I'm supposed to be the hero, the immortal one, the one who'll save the world. I have these amazing people who all depend on me, who followed me across three continents, who have faced death so many times, all for me. True, they have their own motives for going against Sephiroth, but it was me they were following, I was the one they trusted to get them there, to kill him in the end.

I failed her though. I didn't manage to save her, I watched her die, I SAW Masamune sticking out her chest, I watched her float slowly down and disappear in that spring. If it wasn't for me, she wouldn't have died. If she had never met me, if I had never fallen through her roof, she would never have followed me along with the others.

That's why this time I couldn't let them fight, I wouldn't let them follow. Kadaj and the others, they were just as dangerous. Next time it could be any of them with a sword sticking out their chest; it could be Barret, Vincent, Tifa. Oh gods, not Tifa. She really would follow me anywhere if I didn't stop her. If she died because of me I don't think I could carry on. Aerith was bad enough, but not Tifa…

We spent so long fighting, I feel like I used all my energy on it. I just want to sleep, shut everything out, and believe that now we'll never have to fight again, but I can't. If something else happens, I need to be there to lead them, to guide them.

I just don't want anyone else to die. There has been so much death; so many people returned to the lifestream, and I just don't want it to happen any more. It's terrifying to know I have people who would die for me if I told them. I don't deserve it, I'm weak. I couldn't save Aerith, they should hate me for that, so why do they still follow me?

We're like a family, Marlene said once. Me and Tifa, the mother and father, Yuffie the annoying little sister, Barret the loud uncle, Aerith the kindly aunt, Cid, the grouchy grandfather… Those were her words, I could go on, but it's embarrassing, and I wouldn't like to see Cid's reaction to being labelled a grandfather.

I hope that maybe together we can stop anyone else from dying. I'm beginning to understand, with Tifa's help that I can't do things alone all the time. That sometimes people die, and there's nothing you can do but keep on living for them, and keep their memory alive. I think I understand that now.