Standard disclaimer: I don't own them; I'm just borrowing them for our entertainment
"The Life and Times of Agent Phil Coulson"
From the moment Tony Stark disappeared in Afghanistan, SHIELD was monitoring the situation. A few days later, the case was under discussion as to the degree of SHIELD's involvement.
"Lt. Col. Rhodes is convinced it's a snatch and grab," said Agent Phil Coulson. "And I have to admit, so far, I agree with him."
"What do you believe their goal is?"
"Two possibilities – simple ransom or a big splashy execution."
"Well, for Mr. Stark's sake, I hope it's the former," the head of SHIELD, Nick Fury commented grimly.
"What about the possibility they want him for his expertise?" another agent asked. "I met the guy once. Completely plastered, he's the smartest man in the room. Stone cold sober, he's a technological god."
"We have to keep that possibility open as well."
"Monitor the situation, Coulson," Nick Fury commanded. "The case is yours."
Thus began, as Agent Coulson would later put it, the strange case of Tony Stark.
The days following Tony Stark's disappearance turned to weeks and the weeks to months. Leads dried up in record time. He may have well fallen off the planet. But Agent Coulson reviewed every lead and followed every piece of intelligence.
Hanging on his office wall was a photograph. Taken by a paparazzi, it was of Stark's personal assistant, Pepper Potts. Silhouetted in a dimly lit room, she had her head in her hands, her despair palpable through the lens. It reminded Agent Coulson of the humanity behind the event.
Like all U.S. intelligence agencies, SHIELD concentrated several of their spy satellites over Afghanistan. Then one day, three months after Tony Stark disappeared, a huge explosion registered in the region.
Agent Couson found himself smiling. "It's him," he said with an odd flash of pride.
"Right now, it's just an explosion," Nick Fury responded. "Let's keep a perspective."
"He makes munitions, sir," came the rejoinder. "Trust me, it's him."
And sure enough, hours later, the news ricocheted around the world – Tony Stark was alive.
Agent Coulson smiled at the photograph of Pepper Potts as he took it down from his wall. The man was alive. Now all they had to do was contain the fallout.
Agent Coulson read the initial reports from Tony Stark's debriefing at Bagram Air Base and shook his head.
"His story makes no sense, sir."
"Ya think?" Nick Fury's voice dripped scorn.
"With permission, sir, I'd like to go to Los Angeles and debrief him myself. We might get more detail once he's safe in his own home, in his own environment."
"It's your case, Coulson. But I want answers." Fury stopped for a moment. "Have you read the report from Intel?"
"I have, sir. I believe Intel is mistaken," Coulson said. "Tony Stark is an inventive and intelligent individual. I think it's unlikely he was turned. He got out some other way. We just have to find out how."
By the time Agent Coulson got to LA, Tony Stark was already on an Air Force transport headed home. Upon learning this, Coulson headed for Stark Industries West Coast Headquarters to wait for him. Upon arrival, he found out about the press conference. Coulson was surprised, but didn't let it show.
Finally, he saw the woman whose picture he had stared at for three months. Pepper Potts was even more beautiful in real life.
"Excuse me, Miss Potts?" he said as he approached.
She turned and looked at him inquiringly. "Can I get a moment?" Coulson said.
"Oh, I'm not actually a part of the press conference," Pepper said with a bland, noncommittal smile. "But it's going to start any second."
"That's O.K., I'm not a reporter." He handed her a card and he noticed she took it without looking. She had eyes only for her newly returned boss.
He tried again. "I'm Agent Phil Coulson with the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division."
"That's quite a mouthful," she said dryly.
Coulson sighed, wondering for the umpteeth time why they had to use such a convoluted acronym. He supposed because it lulled people into thinking they were just another piece of bureaucracy. "I know. We're working on it."
"You know we've already been approached by the DOD, the FBI, and the CIA..."
Oh yeah, he'd read their reports. They were useless. "We're a separate division, with a more… specific focus," he explained. "We need to debrief Mr. Stark about the circumstances of his escape." That was the understatement of the year.
"I'll put something in the book, shall I?"
Coulson smiled, glad they had at least gotten that far. "Thank you."
He moved off to watch both her and Tony Stark.
"I never got a chance to say goodbye to my father," Tony Stark began.
Coulson listened with some compassion. The man had obviously been rocked by the events of his capture and escape.
"...effective immediately, I'm shutting down the weapons manufacturing division of Stark Industries ..."
Well, that was unexpected, Coulson decided. And judging from the pandemonium, no one else expected it either. Certainly not Tony Stark's assistant.
Coulson melted away to make a report. Things were now going to be very interesting.
For the next two weeks, Coulson waited for a phone call from Pepper Potts. Nick Fury wasn't happy, but grudgingly agreed to allow Coulson to have his way, at least for a while longer. He didn't see the point of pushing the man further than they needed to.
Rumors abounded that Tony Stark was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The explanation seemed perfectly reasonable, and Coulson was perfectly skeptical. There was something else going on, but he couldn't put his finger on it.
The fund raiser at the Disney Concert Hall would be a good opening, he decided. If Tony Stark didn't show, then Pepper Potts probably would. He was determined not to leave the place until he had something on the books.
Coulson used his ID to get in and waited. He didn't care if he looked out of place; he was there to be found. He kept glancing through the room, waiting.
He turned to the increased buzz around the bar and noticed Tony Stark, looking very unstressed, heading right for it. He heard the order, "Give me a scotch. I'm starving."
Well, that sounded pretty much in character. Coulson decided to get his attention. "Mr. Stark."
Tony Stark turned and obviously tried to place the face and couldn't. "Yeah?"
Coulson held out his hand and Stark shook it. "Agent Coulson," he offered.
The good news was Miss Potts had obviously mentioned something to her boss. "Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, the guy from the..."
"Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division," Coulson finished for him. The poor man shouldn't be expected to remember that.
"Whew!" Stark responded. "God, you really need a new name for that."
"Yeah, I hear that a lot," Coulson said and continued talking, this time offering up a date and time of his own. Then he noticed his quarry's attention had deviated.
But to his benefit. Stark held out his hand. "Sounds good," he said. "I see my assistant over there, how about I go over and...make a date." He moved swiftly to his assistant's side.
For some reason, Agent Coulson was disturbed. He knew Tony Stark's reputation with women; he also knew that Pepper Potts reputation was unsullied. If Stark now set his sights closer to home ...
It was no concern of his, Coulson told himself firmly. He had an appointment. That was his job. Nothing else.
On the appointed day and time, Coulson went to Stark Industries and waited. And waited. And waited.
Finally, he saw Pepper Potts moving quickly down the stairs. Please, he begged silently, let Stark have passed on the message about the appointment. He rose to intercept her.
"Miss Potts," he said. "Have you forgotten our appointment ...?"
"No, no I haven't," she replied briskly. "Right now, we're having it right now. Your office."
She was moving at breakneck speed, in stilettos of all things, and Coulson found himself rushing to keep up with her.
"I'm gonna give you the appointment of your life," Pepper promised. He glimpsed a USB stick in her hand. It looked like his patience was finally going to be repaid -- with dividends.
Coulson directed her to the Los Angeles offices of SHIELD while Pepper Potts drove and poured out the story of what she had uncovered. Twice, Coulson got on the phone to alert other agents. By the time they arrived, a team was prepared.
Five minutes of viewing the data on the USB stick and the horrifying video of Tony Stark after his capture was enough.
"We've got our evidence, people," Coulson announced crisply. "Let's move."
"I'm going with you," Pepper said firmly. "I can show you where everything is. And I have unlimited access."
He nodded. "You're with me."
Pepper had tried to call Tony Stark repeatedly with no luck. Coulson agreed with her worries; it wasn't a good sign.
She finally gave up and called Lt. Col. Rhodes. She quickly outlined the situation and dispatched Rhodes to Stark's house to check on him, never breaking her stride once. Coulson was impressed.
"I know a shortcut," Pepper told him when they reached her Audi.
Coulson grinned. He was now understanding how she had kept pace with someone like Tony Stark for all these years. She was worth her weight in gold.
The team arrived at Stark Industries with Coulson and Pepper at the head. Five agents surrounded her; they had some idea of what they were up against. Pepper scanned her card over the reader and led them inside. She quickly took them down to the lower levels.
"Sector Sixteen..." she said, thinking out loud. Then they saw the door; she scanned her card over it. The lock didn't budge.
"My card's not working," she reported to Coulson. It wasn't an unexpected situation; he already had a device ready and attached it to the lock.
"What's that?" Pepper asked. "A little device, going to pick the lock?"
Really, she hung around with Stark way too much, Coulson decided. SHIELD's techniques were a little more – direct. "You might want to step back," he advised her.
She got the point. She darted behind the agents and plugged her ears. They stood there calmly with their backs to the door while the small explosive did its job.
Sector Sixteen was in the sub-basement level, full of pipes and equipment. There was no natural light and the room was silent.
Pepper led the way in, with Coulson and the other agents at the ready. It didn't take them long to find a mounted suit of armor.
"You were right," Coulson said. "Looks like he was building a suit."
"I thought it would be bigger," Pepper replied. He agreed; it certainly didn't look very imposing. Perhaps they could stop Stane before things got worse.
Coulson, however, wasn't going to take any chances and signaled his men. They fanned out and began searching the room.
Pepper also began to look around. Coulson really wished she'd stay put. He didn't like it when he lost sight of her. Then he heard her running back – with something very, very big chasing her.
Couson immediately reacted. "Open Fire!"
The bullets ricocheted off the suit. Stane swung a massive arm and sent the agents flying, including Coulson. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness, was Pepper trying to make an escape. Good girl, he thought. Then all went black.
By the time he came to, the battle was over. Paramedics were hovering over Coulson, the agents, and Tony Stark. The man looked like hell, but he was alive. Surprisingly for all the destruction, the only known casualty was Stane himself.
Coulson shed no tears for that.
The next morning, Coulson was back at Stark Industries Headquarters, this time, in Tony Stark's private office. Stark himself was reading the morning paper while Pepper tended to his many cuts.
"Iron Man," he intoned. "That's kinda catchy."
Honestly, the man had no sense of priorities, Coulson thought. Just as well SHIELD had done all the legwork for his alibi.
Stark continued. "It's not strictly accurate, though, it's really a composite gold titanium alloy, but I like the feel of it."
Coulson decided it was time to step in. "Here's your alibi," he said as he handed Stark a set of note cards. "You were on your yacht, we have port papers that put you in Avalon all night, and sworn statements from fifty of your guests." Please don't screw it up, was his forlorn thought.
"I was thinking," Stark said. "About the alibi -- maybe it was just me and Pepper on the yacht."
Oh, for Pete's sake, couldn't the man take simple direction? "This is what happened," Coulson said firmly. "Read it word for word and this will all be behind you."
Thankfully, he read the cards. "There's nothing about Stane here."
"That's being handled," Coulson explained. "He's on vacation. Small jets have such a notorious safety record." He actually managed to say it with a straight face.
"Is this going to work?" Stark asked, tapping at the cue cards as he read the story again. "I mean what is this ... that he's my bodyguard? Isn't that kind of lame?"
"This isn't my first rodeo, Mr. Stark," he responded evenly and turned to Pepper. "We'll be in touch."
"Agent Coulson," Pepper said warmly. "I just wanted to say thank you very much for all of your help."
Coulson could almost admit he'd do anything for her smile and returned it. "That's what we do. You'll be hearing from us."
"From the Strategic Homeland ..."
He gave her a grin as he headed out the door. There was no need for subterfuge now. "Just call us SHIELD."
"Much better," he heard Tony Stark call after him.
Well, yes it was.
Agent Coulson positioned himself at the back of the conference room. He would be remiss in his duty if he left everything to chance now.
He watched the carefully crafted alibi quickly fall apart. The blond reporter was the instigator. For some reason, Stark couldn't quite get back to the cards. Surely he wouldn't ...
He did.
"I am Iron Man."
Under cover of the commotion that followed, Agent Coulson dialed a number. "Sir, he's just gone off script. He admitted it. Yes, sir, I think a personal visit might do some good."
Epilogue
Pepper found Agent Coulson immediately. "Agent Coulson, I am so sorry ..." she began.
He held up his hand. "The situation wasn't completely unforeseen, Miss Potts," he explained. "We are going to have to take other steps now, though. And it's going to be a bumpy ride. I'm afraid Mr. Stark will just have to roll with it."
How bumpy was apparent the next morning in Stark's private office. They watched the news together. It was the biggest story of the day.
"The Justice Department has issued an indictment against Obadiah Stane, Chief Financial Officer and Chairman of the Board of Stark Industries. The indictment lists fourteen counts, including money laundering, conspiracy to sell restricted weaponry to unauthorized third parties, conspiracy to commit murder, and murder for hire – the alleged target being Tony Stark himself. The Justice Department does not believe at this time that anyone else at Stark Industries was involved. Tony Stark and the directors of Stark Industries have promised their complete and full cooperation with the investigation.
At this time, Mr. Stane's whereabouts are unknown. There is reason to believe he has fled the country."
Tony Stark turned off the television and looked at Agent Coulson inquiringly.
"Well, Mr. Stark, you got the ball rolling by telling the truth," he explained. "These situations can be tricky – you can tell the truth, but only as long as it's believable to the ordinary person. When it's no longer believable, you lie for all you're worth. There's nothing in the indictment that isn't completely true. If Stane hadn't have died on the roof of the Arc-Reactor building, he would have been charged with all of them."
"So what happens now?" Stark asked.
"We fill the papers with Stane's misdeeds. Then, he'll be found dead. A suicide. It will make sense to anyone who knew him."
It did make sense, actually. "And bounces my little statement right off the front page."
Coulson smiled. "That's just an added benefit." He turned to leave.
"Your boss is an interesting man," Stark called out after him.
He turned. "Yes, he is. As I said before, Mr. Stark, we'll be in touch."
"I'm sure you will be."
Agent Coulson made his way down the stairs. Yes, this had definitely been one of his more interesting cases.
The End