Effrain's Adventure Notes Part One: If You're Talkin' About Shame, My Cup Runneth Over…

The Warlock of Belphegor, Effrain Renier, sat alone at a table in The Devil's Fire Tavern slowly sinking into his chair as he felt his eyelids getting heavy. Suddenly, he was jolted back to attention by a slight bump into his right elbow. He looked down to see his full, ale tankard floating in space next to him. He'd forgotten that he sent his Unseen Servant, Aww-Kee, to refill his tankard for the… uhh… fifth time…? He clumsily reached down with his left hand to scoop up the mug with a flourish.

"Thanks, buddy," he muttered. Then he lifted the tankard to his mouth and took a big gulp, feeling some of the liquid as it started spilling down his chin.

"If you keep sending poor Aww-Kee to get you free refills, eventually the barkeep is going to notice."

This unexpected interruption startled Effrain causing him to nearly choke on his gulp of ale. He coughed some of it up onto the table as his arm reflexively slammed the tankard down. With the tankard out of his face, Effrain was able to see that The Crone was now sitting at the table directly across from him. He took his hand from the tankard and swiped the ale drool from his chin.

"Naaaah…" Effrain replied. "Guy's too busy hustlin' and making deals to care about what I'm doing."

"And just what are you doing, boy?" The Crone arched her eyebrow at him. "I believe I sent you to the Moonsea for a purpose, and, yet, here you are three sheets to the wind." At this, an uncomfortable grimace passed across Effrain's face and he gave a sidewise glance over his shoulder. "Don't worry. I'm hiding this little meeting from your dark master. In fact, you're the only one that can see and hear me. So, stop quivering in your booties, Effrain, and speak. What have you been doing?"

"I've been busy nearly dying this past month, so thanks for that," Effrain sneered at the old woman.

"And yet you live," the crone shot back and watched Effrain down the remains of his tankard. "And what a life it is…"

Effrain lifted the empty tankard, pulled it over to his right side, and dropped it, expecting Aww-Kee to catch it for his sixth refill. Instead, the tankard fell into empty space and landed on the Tavern floor with a loud clank. A group of halflings at the table nearest to Effrain glanced over at the sound. Effrain held his hand up at them sporting an embarrassed grin on his face. The halflings shook their heads at the drunk and returned to their business.

"It's been over an hour, dear," The Crone said leaning in. "You're either going to have to call it a night or do the ritual again."

Grumbling, Effrain fumbled for his component pouch and threw it on the table. From the pouch, he produced a piece of string and a bit of wood. He mumbled the words of the conjuration and signed the Abyssal symbols into the air. The string and wood then evaporated from the table. Effrain looked down to his right and said, "Aww-Kee," pointing to the tankard on the floor. The tankard then rose from the floor and started floating in the direction of the bar.

Impatient, The Crone said, "I haven't much time, boy, and I'm going to need you to think and remember- two tasks that could take all night- so focus. Tell me the things you have done here. Start with when you got to Phlan. Why did you decide to come to this city?"

"Well, it's like you and my mom always tell me: Follow the signs. I was traveling along the Moonsea like you told me to do, and I saw all these signs calling for help to fight the undead. I followed them."

"That's not meant to be taken so literally, dear, but this time you made the right call. What did you find when you came to the end of these signs?"

"Phlan, and, damn, is this place a dump. Gentrification really bugged out of here in a hurry, huh? But, the signs pointed me in the direction of Valhingen Graveyard which was surprisingly nice… for a cemetery, that is." Effrain retrieved his full tankard from the overworked, invisible Aww-Kee.

"And at Valhingen?"

"I met up with this group of adventurers: A stuck-up half-elf wizard, a dwarf barbarian, and this murderous, little halfling rogue. Together, we talked to the cemetery boss, Doomguide Glandon. He hired us to journey down into the catacombs and hunt the undead that he believed were down there. In exchange, he'd give us some gold and these babies," at that, Effrain reached up to his forehead and flicked the Goggles of Night that were resting there down over his eyes.

The Crone rolled hers, "Then I take it you were successful?"

"More or less. A cleric named Cassyt led us down there. The wizard and I zapped some zombies and skeletons while the halfling took shots with his crossbow and the dwarf took the hits. We got to see the weird ways that rich people position their bodies after death, a room where they used to chain up vampires, and we got to stop the halfling from looting tombs and frisking the unconscious cleric. All in all, a good time… up until we found the Red Wizard that was causing all the trouble and he blasted me with a spell that nearly killed me on the spot," he flashed her a nasty grin.

"Again, nearly."

"Would've been a sure thing if it wasn't for Belphegor's Dark Blessing. Allowed me to take the hit without being torn apart."

"And after that?"

"The cleric got me up, I saw the dwarf fighting a knight, I charged, threw fire at the knight, and then I got knocked unconscious again. I woke up a little later and my companions told me it was all over."

"What about the Red Wizard? What happened to him?"

"Souvabitch got away while I was almost dying. Teleported. Lucky for him, too. If I ever see him or any of his kind again- "

"YOU LET HIM GET AWAY?"

"Hey, again, I was ALMOST DEAD. I didn't LET HIM do anything," Effrain finished the tankard and sent Aww-Kee off for another.

The Crone, sighing, "Did you at least figure out why he was raising the undead there?"

Effrain shrugged. "Apparently he was having the zombies dig a tunnel out toward the castle. Planning an attack, probably…?"

"What about the Cult of the Dragon? What did you learn about them in this misadventure?"

"Cult of the- no, it was a Red Wizard. RED WIZARD. You need to listen better."

The Crone visibly snuffed her anger at this. "And YOU need to capture your enemies. Then a miracle might happen, and you may learn something and understand what I'm talking about. I have it on good authority that The Cult of the Dragon was behind your Red Wizard."

Again, Effrain shrugged, "And I'm telling you I saw neither hide nor hair…"

"Did you learn ANYTHING else of value?"

"Oh, I did forget one thing. We caught some looters in the catacombs during our search. We locked 'em in a room and turned them into Glandon when we got back. They were not happy. Apparently, they were part of a group called The Welcomers. Need to steer clear of those guys in the future…"

Digging her palm into her forehead, the crone said, "Alright…what happened next?"

"Well, after almost dying, I felt like I needed a little getaway. Maybe scope out a nice beachside scene on the Moonsea. I pictured myself sipping Elverquisst poured by some svelte, elvish maiden as a soft breeze tickled my face. INSTEAD, I met another group of adventurers who told me stories about farmers being kidnapped from a nearby town. Whole families were going missing without a trace. Can't exactly have that can we," Effrain cast his face down and shook his head. "So, I went with. There were six of us in all: A gnomish sailor, a gentleman rogue, two paladins, my new best friend-the tabaxi monk, and me. We stopped by The Crossing Inn to get more information. Apparently, there'd been the sound of drums coming from the nearby marsh every night that someone had been taken. We were about to investigate the marsh when this farmhand came tear-assing into the Inn to say that another family had gone missing, so we went to their farm."

"What did you find?"

"Eggs. We found eggs and the chickens that laid them. Not much else, so we rode a boat down the river, into the marsh, and toward the sound of drums." Effrain snatched up his latest refill and took a big swig. "Now, the marsh was lizardfolk territory and, sure enough, they jumped us. Like, they literally jumped us. Never saw 'em coming. They took me down fast, but the tabaxi jumped in and rescued me. I got back up and started blasting away. We took 'em out and kept on down the river. That trip took a while. We had a few more dust-ups but nothing major. Mostly I just sulked in the boat, drank this nasty elf wine with the tabaxi, and dreamed of beach living."

"Get to the end, Effrain."

"We got to this group of islands. Saw these wrecked-up tent settlements scattered everywhere. I noticed these black decorations put up all around them. Black decorations in the shape of a dragon."

At this The Crone perked up, "Ahhh, there we are. Go on."

"That's when we notice this hulking figure in the distance. Looked like a lizardfolk, but, well, bigger. The Aasimar Paladin shouted that we were here to help him in Draconic. No reply, though. The figure just bolted, so we traveled deeper into the island chain." Effrain finished his tankard and then looked at it for a second. It was almost as if he was trying to decide whether he wanted another or not. Then he just nodded to himself and handed the tankard back down to Aww-Kee. "Soon enough, we found what we were looking for. It was a big, old lizardfolk settlement. They were building up walls and everything. Deeper in were groups of warriors surrounding- you guessed it- cages full of farmers and their families. In the center were the drummers and their ensorcelled drums."

"What did you do?"

At this, Effrain gave a bitter laugh. "Well, you see, we got the notion in our heads that the drummers and their magic drums were what was causing the kidnappings. If we just killed the drummers, then maybe the rest of the lizardfolk would come to their senses. Seemed like a solid plan. So, that's what we did. As soon as we attacked the drummers, however, a third of the island came after us. We did still manage to kill the drummers, though."

The Crone gave a knowing smile. "And what happened after you killed the drummers?"

"Not a damn thing…not a damn thing. A third of the lizardfolk army continued to attack us."

"And how did you solve that?"

Effrain took a second to rub his eyes. "We killed them."

"All of them?"

"Almost all of the third that attacked us. We just killed and killed until they finally surrendered. …Belphegor drank deeply of their souls on that day."

"They just… gave up?"

"That hulking figure I told you about turned back up. He fought the lizardfolk and scared the trash out of them. They were lucky he was there, though, because they might have fought us to the last man. And that… would've been genocide. So… we were lucky too." It was then The Crone noticed that Effrain could no longer make eye contact, and she almost felt pity for the young warlock. Almost. "The big guy filled us in on why the lizardfolk were kidnapping farmers. I guess they had been subjugated by this black dragon named Throstulgrael- or Velvet, if you're nasty. This dragon was forcing the lizardfolk to compete to see which group could offer him the most human sacrifices as tribute. Neat game. Anyway, we freed the farmers and the big guy took over as the new chief of the lizardfolk. He promised no more kidnappings."

"The black dragon Throstulgrael, you said?"

"That's him." Effrain took another big gulp.

"Interesting… and your next adventure?"

At that, Effrain slammed his palms flat against the table causing a loud thud. "Nope, nope, nope, I'm done with this. No more trips down memory lane. I came here to relax after a long adventure, and that's exactly what I'm going to do while there's still some of this night to enjoy."

That's when the warlock noticed a good third of the tavern was now staring at him. He'd just said all of that rather loudly and, as far as they knew, he'd said it to an empty seat across from him at the table. In a nervous panic, his eyes scanned the room until they fell upon an attractive lady adventurer dancing to the music of the dragonborn fiddle player at the far end of the bar.

"There," he turned to The Crone. "There's dancing to be done, and I am just the man to do it." With that, he took off towards the dance floor.