured that the death of the police would simply prove that I was the one the whole time. Then I would die. They could just pin the whole thing on me and let you go. I hadn't planned on the smug marks from my limp. I'm sorry about that.
"When they accused me of raping you Billy I was annoyed. That's the same thing as what our father said, but I didn't show my anger. I kept up my cocky act. I was in custody. They knew I was the reason for the rapes and the murders of those other people and they would let you off, or so I had hoped. Apparently I was wrong. But I did tell them the truth. The old man didn't know what he saw. And then they brought Marie into it. I didn't know what she told them but I was sure it was a lie. Our father believed it was rape because it couldn't admit to himself that his sons were in love. I didn't want to believe it. But I didn't know why Marie had lied. She knew the truth. She knew I loved you and she knew you felt the same. But you don't anymore. How could you love someone as weak as me? Someone who betrayed you?
"I hated those police so much when they said I lied to you. When they said I betrayed you. But I hated myself more when I attacked you. I knew I had betrayed you in the worse why then. I knew that you most hate me then. But you could never have hated me as much as I hated myself at that point. I didn't want you to tell. Part of me said that as long as those girls' location was kept a secret you could see me as strong and now looking back I see what it was stupid of me.
"Now we're both stuck in here. Well sort of. You'll be out in a 10 years with that deal the DA cut you, for telling them where the bitches were help, and probably sooner than that on account for your good behavior. I wasn't so lucky. I was sentenced to life here in prison, so even if I happen to get out someday for good behavior or whatever it won't be soon enough. You would have found another, you wouldn't wait your whole life for someone like me. Even if we were released at the same time I doubt you'd ever be willing to speak to me again. You'll move and fall in love, and I will never see you again." I tear slides down my face and hits the hard floor.
I smile sadly down at you, happy that you had final heard my side of the story. Even if you will never remember anything that happened this night, it didn't matter. You had heard me out and at that moment that meant the world to me.
I reached behind the bed where I slept. I counted myself a lucky man that I was allowed to stay in the same cell with you, even if it is only for a little while. And I am even luckier that the guard here are morons and don't clean the cells often. From behind my bed I pulled a shard of glass. I didn't want to do what I was about to do but I could think of no other choice. I refused to live my entire life knowing you hate me Billy. I couldn't stand that.
Without another thought I brought the glass down hard on one wrist and then the other. Involuntarily my body screamed in pain. My senses were going but I still didn't think my cry was that loud, though I supposed that it was loud enough to wake you Billy because I could hear you calling my name. Your voice filled with shock and pain and fear. I'm sorry Billy I didn't mean for you to see me do this. Please forgive me.
Maybe its only my imagination but as everything was fading and my brother voice was becoming more distance I thought I felt arms around me. Holding me. Comforting me. Though it was probably only me imagination. Billy could no longer love me. It was impossible. I guess it was only my mind playing tricks on me. You know, wishful thinking.
"Charlie Baker, arrested for rape and murder, committed suicide last night. He was found in his brothers arms this morning at 2:00am by the guard on the night sift when he heard on of the in-mates crying." The television announcer said in a monotone voice.
A waitress at the Hava Java Café smiled at herself. Everything had worked out just as she had hoped. She was the one who suggested to Charlie how to prove his strength to his brother. She lied to him about the police getting close to their hiding place, she lied about her having sex with Billy. It had all been a lie. I well planned series of lies. This was Charlie's punishment. How dare he chose his own brother over her. She had loved him. But he told her 'no.' He said it loved another. And his own brother at that. That was sick. She wouldn't let him get away with such a thing. Never.
"Marie, don't just stand there. Table three is waiting for its order."
"Yes sir." Marie glanced away from the television, smiling at herself. With Charlie dead no one could ever pin any of this on her and she knew it. She had won.
Yeah yeah yeah. I know that this is messed up but you know what I don't care. I like my fic so there stick out tongue at any flamers Please review if you don't mind. Flames will me ignored but if it makes you feel better go ahead.