That - will always be This - is now, a d.gray-man fanfic

That - will always be; This - is now

Notes: Not for profit, but for fun.

Kanda has searched, he searches, he is searching and will keep on searching all his life for That Person. It's his sole purpose in life. The duty to himself that the Order, who made him come into being, do not know about. That voice, the face. He is certain he will know when his searching ends. Until then, his stoic sense of duty is all most people see, and if that makes him unapproachable to the world at large, he doesn't care. If that makes him unfriendly or a loner, or aloof or whatever-the-hell labels people put on him or give him, he does not care.

He is who he is. He is sure of who he is and his purpose(s) in life. Life is simple that way. He does not pretend to be anything (else), but he does not let people easily through his outer defences. Lenalee was his first friend at the European Branch Headquarters. She is rather deft at getting into those places others might fear to tread. Kanda grudgingly accepts Tiedoll fussing over him and would never say out loud that he is grateful and thankful for being taken under the overly fatherly wings of this kind and gentle man. He accepts Marie readily as his first friend. He's not sure who saved whom there, that night. He doesn't require a debt of life from Marie and it is enough just to be in the man's calming presence. Then there is Daisya, who has too much energy for him. Together with Marie, they make up Froi Tiedoll's unit. Through the years, they've learnt to accept each other for who they are and of all the Generals' units are the most like a family. Though that probably has something to do with the way Tiedoll is with his 'boys'.

So Kanda searches. Life with the Order goes on. When he is sixteen, two men arrive at Headquarters. Or rather an old man and his apprentice. His apprentice is the same age as Kanda. Kanda, and the rest of the Order it seems, are curious about the newcomers. Up till then, Daisya and Lenalee have been the only other people closest in age to him. So yes he can admit to being curious. About this … this Person.

The rumours abound, and swirl round this person. Bookman and Bookman's Junior. He's an exorcist, no, no he's not. Oh but he will be. Is he a finder? A new addition to the Science Division perhaps? He looks too clever to be a finder. He might be an accommodator. Who knows? Are they going to force Innocence on him? No he volunteered. No, don't be ridiculous. NOBODY volunteers. Coerced then. Maybe he's got sick family.

Kanda had been on his way back from a mission the day they arrived. He is glad that he does not meet them on that day. It was an ill fated day and they had lost many, their numbers are always shrinking, for there are more Akuma than they can ever hope to cope with, but it is a war they need to fight because the alternative is just not an acceptable fate for humanity.

Kanda is at once grateful - that numbers might be bolstered with the new recruits, but also resentful and suspicious of new arrivals. They just mean people he does not know that he needs to be polite to. What if he hates them, what if they are really useless and die on their first mission out, what would be the point? What if, what if what if? So maybe he shall just not bother with the curiosity after all. It will just tire him out and it will be pointless. Simple really. A few moments of internal reasoning and it is all taken care of, this person, is no one.

It is already some weeks on and the rumours are no more. The boy is called Lavi and he is a Bookman's apprentice - though whatever the hell that means Kanda is really not sure and is uncertain if he wants or needs to know. He might go and ask Lenalee though, just to know a little more about Bookmen. Nothing else. They are both confirmed to be accommodators and Innocence have chosen them and they are equipped with their own Anti Akuma weapons. He hears that the boy will be trying out his weapon for the first time in the training arena. There is an excited buzz around … and a few people have come to watch.

He stands next to Daisya as they watch the newly appointed Exorcist. It is the first time Kanda has seen this Person. He's wearing a light sea-green cotton shirt, that had seen better days, it is thin and somewhat worn through. Kanda is shocked, quite so by the shade of hair though. It is like the flame of autumn leaves and at the distance he's quite struck by how green the one eye everyone can see, is. The other eye hides under an eyepatch and that slightly unruly hair is kept off the face with a bandanna. This Person - Lavi, is in the centre of the training ground alone. Komui and some of the Science Division are there with clipboards taking notes; golems hover to record the initial weapons testing and Kanda supposes everyone's given the boy a wide berth because Innocence can be unpredictable and someone might get hurt if they get too close.

At the distance the black and white hammer is small in Lavi's hand. He has a firm grip on it though, and with a signal from Komui, he swallows visibly. The apprehension is understandable Kanda thinks, feeling just a little bit sorry for this Person after all. But, he is not telling anyone about that, especially not Daisya. The relaxed stance which every everyone else might see belies the focus and attention that this Lavi studies everything. Because Kanda catches the quick sweep of his eye and for one instant they lock gazes. Kanda knows, can feel, can see that this eye does not miss a thing, and that it is a trained one. He feels that instantaneous scrutiny because the eye does not linger. The look, the glance is so very swift, he might have imagined it, if not for the intensity.

"Innocence, Activate!" Lavi's voice is deep, clear and resonates through the hall. The hammer grows in size, of a height with its wielder. With the finial toward the roof, up around the redhead a circle of seals has formed. Kanda is a little rusty with his Kanji or Hanzi but he recognises them to be the characters for wind(heaven), wood, water, fire and some others that because they are spinning he's not sure of. Kanda is the tiniest bit impressed and intrigued. With the hammer and what it can do, it looks to be handy in a pinch - of course.

"STOP!" Komui's voice rings out, slightly panicking. Lavi obeys and deactivates his weapon. Komui walks to join Lavi and confers with him for some moments. Komui is worried about the nature of the weapon and how destructive it might be.

Kanda is impatient that they get on with the training already, how else can anyone gain any proficiency without it. He whispers a brusque goodbye to a very surprised Daisya and jumps over the rail onto the arena below.

"If you're so worried about damage, get him to train outside" is Kanda's quick and curt suggestion to Komui. Without so much as a "How d'you do?" and no introductions. The two young men afford each other a quick once over, before Kanda turns swiftly on his heels and strides away.

"And if you're truly worried about casualties, just send the golems," Kanda commands over his shoulder, "and me." Kanda is not even sure why he has offered, and shakes his head in disbelief.

With that, Komui suspends the training for later on in the day, and Lavi is probably grateful for the break in the proceedings. It's after lunch when Kanda proceeds to go to the woods on the periphery of Headquarters where he sometimes trains with Mugen in hand. He is walking down the hallway when from the edge of the stairs, he hears a shout of his name. His given first name.

"Yu-u! YU-U!"

The voice is far too loud, brash and it grates over his ears. His back stiffens. He swivels on his feet, Mugen drawn and resting on the neck of This annoying loud person, he is supposed to be smart, so he should know, not to move. A muscle.

"Don't. Call. ME. THAT!" the dark haired exorcist grinds out slowly, carefully, enunciating every syllable, just in case this person is hard of hearing and not the genius he is cracked up to be.

"Kanda," Leenalee looks like she materialised out of nowhere, but she's only really just exited Komui's office. "He's new and he is trying to be friendly."

"So. Bloody. What?" Sheathing his weapon Kanda whips round heading down once again towards the opposite end of the long hallway. "I don't. Fucking. Care."

"If you're coming to train, then I suggest you bloody hurry up." He mutters darkly under his breath.

He strides out, his own golem following, he's noticed that Lavi has also been assigned one as well. Good.

"Yu-u, wait up,"

Kanda doesn't believe it. This new person, he must be stupid. Phenomenally so. He stops, suddenly, and because of momentum he predicts that Lavi wouldn't see it coming, so he's ready to grab him.

Lavi though, skids to a halt just out of reach. Breathless. Still it doesn't matter. Mugen is never out of reach. Lavi stands stock still, hands up in supplication as the sword's point just hovers steady at his throat.

"Don't be over familiar with me or I will run you through. Get that."

There is just silence, the breeze ruffles the red like flames sputtering, and Kanda's midnight blue locks waves in the wind like a wraith. There is breathing and there is a challenge of gazes. Neither giving way. Stubborn, very stubborn. Kanda is not sure who he means.

"Tch," and Kanda turns and walks away. "Your seals, they're in Kanji, do you know how to read them?"

"Uhmm, is that a serious question?" affronted Lavi casts a sidelong glance at him.

"Then?"

"Of course, can you?" It is Kanda's turn to feel the insult. The idiot.

Lavi finds out that he's not able to use all the seals, as if they're locked from him somehow. Kanda supposes that it might be tied to his synchronization rate. Lavi informed him of Hevlaska's assessment that it wavers at just eighty-four percent. He can go up to a second level with the ones he can unlock, and he can apparently combine the power of two seals together.

They don't have time to discover it all in one session. The power has somewhat got to red's head and the exhilaration is wearing him down and Kanda knows it can be dangerous. As annoying this idiot is, every exorcist is precious to the order, and he can't just go off killing new recruits just because he wants to push them to their limits. Plus definitely he'll be useful in a pinch. That is all there is to it. Yes really. He calls it a day and sends both their golems ahead to Komui.

The short walk back to home base is quiet and actually pleasant. Kanda's eyes flit to the side to observe Lavi, who seems lost in thought, although he might have felt Kanda's look upon him because he tilts his head in an attempt to catch his eye, but Kanda is already looking forward. Kanda is really curious about the eye-patch though he does not ask. He assumes most people are, but Kanda actually respects that if information is not forthcoming, he's not going to push the issue, because he'd expect the same courtesy.

"Yu~u, thanks very much for your help today," a soft half-smile tugs at the corner of Lavi's mouth, and he runs off into the lit corridors. When did it become twilight?

"Tch," and before he realises it to react - he must be tired. The belated thought hits him, Idiot, don't use my first name.

Lavi learns to use his hammer and Kanda gives him credit that he trains with anyone who will train with him. With Lenalee mostly, probably because she was his first friend at the Order. Due to the elemental nature of his Innocence Lavi frequently trains outdoors on his own. If by chance that Kanda is out there too, then they take the opportunity to train together. It seems to be a good idea to have a gauge on the perimeters and boundaries that will work with the other, should they be given missions to go on together. The elder Bookman trains quietly by himself, apparently his anti-Akuma Innocence are imbued within acupuncture needles. Something he is familiar and works with.

Kanda is curious about another thing now - and this irritates him no end - that he keeps finding things about THIS person to be curious about. Kanda aside - because he is a special case - most Innocence users tend to improve and increase their synchro-rate over time. He puts it down to Lavi being untested in battle as yet, but there's a feeling that the focus with which the other man concentrates upon is partly to hold his synchro-rate steady at that level. Kanda is curious as to why that is. Again he holds his peace, because really it is nothing to do with him. As long as Lavi is not a danger to him when they work together. The idiot. Why?

The most irritating, annoying, idiotic thing about this person, THIS PERSON, is that he is so very different when there are others about. He's louder, more brash and that eye just glitters like a mirror reflecting light, like and nothing else. When Kanda knows, knows knows the depths that are hidden within. When it is just the two of them, and the sound of 'Yuu' is just his name and the ways it can be said out loud. But when they're around others 'Yuu' sounds like baiting, it sounds challenging and it just sounds irritating and annoying and the idiot does not fool Kanda at all. Lavi knows Kanda knows, but persists in his game of faces. Again, it is nothing to do with Kanda - so things are just left as is.

The unspoken mutual agreement that Kanda will leave Lavi be, and Lavi will just be whoever it is he needs to be. Kanda will and can react however the hell he wants and if that means drawing Mugen on him every once in awhile, so be it. This is - they've decided, this muted accord - how they will work. Through several missions, they've naturally fallen into a pattern of Kanda taking point and Lavi having his back. Kanda - already used to working with Daisya and Marie - finds it is comforting to have this person, this redhead at his back.

FIN

Notes: This is for posting date 19 August. If it was your birthday then I am so very sorry this is late.

I love writing these two, but am never sure if I see them, and sound them out right enough, well enough for others. Still I do hope someone somewhere likes/loves this.

It's just s pre-supposition on how Lavi might've discovered how to train with his Hammer. Because you know fan-ficcers brains are never truly linear all the time.

And yes anything glaring, please do let me know. I self edit, but I still miss things.

As ever, thank you to my dear readers, you are all so very loved and appreciated. - Zan

May you have a great week ahead.

Part 20 of the 49 Days series