Authors Note/: Once you have read this story you may never look at the KH1 and 2 characters the same again. My sister and I don't anymore. This is just so random and weird, but sometimes it is deep and meaningful, too. So read please and comment!
This includes me making fun of Pete, Maleficent and various characters in this. Just laugh and enjoy! Although, I don't think it's that funny.
Cinderella KH2-ified
ACT ONE
Narrarator: Once upon a time, long ago, in a far away land... Well, actually, it was 15 minutes ago in the land of Disney, near Floridor, and that day it was raining, oh! Sorry! Long ago, there was a young girl named Kairi, who had a strong heart and lived on Destiny Islands, full of sand and the beautiful sea, and she had many friends and lived with her immensley rich father.
Narrarator: Now, her father was a genius! His name was Ansem-The-Wise, and he was mega-rich! He wasn't her real father, of course, just her adoptive father, and...
Kairi: Yes, we get it. Now get on with the story please. Tch.
Narrarator: Oh, sorry, I was only saying. Now, ahem, they were happy together on Destiny islands, until one day, an evil woman came to the islands, seeking money, power! Hair gel... She was very, very evil!
Demyx: Boy did they pick the wrong guy for this job... OH! Ha ha ha ha! I am the beautiful Demyx! I will marry a rich man and steal all of his money! Oh yes I will. No one can stop me except the script writer!
Kairi: Oh boy, another blonde idiot.
Demyx: That's offensive to all blondes including me! WAH!
Narrarator: Demyx had two lovely (ahem!) daughters, and one son, who was much nicer than his terrible sisters. But soon poor Ansem was married to Demyx, and hell erupted, but poor Kairi suffered more, because her evil step-sisters stole all of her dresses. Well, the bad ones, but her two evil step-sisters were called Xemnas and Luxord.
Kairi: Now we know the meaning of ugly!
Luxord: Give me my new dress! It will look so good on me!
Xemnas: No! Mine! Purple clothes make my butt look smaller! I want it more than you do!
Luxord: Nah ah! I get first dibs! You always get first dibs! Purple always suits me betterer!
Xemnas: But I'm the oldest! My hair looks great with it! So I should have it and then you can have her pink dress or that pretty blue one!
Luxord: But this dress makes me look more beautiful! You would look all ugly and manly!
Xemnas: Beautiful!? Your just jealous cos' I have a great buit!
Luxord: No I am not! Well, your jealouser cos' I have a beard! Ha ha!
Kairi was sitting on her bed, reading as they fought, and she yawned then checked her watch, it was almost time for cartoons, their arguing was getting boring for her, and she never liked her purple dress anyway, but her two manly step-sisters were pathetic in her eyes.
Xemnas: I'm going to get a shaver and take your beard off! Then I will tell mommy how you made me cut it off! I'll lie!
Luxord: No fair! You're so mean! I'll go and tell mommy on you that you threatened the precious one!
Xemnas: (annoying tone) She won't believe you! Na na na na na.
Kairi: (standing) Shut up! Just take the stupid dress and get out! I have had enough of you two going on and on about your butt and beard, I don't care! You both look hideous no matter what you wear!
Xemnas: (shocked) Oh how could you!
Kairi: Your men, duh! Now get out before before I throw you out and call the cops for bad fashion sense!
Luxord: I'm telling mommy! You called me a man, I have never been so insulted in my life! I am alady, a blooming one, too! You will pay!
Xemns: And my butt i the best, hmmph!
Xemnas and Luxord walk out angrily, holding the dress as Kairi rolls her eyes, going over to her bed and sitting down on it, reading her book again as Xemnas and Luxord started yelling all over again in the halls.
Narrarator: A few weeks later, Ansem fell ill from old age, but mostly due to his horrible step-daughters constant whining and kicking, but he could not get out of bed and Kairi grew sad because her evil step-mother Demyx became even more evil than ever. She felt sorry for herself.
Kairi: Don't die, father. I don't want to live here with Demyx or the step-frogs, get better so that I can have a good life!
Ansem: Ungrateful little brat... Now Kairi, listen to me, get away from them! Riku is okay cos' he's a guy, I guess, but run away and don't stay here for the rest of your life! Or you'll regret it!
Demyx then walked in and slapped a hand over his mouth, then grabbed Kairi, throwing her into an open air cupboard and locking it.
Demyx: Pipe it, gramps, your kid is going nowhere! She will be here until I say so cos' I say so, got it? She will be my slave/servant forever pops because I am the top banana, the big cheese,
Luxord: Can I have cheese?
Demyx: Honey, mommy is working on being evil, so shut up. Now then, where was I? Oh yeah, you listen to me grampies, I am taking over now, me and my kids. Once your gone your little Kairi will live in the cellar with the rats and she won't get any of my money,
Ansem: I might not die!
Kairi: (From inside closet) Oh yeah, tell him now! He could call the cops, ya know!
Demyx: Shut up deary! Let mommy and daddy talk. Ansem, I know you will die today! Say bye bye because your dead!
Ansem: Hey wait, you can't just kill me off!
Demyx: Oh yeah... Wait, your right I can't. Damn this...
Xemnas: Oh for the love of... Fine, I'll do it! Prepare to say bon voyage pops, cos' your going down!
Xemnas sets a heartless onto Ansem who screams as Kairi pounds on the closet door, crying as Xemnas, Luxord and Demyx laugh. Then Xemnas finally see's Ansem's heart turn into a heartless, and Ansem is no more.
Kairi: Let me out of this air closet, or I wil scream! DADDY!!! ANSEM!!!
Demyx: Oh, I thought I heard a RAT! Come on children! Let's go before we catch a disease. Hmmph.
Demyx, Xemnas and Luxord
all walk out together as Kairi cries in the closet and wraps her arms
around her knee's. Kairi cries as Riku walks in and let's her out.
Riku is her step brother.
Narrarator: After Ansem's missfortunate death, or planned murder, Kairi became the new sevant of the house because Demyx had fired everyone else. Kairi had to cook and clean and wait on her sisters hand and foot. Life was a misery, duh, and 10 years later, she was a 16 year old girl locked in a mansion...
An older Kairi walks on and she is on the islands beach, staring out into the ocean as Riku runs towards her and stares out at the sea as he catches his breath, looking at his step-sister.
Riku: Hey, Demyx, I mean mom, told me to tell you that she wants you to go and buy more 'Beautiful In Blonde' hair dye and Chippolatta's, whatever they are. Xemnas wants you to by him, I mean her, some pants that show off his butt and Luxord wants a rubber duckie, why I do not know.
Kairi: Well they will have to wait. I'm enjoying my 10 minutes of freedom, Riku. I haven't had that for a long time.
Riku: 2 days. (sitting on sand) Your right, you haven't. One day, you'll get away from here, i know you will.
Kairi: And meet a handsome prince Charming who has a gallant horse and ship, who will sweep me off my feet and love me, taking me away across the ocean? Yeah right. Warning, Riku. I'm gonna act corny here. Do you think my prince is out there, Riku? Waiting for me?
Riku: That is corny... (speaking up) Yeah, he's waiting. One day, you'll find each other, like the stars find the moon.
Kairi: Your even fucking cornier!
Kairi then nods then turns and heads back towards the village, going to get her shoes and jacket and purse. Riku lays on the sand, staring at the sky, clouds drifting by silently.
Narrarator: In the Disney Kingdom, a young prince was seeing young princesses from all over to see who he would have for a wife. But to King Mickey's disappointment, and Sora's happiness, no such success.
Mickey: Sora, you have to find a girl you like to marry! You didn't choose out of Belle, Aurora, Alice, Snow White, Cinderella, Jasmine or Ariel! You need to find a bride before your 17th birthday or you can not be king!
Sora: Awww, I'll find a wife! I just don't think they're my type, is all, and anyways, Jasmine has Aladdin, Alice is an incey bit too young, Aurora pounces on any guy she see's when she wakes up, Snow White has a terrible singing voice, Cinderella has no fashion sense. Belle likes ugly men and Ariel is a FISH!!! Don't worry kingy, I'll look for a girl. Hey, why not throw me a HUGE party so that I can pick a girl. I emphasize the huge, by the way, and I want cake, jelly, peanut butter, lobster, bowling, swimming pools, darts...
Mickey: Sora, no! I will have no parties! And if we did then there would be absolutely NO lobster. I emphasize on the no, and remember what happened last time?
Sora: Oh yeah... The lobster got stuck on your head and the cake had a woman in it. Hey, wasn't that your bacheloer party?
(FLASHBACK...)
The palace, and it is King Mickey's Bachelouer party since he will be married to Minnie in a few days.
Mickey: Aw, shucks, thanks guys! How can I repay ya'?
Sora suddenly comes in and grins, a huge cake in his hands, steadying it as his knee's buckle. It seems like it weighs a ton. But no one knows that it isn't really a cake...
Sora: Your finally getting married! If you ever have kids, let me be their god father! It would be so cool!
Mickey: No way.
Sora: Awww, spoilt sport! Well, happy Bacheloer party! WAH HA!
Suddenly the cake springs to life and Mickey's eyes widen in shock. It's Maleficent in disguise as the cake, grinning.
(FLASHBACK ENDED...)
Sora: Yeah, that was a great party. So, can I have one.
Mickey: No way! Like I said, not after that party. I still remember the terribleness of it all. You ruined it!
Goofy suddenly runs in.
Goofy: King Mickey, yer highness sir! There is no more princesses to be found, sir! What ever shall we do, gawsh!?
Mickey: Damn, plan A has been foiled again. Well then, we shall throw a royal ball! Make sure all the young ladies in the kingdom come who are single, or married, preferrably. Goofy, get everyone on a job! Donald can deliver invites, Minnie can cook, Daisy can decorate, I can be the king! And Sora...
Sora: Yeah!
Mickey: Can sit here. Don't you dare order Pizza again or Hilary Duff. Got it!?
Sora: Hey, that was a joke! Don't be so stubborn! Mickey!
Mickey and Goofy walk out, leaving Sora behind as he sulked, tapping his throne armset and just sitting there, having no fun at all.
Sora: And I was going to invite Lindsay Lohan, too! Party poopers...
Narrarator: Meanwhile, back on Destiny Islands, Kairi was buying all of her step-transvestite-mothers and sisters wants and needs in Cid's shop, the only shop on Destiny Islands since Cid had ran them all out of business or killed them off with Yuffie, Aerith and Tifa.
Cid: One beautiful in Blonde, pants to show off your butt, Chippolatta's and one rubber duck, anything else, Kairi.
Kairi: One ticket or pumpkin out of here, please. Nah, I need to get these back to Demyx and the others, oh, one paopu fruit for Xemnas, he wants to make a guy fall in love with him and his butt. I doubt it will help.
Cid: (Going into back) One Paopu fruit coming up!
Kairi sighs and waits for him as shouting comes from the back, then Aerith, Tifa and Yuffie run in, all wearing poofy dresses.
Yuffie: Yay! POOFINESS! Yay, yay, yay! OLh, it's Kairi! How are you!?
Kairi: Oh, hi, nice dresses. What's the occasion?
Tifa: No occasion, just trying out these horribly yucky dresses for Cid. He wanted to see if we could fight in them.
Kairi: Of course you guys can, I mean, your Tifa, Yuffie and Aerith, you guys can do anything.
Tifa: Not everything. Yuffie can't shut up or do make-up, I can't pull a guy and Aerith... Well, to be truthful, Aerith can't fight, only magic, right Aerith?
Aerith: It's true, I so can't!
Cid then returns with the Paopu fruit and see's Yuffie, Tifa and Aerith in their dresses and shakes his head like they are random chickens in a bedroom. (that's random...)
Cid: Hm, no. Go try on the latex ones that look nicer and look less poofy. Oh, Kairi, here's your fruit. That bwill be 2000 munny, please. Thank you and come again to Cid's store! The only store on Destiny Islands!
Kairi gives him the munny and walks out, all the stuff in a paper bag in her hands as she struggles to hold it up, and then some evil heartless gremlins go towards her and jump around, trying to make her drop everything she was holding.
Kairi: Hey! Get away from me, you little black things! Hey, wait! WHOA!
Kairi fell and all her things fell, too. Kairi growls angrily and even more heartless appear, making more mischief and laughing at her.
Heartless: You shouldn't be so racist! Your racist! Na na na na na!
Kairi: Hey, leave me alone! Get away from me now! I need to get home!
Narrarator: Kairi tried to get away, but she couldn't which is obvious. The heartless were too mischievous, but let's take a trip to Disney Castle, and Sora was making his own mischief, believe it or not.
Sora: Okay, where is it? Where is my one way ticket out of here. I hope Mickey didn't hide it after I trashed it the last time.
Sora goes to the Gummi ship when he finds it and grins, jumping in it and locking it, then looking at all of the pretty coloured buttons and devices. Sora smirks and then puts on his seat belt for safety reasons because he can't die in this. He then hovers his hand over a large red button that had 'GO' labelled underneath it in big letters.
Sora: Hm, wherever shall I go? Somewhere where I can find a good pizza plaza and Hilary Duff, that's where! Ooooh, what does this button do?
Sora suddenly hits the button and the ship starts to shake violently, then jets off as he screams, and goes into another orbit, galaxy, world, and Sora is suddenly thrown onto Destiny Islands, where he lands, or crashes, his Gummi ship into the sand behind a load of bushes, which he calls discreet.
Sora: OW! Not the landing I expected. Owwie ouch ouch... Hm? Where the heck am I?
Sora looks around, and then nstands up. He see's a bunch of heartless attacking a young girl and making her fall because she is being racist. Kairi was yelling at thekm and he brought out his incredible and famous keyblade, and grinned, running over to help Kairi.
Sora: I'll help! I am the dashing young prince, coming to rescue the lovely Damsel in distress from danger, and then I will win her heart...
Kairi (growling) I am hardly a Damsel in Distress.
Sora: Here, I'll take care of them with my trusty weapon! A giant... Key. (mumbling) Oh yeah! Goofy and Donald get the well knwon weapons and all I have is a big key with magical powers beyond imagination. At lkeast I have millions of them so that I can choose any I want on any occasion. Tch.
Kairi: Er, a littl help if you don't mind. I really need to get going, now. So if you mind?-
Sora: Oh, sorry. I'm a little dense.
Kairi: (rolling eyes) Tell me about it.
Sora starts to fight off the heartless as Kairi stands up and dusts herself off. Sora's keyblade then disappears once all the heartless are gone, and he starts to help Kairi pick her things up.
Sora: So, you like shopping?
Kairi: No, it's not mine. I just had to get what m,y step-family wanted. You don't have to help, you know.
Sora: (holding stuff up.) A rubber duckie, er... Blonde hair dye, and Spandex patns!? Hm... Weird. What kind of chick are you? What do you do for a living? Go blonde, play with a rubber duck and wear spandex pants? Your weird, ya know that.
Kairi takes all of the things from him and glares
Kairi: No, I'm a servant girl. And like I said, they aren't mine. My cross-dressing step-sisters and blonde brained bimbo of a step-mother made me buy them. They want these things, not me. I wouldn't be seen dead using these things.
Sora: (holding up Paopu fruit) And what about this? A paopu fruit, hm? I haven't seen one of these in a long time.
Kairi: It's not mine!
Kairi takes the fruit from him and stuffs it in her bag
Kairi: Like I said, none of this is mine. And now I need to get home. Goodbye.
She starts to walk away and he runs after her, holding onto her arm
Sora: But... I need your name. Introductions are a good first start and a good impression. I'm Sora, and I came from Disney castle. You?
Kairi stared at him and then gasped, dropping all of her things in surprise
Kairi: Y-your the prince!? Pr9nce Sora! Oh my goodness... (seriously) Well, don't expecdt me to curtsey, your highness. I'm in a hurry. Goodbye, again.
Kairi tries to run back to her home once she had retrieved her shopping, but yet again, Sora stops her and holds her by the wrist, staring at her
Sora: I still don't know your name, and you don't have to curtsey, so please, I want to know your name.
Kairi: (stubbornly) Oh, sorry, I left my label at home, now, goodbye, I need to go clean the fireplace.
Sora: But... You aren't Cinderella, are you?
Kairi: No I am not. I am Kairi... Oh damn, I gave you my name. Oh, well I have to go. Goodbye, your highness.
Sora: So, I'll see you tomorrow, then? I'll still be here, in my Gummi ship, saving you from the racist heartless.
Kairi: (smiling) Sure, but, I'm a little more racist. So, see you.
Kairi smiles and walks away, holding her things as Sora waves and then returns to his Gummi Ship as Kairi runs to her home, running in and seeing Xemnas and Luxord fighting over some pink frilly socks with ducks on them.
Luxord: They are my bestest ducky socks! I need them for my pink dress and to match my new rubber duck!
Xemnas: Oh boo hoo! Well I need my socks because they look good on me! When that Kairi returns with my spandex pants I will have the smallest and most best butt on the islands! Your just jealous because little pink ducky socks suit me better! And my butt looks nice with spandex pants and pink ducky socks.
Kairi: (yelling) Okay, I'm back! Spandex for Xemnas and one rubber duckie for Luxord.
Luxord: (snatching rubber duck) Daffy! Your finally here! I missed you, I should have never gambled you off to Wakka! Come on, bath time!
Kairi: Too much information. Okay, I'm leaving. Urgh.
Kairi goes up the stairs and into Demyx's room. Demyx is combing his hair and puckering his lips, patting his little racist heartless next to him and singing
Demyx: I'm so pretty, oh so pretty. Look at me, and suddenly my hair captivates me! Oh my. My hair is like spun gold that rumpelstiltskin spun, and... Oh! My, oh my, a gray strand of hair! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kairi: (walking in) Your not in goldilocks, deary. But the 3 bears want their porridge back, and I have your hair dye in 'Beautiful in Blonde', and you have more grays at the back of your head.
Demyx: Oh, your so mean! I'm going to cry... How could you be so heartless!?
Kairi: Sorry, but I don't look small, black and spastic. Erm, sorry that I'm being racist but I don't mean it. Okay, I do, but do you have any chores for me at all? I'm bored out of my wits end.
Demyx: Dye my hair.
Kairi: Can I cut it?
Demyx: No way! Get out, now! How dare you insult my hair so casually wit scissors! They are only good for one thing, reflections. I can look at myself in it's beautifully glamorus sheen. Hmph, you can go buy Luxord a lovely blonde wig that looks like gold, instead you rat!
Kairi: (folding arms) And he will go to the 3 bears' house and steal all of their porridge for you so that you get silky soft and healthy skin? Right?
Demyx: Hey, good idea! I was actually thinking about him going to steal carrots and fur for my little Heartless didums. Okay, get out you scissor brandishing fiend!
Kairi runs out with the paopu fruit in the bag under her arm. Demyx kisses his mirror in his hand. Kairi runs through to the stairs and over to her cellar, and hides her Paopu fruit, then goes back up the stairs
Luxord and Xemnas are now fighting over a doily coloured in blue and green
Luxord: Mommy said I could have it because I am beautiful! Doilies are for bearded women, duh!
Xemnas: Doilies make my butt look smaller and betterer! So I need it more! And my hair looks good in a doily.
Luxord: Doilies are what you stand on, idiot! They make my shoes and beard shine, like a star!
Riku walks in
Riku: We need more Tresemme, you know I need to keep my locks glossy and silky smooth. (advertisement) For salon beautiful hair kids, use Tresemme, a girls best friend... Er, guys.
Riku goes off stage as Kairi walks out of the room and out of her house, walking down to the beach, passing Yuffie and Cid, who were drinking hot chocolate on a hot day and eating ice cream. Kairi passes them and walks onto the sand. She looks around, then runs towards the sea. Kairi holds out her arms and sighs
Kairi: 10 minutes of freedom, that's all I get everyday, my freedom is so... peaceful. I wish daddy was here to see the vast, wide open sea. He would love it so much.
Kairi looks out to the sea as the wind blows through her hair, and she sits on the sand as Sora runs past, then spots her and runs up to her
Sora: I said I would see you tomorrow, not today. You must be eager to see me. What are you doing!?
Kairi: In your dreams, I was ignoring you... Nah, I'm watching the sea. What are you doing.
Sora: Talking to you/ May I sit down, my lady.
Kairi: I am not yours and I am hardly a lady, but please, take a seat and make yourself comfertable. It's a free country, after all, I think.
Sora sits down as Kairi sighs and wraps her arms around her legs, looking down at the sand as Sora stares at her
Sora: So... Do you come here often?
Kairi: Almost everyday. I get 10 minutes of freedom and then I have to go back to hell and work all night for the she-devil. It must be nice, being a prince. No one can boss you about, people waiting on you hand and foot. What a great life,
Sora: It's not that great!
Kairi: Of course it is! You don't have to work, I mean. You don't get bossed around like I do.
Sora: No, I always get told what to do. I mean, I'm not allowed to invite popstars to a party! I'm a prince, a god damn hunky one at that, but the king still says no. He is making me find a wife, now!
Kairi: You still get the easy life. Well, at least you don't have to watch two freaks talking about their beard or butt in front of you.
Sora laughs as Kairi sighs, then stands up and looks out at the sea and shakes her head
Kairi: One day, i will get away from my evil blonde step-mother and sisters, and I will escape this place and start a new life, far far away.
Sora: (standing) Don't make it sound like a fairytale. Wow, that sounds deep. You must really like the sea and geography and all that jazz. What was your test score?
Kairi: Oh I only got 95 out of 100. Not much but, how much did you achieve, prince?
Sora: 10, but I don't feel too bad about it, I mean it's Geography, not my best element. It was never ever my strong point. I prefer Gym.
Kairi nods then stares at him, holding her hands together
Kairi: Why do you even talk to me? Your a prince, and I am a servant girl. You should have nothing to do with me, you shouldn't even look at me. I am common, not royalty.
Sora: I'm sick of royalty, I mean the king is a mouse who is trying to make me marry princesses who are already in love! Jasmine, for example, she has Aladdin the big nose! Mr. Handsome! Oh, and Ariel doesn't want to know me because she has Eric, who is so last tuesday. I mean, the hair with the quiff and the shoes, I mean come on! Don't even get me started on his fashion sense, urgh. I am way better! Don't you think? I have a giant key! They key to anyone's heart... Is me! Sora!
Kairi laughs, then looks at her watch and turns around, staring at her home
Kairi: 10 minutes is up, I-I have to go, now. But I'll see you around, Sora. Goodbye.
Sora runs after her as she walks away, not noticing a rock in front of him
Sora: No, Kairi, wait... WHOA!
Sora then trips over the rock and grabs hold of Kairi for support, and they soon both fall onto the sand in a heap, Sora is on top of Kairi and their eyes widen. Then, before Sora can even get up, he slips and suddenly kisses her (by accident)
Kairi pushes Sora off of her and he helps her to stand up, but she blushes and turns away
Kairi: I have to go, quickly.
Sora: Oh, I'll accompany you! Which way is it...?
Enter, Donald Duck with a staff in his hand
Donald: Okay, stick 'em up! Prince Sora, yer comin' home to the palace with me, Goofy, Chip, Dale and the Gummi Ship.
Sora: Oops, busted.The royal guards never give up. (wimper) Oh my, Kairi, I'm so sorry, it looks like something has come up, please forgive me.
Kairi: Yeah... But you still have a better life than me, princey. Okay, have a nice life in exile!
Sora: I'll try! Okies, see ya Kairi!
Donald starts to drag him away as Kairi watches him, then runs towards him and then stops running, watching him
Kairi: Sora...
Sora: Hey, I'm having a party soon! I'll send you an invite! Will you come?
Kairi: Only if I can find anything suitable to wear, and... If I can go. I'll try to get there, Sora. I promise.
Donald: (angrily) Adress him as your Royal Highness Prince Sora! Now come on you spineless prince! We need to get your purple socks with royal frills and rabbits on them. And you silk cloak.
Sora: Who ordered you in on the conversation in question?
Kairi: Bunnies!? Your worse than Luxord!
Sora: Hey, don't rub it in! They make me have bugs bunny socks and Pajamas, okay. So then... I'll see ya! Take care, Kairi
Kairi: Bye, don't forget...
Sora is thrown into the Gummi Ship as Kairi smiles,
Kairi: ...me
Kairi then runs offtowards her mansion, where she see's Demyx walking along the stairs in a long black dress made of Lycra, followed by Luxord in a green duck dress and Xemnas in a purple silk dress. All of them look weirdly hideous
Xemnas: My butt looks so lovely in purple and jewels. Oh! I don't even have to wear underwear at all, ah! I am not wearing underwear today, oh no I will not wear underwear today! I have gorgues hair, everybody has to care... So I don't have to wear underwear to-DAY!
Kairi: Oh god, too much information! Seriously, shut up! NOW!
Demyx: Shut up, frog, big sister is singing. Now, I dyed my hair and so, how do I look in black and blonde, dearest? Beautiful.
Kairi: No, blonde. You somehow remind me of Cruella-De-Vil, Xemnas is a spandexed grape and Luxord is a bogie! And sack your stylist, per-lease!
Demyx: That's not in the script! You are meant to say, 'You look radiant, my wonderful and everlasting-beautiful step-mother and sisters.'
Kairi: I know, but amazingly I don't listen or follow the script, and I think you haven't noticed but I have changed it alot, duh!
Luxord: Yeah, we kinda know. That's why you always flirt with Riku backstage.
Kairi: (shocked) What!? I do not! How very dare you! I just change my lines and done. If this was Cinderella (for real), then the blonde in blue would be standing here instead of me.
Demyx: (proudly) Who... Me?
Kairi: No... The real Cinderella. Duh. Anyways, we just ruin the play, now shut up! I am going to my basement.
Xemnas: Say hi to the rats, RAT!
Demyx: Oh, and you horrify me! Insult and scandal! My hair isn't as electrified as Cruella-De-Vil's! Oh, I must call her today to design my newest dress! Kairi, go to your basement room thing! I do not want to look at you any longer!
Kairi: Your not the top dog, you know. Oh wait, of course you are. Your standing higher up on top of the stairs and your a B.I.T.C.H.
Xemnas: Dogs? Can I have a puppy? Or possibly a hot dog.
Demyx: Shut up, mommy and rat boy are talking.
Kairi: Rat girl, I-I mean Kairi. I am Kairi!
Demyx: Whatever, I am the top dog, the big cheese, the one and only, the queen, the cool in the coolay. And you... Are a nobody.
Luxord: Your a queen!? Dude, I'm royalty! My beards going down in History! The very first princess with a beard!
Xemnas: My butts gonna be in the papers, my butts gonna be in the papers. The front cover, too.
Demyx: Kids, shut up before I blow your brains out with my bazooka. Now, Kairi, your a nobody
Kairi: So are you! Who the hell was your human form? Cos' I feel sorry for them. I mean, I am me but at least I know my nobody! Naminé has a heart!
Demyx: Oh how could you!? That's it, you are going to live in the cellar like the rat you are!
Kairi: I already live in a cellar. Okay, goodbye then. I am leaving. Goodnight.
Demyx: (sweetly) Sweet dreams, rat boy! I'll lock you in tonight! AGAIN!
Kairi: That was you!? Well, I'll just be adjusting the script.
Demyx: Goodnight! (once Kairi has gone) Oh, she is so too cute. I hate it. I know, let's poison her with an apple! How about it!?
Luxord: Mommy, wrong show. This is Cinderella, KH2-ified, not Snow White and the seven midget ankle biters.
Demyx: Yes, and I choose how it ends. Oh, why don't I throw a bucket of water on her!? She might melt!
Xemnas: Thw Wizard of Oz isn't even disney! Unless you count the Muppets Wizard of Oz, then it is... But shut up!It's Cinderella, kill her off another way. Hey! Let's set a heartless on her!
Demyx: Shut up, we don't care and we already did that, remember? On my dear dead husband. Hm, how about burning her?
Xemnas: We can not copyright, it's rude, ask Riku, he's actually here for once. Now I need to dance and see if my butt looks good in my pajama's, which it will, naturally!
Riku: Sorry but I am not going through the perfect murder all over again, no can do, since I have a contract to never kill family, friends, dogs, cats or mermaids, and I swore to never cut their hair off, unless it's Demyx, then I can cut it off all I want.
Demyx: Oh no! How did I ever end up with a child as cruel and ugly as you!? Hmph! Well, let us go girls, we need to go powder our noses, paint our nails and then get some beauty sleep.
Riku: And you need to trim your hair?
Demyx: Oh, yes, we can not forget that, now. Now goodnight, sleep well and don't talk to the rat.
Demyx, Xemnas and Luxord all walk off up the stairs as Luxord speaks up shrilly
Luxord: Oh, mommy! You are SO nice! The best! Give me a duck and a brand new drum set.
Demyx: Oh, being called mommy keeps me alive! I feel so young when I am called it. And no, you cannot have a drum set, it hasn't even been invented yet.
They leave as Riku rolls his eyes and walks towards Kairi's cellar door, and looks at it.
Riku: Now, he said not to talk to the rat, but he said nothing about talking to Kairi, so I'm okay! Goody. (knocks on the door) I am coming in
Riku walks in and see's Kairi sitting at her tiny window staring out to the night sky and sea. He walked over to her and stood behind her
Riku: Hi Kairi, what ya doing?
Kairi: I am watching the sea, dumb ass.Hey, I had a nice day, do you want to know what happened? All the soppy details and all that jazz?
Riku: Sure, what happened today?
Kairi: (cue soppiness) I met a boy, he was nice and we... Kissed. By accident, but he is so super duper cute. I am in love! I think. (sighs)
Riku: WHAT!? You are! Okay, who is this guy? (punching hands) I'll kill him for stealing your heart, first kiss and possibly life.
Kairi: No you won't, because I will never see him again.
Riku: Er, yes you will, because in the script you go to the ball and meet him again, and secondly, I'll make sure you meet again so that I can punch him.
Kairi: Please stop spoiling the play. Oh and of course I know. But you can not beat him up because he is of the royal society. Simply put, he is Prince Charming. Handsome, clumsy, kind and... Well, let's leave it at clumsy, he's an idiot.
Riku: Well yeah, Sora is, that's why we are his friends! We keep him together!
Sora: (backstage) Hey! I resent that!
Riku: (calling back) Oh! Sorry! (to Kairi) Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, you fell in love with a prince! Wow, your good! Can I be your royal slave and escort for your wedding!? I want to wear a coat and tie and possibly look like a little penguin with hair!
Kairi: Erm... Sure! But your barely little, Riku. But, I don't exactly know if he will marry me, I mean, look at me, I am a servant girl! It makes me look like a gold digger! He can't fall in love with a girl who lives in a cellar with manly sisters. He needs a princess, not a soot sweeper!
Riku: You know, Cinderella lived in an attic and she got off lucky.
Kairi: That's because she's a blonde! Any idiot likes blondes!
Riku: (reading script) Er, Kairi, you can't help who you fall in love with, but if you do have a big wedding, can I have a silver suit? Or maybe gold, hmm... How about tinfoil.
Kairi: Read my lips Riku: No. Your going a tad over the top with this, now go away. I need my rest.
Riku nods and runs out, closing the door as Kairi sighs and lays down to sleep, still staring outside her window
Kairi: Sora, goodnight.
Narrarator: Don't worry, she hasn't gone crazy because she is talking to a window, now, Kairi slept soundly that night as Sora sat in his room, also sane, and he was thinking of Kairi, and possibly Hilary Duff, but mainly Kairi, and he watched the stars as they formed a picture of Hercules and Yu-Gi-Oh.
Sora: Oh Kairi, your such a damn good kisser. Goodnight, princess... Ooh! The heroes are in the stars! Yugi Motto and Herculese! Hey! Where am I in it?
After being angry, he too went to sleep, until the morning...
ACT ONE ENDED
NOTE: This is a 105 page script I randomly came up with. It took me 3 days to make! WAH! Blue -Niagra