Undergarments
Chapter 1 - Discovery
The SSV Normandy slipped silently through the inky blackness of space, barely visible against the star-studded background. The only evidence of the ship's passing to the casual observer would be the faint iridescence of its four ion engines, their soft glow no brighter than moonlight. Perhaps a small gleam would be visible to another vessel, as a rouge shaft of sunlight caught the metallic hull and was reflected back, but for all intents and purposes, the ship was invisible.
On board the only sound was the quiet, comforting hum of the reactor, a sound that all the crew was used to and learnt to filter out. The Normandy was in night-running mode, the shift where the majority of the craft's inhabitants lay asleep in their bunks or for the most part, in pressurized sleeper capsules. All the lights were dimmed; non-essential systems were powered down, although ready to surge back to life in an emergency. Only a small handful of people remained awake, working noiselessly in the artificial twilight.
Joker maintained his usual post at the helm, dozing lightly with ears pricked for any warning beeps. His condition made leaving the safety of his chair difficult, so for the most part he slept where he worked. For any one else it may have been a huge inconvenience, but for the gifted pilot of the Normandy, there was no place he'd rather be. The rest of the crew respected his privacy, and learnt early on that should something unexpected happen, Joker would be awake and alert within seconds. For that reason, the five or so other personnel required to keep the ship running silent kept themselves to the rows on monitors aligned either side of the spinal walkway that led to the rest of the compartments.
Aside from the skeleton crew, only one other person remained awake. Secluded in the medical storage room that had been hastily converted into a living area when she came aboard, Dr. Liara T'Soni stared blankly at a computer display. Flickering, polarised light danced across her pale blue skin, giving the young asari a washed-out, ethereal glow. It also illuminated a jumble of unsorted data pads, scientific apparatus and several empty styrofoam cups containing the cold dregs of hours old coffee.
Liara sighed, and for the third time in as many minutes, forced herself to focus on the readout before her. A medley of glyphs, etchings and random squiggles flickered across the display as the terminal struggled to read an ancient Prothean data disk and translate it into some kind of understandable language. To anyone else, it would have seemed like a futile endeavour...the grainy lines barely resembled even known Prothean lettering, but to Liara the task served to keep her mind off other things; or at least, that was the idea.
Ever since joining the crew of the Normandy on their hunt for Saren, Liara had been finding it more and more difficult to focus on her work. It was a first for her; normally anything and everything Prothean would immediately captivate her interest. Reviewing all the data she collected was second only to actual archaeological digs themselves in terms of excitement...so why was she not satisfied? Even the 'coffee' that humans seemed to worship for its alertness fortifying properties hadn't helped, although Liara had grown quite fond of the taste.
The problem was that it wasn't lack of sleep that caused her mind to drift. She'd quickly established a nocturnal routine onboard the Normandy, volunteering for the duty shifts that would coincide with the least number of other peoples. It did mean occasionally taking on the slightly less desirable tasks, such as the laundry duty she had to take care of in about thirty minutes; but it was a small price to pay for the quietness and solitude it bought her.
Truth be told, she was still nervous about being on board the Normandy, and tried to avoid its crew as much as possible. It wasn't that she didn't like them, in fact it was the exact opposite; it was a fear that they wouldn't like her. Liara had never seen herself as a very interesting person and didn't want to confirm that fact by having to socialise with others. Every time she tried to make new friends, she either seemed to say something stupid and look like an idiot or bore them to the verge of nodding off. Consequentially, she kept to herself, venturing from her makeshift cabin only at meal times or for meetings with the rest of the team ad missions. It was lonely, but Liara had gotten used to being on her own during all her time spent out on remote digs.
Of course, there was something else that tempted her out into the mess hall during the 'day'. It was being able to watch the person that made her heart flutter and tie itself in knots around her stomach whenever she saw them. The person who'd come crashing into her life, just as she'd given up all hope of ever escaping her self-induced imprisonment and who'd gone out of their way to save her time and time again without any regard for their own personal safety. They were the only person who actively sought her out simply for her company and continued to return despite how dreadfully dull and awkward she must seem.
Liara loved her...
No, 'love' did not seem a strong enough word. She adored her. She idolized her. She worshipped her in a way she never thought capable of and had never even come close to in her century of living. This woman...this Spectre who had fearlessly fought her way deep into the lion's den to pluck Liara from its savage jaws. Shepard was all she could think of. Her face was Liara's last thought before she went to sleep, her first thought when she woke up and filled every dream in between. Just seeing her was enough to set the asari's heart racing.
It had been this way ever Liara first clapped awe-struck eyes upon her. At the time, she'd thought it was simply relief at seeing another friendly face and the fact that she might actually survive to matronhood. After all, they were in the middle of a do or die situation and all her thought was focused on just getting out of the crumbling ruins in one piece. It had started then however, manifesting itself as admiration for Shepard's bravery. The Spectre lived up to her title on the battlefield, moving with a grace and poise reminiscent of the elegant asari commandos that Liara had tried to mimic when she was young. Perhaps it stemmed from the Commander's extraordinary biotic abilities; although the maiden couldn't say that her's ever made her feel particularly graceful.
It wasn't until after the mission that the asari had realized that respect was not all she felt. A staff meeting had been called and Liara was surprised to find a large number of the galaxy's species represented amongst the Normandy crew. While she was the only asari on board, it did make her feel a bit more welcome to know that other 'outsiders' had been accepted. Despite that fact, it was clear that several of them did not welcome her presence. They claimed she was the daughter of a traitor, and that she may be in league with Saren and his merciless Geth. It had been so confusing for her...finding out that Benezia had joined with the rouge Spectre was a bitter blow and to be accused of the same thing hurt her deeply.
During that brief period of turmoil, Shepard had been the one constant Liara could hold on to. The Spectre had been kind to her, coming to check on her progress often and always greeting her with a smile. It made the transition that much easier, to know that someone trusted her implicitly, without making her earn or prove it. No one else since her mother had ever given such unconditional support and before long, she found that just thinking of Shepard's face made her feel warm all over. As the Spectre's visits continued, despite Liara successfully embarrassing herself every time, she realised that what she felt was beyond gratitude and admiration. The alien emotions had sent Liara scurrying to the extranet for much-needed research, although what she found only served to confirm her initial, terrifying suspicions.
Liara loved Lana Shepard.
It was a frighteningly new idea to her...loving someone else. Before, her work and isolation left little room for others in her heart. To her, love was always something that would happen to other people, but she'd never have the pleasure of knowing herself. After all...who would be silly enough to love her? Most people didn't even spare her a second glance. The few who did were rapidly disappearing. She didn't even have her mother anymore...
The memory of Benezia's death was still painfully fresh in her mind and with it, came a seething cauldron of emotions that Liara still couldn't fully decipher. Not a day went by when she didn't miss the Matriarch dearly yet it was impossible for her to regret what had to be done. The entire scene was forever burnt into her mind; crystal clear, even several weeks after the event. She could recall every detail; but as always, it was the image of Lana that affected her the most. The sadness that had haunted the Commander's features when she realized Benezia was beyond saving had been the most bittersweet kind of beautiful. It was also the one time Liara had seen the Spectre waver in her duty...and it had been on her account. Lana had stared at the asari maiden, her eyes filled with uncertainty.
"Look away Liara." She had said softly, barely more than a pleading whisper. "Please, I know how callous it is for me to ask this of you but please, just look away. I...I can't shoot a mother in front of her child. I can't."
Liara had granted the Spectre's request. She didn't know if it has been the right decision, but the finality of that gunshot and the dull, lifeless thud that followed were branded into her brain, probably forever.
The Spectre had come to her afterwards. Liara had been sitting where she was now, fighting a losing battle against the tears that streamed down her face. She hadn't wanted Shepard to see her so weak...to see her as nothing more than a weeping child. She'd told herself that it was the kindest thing they could have done for her...that the woman who'd died hadn't been her mother, but a twisted puppet of Saren and the Reapers. She told herself that Lana would want her to be strong...would be disappointed that she let her emotions get in the way of the mission. The fact of the matter was simple however: Liara had lost the only person who had ever really cared for her.
Lana had walked in on her like this; face buried in her hands and shoulders shaking with grief as she sobbed. She'd tried to appear in control, but just the sight of the worry written so plainly across the Spectre's face had been enough to set her tears flowing again. Numbly, Liara had let herself be led to the edge of the bunk, happy to go along with whatever Lana wanted if it meant she would remain a short while longer.
The asari was startled out of her thoughts by the insistent beep of her console, reminding her that she had duties to attend to. Sighing at the realisation that she'd lost a whole half-hour to daydreaming, Liara powered down the terminal and headed for the door. The soft clang of her footfalls on the deck and the 'whoosh' as the door opened seemed oddly amplified in the deathly quiet. At this hour, the Normandy could have passed for an abandoned ghost-ship.
Passing through the mess hall, Liara made her way between the rows of sleeper pods. They always unnerved her, looking more like coffins than beds; an image reinforced by the figures lying stock still within them. It made her glad that she had the option to sleep on a proper bunk, even if it was tucked away in a storeroom. Perhaps it was a subtle hint...an indication that she was nothing more than dead weight.
'Don't think that.' She chided herself mentally. 'Remember what Shepard said.'
Nearly walking into the door, Liara paused for it to open then sheepishly entered the small facilities room adjacent to the crew area. It was incidents like that that reminded her why she preferred the company of relics to the company of people.
Navigating past the unisex toilet stalls and showers, Liara squeezed her way into the compact laundry room. It smelt much as you'd expect a room full of dirty soldier's clothing to smell, despite the best efforts of the air filtration system, and it made Liara thankful for the gloves attached to her lab coat. Still...the sooner she got going, the sooner it would be over and with that motivating thought, she set to work.
With a small groan of protest, Liara finished cramming the last remnants of Wrex's armour into the cleaning unit. The bulky chest piece had been a nightmare to try and fit through the hole, designed as it was for human sized clothing. It was a necessity however; much as the Krogan may appreciate the blood splatters he accumulated every time he left the ship.
Liara set her sights on the last bag of laundry, grateful that it wasn't bulging with any more cumbersome battle-gear. As she picked it up, her eyes were drawn to the stencilled lettering that spelled out an all too familiar name.
'Shepard' She rasped, swallowing to moisten the sudden dryness in her throat.
She hesitated in opening the sack, suddenly nervous of what she might find inside. The scientific part of her mind was all too quick to point out how irrational she was being, but the idea of going through Lana's clothes suddenly seemed very...intimate. Liara found the prospect daunting, if not a bit exhilarating at the same time. Taking a deep breath, she upended the bag and tipped the contents onto the counter.
Confronted with the same navy slacks she'd seen multiple times already, her apprehension suddenly seemed laughable. It made her blush slightly, to think of how silly she was being about a bunch of clothing.
'Pull yourself together.' She muttered reproachfully. 'What on earth would Lana think of all the fuss you're making over her-'
Liara's voice died in her throat as she removed a shirt from the pile. There, half hidden inside a trouser leg, was a pair of Shepard's undergarments.
The top she'd been holding fell in a heap on the floor; slipping barely noticed through Liara's suddenly limp fingers. She paid it no heed, focusing solely on the plain white underwear, and the disconcerting urges that filled her mind the second she saw it. Liara found herself unprepared for the sudden yearning that flourished in her heart, filling it with a dull ache that demanded to be alleviated.
With the longing came an irresistible urge to touch Lana's panties...to touch her skin with the same fabric that was daily pressed against her beloved's most intimate area. Just the thought of such an unorthodox act made her shiver violently, her body flooding with equal parts anticipation and anxiety.
To her dismay, she didn't try to reign in her actions as her hand tentatively crept closer to the silken undergarment. If Liara had stopped to think about what she was doing, she was certain she would have backed down...and right now that was the last thing she wanted. Caught up in the heat of the moment, her usual cautionary thoughts succumbed to an overwhelming curiosity. She'd spent her whole life learning about people through the items they left behind, this was no different. At least, that's what the asari told herself.
Her fingers curled through the panties waistband, shaking with jittery excitement. Liara's breath caught as she carefully removed her prize, handling it with the same care and skill normally bestowed upon a Prothean relic. The white cloth hung limply in her delicate grip, practically begging the young asari to touch it. The design was simple, practical; exactly what was to be expected from a soldier.
Feeling incredibly self-conscious, Liara poked her head around the partition and listened as intently as she could. Only when she was absolutely certain that no one else was likely to come barging in and that she was indeed the only person awake on the entire deck did she risk turning back to what she held in her hands. The underwear was no different from anything another asari or human female might wear...but the fact it was Lana's made it the rarest of treasures.
All sorts of improper thoughts bounced around Liara's head...some impure enough to leave the young scientist quite flustered. How would the fabric feel against her bare skin? Was Lana's scent still contained within the material? What about her taste?
'Goddess, this is too much!' Liara murmured, tugging at the collar of her lab coat with her free hand. She was flushed from head to toe with embarrassment and, though she hesitated in admitting it, an incredible excitement. The room felt several degrees hotter than it had previously...something the asari knew was impossible since the Normandy's systems regulated the temperature continuously.
By now her hands were visibly trembling as she reached for the zipper that attached her gloves to the rest of her outfit. As she did Liara closed her eyes, and suddenly the fingers fumbling with the clasp at her wrist belonged to the gorgeous, green-eyed angel that she adored so completely. Watching Lana smile was like witnessing the sunrise between the twin peaks of Sathia, its golden rays reflecting off the morning dew and filling the asari's soul with a beautiful inner peace.
Still entranced by her fantasy, Liara hardly noticed that her hand was free of its confinement. It now hung at her side, twitching ever so slightly as she imagined loving fingers stroking the pale-blue flesh of her palm. How would Lana's touch feel? She would never know for certain. The Spectre had occasionally rested a hand on her back or shoulder during their brief conversations and even then, Liara had to fight to stop her legs from failing her. Imagining how a tender caress from those same fingers might feel was impossible...and ridiculous. That Lana had any romantic feelings for her was a possibility that existed solely in Liara's dreams.
As she pined for what would never be, Liara's uncovered hand brushed against the panties elasticated waistband. The feel of silky cloth on her fingertips pulled the young asari out of her daydream and back to reality. The unexpected first contact with the underwear drew a gasp from her lips at the thought of what she was actually doing. It was shameful and inappropriate in so many ways yet Liara found herself unable to resist.
It was ironic, she thought, that this simple set of panties occupied a position in the spectre's life that she longed to fill. On a daily basis, they got the privilege of wrapping themselves snugly around Lana's body; feeling the wonderful heat that radiated from her exquisite creamy skin. Had the spectre worn this pair into battle? If so then they had surely absorbed some of the same sweat that Liara saw glistening on Shepard's brow after a particularly intense fight.
Now blushing furiously, the Asari was unable to shake the appealing mental image. The thought of the clothing she now held in her hands nestled snugly between Lana's curvaceous thighs...pressed against the spectre's womanly centre and moist with her essence was unbearably arousing. Liara could actually feel her insides aching with desire, a sensation she'd never felt before. The shy scientist had never dreamed that anyone could make her so wanton. Lana was her first for so many things
A need for something she couldn't name or explain overtook Liara's actions. Her hesitant touching of the panties escalated as she swept her finger across the crotch-piece, ecstatic to find a residual dampness in the lacy material.
'Oh Goddess...' Liara whispered, cheeks flushing to their darkest shade yet as she heard herself moaning with desire 'They're still wet.'
Asari were not educated about the physical aspects of sex...at least not in an official capacity. Although Liara had learnt extensively about the rituals, both religious and practical, involved with Union, the idea of lovemaking as a part of it was never expanded upon. Benezia had explained that Union was the Asari equivalent of intercourse, and that physical acts of affection were usually practiced alongside the spiritual joining of minds for the gratification of both parties, but had gone no further than that. It was Asari belief that since a maiden could end up paired with a partner of any species or gender, sex would be dependent upon that partner's biology and as such, should be taken on a case-by-case basis. Liara had been a mere 42 years old at the time, and for the most part too engrossed with her studies to really consider her mother's words.
Now her ignorance was all too apparent. She knew limited amounts about asari sexuality; it was unavoidable knowledge for anyone with an extranet connection, but she'd never stopped to consider how humans may differ. From the brief research she did when she was first brought onboard, Liara knew that they were biologically similar in many ways...at least, the females were. The idea of two genders was still somewhat confusing to the young asari, having spent most of her life alone or on the asari home world amongst others of her kind. It had taken her a day or so, and a few embarrassing mistakes, to learn to accurately distinguish between the two sexes. In the end, she'd settled on facial hair as being the most reliable indicator. That and...well, breasts.
Her chain of thought was broken as her eyes were once again drawn to the panties she was absent-mindedly stroking. Liara may have known next to nothing about sex, but she did know that the dampness of the material she held was more than just sweat. What it was exactly didn't matter; it had come from Lana and that made it precious.
Trembling with a seething mass of new, intimidating urges, Liara brought the underwear up to her face. The feeling of moist fabric on her fingers was wonderful and at this close range, she could actually see the garment glisten provocatively. By now the inexperienced asari was so entranced that she couldn't have stopped herself even if the entire Normandy crew suddenly burst in.
Holding the panties up to her nose, Liara finally gave into her basest desires and took a long, hard sniff. Lana's earthy aroma filled her nostrils, its scent as sweet and beautiful as the woman who produced it. Closing her eyes, Liara savoured the smell, inhaling as deeply as she could and letting it fill her nasal passages completely. It was like sniffing a bouquet of flowers, or the nose of a fine wine, only ten times more satisfying. Here...with the smell of Lana fresh in her nostrils, she could pretend for just one second that she wasn't an awkward, clumsy nobody who'd never been loved. In her mind, she was with her beloved spectre; a woman she cherished more than anything else, even her own meagre life.
She murmured her loved one's name over and over again, pausing periodically for a fresh sniff of Lana's heady scent. Somewhere along the way Liara had sunk to the floor; her legs unable to continue supporting her weight.
The longer she smelt the spectre's panties, the more intoxicated the asari became. Scrunching the fabric into a ball with the crotch-piece outermost, Liara pressed her nose fully into the underwear. The smell of Lana's sex completely enveloped her senses, and with it came the cool touch of moisture as the damp cloth rubbed against the asari's face.
Liara moaned with longing as she felt the wetness touch her. Bringing both hands up, she unfolded the precious bundle, bringing as much flesh as possible into contact with the fabric steeped in Lana's sticky nectar. Her skin chilled as the panties deposited their prize, leaving a glistening trail across her jaw and purple-flushed cheeks.
'Let me taste you...' Liara whispered, already feeling anticipation flutter through the pit of her stomach. It was like a great serpent uncoiling inside the asari, the tip of its tail tickling her abdomen.
Fumbling in her haste, Liara adjusted her grip with trembling hands, pulling the spectre's underwear taught in preparation. When held like this, it was possible to see how the fabric darkened around the crotch-piece, laden with the same perfumed juices now smeared copiously on the young scientist's face. It was enough to leave Liara feeling distinctly lightheaded. Here she was...surrounded by her sweetheart's aroma and holding the source mere centimetres from her mouth. It was almost impossible to believe.
Secretly, she'd known the second her clumsy hands uncovered their prize where this would eventually lead. Now that she was finally here however, Liara found herself hesitating. The urges that ruled her brain were so strong, stronger than anything she'd ever felt before and it scared her. She craved this fake intimacy with all her being; as if licking the panties of the woman she loved was somehow a substitute for the real thing. Liara knew she wasn't worthy of the Spectre's attention...so instead she accepted her lot without protest. It was better this way; better than bothering Lana with her laughable feelings.
'Oh Shepard...' Tears leaked from the young asari's eyes, trailing down her cheeks to mingle with the Spectre's essence 'Why did you have to be so perfect?'
Sobbing with equal parts pleasure and anguish, Liara parted her pale-blue lips. Through the opening poked the tip of a purple tongue, hesitantly slipping from its hiding place. As it did, Liara felt her final inhibitions dissolve away. Perhaps she would look back on her shameful actions later and cry herself to sleep, but right now the only thing Liara wanted to do was suck Lana's panties dry and taste the juices her idol had inadvertently gifted to her.
Her tongue made contact with the sodden material.
The asari didn't dare breathe as she took her first tentative lick. She was actually doing it! Lana's nectar seeped from the moist fabric onto her waiting tongue, bathing her taste-buds in sweet, sticky liquid.
With a moan of ecstasy, Liara was hooked. She licked the crotch again, pressing harder than before and squeezing more delicious juice into her eager mouth. The panties responded to her demands, secreting the wetness as fast as Liara's desperate tongue-strokes could manage. Lana's most intimate fluid covered the asari's lips, running down her chin even as fresh tears of tortured pleasure escaped from tightly closed eyes. Not wanting to waste a single drop, Liara forced herself away from the wellspring long enough to capture the escaping liquid on a tongue wet with the same substance.
Opening her mouth to its fullest extent, Liara slipped the underwear completely inside. It was difficult to breathe around the damp fabric, but the asari was already so lightheaded she barely noticed. Now half-licking, half-sucking for all she was worth, Liara could feel the beginnings of something exquisite building within her. She'd experienced so many new sensations in the past minutes...but this one topped them all when it came to intensity. Spurred on by the rising crescendo, the young scientist took a deep breath through her nose, bringing a fresh sample of Lana's scent to compliment her taste.
Liara felt her body move unconsciously; legs tensing and forcing her hips into the air. She didn't know what she was doing, but the movements seemed to be in response to the steady pressure building deep within her pelvis. As the feeling grew, Liara found herself writhing uncontrollably as random muscles spasmed with exquisite pleasure. Lying prone on her back, it was all the asari could do to keep the panties pressed into her mouth. Her free hand now rested limply beside her, its fingers clawing weakly at the floor as it searched for a nonexistent handhold.
Liara knew of no words to describe what she was experiencing. All she could do was give herself over to the turbulence that buffeted her insides like the tide crashing against a rocky shoreline. She arched her back again, as if seeking to expel the roiling energies that consumed her. Incoherent sounds of pleasure tumbled from her lips, drowned out by the resonant thump of her frantic heartbeat. Liara didn't know how loudly she was moaning, and could only pray to the Goddess that everyone was still asleep.
Concentrating on the taste in her mouth and the texture of cotton against her tongue, Liara finally reached her peak. The climax tore a sob of unadulterated joy from the depth of the asari's lungs as wave after wave of incredible pleasure pulsed through her body. The panties slipped from her mouth as Liara fought to remain conscious in the face of such a ferocious assault on her nervous system. By the time her orgasm had subsided, she lay whimpering on the deck, feeling as drained as if she'd used her biotics non-stop for days on end.
Twitching slightly as the last of the aftershocks pulsed through her spent frame, Liara managed to scrape together the pieces of her muddled consciousness. Her head still swam with a post-orgasmic haze, but she was able to think clearly enough to realize what an incriminating position she was in. Lana's panties were still clasped firmly in her right hand, but upon closer inspection, she found herself too weak to rise and deposit them on the counter. Instead, she tucked them deep into her pocket, and allowed herself a moment to revel in what she'd just experienced.
Her first orgasm...
Goddess, how had she gone all these years without one? The pleasure was unlike anything she'd ever felt before. That intense peak; that moment of purest ecstasy...'phenomenal' was the only word she could think of that came close.
Her only regret was that she had no one to share the experience with. There had been no loving hands exploring her body...no tender voice reassuring her of what was to come...no delicate lips to kiss away the tears of her aftermath. Nothing. Just the cold, hard deck and a pair of Shepard's cotton panties. It was enough to make Liara sick with loneliness. She'd given Lana her heart and the Spectre didn't even know it. Now here she was embarrassing herself, stooping to a low that would make anyone ashamed to look her in the eyes if they knew.
'Why Goddess?' Her voice trembled before finally breaking. Thick droplets of sorrow cascaded down the asari's cheeks, accompanied by a sharp tightening of her chest that forced a sob of pain from parched lips. Liara knew she was breaking down, but was powerless to stop the agonising despair that engulfed her.
'Why must I be such a coward?'
The smell and taste of Lana's essence had given her a glorious physical release the likes of which she'd never known. Now that it was over however, all she felt was ashamed and heartbreakingly alone. The Spectre deserved someone far better than her; someone stronger, braver...more beautiful. Liara could never expect to be her love's equal and yet she could not crush the desperate hope for something more. No matter how many times she stamped out hat little flame in her heart, it sprung up again, mocking her.
Her tears continued to flow in an endless stream, with no sign of stopping. Liara felt as if she was destined to cry forever; the sadness in her was just too much to bare.
Wearily struggling to her feet, the tearful asari withdrew the panties from her pocket. Staring at them through watery eyes, Liara touched them to her lips one last time.
'I love you Lana.' Her voice was thick with overflowing emotion. Depositing the underwear in the cleaning unit, reluctant to let go but too disgusted with her actions to keep them, she moved on to Shepard's next item of clothing; a tank top.
Going through every garment in turn, bestowing a heartfelt kiss to each of them, the young scientist eventually finished her laundry duty. Despite her pessimistic predictions, she had eventually stopped weeping, although the clinging ache in her chest remained. Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot, matched by twin streaks of dried tears across each cheek. Liara fervently hoped that she could make it back to her cabin without being spotted, a situation which could lead to some very awkward questions. She'd never been any good at lying, and if Lana caught her she wasn't sure if she could even bring herself to do so.
Keying in the last few commands on the control panel, Liara exited the tiny utility room. Her mind was pre-occupied with a whirling mess of thoughts. The sorrow that had claimed her earlier still bubbled just beneath the surface and it took an active effort to prevent it bursting free again. Right now, all she wanted was to collapse on her bunk and sleep for days on end. In her dreams, she could be with her beloved Spectre, free from the insecurities of her waking form.
As she entered the corridor lined with sleeper-pods, a sudden pneumatic hiss startled her from her reflective thoughts. Liara looked up just in time to spot the lithe form of Lana Shepard stepping out of one of the capsules. Her motions were somewhat less refined than usual, clouded by the grogginess of an extended period in suspended animation. That didn't bother the scientist one bit. To Liara, Lana would always be beautiful, although in her mind the words 'Lana' and 'beautiful' were somewhat tautological.
Twiddling her fingers experimentally, the spectre caught sight of her asari crewmember and offered her a warm smile of genuine pleasure.
"Hey Liara; what are you doing up so late?"
Goddess, this was just what she'd been fearing the most! The young woman tried her best to keep a level head. It should be easy...just tell Lana the truth; that she'd been doing the laundry and was just now about to retire. As always however, what seemed so clear and simple in her mind got jumbled somewhere en-route to her mouth.
"I-I was just doing...um, that is to say that I was cleaning your...the! the er..."
Liara forced her mouth shut, burning bright purple at the somewhat confused look on Lana's face. Taking a deep gulp of air, she tried again.
"Iwasjustdoingthelaundrydutyandwasabouttogotobedgo odnightShepard."
Dammit! She'd said it far too fast, now Lana was sure to notice something wasn't right. This is exactly what she knew would happen...she'd managed to make a spectacular fool of herself once again.
"Whoa, calm yourself there girl, this isn't an interrogation." The ghost of a smile still lingered on Shepard's lips; a sign the asari had learnt indicated a joke. She still had difficulty recognising human humour, but having spent as much time as was polite studying Lana's face, she was able to identify some of her non-verbal cues.
"Y-Yes. Sorry Shepard, I must apologize; I-I guess I am a little tired, that's all."
"Couldn't sleep, huh? Neither could I. That's why I was using this thing." She slapped her hand against the flank just-vacated sleeper pod. "Cricks the hell out of my back, but at least it guarantees some rest."
The spectre looked like she was about to say something more when she suddenly fell silent, studying the tear-streaks on Liara's cheeks. At the same time, the young asari realized what was happening, but it was already too late to cover them up.
"Are you okay Liara, you look like you've been crying?"
From out of nowhere, a small, rebellious voice in Liara's head interjected.
'Tell her the truth...tell her that you love her!'
The Asari blanched at the thought. She couldn't possibly...Lana would never want her. At least at the moment they shared a pleasant companionship; that would all change if she confessed her true feelings. Lana wouldn't even be able to stand the sight of her. What an embarrassment it would be for the Spectre, to have a foolish maiden fawning after her like some lovesick puppy dog. No doubt Lana would be disgusted with her, although Liara could never imagine that she'd show it. The asari could almost hear Shepard's words explaining how they were just friends and that Liara had mistaken professional niceties for something deeper.
Against all her efforts, fresh moisture welled in her eyes. The scientist's vision swam, blurring the image of Lana's worried expression. This time she did turn away. She couldn't bare the idea that Shepard might think her weak and pathetic even if it was the truth. All she ever did these days was cry...Liara's sadness was too great to remain pent up inside. Lana was so strong, never showing signs of weariness or pain or fear; next to her, she was a nothing.
As the tears brimmed over, Liara felt a hand rest gently on her shoulder. It took several seconds for her to realize that she wasn't about to be scolded or reprimanded. Of course she wasn't; Lana would never turn away someone in distress.
"Hey now, what's the matter? What's got you so upset?"
The Spectre's voice was so incredibly gentle. It made Liara feel young again... reminded her of the soothing voice her mother had employed whenever she got tearful. The depths of compassion evident in Lana's tone spoke volumes about how caring and tender the Spectre could be. She was so much more than just a warrior, a fact that made Liara love her all the more.
"I-I-I d-don't..."
Her stammering dissolved into choked back sobs. This was worse than any torture she could imagine; losing control in front of the woman she adored in such a humiliating fashion. How could the Goddess be so cruel?
Lana apparently wasted no time worrying about command boundaries or appropriate behaviour towards subordinates. She wrapped her arms around the trembling asari, pulling the weeping woman into a tight embrace and trailing a hand across the ribbed back of Liara's neck, stroking the folds and tips of her crest in a rhythmic soothing motion.
"Shhh, it's alright darling." Lana whispered, "Don't cry, please."
Liara was only dimly aware of the Spectre's voice. Goddess, it felt so good to be held like this. Lana had never failed to express concern for her, but this was something far more precious than words. For the first time since her childhood, somebody cared about her. Whether she was happy or sad mattered to someone.
Liara returned the hug as fiercely as she dared. Her continuous tears were staining the shoulder of Lana's fatigues, but the Spectre didn't seem to mind. Secretly, Liara hoped the tears would keep coming, if it meant being held like this for just al little while longer. All of a sudden, Lana removed the hand rubbing the back of Liara's head; an action that drew a startled whimper of protest from the asari.
"No, Shepard...don't stop." Her boldness surprised even her, enough to add on a shy "Please?"
The young scientist sighed as she felt the hand return. She knew it couldn't last, and that sooner or later Lana would release her. While they were here however, she let her senses soak in as much as possible. The memory of Shepard's warmth would be enough to last for several lonely nights; with nothing but a pillow to cuddle and listen to her weep.
"I don't know what to say." Lana's voice spoke softly in her ear. "Please Liara, tell me what's hurting you. I want to help. Is it about Benezia?"
The asari longed to tell the Spectre the truth...that standing so close to her was both the cause and the cure of her sorrow. If only she had the courage to say...
"I love you."
Liara froze.
Oh no.
No! No no no no-this couldn't be happening. This had to be a dream; one of her nightmares. She couldn't have said it out loud, she just couldn't.
"You...love me?"
Oh Goddess, not the sensitive voice. She could have dealt with anything else; with rejection, with humiliation but not with such sudden vulnerability. Shepard sounded so unexpectedly timid, so...alone. It reminded Liara of herself.
"Y-Yes Shepard."
The Asari buried her face as far as she could into Lana's shoulder. At that moment, she'd gladly have traded places with anyone in the galaxy, if only to escape the shame she felt. Why oh why had the Goddess made her such an unbelievable idiot? What good was being able to remember an encyclopaedia's worth of information on the Protheans when she lacked the ability to control her own mouth? Now she'd gone and ruined everything; after this, she wouldn't even have that thread of impossible hope left to cling to.
In every scenario that ran through Liara's head in those seconds of silence, not once did she dare to consider the unbelievable. The thought that, in a galaxy filled with individuals, many more interesting, more confident, more courageous and more attractive, Lana would consider her a worthy partner was automatically dismissed as sheer lunacy. Shepard was a hero; a paragon of virtue and justice, admired by so many that her list of potential suitors would run the length of the Wards. There was more chance of meeting a living, breathing Prothean wandering the street than there was of the Spectre falling for a meek, unassuming archaeologist.
Then why could she feel Lana's lips on her temple?
Lana's...lips?
Impossible...
Her senses didn't lie. Lana kissed her again; a delicate brush of tender flesh on the side of her head. The spectres lips were soft and yielding, conforming to the contours of Liara's crest like they were made to fit together. The touch was brief and by all accounts, quite chaste; yet the depth of emotion conveyed by that tiny, intimate act was more tender and heartfelt than any vocal response could have been.
For a few, overwhelming moments, Liara forgot everything. She forgot the world around her, she forgot her shyness and past humiliations, she very nearly forgot her own name. The only thing that existed for the asari was the exquisite feeling of Lana softly nuzzling at her fluked skin. Shepard's breath was warm and moist in her ear as the Spectre whispered nonsense words of comfort and affection.
Heaven...perfection...words were completely inadequate for the joy that swelled in the young maiden's heart. The happiness she felt was so far beyond anything she'd experienced before that it was impossible to draw any comparisons. In the end, Liara gave up trying to label it and simply allowed herself to revel in the beauty of the moment.
Lana's lips burned a trail of fire across her fevered flesh. They lingered briefly on the salty trails that streaked down her cheeks nursing away the hurt that had spawned them. When she was satisfied that her care had begun to heal Liara's aching heart, Shepard's hand alighted on the ridge of her jaw and proceeded to softly guide their trembling lips together. It was a moment of purest intimacy; the tentative first touch. Lana had closed her eyes in anticipation, but Liara fought to keep hers as wide as possible. She wanted to record every nanosecond of this moment with perfect clarity. The sight of her beloved's beautiful lips, parted and welcoming, was too breathtaking to ever be forgotten.
As their mouths met, Liara had to fight a wave of dizziness that threatened to steal the strength from her limbs. Perhaps it was because she hadn't taken a breath for the past minute, unwilling to do anything that risked breaking the spell between them. It felt so fragile, like she may wake up at any second and be forced to confront another day filled with painful reminders of what was lacking in her life.
A gentle but insistent pressure on her lips made Liara gasp; all the opportunity Lana needed to slip her tongue inside and give the maiden her first taste of a true lover's kiss. Liara jumped at the sudden intrusion, but quickly found herself adjusting to Shepard's welcome presence in her mouth. She was still not sure how to respond, and prayed that her lack of reciprocation wouldn't discourage the Spectre.
It wasn't long however, until a century's worth of longing for companionship began to break free. Before she knew what was happening, Liara had taken Lana's face in her hands, and was kissing her with every ounce of passion she could muster. She felt completely out of control, knowing only that this was the purest, most accurate way to express the love she felt. The act was inexperienced and almost painful, but the asari made up for it with sheer desire, crushing their lips together with a desperate intensity. It was the sort of kiss that couldn't be planned, or practiced, or even imagined before the event; Liara simply acted on instinct.
It lasted for several minutes, only pausing momentarily as both participants paused to gulp down much-needed air. As the kiss continued, Liara finally found the courage to begin reciprocating Lana's tender explorations of her mouth. She started out small, unsure of what to expect but eager to please Shepard as best she could. When she next felt the touch of the Spectre's tongue on her upper lip, Liara allowed her own to meet it. As the hot, slippery flesh pressed together, the asari felt an electrical jolt pass between them that made her body shiver with delight.
Lana moaned into the maiden's mouth as the same surge of longing pulsed through her veins. Her hands slid across the fluked ridges of Liara's neck to stroke the back of her head. Fingertips danced across the asari's crest, toying the rounded tips in a way that made her tremble from head to toe. It was how she'd always fantasized this moment would be...Shepard's elegant digits caressing that exquisitely sensitive area that few species knew gave an asari such pleasure. Lana's touch was everywhere; probing the grooves that ran from her brow to the nape of her neck with expert skill. It was too perfect for Liara to process all at once, the myriad of sensations filled her head, mingling together in an overwhelming euphoria.
After what felt like a lifetime, the spectre finally withdrew from Liara's bruised and tender lips. The asari just stood there, mouth still parted and eyes closed as the shock of what had just happened wore off. It had been...incredible; the apex of her life so far. Yet despite the sensation that she was walking on air, Liara could feel familiar doubts creeping back into her mind. She told herself they were irrational but like the monster under the bed, logic alone wasn't enough to ward them off.
Had this really been what Shepard wanted? In her excitement, Liara had practically assaulted the Spectre without even giving her a chance to object. What if she'd mistaken Lana's actions? She was still so unsure, so new to the whole concept of love. Perhaps Shepard's writhing and moaning had been attempts to free herself, not sounds of pleasure as the maiden had thought. Could the initial kiss on her temple have been nothing more than a sympathetic action, not an invitation for further intimacy? Maybe...maybe...she'd got it all wrong!
"I...I'm so sorry Lana," Liara began, not even attempting to hide her embarrassment as she desperately stumbled over her words. "I shouldn't have...I mean, I was too forward and now you, oh Goddess, I-I-I just wanted to..."
"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Lana grabbed the nearly hysterical Liara, holding her firmly in place and fixing her with an affectionate gaze. "Calm down. You did nothing wrong."
The asari's posture was reminiscent of a deer caught in the headlights of a speeding truck. She stared wide-eyed at Shepard, her body stock still except for the heavy rise and fall of her chest.
"I-I'm not good enough for you," Liara whispered, moisture brimming along her lower lids. "I-I don't know how to please you...I-I don't...you d-deserve..."
Lana's hands tightened their protective hold on her shoulders, the touch burningly intense despite the lab coat that separated skin from skin. As they did, Liara's stream of self-deprecation trailed away into a half-hearted whimper that lost itself amongst the struggled gasps of air escaping from her lungs.
"Come with me." Lana said softly, using her grip to gently guide the trembling asari towards the captain's quarters. "There's something I think you should see."
Liara allowed herself to be led, legs working automatically whilst her brain struggled to come to terms with the past ten minutes events. It was harder than peering through dense fog; the logic that normally came so quickly to her rational mind seemed to have deserted her. Now she was left with a mess of emotions that alternately swung between elation and despair.
The door to Shepard's sanctum swished open, and Liara couldn't help but enjoy the feeling of finally stepping inside. Lana had visited her regularly in the storeroom, yet in all that time she'd never once plucked up the courage to return the favour. Perhaps this was a good sign?
Still being steered by the insistent spectre, Liara found herself entering a tiny en-suite, barely big enough for two people. By now, her natural curiosity was beginning to overcome, or at the very least, suppress, the urge to flee and hide in some dark corner. She found herself split between attempting to guess what was happening, and enjoying the feeling of Shepard's lithe body pressed against hers as she squeezed into the confined space.
Lana kept a comforting arm wrapped around Liara's shoulders, and used the other to direct her gaze to the mirror that covered most of one wall.
"Tell me." The Spectre murmured, her mouth close enough to send wisps of air dancing across the asari's skin "What do you see?"
Liara opened her mouth to reply, but was forced to close it again when no words came.
"That's a pretty good fish impression." Lana commented, taking the sting out of her words with a friendly smile. It struck Liara as a rather apt analogy; she was feeling distinctly similar to a fish out of water.
"I...I see you," She replied eventually.
Lana grinned, sliding further forward until her mouth was almost touching Liara's neck.
"What else?" She whispered. Shepard's voice was so close Liara could imagine it came from within her own head.
The maiden bit down on her lip at the upwelling of emotion such intimate proximity inspired. The way Lana spoke made her heart flutter with desire, an urge only kept in check by the nervousness that paralyzed her every muscle. She was aware that Lana had asked her a question, but was in no fit state to answer it. About half a minute passed before she managed to wet her throat enough to choke out another sentence.
"Me?" Liara hoped it was the answer Lana was looking for; she wasn't sure her vocal cords could make another sound right now.
"That's right, you see you. I see you too, but I'm pretty certain we're not looking at the same person."
Liara's head span. Ordinarily, she loved riddles and word-games; exercises that gave her a chance to use her intelligence in new and creative ways. At the moment however, she'd have struggled to do the most basic math.
"I don't understand." She said finally, praying she hadn't just failed some kind of test.
"When I look at you, I see someone so beautiful, my voice catches in my throat. I see the most perfect shade of blue, blushed with rosy purples and highlighted by adorable white freckles. I see eyes that draw me into another world with their depth and warmth, and lips that I want to press every part of my body against. But that's just the beginning. I see somebody compassionate, intelligent and brave. Someone who has endured so much pain, yet has never once complained. Someone who offers themselves completely, who doesn't hold themselves back or hide behind lies and deceit. Someone who brings joy to my heart every time I see her, who I seek out whenever I need to be reminded of the good in this galaxy, and what we're fighting to protect. I see all of that, and it makes me hungry."
"H-Hungry?" Liara's voice is the tiniest of squeaks.
"Hungry." There's something else in Lana's voice now, something that simultaneously terrifies Liara and leaves her aching in all the right places. She can barely believe what she just heard. How could anyone see her that way? Was Lana blind? Inebriated? Drugged?
"You're something precious Liara." There was that sultry purr again, like one of the great cats of the Thessian planes. Liara can feel something spasm inside her, and suddenly her legs are inexplicably heavy. "I still can't put it into words, but I knew from the second I saw you in those mines that you would change my life forever. The more I speak to you, the more I see you, the more I want. So yes, you make me hungry. Hungry for your company, for your friendship...and for much, much more than that."
"How? How can I d-do these things to you? I don't..."
"Liara, darling, have you ever known what it's like to be loved? To be truly, unconditionally loved by someone else?"
The pause seems to span maidenhood to matriarch. Eventually, she shook her head, a simple action which carries a lifetime of pain.
Lana was pressed so near to Liara that her lips brushed the asari's skin when they next moved.
"You do now."
A/N: All reviews are greatly appreciated :)