Disclaimer: House of Anubis doesn't belong to me, and I don't own the characters; Amber Millington and Alfie Lewis.
dedicated to Ashley, -sibunahouse (on tumblr), because of her comment on my first oneshot ever made me confident enough to actually post them.
I can't smile, I can't laugh, I can't even breathe. I can't be me without you around. Do you understand? I can't fully be me, be the very best of me without you. And I know, I know I'm barely anything to you. That I'm just a joke, a clown, someone who made you laugh. I mean you, were you, beautiful. Shining with dreams, hopes and I dragged you down. I dragged you down to the mild life on Earth with laughter and small happiness. I took you from the stars were you glowed, shimmered and for god's sake, where you shined too bright for my eyes. I dulled that gleam around you, so I could be with you. It was like pulling a wing off a butterfly, leaving it with only half its gleam. I can't help it. You are you and what was I supposed to do? I know, I know, I'm selfish (but I'm only selfish because I need you, I need you so much more than you know). I'm selfish, funny Alfie and you were glorious Amber Millington whose dreams were flying off without me.
I'm so scared. You don't understand what would happen if you leave. I'd fade away from you, we'll all fade away from you, until even I can't bring you down to my humble earth. You'll be permanently stuck to your clouds, your stars, your moon. I don't want that to happen, Amber Millington. I want you here, with me. With Sibuna, with Nina, with Mick. I don't care with who. I don't care unless your here. I need you here where I can see you, hear you and know you aren't drifting and becoming the person I know you can be.
I don't want you to say you'll never forget me, I just need to hear you say you're stay. Because there are some many someone's who can make you laugh, and sooner or later my title will disappear and I will become what I've always been. Nothing. And it's useless. Who wants be nothing, useless, worthless. I don't want to be that Amber. But it's hard, making you happy or making me happy?
I'm not selfless to let the latter option win but I'm not selfish enough to let it go. I'm not selfless enough to not think about my own happiness, but I'm not selfish enough to just think about my own happiness.
It isn't the same without you, Amber Millington. I want you to know this, but I have too much cowardice in me to tell you face to face. So I'm slipping this note inside your jacket before you leave. You won't find it for a while but you'll definitely find it. And at the very least, you'll know that you'll be missed. You'll always be missed and you'll away be Amber Millington, the girl who had stars for eyes.