Author's Note: This is my first fanfic longer than a drabble, so any feedback, good or bad, would be greatly appreciated. There have been a lot of angst-driven post-ep stories for The Good, the Bad, and the Dominatrix, and I felt the need to allow a little reconciliation. This is what I think could have happened sometime before the final scene. Thanks to griot for the speedy beta! Any errors are all mine.
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Sara's car was parked in her usual spot when Grissom returned from the lab. He carefully shut off his own vehicle, grabbed a folder off the front seat, and slowly got out, locking the doors as he walked toward the front of the townhouse. He quietly opened the door and stepped into the cool air. There was no sign of Sara or Bruno. Dropping the folder on a nearby table, he walked back toward the bedroom.
Grissom paused in the doorway. Bruno looked up from his position in Sara's arms, but she didn't stir. Although she wasn't facing him, he could tell by the tension in her back that she was awake. Toeing off his shoes, Grissom moved slowly toward the open side of the bed, sitting on the edge then pulling up his feet and leaning back against the headboard, giving her some space.
Sara slowly rolled onto her back, leaving an arm over Bruno's shoulders. Grissom leaned to his side, placing a gentle kiss on Sara's temple as he scratched the dog between the ears. He rocked back against the headboard and let out a long breath. She was there, maybe not fully open to him, but she was there. He needed to make this right.
"Sara, I uh... I'm sorry you had to find out from Cath, but I... she ... just needed someone and there wasn't anyone else."
Sara sighed, "It hurt Griss, but I said I understood, and I meant it. It's just ... It's not really about Heather. I know why you felt you needed to go over there. I just wish..."
"I should have told you."
"That's not ... I mean, I would have appreciated it if you had told me, but that's not even really what upsets me the most. It's not even you, really. After seeing how defeated she was when I went to... I mean, I'm glad you were able to help her."
"You don't seem all that glad. What's really bothering you if it's not Heather?"
Sara sighed again and absently began stroking Bruno's flank, turning away from Grissom as she reached over. Bruno stretched and rolled over, giving her free access to his chest and stomach. Sara grinned as his paws stuck up into the air and took his hint.
Grissom's glance lingered on the muscles flexing in her back as she scratched the dog. "Sara? You know you don't have anything to worry about, right? Heather's just a friend."
"I know, Griss. I trust you. And I trust you to do what you think is right... And most of the time, we agree on what's right."
"Most of the time? What about this time?"
"Yeah... I would have done the same thing if a friend or an ex was in trouble... I do understand that part."
"You probably would have told me, though... I'm sorry."
Sara rolled over and pulled herself up to lean against his shoulder, curling against his side. "Yeah, I probably would have, but you don't have to keep apologizing, Griss. I get it. I know that this is how you are, and it's alright. Please try not to do it again, but it's alright."
Grissom's arm automatically pulled her closer, "I don't deserve you."
Sara grinned slightly, "Maybe not today, but I'm sure you'll make it up to me. You've been there for me too..."
Placing a small kiss on top of her head, he held her close for a moment. Bruno rolled back onto his side, and looked mournfully over at his people. He'd seen them in a similar pose before. Realizing he was out of luck for a while, he climbed from the bed and padded out of the room.
Sara sighed softly and leaned up to place a soft kiss on Grissom's cheek, then relaxed back against him.
After a few minutes, Grissom broke the silence, "So if you really do understand, what's bothering you?"
"It's hard... I'm not sure what to tell you."
"You can tell me anything."
"Maybe it would help if, I ... gave you some context. When you were on sabbatical and Brass, Cath, and Mike tried reverse forensics, Nick asked the rest of us to help him find out what was really happening."
Grissom grunted, "I still don't understand how they thought they could get away with that."
"Yeah... I think the under-sheriff had something to do with that... Anyway, my point was they were sneaking around trying to fool us and we were sneaking around trying to figure out what was really happening... And it reminded me how much I ... I just, really hate deceiving people... eventually it comes back to bite you. That case really tore up the team for a while."
"I wasn't trying to sneak behind your back... I just ... Heather was in trouble and she needed help. I didn't think to tell you beforehand, and I wish I had, but I wasn't trying to hide it..."
"I wasn't talking about you, exactly. I know you didn't tell me where you'd be, but I didn't feel like you were sneaking. I mean, you told me why you were concerned when we went over the evidence. It's not like you were hiding the fact that you know her better than the rest of us or that you were really worried... An 'I'm going to go see if I can find out what's wrong' would have been nice before you left, but ... we're used to it, you know?"
Grissom pulled her a little more tightly into his chest, but didn't interrupt.
"Anyway, I was really thinking about us sneaking around behind our colleagues backs. I mean, I know we needed to prove we could keep this out of the lab, but I think it's starting to ... come back to haunt us."
His brow wrinkled, "What happened?"
"I ... uh ... I was kinda curious about Heather, you know... I mean, I've heard lots of rumours about her over the years, and I was just ..."
"Well, we are paid to exercise our curiosity..."
"Yeah, well, I um, made the mistake of asking Cath to tell me about her, and it, uh..."
"Cath has some assumptions about Lady Heather. She and Jim never really tried to see beyond her profession."
"Well, in a way... She seems to hold Heather in pretty high regard actually... described her as 'beautiful, smart, intense, charming.' She seemed much more open than Brass and even thought Heather could 'beat you in mental chess.'"
"I'm sure there was a catch in there somewhere..."
"She just... she kept talking about you and Heather ... and ... Terri Miller ... She said that Heather was the 'only woman she'd ever seen rattle you' and ..."
"Hmmm... that would have been awkward ... especially since we both know YOU are the only woman who can really rattle me..."
Sara tilted her head up to give him a quick kiss along his jaw line.
"Yeah, well I did kinda know that, but Cath's been your friend for a long time and I just couldn't completely discount everything... and she just kept going... said she was sure you had once spent the night there and she wondered which of you 'wore the chaps'... it just ... I wanted to stop her or defend you or something and I just couldn't because ... I'm not supposed to care, but..." Sara realized she was babbling and trailed off into silence.
Grissom picked up the thread, "I guess I'm not really surprised... She implied something similar to me later ... after she and Jim found me at Heather's... I've never really tried to correct her assumptions or Jim's ... I figured that my private life shouldn't matter, and that if they knew me they would ... I don't know, but I guess I'm a lot like Heather in that I didn't want to explain myself if they wanted to make assumptions... I didn't realize it would ever spill over onto you. I'm sorry."
"It wasn't your fault... and I don't think Cath was trying to hurt me... She just didn't know... and maybe she was trying to caution me a bit... she said it was good you found someone outside of work and that relationships between co-workers never work out... It was like she was ... I don't know ... warning me..."
"Well, that does fit with her general philosophy. She once scolded me for not telling her that Eddie was cheating."
"I guess I... I just felt like she wouldn't have been so tactless if she had known we were together, and maybe ... It was hard to hear the way she talked about how close you were to Heather and then your actions toward Heather confirmed some of it and I just ... it was hard... and then I heard that you were her alibi ... and I trust you, but ... it was hard to hear everyone speculate and not be able to say anything or ..."
"Sara..." Grissom pulled her farther onto his lap, hugging her more fully. "I'm sorry..."
"I know... Just, can you ... um ..."
"Anything, honey, what would help?"
"Tell me about her."
"About Heather?"
"Yeah... Tell me about the Heather you know."
"Okay..." He took a deep breath to steal himself, "I can do that."
"Thanks." Sara snuggled down closer and rested her ear against his chest. She loved listening to his voice as it reverberated in his chest. The soothing feel of the vibrations would help calm her as she listened. "From the beginning, please..."
Grissom's hand slowly stroked up and down Sara's arm, "Okay... Jim, Cath, and I all first met Heather about a year and a half after you came to Vegas. One of her girls had been killed and dumped in a sandbox. I don't think she and Jim hit it off very well... He made some assumptions about her life and she doesn't really react well to that."
"Yeah, I got that feeling watching them in the hospital... I don't think that relationship has changed much..."
His hand continued to trace a soothing path along her arm. "Yeah... Jim's a good friend, but... Anyway, I tried to get a bit more out of Heather, and she, uh, well she fascinated me. She was very good at reading people and was very upfront about it. In a way, she was a psychiatrist to her clients... I understand why the idea of violence in sex is disturbing to you, but at Lady Heather's it was all controlled, like the theatre."
"I guess I can understand that, but... I could never... it would remind me of too much.."
Grissom squeezed her to his chest, then continued, "Anyway, I went back to see Heather when we had a suspect. She was very intuitive and picked up quickly on small clues." A small smile appeared on his face, "I remember telling her that she would do well as a CSI... She responded by doing a complete analysis of my psyche, which was eerily accurate in many aspects."
"I can see how that would intrigue you. Not many people really understand you, especially those outside the lab."
"Mmmm... Besides you, no one really does all the time, but Heather came close and she did it after only meeting me a couple of times. I was impressed, but it didn't really go any farther than that... She and I had a very enjoyable conversation over tea, then she went her way and I went mine."
"Until the girl was found dead under the strawberry foam..."
"Yeah. Then the trail led to someone in the Domain as a suspect rather than a victim, though. I was having a hard time, then... Lindsey nearly drowned when Eddie was killed, and I didn't really feel like I could deal with... I couldn't take that case... I would have been too close, and I ... so I assigned it to you. I know it was hard for you, but I ... trusted you to find anything there was to find ... and to help my friend. But it was hard not being able to do anything, so I threw myself into the other case and... then the trail led to Heather's domain."
Sara squeezed him tightly for a moment, but let him continue.
"Um... you were dating Hank at the time and I was losing my hearing, and it just felt like my world was sort of collapsing around me... which it did literally when the lab blew up a few weeks later... Anyway, Heather instantly realized that I was reading her lips and called me on it... Something my CSI's, who see me everyday, hadn't even done..."
"Griss... I'm sorry I didn't --"
He placed a hand to her mouth, "Shh... it's okay... I didn't mean to imply that I was upset about it. I was trying to keep it hidden, which I shouldn't have done, but in a way I was glad that someone finally called me on it... And she still intrigued me and we could easily talk. I didn't have to hide from her..."
"You didn't have to hide from me either."
"I know... but at the time, I ... I guess I felt that if you all didn't notice then I could just pretend the problem didn't exist and that it would go away... I don't know... I'm sorry I hid from you, but I'm only bringing it up so you could understand where I was coming from when... I ... uh ... spent the night at Heather's. We talked and had tea, and I didn't have to hide. I was definitely attracted to her, and she to me, as a person, not a client... I guess I never really thought it would go anywhere, but I just needed to connect with someone and..."
"She was there...I understand."
"I know, I'm so grateful that you do... Jim thought it was just a mid-life crisis, but I ..." his voice trailed off.
She lifted her head up to give him a quick kiss on the lips, then settled back onto his chest.
Grissom cleared his throat and continued, "Anyway, Heather and I probably could have really connected well, but fate intervened... Over tea I learned that she was diabetic and used the very type of insulin that was used in the murder. I ... uh ... immediately called Jim and lost Heather as a friend for a long time..."
"She was probably torn... I would have been. I mean, you did what you had to. You were in the middle of a case and new evidence came up... It would hurt her that you didn't trust her, but she probably also admired your integrity... at least a little."
"Maybe... but I definitely kept that relationship from going farther... and I regretted it. Heather was.. is a remarkable woman. Even though I had only known her for a short time, we connected and she provided me with something I needed when I was losing myself."
Sara let a thoughtful silence fall, before asking "So you were returning the favour this time?"
"Mmmm... Maybe that was part of it, but mostly I couldn't stand to see her in that kind of pain. And Jim and Cath weren't really trying to understand or help..."
"I wanted to... I think I could really like her if she let me..."
"Yeah. I know you don't approve of her lifestyle, but you refrained from judging her and she trusted you more than she would have any of the others. She would never have agreed to the photos otherwise."
"Well, I don't think I could have held back judgement as well if I had ever met her at The Domain. In the hospital, she was obviously a victim..."
"It hurt me to see her like that... It hurt last year to see her lose control, and her embarrassment has made it difficult to reconnect with her now. When she was Lady Heather, she was in control and always very sophisticated... When we were trying to find the man who killed her daughter she was willing to do anything to catch him, but she maintained control... but afterward... and then seeing her in the hospital, not telling the nurses about her condition, and hearing you suggest that she refused to fight back when given the opportunity... She was very proud of her daughter when she made it into Harvard and losing Zoe caused something to shatter in Heather. Being denied access to her granddaughter was the proverbial straw."
"She's lucky you were at the hospital when she went into shock."
"I'm not sure she'd agree with you right now..." Grissom sighed wistfully.
"She will... as long as you're there for her... someday she'll realize what you did for her, and she'll be grateful."
"I hope so..." He bent down to look in Sara's eyes. "I'm really glad you understand."
"I do... I just wish I had heard it from you before hearing the twisted version from Catherine. I love your compassion and that you are willing to risk a lot to help a friend. I just wish you had told me more of what was going on..."
"I know... I'm sorry."
"Do you think Heather will be okay?"
Grissom leaned back against the headboard. "I don't know... Her ex-husband agreed to allow her to meet her granddaughter. I'm going to introduce them in the morning... I hope that will help pull her out of her despair. I don't know what else I can do."
"She's lucky you're here for her... Thank you for telling me why."
"Sara, I'm trying... I'll sometimes make mistakes, I know, but ... I didn't mean to hurt you. I just needed to help her."
"I know, it wasn't really you... Do you think we could maybe tell some of the people at work about us? It's getting really hard, and ... I think this may have gone differently if they knew."
"I think Jim may already know... Otherwise he would have called me immediately when Heather was found, and not just requested Catherine."
"What about the others? I know there are reasons for keeping quiet, but when does the deception go too far?"
"Honey, I was ready to throw all the secrecy out the window the day I got back from Williams... I missed you."
"Yeah, I thought you were going to jump me in the hall... garbage and all..." She grinned as she remembered the look on his face as he pursued her down the lab hallway.
"I might have... You looked gorgeous."
Sara scoffed lightly, then pulled herself up to give him a solid kiss. "Maybe we should give Bruno his walk... He's probably sitting in the hall staring at the door, waiting for us to remember him."
Grissom smiled and pulled her in for a slightly longer kiss. He squeezed her shoulders and smoothed her hair down. "Alright. Sounds good."
They climbed from the bed and hand-in-hand went in search of their missing boxer.
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A/N: Thank you in advance for any feedback! Nitpicks welcome...