Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applied.
A/N: Inspired by a certain scene from Scud's movie, Amphetamine. Perhaps my one and only YanaKiri (in that order).
NOTES: Reference to Shin Tenipuri. Sensitive material. Psychological strangeness. One-sided Yanagi x Kirihara.
[BGM: This Will Destroy You - "Threads"]
Analgesic
His senpai's sudden confession caught him by surprise that afternoon.
The two of them stood face to face, a few feet apart from each other, at a well-shaded area by the tennis courts.
Once his shock settled, he found his voice again.
"I'm sorry, senpai... You're nice and all, but..."
If he listed the other's deeds, the list would go on forever.
His senpai gave up the U-17 Camp tiebreaker elimination match just so he could remain.
His senpai compiled an entire notebook of rival school data, training notes to help him lead their school team as the new captain.
His senpai tutored him and helped him pass countless English exams.
His senpai urged him to control his Devil Mode...
Yes, beyond his aloof appearance, his senpai was a rather considerate person.
...So then, why did he still decide to reject him? He worked his mind for an explanation. Nothing came up. It was as if his mind subconsciously suppressed the reason.
His senpai shook his head as if saying, "It's all right."
The other never asked him why.
One look from the other's clean amber eyes told him he would continue to help him, aid him, guard him, watch over him, and influence his growth even though he could no longer physically stand beside him.
He saw those orbs shine with determination. With fragile fearlessness, unclouded by regret.
Though, he could make out slightly the stability in the other's eyes that had already begun cracking.
He flinched. He wished he could offer his senpai some pain killers.
The other's vulnerable gaze stabbed him in the chest. The sharp point twisted and turned as if demanding to be accepted in a heart chamber.
He wished he had some pain killers himself.
And the question of why continued to be turned about inside his mind.
...
He arrived home to an empty house.
Taking advantage of the situation, he dragged his tired body up to his room. He turned on his laptop. Opening his internet home page, he decided to use the search engine to find related web pages on the issue currently occupying too much of his mind.
Gay.
As if in a trance, he browsed through pages and pages. He examined one picture after another.
Of boys. Of men. Of boys embracing. Of men kissing. Of muscular bodies pressed up against each other. Of erections rubbing together.
He clicked on a link to an age restricted site.
It's not that he's never dealt with x-rated material before. Just not gay x-rated material.
In the little clip, he watched the taller brunette stand behind the shorter brunette's bare back. The man stroke his partner's round bottom.
He averted his eyes. His heart pounded at his chest. Breath hitched at his throat. Mind spun like an uncontrollable merry-go-round.
He forced himself to continue watching.
The taller man's sizeable erection buried itself halfway into the shorter man's hidden orifice. The shorter man moaned; pleasure distorted his face.
His mind already composed a similar scene. A scene much like the one before his eyes. A scene containing himself and the senpai who recently confessed to him. A scene that couples ended up in after their relationship progressed to a certain point.
He imagined the two of them, nude. Him, lying, spreading his legs. His senpai, kneeling, preparing to push in...
Then.
Akaya shot up in his seat. His chair stumbled back a few feet from his sudden force.
Leaving the couple to their own passion on the little screen, he rushed to the bathroom down the hall. He barely made it to the toilet.
Nauseous, he hovered above the commode, and allowed his stomach to reject the contents that had just a minute ago sat there so peacefully.
He gagged. The last acidic remains washed through his esophagus, burning his mouth.
'I'm sorry, senpai... You're nice and all, but...'
'…but…'
Dizzy, he thought he felt heat in his eyes too. As if his stomach acid seeped into his tear ducts.
"...But it's just too bad you're a man."