They say dying's quick, painless, that all of the sudden it's dark and this light will appear. It's not like that at all, all of your senses shut down one by one, but before that you get the privilege to relive all of your most beautiful and tragic memories.

Sight

I can see him, he's got a gun, he's yelling something but I can't hear what he's saying. I can see the flash as the gun goes off. I manage to close my eyes right before it hits me. When I open them I can see the city lights above me. And then you appear. I've never seen you with that look in your eyes but right now you're terrified. I try to smile, to let you know I'm okay but I can't. Your mouths moving but I can't hear you. I move my head and I can see blood everywhere, I turn back to your face and can see that you're crying. You're crying Elliot, you never cry, this must be bad huh?

I remember the first time I saw you. It was raining and we were working a case, your hair was dripping down your face and your lips were begging to be kissed but I hardly knew you and frankly you came off as a pompous ass, who knew that would be what I came to love about you the most?

I remember our first fight to, El. You were so pissed at me, I could see it in your eyes, your cheeks were red, your hair was a total mess. You terrified me but at the same time confused every part of me. I kissed you, you almost pulled away but instead you pulled me closer and I knew we wouldn't be fighting anymore.

The last thing I can see is your face and your beautiful blue eyes filled with tears.

And then, I can't see anymore, everything is dark.

Hearing

"Liv! Livvy can you hear me?! It's going to be okay, I promise, you're going to be alright, its just a scratch, nothing bad. The ambulance is on its way, just hold on." Your voice is shaking and everything is coming out in a rush, you're trying to keep your voice level but it's just not working, I know you to well anyways.

I remember your laugh El, it was always my favorite thing to hear, hell it was contagious. I could be in the worst mood running on nothing but fumes and hear that laugh and I'd start laughing right along even if I had no idea what was going on.

I love the way you say my name, when no one's around, a deep whisper like letting anyone else hear would break your whole world.

I remember the first time you said, "I love you" for the first time. You whispered it in my ear, so low I could barely hear it. I also remember the way you moaned that night.

"Liv.. Don't leave me, don't do this to me damn it! I love you.. I can't do this without you.. please.."

I've never heard you beg before, I don't like it, I want to tell you I love you too and that I'll be okay, that we'll be okay but I can't. I can hear the sirens off in the distance. And then I can't hear anything, everything eerily quiet.

Taste

I remember the first time you came over, it was pouring outside, it always seemed to be when we had plans. You brought wine, red to be exact and we ordered Chinese and you laughed at the way I ate which made me laugh even though it was at my expense.

I remember the way your lips tasted when you kissed me, your lips were a mix of spice and alcohol. You tasted so bitter sweet and I knew I'd become addicted to that taste. I don't think either of us had any idea that kiss would be the start of our relationship.

I remember when I got sick once, you made me chicken soup, it tasted awful but I ate it anyways.

I can taste something metal El. I think it's blood.

Smell

I remember the way you smelled the first time we hugged, it made me dizzy, and made my knees go weak.

You lent me your tee-shirt once, remember? It smelled just like you. It made me feel safe. I never told you this but that night I fell asleep with my face buried in it.

Remember that day I tried to cook for us? I burned the spaghetti for god sakes. You couldn't stop laughing at me and soon enough we were both on the floor laughing like crazy people. We ended up getting pizza, my apartment smelled awful for three days El!

I can smell blood, is there a lot?

Touch

I always loved playing with your hair. You didn't always let me do it, it put you to sleep every time. But when you let me, you were so relaxed, you looked so peaceful El.

I remember the way you held my hand when we first started dating, I remember the way you touched me like I was fragile and you'd break me. I remember the way you'd kiss my skin, with so much love and adoration.

You're holding my hand, I can feel it, I know you want to hug me, to hold me and put all my broken pieces back together, but you're afraid to touch me, aren't you El? You don't want to hurt me.

Someone else is picking me up now, their being so careful.

Before you let go of my hand, I feel so lite and then..