The Issue with Post-Game Crossovers; LoZ/Naruto

Chapter 1;Link to the Over-Powered

This will be a series of connected one-shots featuring Link from the Legend of Zelda, (complete with all of his items and upgrades from every game,) in the Naruto world. This is meant to be a parody of bad cross-overs, and will feature a vastly overpowered Link amassing a(n unwanted) harem, and a Naruto who is slightly more mature. This is not mean to be taken seriously. I don' own the Legend of Zelda or Naruto. Enjoy Reading.

Naruto's generation is aged three years so that Link can be the same age as them and have flirting from the older kunoichi not be quite so weird.

"speech" "thought" "Giant Summons, Bijuu, Bosses" 'Link Speaking'

Get it? Got it? Good!

-Random Idyllic Glade somewhere in the Land of Fire—

A girl with vibrant red hair slumped onto one of the giant tree trunks that filled the forests surrounding the Hidden Leaf Village. The scraps of her clothes did nothing to hide the seal on her neck and the flute in her belt. "Three days… I bet the snake… fucker… doesn't even know… I'm gone."

"Ku ku ku. I knew the moment you cast the genjutsu on your partners. And I can't stand traitors."

The girl's eyes shot open and she leapt away from the pale faced man who seemed to appear from nowhere. She choked on her fear and nearly suffocated under the killing intent, but managed to force out a question. "How?"

"You thought you were so clever, casting a genjutsu to fool your partners into thinking you were silently brooding behind them, and then tying scraps of your clothes to animals to create false trails, all without using any chakra to give away your position. You though you could run to the Leaf Village and ruin my plans. But you forgot two very important things." The man moved faster than the eye could see and began to strangle the girl. "I am the Sannin Orochimaru, and I own your body. I have no use for a puppet that doesn't obey me." A snake came out of his mouth and constricted the girl. "You'll be used for one last experiment. Ku ku ku ku."

Despite the pain racking her body, the woman still mustered a last bit of resistance and spit in his face. "Fuck you up the ass with a rusty kunai."

"Tsk Tsk. You always were letting you mouth get you into trouble Tayuya. I think I may have to fix that."

Right before the coiling serpent began to force its way into her mouth a loud battle cry echoed throughout the woods. A young man in a green tunic leapt down from the tree tops and drove his sword through the snake's head and the Sanin's arm, killing the summon and pinning Orochimaru. Faster than the eye could see, another blade appeared and decapitated the Snake summoner. The snake was engulphed in a blue flame, but the body was untouched. The man walked over to the corpse with sword ready, but was caught by surprise when the ground under body exploded into a sea of snakes. Tayuya turned her face so she wouldn't have to see the death of her savior, but turned back when a searing heat struck her. When she looked she saw her hero standing tall over the burning corpses of the serpents.

Before there was time to relax, a crashing sound came from the forest and a giant purple snake lunged at the new threat. Tayuya forced herself away, but the blonde man in the tunic stood his ground and snapped his finger. A large barrel of gunpower appeared in his hand, complete with lit fuse. The blonde threw the powder keg, then executed a perfect backflip to bring him just out of reach of the serpent's jaws. The summon only realized its mistake too late, and the explosion was strong enough to send a splinter of bone into its brain.

The man pocketed the building sized head of his latest victim and turned to his damsel in distress. His hand was halfway extended to help her up when he quickly drew it back and drew his sword. Orochimaru's signature blade came within inches of piercing his chest, but the swordsman's skill reversed the momentum of the Kusanagi. One second later a furious should was heard, filled with indescribable rage that he had lost his arm again. Paying it no mind, the blonde turned back to the rescued maiden and saw something that made him feel fear for the first time since he had entered this land.

-Link's Perspective—

The Hero of Time was having a nice easy day. The forest he was traveling through had barely any monsters and the woods didn't even try to confuse him. None of the enemies were any challenge, and the miniboss even went down in one hit. There was no enemy that could come close to matching him in this forest.

But standing in front of him was one of the few things he could not defeat, and he was utterly terrified.

The girl had hearts in her eyes. She was already in stage three of Fangirlism. He had exactly two point six seconds before she would attempt to glomp him, and point three seconds before the squee was unleashed. If she were allowed to confess her love (which would happen after exactly 23.5 seconds of vicious hugging) she would progress to stage four and then there would be no hope.

He put away his weapons (they were immune anyway) and pulled out his ocarina to call Epona. The horse was too slow. The girl was airborne before the hero was even at his steed's side. He tried to dodge with a last second side hop, but she inexplicably changed direction midair and brought him to the ground. Desperately gasping for air, Link pulled out a strange device and fired it at a nearby tree. The switch-hook1 grabbed a convenient log, and he was swapped with the log through time and space, leaving him free. The moment his feet hit the ground he switched to the Pegasus boots2 and hauled ass to his destination.

-Leaf Village Gate—

The two gate guards of the village were having a boring day watching nothing try to approach the village, and wishing for some excitement.

They also had apparently never heard the phrase, "Be careful what you wish for…"

"Kotetsu, what's that sound?"

"Stop getting my hopes up Izumo, there's nothing there."

"No, there really is a sound. It's like… feet scuffing the ground at an insane speed."

"Don't be absurd, nothing interesting ever happens on these watches. I'm gonna go grab lunch, and you can prepare a report about that mysterious noise for shift end."

"No, really, it's getting closer!"

"I'm not falling for you making a sound to get me to give up the comfy seat so you can take it AGAIN! I'm grabbing lunch, and I'm taking my chair with me!"

Izumo watched his partner leave, and felt a sense of illogical dread overtake him. Then he heard the cry of utter terror that was accompanying the other sound. Ten seconds later a silhouette appeared on the horizon, and crashed into the wall to the left of the open gate.

The boy shook himself off and marched to the gatehouse. The two stared in silence for a minute.

Izumo finally cleared his throat. "Umm, can I help you?"

The boy threw up his hands in defeat, then pulled out a wanted poster and pointed to the summons subsection of the Leaf's second most hated traitor. Before the guard got the wrong idea, he pulled out the Snake boss's head and let it float and turn above his hands.

When Kotetsu returned, he found a destroyed guard starion, and a very sheepish blonde kid bound hand and foot.

-Hokage Tower—

"Now Naruto, the pranks have gotten out of hand. I understand that you feel like you need to take revenge for stores giving you poor service, but adding trip wires and paint traps through Mr. Shiitake's store is no way to respond. You're sixteen now, and everyone in your age group will be graduating to genin tomorrow. You need to take your education more seriously if you want to take over after me. I'm handing you over to Iruka, he'll-"

A knock on the door and his secretary's voice interrupted him. "Sir, there's a blonde kid with blue eyes here to see you."

The Hokage paled in fear and looked at the boy in front of him. "Naruto, did you manage to find some way of multiplying yourself?"

Receiving a shake of the head as his answer, Hiruzen took the next most logical step and ordered that the other blonde be sent in. The moment the door opened he sent two kunai to scratch the cheeks of the two boys in an attempt to dispel any illusions and reveal a possible infiltrator.

Naruto responded as usual and went into a panic a second after he received the cut, but the other blonde casually reflected the thrown knife with a shield. The Hokage settled into a combat stance, but relaxed once he took in the appearance of the young man. While a quick glance could perhaps mistake him for Naruto, or for the Fourth Hokage, the differences were obvious. The stranger's hair was far too neat, and a shade duller, and the green tunic with strange hat certainly couldn't have come from Naruto's closet. Then there were the ears. The elfin, triangular ears were certainly unique to their visitor. In short, if he was supposed to be an infiltrator, then he was doing a terrible job of it.

While Hiruzen was spending time carefully analyzing the newcomer, Naruto decided to take action. He perched on the back of his chair and stared down the other blonde. "Who are you? Why do you look like me? Are you secretly my cousin? Are you trying to imitate me cuz' I'm so awesome? I'm gunna' be Hokage one day, Believe it!"

In response Link, stared back with a look as if he were solving a puzzle. After about ten seconds he pulled out a piece of paper and drew a bunch of lines that eventually connected their names.

After giving the bare bones family tree to his fifth cousin, three times removed (Hyrule kept amazing genealogical records) Link turned to the leader, sitting behind the desk. He held out the letter written by Zelda and signed by her father outlining a trade alliance between Hyrule and whichever land their hero found himself adventuring in.

Hiruzen accepted the document while Naruto was quiet, both trying to understand the meaning of the papers they were given. Hiruzen was the first to finish. He set the letter down and sent Naruto to wait outside. Once the door was closed he fixed the Hylian in a fierce stare. "Did you know that this letter that is supposed to be a trade contract includes a request to train you?" a nod. "And are you aware that part of the payment we receive is your services as long as you are learning from us?" another nod. "Then would you also happen to know that we are also given authority to force you to, quote, add anyone to your harem who shows interest?" A moment of silence.

'SHE SAID WHAT!' The formerly silent boy burst into a cold sweat as a shadow in the corner of the room moved in response to his melodic voice. 'nonononononono, she can't have done this to me. She told me she wasn't going to force me again.' Link tensed up as his senses flared into high alert, but he knew it was too late.

A woman wearing nothing but a partial mask, an open trench coat, and some mesh draped herself on his back. She stuck out her tongue to tease one of his ears as her hands decided to explore under his shirt. "Is the little elf scared. Don't worry" She moved her mouth to his twitching ear before giving it a teasing bite. "Big sis Anko will take care of everything, so you can relax and enjoy."

"ANKO! Stop tormenting our guest and return to your post!"

The kunoichi stuck out her tongue, but obeyed. Meanwhile, the hero was lamenting his "terrible curse". 'The goddesses enjoy my suffering, don't they.'

Meanwhile, in a heaven beyond the sacred realm, the three golden goddesses as well as not a few of the lesser female deities whom Link had charmed all put their hands up in an attempt to appear innocent, scattering popcorn and other snacks, as well as revealing some sticky fingers.

Back in the Leaf Village, Hiruzen gave a heavy sigh and took a large puff from his pipe. While he certainly wouldn't object to the creation of a trade agreement with another nation, nor would he pass up on the creation of a new clan to make up for the Uchiha, that would mean that he would be approving of giving someone a legal harem, and he was sure that no matter the circumstances, his wife would beat him senseless once he reached the afterlife. Finally, he decided to put it off until he had more information. "Naruto… I mean… I'm sorry, what was you name?"

'Link Hyrule.' Anko almost moved out of her post again at the sound of the boy's voice, and only refrained because of the other ANBU guards physically holding her back.

"Right then. Link Hyrule, I have come to a decision. Our Genin exams are tomorrow, and we'll get a baseline for your skills then, and decide how or what to train you after that. Until then, relax, and prepare as you see fit. The terms of trade will be negotiated later." Once Link had left the room, the Hokage wrote a letter to his old student and gave it to a summon to hand along. With preparations for the next day done, he leaned back into his chair and let the ominous sense of impending doom wash over him as he watched their visitor stop to help one of the Uchiha's fangirls get her kitten out of a tree and reminisced about his youth.

-Chapter End-

This was inspired by a quote that I once heard. "Mary sues are not defined by how easy their challenges are, but rather how easily they overcome them." That got me thinking, and since I am having problems with my other stories since I haven't been able to see my muse, I decided to do another side project.

I chose Link and Naruto, since Legend of Zelda is my favorite game series and Link is such a fun character to write. I mean, so long as he is courageous, personality is a near blank. That led me to one of Link's outstanding talents, gathering girls. Over all his games, he has gathered the most girls out of any single video game character. And the point of the game isn't even to get those girls, it just happens. Adol Christin from the Ys series is close, but he bats one or two girls a game, while Link beats Adol's total from Seven games between Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask. But the real clencher was the fangirls from Twilight princess. They inspired me to inflict Naruto level fangirls on the poor Hero of Time.

But Naruto really does have some of the most extreme and illogical fangirl levels I've seen in anime. And this is for generic broody dark Sasuke. How bad will it be for someone with pheromone levels of seduction. Hero mode, go!

Link's inventory Index

1: switch hook; found in Oracle of Ages, swaps the places of the person firing and the object hit. Works kind of like the substitution jutsu, except slightly slower and no cool puff of smoke.

2: Pegusus Boots; first found in Link to the Past. Makes link run super fast in a straight line. No limit to how far can be run with these boots, but hitting something at those speeds can shake large trees and destroy weak walls.