"I need a drink", was all that could be heard out of a completely off kilter Caradoc Dearborn's mouth. He was in shock. This wasn't how he pictured the rest of his life to be, but then again he didn't think that he could ever love a woman as much as he loved Mary MacDonald. Now wasn't the time to be selfish, and it certainly wasn't the time to hold onto someone just because they brought you peace.

Doc Dearborn was about to break up with the love of his life because he knows that sometimes, love isn't enough and you can't be selfish with the people you love most in this world. And the amount of people Doc loved was dwindling, and he would rather see Mary happy, than being brought down by his constant lies, and constant secrecy.

The 18 year old boy paced back and forth, trying to decide the best course of action. He knew Mary wasn't happy with him, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to satisfy her curiosity. His work with the Order of the Phoenix was top secret, no one was supposed to know, and as much as it killed him, he kept the secret. Saving the lives of many, saving brothers, and parents, it all seemed far more important than any relationship. But he still loved her. Merlin, he loved her. She was the first face he usually saw in the morning. The first being he interacted with. The first woman he ever loved. The last woman he would ever love. But love was never enough, not in this world, not now, not when everything seemed to be crumbling to pieces and he was trying his best to tape everything back together. A man can only do so much, and a man can only hold on for so long.

"Mac, I can't do this to you anymore", Docs voice was shaky at best, but he tried to hold himself together. He was trying to not show her the pain that was so obvious to him that he was surprised there wasn't a blur of tears obstructing his vision.

"Do what to me? Seems to me that the only thing you've been doing to me is having sex with me as often as possible. Not that I'm complaining of course", Mary cracked a smile, trying to lighten the mood that Doc was obviously trying to darken. She always was challenging, and perhaps that's why Doc was so in love with her in the first place.

"I can't keep up the pretense that there's nothing wrong, because there is, and do you want to know how I know that? Because I'm the one who has fucked everything up, and I can't keep lying to you, but I can't tell you the truth. You're too special, too important, and I can't bring you into this right now. I can't have you be in any danger, and I know you're going to ask what sort of danger I'm talking about, but Mac, I can't tell you, and I won't tell you." His voice cracked.

"What the fuck kind of explanation is that? You're breaking up with me, is that it? Because of some Merlin knows what reason? I swear to God you are worse than a Gryffindor sometimes with that noble streak of yours. I think you are full of complete bullshit, Caradick." Her normally docile and quirky behavior flared into something more dangerous now.

"It's the best I can do, Mac, and it's the only thing I can say except that I love you, I truly do, and I probably always will. But I can't be selfish, not with you, not if it could hurt you."

"Oh, that's rich. Break up with a girl and then decide to remind her how much you love her? You're a rubbish person, Caradoc Dearborn, and I hope you have a long lasting relationship with your left hand." And with that Mary MacDonald left, and a large piece of Doc left with her. He knew it was for the best, but every day without her was going to be a struggle. He had been her rock, the only consistent thing in his life for a while, and he pushed her away.

Fact of the matter was, deep down, Doc wasn't sure how much longer he'd be alive anyway. The war was getting worse instead of better, and he hoped that maybe, just maybe, Mary would be able to make it through. She was more important than he would ever be, and as excruciating as letting her go was, if she was able to have a future, he would let her have it. There was no use in just creating more pain in a world that desperately needed more love.