January 20th
9 am

I, Lily Evans, have officially given up on James Potter.

I punctuated my sentence with a sharp stab and contemplated what I had written. Was I really giving up on him, or was this just another one of my pathetic attempts to convince myself that it was never going to happen? I was leaning towards the latter until my very rude brain interrupted me.

Give up on him already! It's not going to happen! Get over it. Merlin, it's not like he's noticed your subtle hints all these years.

Oh shut up, brain.

No! I most certainly will not! Think about it! All those times you looked back after storming away from his advances, did he ever look back at you? No. He doesn't like you. If he did, he'd obviously know by now that you hate causing a scene. Honestly.

Oh shut up.

You're only upset because you know I'm right.

Sometimes I hated my brain. Why did it have to be so convincing? I mean, it obviously came in handy when I wanted to convince Slughorn to move the potions assignment to another day. And it seemed it had certainly convinced James all these years that I hated him. Stupid brain. Stupid, heartless brain. It always had to kick in when it was least wanted. Why couldn't I just be normal for a moment and let James know that I thought he was yummy scrumboes? Oh God, did I really just think that? Please let that never come out of my mouth. Ever. I'd rather go snog Nearly Headless Nick than let anyone hear me say that I thought James Potter was yummy scrumboes. Shit, I thought it again. One of these times it was bound to come out of my mouth. And that would definitely not be good.

I turned back to my journal and reread what I had written. Yes. I would stick to it. I, Lily Evans, would give up on James Potter.

…

Oh who am I kidding? The bloke is bloody gorgeous!! And sweet, and kind, and smart, and loyal, and… For the love of Merlin! I really needed to stop thinking all of this. It was not helping my cause!

Just then, the source of my internal insanity strolled up to me in the corridor. And stopped!

"Hey Evans" he said in that deliciously scrumptious voice of his. I replayed his phrase in my head, taking in the sexiness of his voice.

Oh God that was sexy. Just strolling on up to me and saying "Hey Evans" all casual-like. Oh it was fab. Fab, fab, fab, fab… wait. "Hey Evans"? Bollocks!

"Er, hi Potter" I managed to get out.

Oh fab. "Er, hi Potter". Yea, that was just the picture of a composed, sane woman talking to the most amazing man on the planet. Here I was just standing there looking at him whilst he waited for a response and all I could manage was "Er, hi Potter". Fab, that was just fab.

"Off to charms?" he asked.

"Um, yea. You?" Oh good, that was an acceptable response at least.

James consulted his schedule. "Yea, charms for me too. I suppose we had better be going now. Professor will kill us if we're late."

"Oh, er, yea I suppose. Well, see you there!" I said as I sped off in what I thought was the right direction. Unfortunately I was wrong.

"Er, Evans? Where are you going? Charms is that way" he said, pointing in the complete opposite direction as the one I was going.

Oh bloody hell. He must think I'm a complete idiot. "Uh, I'm off to the loo. Lots of tea at breakfast. A girl's gotta go!" and I rushed off. What was I thinking?? 'A girl's gotta go'?? James had probably thought I was completely mental. Wonderful. Not even first period and I had already made a complete idiot out of myself.

After taking the scenic route and slipping into charms in the nick of time, I avoided looking at James at all costs. I was already a bright pink as it was. I didn't need to turn scarlet before noon. No, that could wait.

I made it through charms without incident and practically ran out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang. Thank Merlin I had a free period next.

As I made my way back to the Gryffindor common room, I ran into a certain someone who turned my happy mood right back on its arse. James Potter, the source of my humiliation not one hour ago was standing there with his friends. The Marauders.

"Hey Evans"

"Oh, er, hi Potter. Didn't see you there. Sorry" I said as I attempted to maneuver around the group blocking my pathway to salvation.

"Yea, you seemed in a right hurry. Anything bothering you, Evans?"

Only that I made a complete idiot out of myself right in front of you this morning, I thought. But instead I said "No. Now out of my way Potter".

Oh brilliant. Way to show him you care Lily. I am such a complete moron sometimes. Nevertheless, James and his group vacated their spot on the stairway and allowed me passage. I couldn't face him or his friends after that and so I practically ran up the stairs.

I reached the Fat Lady and muttered the password quickly, threw myself through the portrait hole and ran up to my dorm. It wasn't until I threw myself onto my four-poster that I noticed Marlene McKinnon was already there.

Marlene was one of my best mates. She was kind, pretty and played quidditch. I was always jealous about that in particular. She got to be around James so much more, him being the captain and all. But then again, knowing me I'd probably fall off my broom so much I'd be kicked off the team. Anywho, back to the situation at hand.

"Hey Lily, rough morning?"

"You don't know the half of it. I promised myself I would give up on James and then I ran into him before charms and made a complete idiot out of myself and said something about 'lots of tea' and 'a girl's gotta go' and ran off to the loo and then I ran into him after charms and made an idiot out of myself and here I am" I concluded.

Marlene gave me one of those looks. The ones that had a mixture of sympathy and exasperation. The ones that tell me she's about to be all motherly.

"Now I highly doubt that's exactly what happened. Come on, what really happened?"

"That's it. That's exactly it. I made a complete arse out of myself twice in one hour. Fab, aren't I?" I responded.

Marlene decided to drop it, knowing I was in one of my moods and instead pulled out a chocolate frog and tossed it to me. I unwrapped the chocolate and took a big bite out of it before it could start hopping. Hopping chocolate, honestly. Chocolate is supposed to make you feel better, not run away from you. If I ever got hold of whoever decided to invent chocolate that hopped away from you, I could just… Oh never mind.

"Thanks" I muttered around my mouthful of chocolate.

"No problem," said Marlene. "I know to just toss you chocolate when you start talking about James. Though I really don't see why you don't just tell him –"

"Marlene. This is James we're talking about. I can't just walk up to him in the hallway and go 'Oi! Potter! I fancy you. Want to go to Hogsmeade with me?' Honestly Marlene". That girl just did not get it when it came to James. Telling him I fancy him. What a completely stupid idea. Really.