Disclaimer: I don't own these characters no matter how many times I put them on my christmas list.

Authors me and my friend Lou-Chan

Rating PG-13

Pairing Guess!

Undercover

Scene one

Late at night in Nibelheim, people are walking home from a hard days work when a loud commotion comes from the direction of the town's only inn.

"NO! I'M NOT DOING IT AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"

The scene cuts to the hallway of the inn, talking and whining can be heard behind the far door.

"But I had the dress and perfume already, you'll look so sweet!"

Inside the room Cloud Strife can be seen cowering in the corner while the females move in for the kill.

"You can borrow my underwear", teased Tifa Lockheart (A/N: Titfa! mumbles about big titted cows).

An amused snort comes from the direction of the beds; they turn to see Barret Wallace cleaning his gun arm. "Can't, we haven't got any &$£ melons left", he says while trying to keep a straight face and not looking up at Tifa who's giving him a dirty look.

Cloud looks indignant and gets up from his cower against the wall, "I'm NOT wearing second hand women's underwear!"

"But you'll wear new $£&+# women's underwear?" Sniggers Barret from his side of the room. Titfa….I mean Tifa and Aeris Gainsborough (A/N: AKA Arse) turn back to Cloud with raised eyebrows; Cloud goes back to cowering in his corner.

"Not what I meant", he mumbles.

Aeris gets an evil glint in her eye and starts stalking towards Cloud, "Stop being a big baby", she coos.

Cloud cowers further back, staring at her like a baby gazelle looks at an oncoming lioness. "What you gonna do?"

Aeris' look gets eviler (if that's possible) before she brings out the secret weapon, "If you don't do this I'll tell a certain someone a certain something".

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"I can't believe you talked me into this," grumbles Cloud while sitting in a chair, with Aeris and Tifa cooing over his hair and tying brightly coloured bows in it.

Tifa stands back to admire their handy work.

"Perfect but there's something missing". They turn their backs on Cloud and huddle, Cloud, seeing his chance starts to reach up to pull the pink bows out of his hair; he's just about to touch the first when Tifa without turning round smacks his hand away. "Ow", he whined, cradling his hand against his chest, Barret sniggers in the background, they ignore him.

Tifa turns round in time to smack his hand down again, while exclaiming "Makeup, that's what we need! And will you stop that!" She said smacking him round the head.

Barret gets up from his spot on the bed "I've got more $£# important things to be doing than waiting around while you GIRLS get your faces made up", he storms out banging the door behind him, shouts and crashing can be heard as he makes his way to the front door of the inn.

Tifa watches him go before turning round with a lipstick and eyeliner ready in her hands, "Now let's get you ready for your prince charming". Aeris steps in front of her "But first", she says holding up a pair of eyebrow tweezers, "hold still and this won't hurt a bit".

"Remember pain is beauty", piped up Tifa from behind her.

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Meanwhile outside Barret is half a mile away from the inn when an ear piercing scream cuts the air. "What the &$3#!"

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Back at the inn, "Perfect", Tifa and Aeris step back to let Cloud look in the mirror. Cloud turns to the mirror……..

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Barret puts down his beer, "Again!...$&£"#!" (A/N: Just for luck).

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The next day Tifa and Aeris are trying to push a reluctant Cloud through the door of the local underwear shop. "Don't be such a baby!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHY ME!"

They finally manage to get him inside. Aeris lets out a girly squeal of delight and immediately heads for a pair of bunny knickers, "These will look sooo cute on you!" She gushed.

Cloud turns bright red and tries to hide behind a manikin. The girls continue to run around the shop and come back to Cloud's hiding place with a pile each, pushing them into his arms and pushing him into a changing room.

"Now you're not coming out until you've tried on all of those," Tifa commands over the groans of despair coming from the changing room. She turns round to find the shop assistant staring at them in horror. She giggled nervously, "Tomboy", she explained.

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3 hours later, their still standing there waiting for him to come out.

"What ARE you doing in there?" Complained Aeris.

A strangled noise comes from in the changing room, "I…I can't figure out how these work".

Aeris sighs in exasperation, "Men", she peers behind the curtain.

"AHHHHRRRGGGGG! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Cloud shouts in horror. Aeris quickly draws the curtain again, blushing, "Oh my". Tifa can be heard sniggering behind her.

Later…MUCH later they come out with Cloud carrying a pile of shopping taller than his hair (A/N: And that's saying something) in his arms. He trips up on the step outside the shop and falls to the ground, landing with an "ompf" and the shopping goes flying in the air.

"Keep up Cloud", calls Tifa without looking back.

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Back at the inn Barret is pacing up and down outside the door of their rooms. He looks up when Tifa and Aeris come out the door beaming.

"Presenting the new and improved Miss Cloudette!" She exclaims and with a flourish opens the door. Cloud comes out in one of Aeris' old dresses, his hair done up in pink bows and decked up with makeup.

"Hang onto your husbands girls, here comes the new me!" He does a pose, there's a pinging noise and two large melons fall out of the bottom of his dress, banging onto the floor. He looks down in horror, "Ah crap", he sighs and stomps back into the room, followed by Tifa with some duct tape.

Aeris giggles and Barret is still staring at the place where the melons fell.

He pulls himself together enough to say, "Tell me I didn't just $£# see that".

End of scene one