Author's Note: Not the almighty creator of Harry Potter, just a fan with a bit of time on her hands.
"I am losing my mind." "Okay, I just said that out loud. This is a sign. What of? Well, apparently, Lily, you are suffering from one or more of the following: a headache which you stubbornly refused to do anything about all day due to being too busy to take a potion; some level of insanity; and too much rattling around in your brain," she continued silently.
The seventh year red head sat up in bed and sighed. She wished she could blame the rain outside for keeping her up, but she's been known to sleep through the most terrible thunderstorms. The cold fall rain falling on the castle was nothing that could have affected her sleep.
Deciding that sleep was not going to come to her any time soon she grabbed her warm, thick robe, her favorite book, and slid on her fuzzy slippers. If she couldn't sleep, she would read down by the fire.
"I just hope that I'll have the common room to myself." As much as Lily would hope to rule out choice two as a serious consideration, the fact that a certain dark haired Head Boy whom until quite recently was the bane of her existence found his way into her thoughts quite frequently was part of why she was still up at nearly one in the morning. The tension of a headache and the annoyance of insomnia were enough frustrations for one night. The addition of James Potter would put her over the edge.
Lily padded down the steps from the Head Girl's room and curled up on the couch in front of the fire. If anything could put her mind at ease it would be reading the trials and tribulations of Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy. There's always someone whose life is more complicated than your own. Some times it was just hard to figure out whom.
After about half an hour of this Lily found herself still wide awake, but getting a bit more uncomfortable. Her headache continued to be a dull throb and her neck and shoulders were giant knot. She put down her book, shut her eyes, and began to knead her neck. An exasperated sigh escaped her without her even realizing it.
That bit of noise helped to cover the soft footfalls of the Head Boy who also was suffering from insomnia. He crept down the stairs, afraid to startle Lily or set off her temper. While he knew she wasn't yelling as frequently at him this year, he still did not want to take any chances. Before he came too near, Lily turned as she sensed someone else was in the room. Her deep emerald eyes were a bit dimmed by the headache and soreness she had carried all day. She barely acknowledged his presence, merely glancing at him before closing her eyes again and massaging her temples. James hated to see that expression, but was unsure whether she would allow him to help.
Without speaking he came around the couch. He pulled some cushions off the couch and overstuffed chair. He ran back up to his room and brought back down an old quilt. Taking Lily by the hand, he helped her slide down onto the nest of cushions. He wrapped her in the quilt. She had a loose ponytail keeping her hair out of her face. He removed the hair tie and let her hair fall loose about her shoulders.
James' wonder was reaching new heights. Lily was allowing him to guide her and touch her. While they had seemed to form a sort of détente between them since becoming Heads, a true friendship seemed out of reach. This sort of intimacy, that more of a couple dating, he would have thought impossible. Yet here he was, at two in the morning, with Lily perched on pillows as he sat behind her on the couch.
In silence James began massaging her shoulders. If Lily's mind was whirling while she was attempting to sleep earlier, now all coherent thought left her as his Quidditch toned hands kneaded the knotted muscles in her shoulders and neck with an unexpected gentleness. Her head drifted forward and he continued to work out the tension she carried. After a few minutes she started to turn to thank him.
"No, just wait," he replied to her unstated thought. He continued to rub her shoulders and neck. This time her head fell back. As James was sitting with his legs crossed on the couch, her head landed neatly in his lap. He began working on her temples.
"Where did you learn to do this so well?" murmured Lily.
"My mom used to get migraines. While the healers' potions work wonders, they take a while to go into effect. I hated to see her suffering so I started offering to rub her head and stuff. Usually my dad did, but he was off doing auror stuff so often that I was sort of the fill in." James' voice drifted off. He hadn't yet talked much about his parents whom had died just before his return to school. Mr. Potter had been a top auror and Deatheaters attacked the Potters when they were out one night.
Lily reached up to take James' hands that had paused their work on her temples. She clasped them in her own and brought them to rest on her chest.
For a few minutes neither spoke. They both realized it was a moment when words were neither necessary nor adequate.
"For six years and what, two months now, I've known you James. You continue to surprise me. For six of those years the surprise was mainly based on the new pranks you and the Marauders managed to create. And I can't forget your ever creative efforts to ask me out. But for two months now we've been Heads and I can see how you've changed. I know some of that is inevitably due to the death of your parents, but I think some of it is just natural growing up. I still see the mischievous first year in you, after all you did cover Snape cauldron with stink sap yesterday, right? But you are also letting a deeper side of you show. I saw you tutoring that fourth year in the library, and was that a home sick first year you were cheering up the other day?" Here Lily paused, seeming to ponder her next words, "And I know how you've helped Remus for all these years."
Here James gasped and tried to find words.
"Don't worry; he knows I know his secret. Though I don't think he knows I am aware of the true meaning of Padfoot, Prongs, Wormtail, and Moony." Here Lily smirked. Odd how in the last two minutes James was the one who was serious and Lily carried the slightly proud smirk on her face. Usually the two had the opposite expressions.
Finally James found his voice. "I'm not sure quite how to deal with that last bit, so I'm just going to leave it until later. But you're right; this past summer was a revelation for me, even before, well, yeah." James paused. Lily squeezed his hands again.
With this bit of courage, James continued. "With all that is going on in the world and with this, our last year, I started to think about what was important to me. While the laughter and plotting of pranks is a release in the midst of all the tension, it isn't my life goal anymore. And yes, for quite some time Sirius and I thought it would be our life work. Hopefully someone will follow in our footsteps. Maybe even make use of some of our expertise and resources…Anyway. But then I thought of what would happen after school and who was important to me and how I wanted to be. I want to do good in the world and to help others, cliché as that may sound. I realized that my true friends and family were the world and I needed to let them know that. Remus helped me to see the value of life and the gift of each day of health and happiness. Sirius taught me loyalty and laughter. My parents taught me love and its importance. I am just so glad I figured that out before my parents died. And I realized that my crush on you and the way I tortured you was just not fair."
Now it was Lily's turn to take in a quick breath of air. This was not exactly what she was expecting nor hoping to hear if her heart was honest with her mind. Luckily, at this time of night, the heart, and not the mind often dominates the conversation.
"I realized I didn't consider how you felt and how my actions impacted you. I was going for the spot light and the glory of the chase. I know why you kept saying no and I'm glad you did. I wasn't ready for you. I wasn't worthy for you."
Lily still had James' hands in her own, but her grip was loosening. She stared into the fire and her eyes started to shine with tears. One managed to escape and she couldn't hide it. James saw.
"Oh, Lily. I didn't mean to make you cry. It figures that I go from making you mad to making you cry now. I don't mean to upset you, but if I don't get this out I'll be breaking a promise I made to myself. You see, while I realized the crush was unfair and unfounded, I realized there was still something there. As I thought about you, quite a lot as Sirius can testify to, I came to realize I felt much more than a school boy crush for you. I don't know if it is like or love or what. I mean, I'm only seventeen and you are the only girl I have ever cared for. But I also know that you are the only girl I want to fall in love with. So while it might not yet be love, it could be, and, oh, Lily, please don't cry!"
By this time the one tear had quite a bit of company as tears were streaming down Lily's face and reflecting the glow of the fire. James pulled his hands away and began to wipe them away with his hand.
"Say something, please Lily," he pleaded.
"Oh, James, I…" Lily struggled for words as she turned around and knelt on the pillows. As she brought her face up to meet James' gaze their eyes locked. As the last few tears snuck out the corner of Lily's eye, James' thumb caught them. His hand stayed on her cheek. Slowly the two came together.
It was a sweet, soft kiss. Some who favor romance novels and high drama might be disappointed, but for James and Lily it was a perfect moment. All the emotion of the conversation, all the deep caring, and promises of the future somehow came through that brief kiss. As it ended, James brought his forehead to rest on Lily's. They slowly opened their eyes and shyly smiled at each other.
In a swift movement, James swept Lily up onto his lap and the two stretched out on the couch. They sat there for a few minutes in silence, absorbing the sudden, but not wholly unexpected change in their relationship.
"James, have you talked to anyone else about your parents since school began?"
"Not really. I mean Sirius knew what had happened and was at my house over the summer so when they came to tell me what happened he was there. And we talked a bit. I told the other Marauders, but it was more just sort of letting them know what was going on," James explained. He cracked the famous half smile which Lily could now admit she loved as he continued. "After all, we're guys. We don't talk about our feelings and stuff."
"Well for someone who doesn't talk about your feelings, you sure do a good job at it. And an even better job demonstrating them," Lily retorted with her own impish grin.
"Why, be still my beating heart, Lily Evans is flirting! And with James Potter the bane of her existence! Somewhere there is a very hot place that is quickly freezing over." The exuberant and playful nature was finding its way out of James again.
"Be careful, keep up with the cockiness and I just might go lock myself in my room," Lily threatened.
"Then this knight would simply have to climb the tower and rescue you," James responded.
"Do you think I need rescuing?" Lily questioned with her eyebrow raised in a challenge.
"Yes and no. You can take care of yourself most of the time quite well. But nobody should always have to take care of themselves. Everyone needs a bit of rescuing in their lives. You, my dear Lily, are the worst kind of princess because you think you don't need rescuing. However, the particular rescuing you need is a bit of comedic relief, some pampering occasionally, and generally someone willing to listen to you rant when you are frustrated."
Yet again, Lily found herself speechless as James took her breath and all coherent thought away. Thus, she did what seemed instinctual. She leaned forward to kiss him. James was a bit surprised by this.
"And you need rescuing from your inflated ego, living up to your reputation and emotional build up you rarely let show." Lily punctuated this with a third kiss. Now James was speechless.
Finally, he found his sense of humor. "That doesn't mean that I'm a princess though, does it?"
Lily giggled, "No, I think we can safely say you are better suited to prince charming." Now James really questioned his sanity, Lily was flirting with him, complimenting him, and kissing him. Was the world ending? Isn't this one of the signs of the apocalypse?
They sat for a few minutes in silence. "You know, James, I can't say I love you, but I can't say I don't love you." James turned in to kiss Lily in response.
"Well, I think that we've got a bit of time to figure it all out," he replied. "How is your headache?"
"Gone. I wonder whether the back massage or the kisses helped more." As Lily spoke, she turned to James and her eyes sparkled and it was not due to the flickering flames.
As the clock chimed three, two young people could be seen on a deep red couch holding each other with soft smiles on their lips. What their dreams were made of, we cannot know, but that night brought them rest and peace in a troubled world. That night brought them a gift that would grace their lives with love and the world with hope. But that is another story.