Alice crouched down. The sounds of the sobs seemed to sound so far away to her. She looked down at the hole in front of her and at the big wooden coffin inside, and held the rose tightly in her hand. She was gripping onto it so tightly, that the thorns were digging in her fingers. But she felt no pain. The only pain she felt was the emotional kind, due to her loss. She felt the tears rolling down her cheek, but she made no effort to wipe them away. She wanted them there. She wanted all the pain to go away. She wanted to turn the time back, so that everything would be different. But she knew that was impossible. Nothing was going to be the same again. Nothing was going to be as it was. She looked at the red rose, and then down at the coffin. She kissed the rose, and gently let it drop from her hands, and watched it fall down the deep hole, landing on the coffin.
"I love you." She sniffed. "I will always miss you." She was not aware that she was being watched across the other side of the cemetery. The figure watching her could see her, crouching down, not wanting to leave. Not wanting to leave his side. That is what she promised him after all. That she would look after him, all the time, no matter what. Jonathan Good sighed heavily as carried on watching her. Alice looked at her blood-stained hands and then put them on her face, as she wept quietly.
"How could you do this?" She sobbed, "How could you leave me?" Jon sighed again and stumped out his cigarette before slowly making his way towards her. He stood behind her and listened to her crying. He looked up as the tears that he refused to let fall burnt his eyes. He felt the same guilt she did. He decided to be brave. If not for him for her. He closed his eyes and put his hands on her shoulders. Alice jumped at his touch and looked up at him.
"Hi." She sniffed wiping her tears away.
"How are you doing, babe?" He asked soothingly. Alice shrugged and sniffed some more as Jon crouched down beside her.
"Why did this have to happen to him Jon? He didn't deserve it." She croaked. Jon took her cold hand in his and held it warmly. He felt it trembling, and he started rubbing them.
"You're freezing." He whispered.
"I can't feel the cold." She whispered back, as a tear dropped down onto his hand, "All I can feel pain." She was crying intensely now despite her attempts to control it. Jon sighed and held her against him.
"I miss him Jon." She sobbed.
"I know you do sweetheart. I miss him too." He whispered, as he quickly wiped the tears away before she could see them. They stayed there in that embrace for a while until Alice pulled away.
"Shall we go then?" He asked, rubbing her arms to stop her from shivering. Alice nodded and looked at the grave. "It feels wrong leaving him."
"I know babe." Jon nodded, "But you are going to catch your death of cold if you hang around any longer. And you know what'd he'd say about that." Alice looked at him and realised what he had just said. He flinched slightly and closed his eyes, "Oh god Ali I am so sorry. I didn't even think." Alice shook her head.
"It's OK Jon. You're right." She whispered. "He'd tell me to get my crazy arse inside and out of the rain." Jon smiled weakly and put his arm around her waist.
"Come on then. My car is over here."
"I really don't wanna go to this." She sighed as Jon began leading her towards his car.
"I know you don't, but it's his wake. You have to go babe." He smiled sadly holding onto her tightly.
"I know, but it's going be so hard. People I hardly know, coming up to me and telling me how sorry they are."
"Only out of respect sweetheart." He smiled. "Ricky had a lot of friends."
"I know." She sighed. "I know I have to suck it up and get on with it." Jon smiled and got into the car. After Alice had buckled up, he started the engine and pulled the car out of the car park and in the direction of the house. When they pulled up outside, Jon turned off the engine as Alice watched all the guests going in.
"Do I have to go in?" She whispered, looking at the dashboard in front of her. Jon unbuckled his seatbelt and held her hand.
"I wish I could say no and take you away from all of this." He sighed. "But you know you do."
"I don't think I can Jon" She whispered blowing her nose into her tissue once again. "I'm not strong enough. Ricky was the strong one."
"You are stronger then you give yourself credit for Ali." He said as he squeezed her hand. "Ricky always said you made him stronger. I know you can do this."
"I can't." She said shaking her head. "I know that as soon as I go in there and someone tells me they are sorry and what a great person Ricky was I am going to lose it. And what about all the stares I am going to get. I mean, they know what I did. What if they kick me out? What If I'm not even welcome at my own husband's wake?"
"Then I will be there for you." He smiled, kissing her hand. Alice looked at him shocked as Jon smiled back at her. "What?"
"I've have been so horrible to you." She said with a frown. "Why are you being so nice to me?" Jon held her hand tightly.
"Because it is perfectly understandable how you can turn against someone when your husband has just died." Alice looked guiltily at the floor.
"But I was so nasty to you."
"You had to let it all out. And I can understand why you turned against me. I really do babe. After everything that happened and everything else." He sighed, looking away from her. "Besides, I'm Dean Ambrose. I'm used to women being nasty to me." This made a large snort escape Alice's mouth and Jon grinned.
"I'm sorry Jon. I really shouldn't have been that awful." She sighed, playing with the buttons on her black coat.
"Let's not talk about this Okay? Let's just go in and get through the rest of the day." He said, opening his door. Alice nodded and got out of the car.
"Did you mean what you said? About being there with me?" She asked as they were heading towards the front door. Jon smiled and nodded.
"I sure did. Together we can do this."
"We have always made a great team." Jon brought her head closer to his and kissed her forehead lightly.
"You got that right sweetcheeks. And keep on smiling that smile. You look beautiful." Alice blushed but carried on walking. She opened the front door, and was met by the hundreds of people inside. They all looked at her when she went in for a brief moment before carrying on their conversations. She frowned and went straight to the kitchen for a drink. She could hear the sniggers and the comments made on her way there. As promised, Jon was right by her side, squeezing her hand as he heard the comments too. When they got to the kitchen, they were met with Jon's old Shield buddies and close friends, Colby and Joe.
"Hey sweetheart. How are you keeping?" Joe asked giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"As well as anyone whose husband has just died." Alice shrugged. Colby smiled at her sympathetically and kissed her other cheek.
"It was a good ceremony. Ricky would have loved it."
"Thanks." She mumbled. "And thank you both for coming."
"We wouldn't have missed it Alice." Joe smiled softly.
"How are his parents taking things? You know…" started Colby while glancing at Jon. Alice sighed knowing exactly what he meant.
"They cannot stand me. They hate what I did to their son. They feel it is all my fault. Understandable really." Alice shrugged as more tears welled up in her brown eyes and she fought to control them.
"Stop right there." Jon said sternly looking straight into her eyes. "You are not to blame for this. It is not your fault." Alice shrugged again and went to get a drink just as Colby's fiancée Leighla and Joe's wife Galina walked in.
"Hey Ali." Leighla smiled sympathetically. "How are you doing?" Alice looked down at her shoes. She felt that huge lump form in her throat so she just answered with a nod. Leighla looked at Jon who just shook his head and she realised that this was not the question to ask her yet. She nodded and went to Colby's eagerly awaiting arms. Galina walked over to Joe and handed him his drink.
"Here you go babe." She smiled. Joe winked at her and put his arm around her waist. Alice continued to stare at her shoes, doing her best to ignore the couples around her. Seeing she was distracted, Joe kissed Galina's cheek before heading over to talk to Jon.
"So, are you two good again?" He whispered.
"I think so. I hope so anyway. I am just being there for her. She needs someone." Jon said as Joe nodded and went back to join Galina. Jon sighed but continued to watch Alice as someone approached her. He saw the tears springing from her eyes as this person was talking to her. He could tell that she was not giving her condolences. Instead she was giving her a hard time. He started walking over to her, when Alice suddenly covered her mouth with her hands and rushed off. Jon sighed and walked over to this stranger. He grabbed her arms.
"What did you say to her?" He growled.
"Just what she had coming!" Snapped the blonde stranger. Jon let go of her and walked off in search of Alice. She needed someone badly and he was going to make sure that he was there for her every step of the way.