Chapter one.
ps- i didnt have word on my comp. so some mistakes may have happened.
also, i wrote this on a whim. and it may seem rushed at parts. im sorry.
i may not continue if people dont get into it. and thats okay.
I was finally happy and seemed to be finally living. Things seemed to be so crazy yet so wonderful at the same time. It was hard work to be going to college, work at the local bookstore and manage my time with my lovely boyfriend Wes.. but it was worth it. Everything i did was worth it if i got to be with him. To come home from a long day to my apartment and see my roommate gone and Wes sitting on my couch or making me a surprise dinner. He did that ya' know. He was sweet like that. But of course he was. It was Wes. And how could I even put my dear Wes into words? I just couldn't. He was my everything.
It was a Thursday evening when I knocked on the door of Wes's apartment. 'Bang, bang' two light taps on the wooden door for him to hear and know I was there. He came to the door before I gave it one more tap that was going to be a littler harder against the surface. The door flung open and Wes gave me his lovable smile and took my hand to pull me in. The door somehow shut behind me. I'm not sure how. I just focused on him. He pulled my body in for a light kiss on the lips and a squeeze of my slim figure.
"I was thinking we'd watch a movie tonight huh? I also have some left overs from some Wish catering job that went kind of wrong." he smirked a little and still kept his warm arms around me. He had just gotten out of the shower. That was evident. His damp hair touched my face just the slightest. And his arm hair was still the tiniest bit wet.
I gave him a almost knowing half smile and look. A catering job gone wrong for 'Wish' ? No way. That never happened?..HA. "And what happened this time?" I asked against his lips, which were dangerously close to mine but were not close enough to touch. We were moving now. Our bodies seemed to float over to the smooth leather couch. Well, somewhat smooth. He'd gotten it from a yard sale but it was still in pretty good shape.We fell down on the couch. I wasn't on his lap. I was next to him and cuddling against him. He ran his finger across my forehead, I think to get a stray hair away from my face. Then he answered my question.
"Well.. lets just say that Deila didn't get the memo about the catering needing to be vegetarian." he smiled now. Our touching was a little more distant. I felt as if I ruined the moment somehow, but he didn't look upset. He was just getting comfortable and reaching out for the remote. "Are you hungry Mace?" he looked over at me and then placed a hand behind my back. Yes. He was getting cuddly again. "Nah. Not really. I had a snack earlier." I shrugged a shoulder. He didn't say anything. He flipped through the channels until he got to HBO. Don't ask me how he afforded HBO. I personally think he did some kind of wiring to get it for free.. but I never did get to the bottom of that.
"Ahh. "How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days"," he announced. "Your favorite. I'm good." he gave a cocky grin and moved over a little closer to me if that was possible and I saw him smiling as he looked to the tv screen. He was happy I was happy. He knew I loved the movie. He'd probably checked ahead of time to see that it was on. SWEET.
"Mhmm. I love this movie."
And then we watched it. God, I just couldn't get enough of that movie. Funny. Cute. Romantic. Kind of like Wes and me,except we were not trying to lose each other in ten days. Actaully, we'd been together for offically 5 months now. In those five monthes we had learned alot from each other. Maybe because that little game of Truth never seemed to get old between us. It was great. To be so connected to one person. Mentally, emotionally, somewhat physically. Pretty physical. We had'nt had sex yet. It wasn't some thing either of us had presused. I'm not sure why. We just.. we didn't go there. Not yet. But I didn't know tonight we might just go there.
When the credits rolled and that happy song played we both knew the movie was over. Wes had turned down the volume all the way. Did he want to talk? He leaned into me and kissed my cheek before trailing to my ear lobe. He kissed that too. It felt a little tickelish, but good. He smiled and ran his hand over my arm. He began to kiss my neck, but not suck. Nothing too crazy. But it felt great all the same. I didn't say anything. We didn't usually talk when we were doing this. And we'd done this many times before. Him kissing my neck. Him kissing behind my ear. Kissing my shoulder. My lips. Kissing so many places. We'd even gotten down to our underwear before. But it just never escalated to anything more. Now he placed his hand on my cheek and kissed me. His hand felt clamy. Like how it felt when he was nervous. How his hands got when he had a job interview. Or had to tell me bad news.
I still didn't speak though. Neither did he. We kissed strong, deep. Passionatly. His arm wrapped around me and felt the small of my back, sending shivers up my spine. His fingers danced up and down my spine. I felt his chest. His heart was beating fast. Why was he like this? We made out before. He seemed scared. But the kissing continued. Hands wondered. After a few minutes he mumbled against my lips. "Lets play truth." did I hear him right? Truth? "Um. Okay." my hands ran through his hair and down his neck as he didn't stop touching his moist lips with mine.
He kissed the side of my lips, a bit sloppy. Then my chin. Then my lips again. "How come me we haven't made love?" And when I heard it I just melted. And I do not know why. The way he said. So tenderly. So soft. And how he said made love.. and not just sex. The way his hands were carassing my body on all my curves. All the right places. But I stopped the kissing now. I looked down at my hand on his chest, his shirt still intact. "I don't know." I said in a small voice, almost as if i was ashamed. He put his finger under my chin to lift my head up.
"Its okay." he smiled. "Don't be upset.. It was just a question. Its.. Its nothing." The way he kept that sweet look on his face while he kissed me again, I was hard not to feel bad for me being so dumb. So then I spoke, looking at him. His eyes. "We should." There was a pause. "We should have sex." I'd never had sex. Ever. I was ready though. I could feel it. My body was willing and wanting. His body was too.. something else I could tell.
"Oh Mace." he smiled and kissed my forehead before getting up off the couch. He leant down and pushed his hands under me to somehow pick me up into his arms. I giggled like a freaking school girl. But why shouldn't I? He walked into his bedroom and carefully placed me on the bed. Moments later we were under the covers and totally naked. It was dark and there was blankets. I could mostly only feel him. ALL of him. His parts hitting against me. His soft, sweet hands running all over my body. His left hand brushed over my nipple many times. His other hand wondered down to inbetween my legs. My hands ran over his chest and back.. but I didn't get the nerve to move them on his body, where his hand was on mine. What great hands he had. He looked at me and swallowed hard. I heard it and saw it. "Are you sure?" And I was sure. I nodded at him. It was hard for me to speak. He reached out to his drawer for a condom. In that moment he wasn't close to me I shuddered. But he was back next to me in a short time. He must have put the condom on when he was turned away from me. Thank goodness he didn't ask me to put it on him. My face was feeling hot when he turned back to me. He moved his body ontop of mine. I spread my legs apart. I figured that would work best. I'm not sure.. but I think he had a hand on his penis and one on the bed to hold him up. His hard on touched me. He gave me a soft smile and looked at me with that face. The one asking if I was postive this is what I wanted. I nodded again. This was when he slid into me. Slowly. Very slow. It hurt. Not too bad but it hurt. I bit my lip and tried not to think of that. He kissed my lips and didn't move.
"I love you." he said in a husky kind of voice. And I nodded once again. I didn't say it back .Why couldn't i fucking speak? "Are you okay Macy?" he ask me with worried eyes. "Mhm. I am." I said in the softest, littlest, mouse voice. So he began. He moved slowly but that didn't mean I wasn't in pain. After a minute or two, or five or even ten, i don't remember, It was too hard to think about time. I shut my eyes and felt a tear slide out of my eye lids and down the side of my face. "Baby." Wes said to me. As he stopped what he was doing. "Does it hurt alot? Want to stop?" he wiped the tear from my eye. "Keep going. It feels good." I lied. It did not feel good. Not at all. But I did want him to keep going. And i'm sure he knew me by now. He knew I wasn't lying. I did want this. I wanted it to happen. But maybe he could tell I was lying about the pain.
It felt like he was further inside me. And it hurt worse. I couldn't help but start to whimper. A few more tears shed. I wanted so badly to do this with him. To be this intimient and close, and make love but why was it feeling like this? He stopped his thrusts once again and kissed me softly. "You're crying." he told me. And yes, I knew that. "Lets stop." he was looking straight into my wet eyes once I opened them. I nodded. I said yes. For him to stop. He slid out of me and I wondered if he was mad. For a moment he just laid there looking up at the ceiling. Fuck. What did I do. "I.." I couldn't speak. I just couldn't. He turned to look at me. "It's okay." he kissed my collabone. "Its fine."
end of chapter one.