The Horrible Revelation
Summary: Leo has informed Raph and Don they may stay together only if Don can prove they're not really brothers. What do the test results show?
A/N: How has it been like four years since I've posted anything on this damn site? Okay, uh, only rated for implied naughty doings.
What gave anybody the right to tell him what to do? It just wasn't fair. He hadn't asked for any of this. To be what he is or love who he loved.
It seemed it was just his fate, to be eternally commanded, scolded, grabbed, shoved, put in his place. What was he, a dog? What kind of dog could he possibly make anyway? Well, he did carry around a stick a lot of the time…
But still, back to the unfairness! If it wasn't Raph dragging him into the lab for a thorough ravishing, it was Leonardo telling them exactly why said ravishing was improper. As if he had any say over it in the first place!
But of course he had to be the bonehead that came out with his own idiotic defense.
"We don't even have any proof that we are genetically brothers!"
Like Leo couldn't counter such an argument. Donnie was a genius and he knew it. And of course, Leo knew it as well. A simple DNA test could be done in mere minutes if he so wished.
"Fine, Donnie. If you can prove that this illicit little affair with Raph isn't incest, then I'll keep my mouth shut about it."
"Fine," Raph had agreed before Donnie could sputter out any sort of decent reply.
And so began this heart breaking revelation.
Samples were taken from all four brothers, mostly at Mikey's insistence, since he claimed it was unfair if only Donnie and Raph got to see if they were related or not. Though Donnie, not having that much information on mutated turtle DNA, appreciated having a wide array of genetic material to inspect. It would be easier to unlock the code with more than two samples. More simple to spot patterns and differences. Who even knew what x-chromosomes and y-chromosomes in a genetically mutated reptile looked like anyway?
"We may have mutated enough it may be impossible to see the original similarities," Don muttered over his collection of test tubes and microscopes.
"We all mutated in the same way, it can't be that off," Raph responded from where he was lounging in front of one of Don's computers. He appeared to be surfing a page of My Little Pony cartoon porn. Donnie just shook his head at the sight.
"There's a large chance we are brothers, what will we do if the results are positive?"
"Exactly what we've been doing for weeks. Unless you're getting tired of 'masked rapist.' How about 'the naughty schoolboy and the headmaster?'"
Donnie stared at his red-masked brother for a long moment, opened his mouth, closed it again, shook his head, and turned back to his microscope.
The lab settled into a comfortable silence for the next fifteen minutes or so, Donnie shuffling from one piece of complicated equipment to the next. Raph, apparently, had grown bored of My Little Pony, Smurf, and Pokémon porn, and switched his attention to playing games on his Neopets account.
'What is with him and small cute things,' Donnie mused silently to himself after glancing up to see Raph buying new clothes for his virtual pet.
It'd almost make him feel insecure, considering he himself was hardly tiny and adorable, but Raph did buy him those cat ears and butt plug tail awhile back…
"Any results yet there, genius," Raph questioned, not even bothering to turn from the monitor.
"Still a bit too early to tell," said genius replied know-it-allingly. "I'd say there's a definite match between Leo and I, but you and Mikey appear to be a bit different."
"I'm not letting you go no matter the results," Raph replied, "I hope you know that? That ass of yours is like a magnet that just pulls me in."
"I figured as such. Why am I wasting my time?"
"Because if we aren't brothers, I can wipe it in Leo's face."
"And you're willing to risk upsetting our entire family balance for that opportunity?"
Raph just shrugged in response, pushed back the office chair he had been half-lying in, and climbed to his feet.
"Heading to the kitchen, wanna soda?"
"Coffee would be good."
It had taken hours of analyzing and decoding before Donnie could make heads or tails of the genetic samples. Raph had retired for the night, into his nice comfy hammock, while Don's back creaked with the discomfort of being hunched over sizzling equipment for hours.
The humming of computers. The glaring lights. The growling of an empty stomach. The sounds of the lab continued deep into the nights.
The chirping of morning birds, while beautiful and serene, was not something you could usually hear in the lair. Or for that matter, afternoon birds, or evening birds.
The rush of water in the morning as hundreds of thousands of full bladders awoke was a whole other story.
However, the sound of desperate, frightened sobbing was also not a common noise beneath the sewer. So when one rodent and three reptiles were startled awake by such a sound minutes before dawn, what else could they do but rush towards the anguished sound.
Raph was the last one to make it to the lab. Considering the tormented wails were coming from his lover, that probably wasn't very appropriate, but come on, he had to have how many pounds on the master ninja, spazoid, and midget rat? What was he supposed to do, stop lifting weights?
Still, Leo and Splinter just looked awkwardly at Donnie as he curled up on the floor under his desk, crying into his kneepads, saying things such as "there there" and "it's alright." Mikey just looked frightened and cowered near the door.
"You idiots, let me through," Raph growled, dropping down to the floor with Donnie and pulling him into his arms.
He had no idea what was wrong with Donnie, but anybody could tell by looking at him that a hug would do him good. Of course he didn't know what was wrong though. How could he? He didn't know about the revelation. Five minutes ago even Donnie didn't know about it. But now he did, and of course he could do nothing but cry to himself, as would anybody who learned something so upsetting. Something that could shake you to the very core. Something that could dismount everything you ever knew or suspected about life.
"Raph," Donnie sobbed, throwing his arms around his mate's neck and burying his face into his throat.
Now the thing here was, Raph had no idea if he should be happy or not. See, if the results were positive, Donnie may well be crying because that meant they were brothers and was too frightened to stand up against Leo's word. It didn't matter two shits to Raph whether or not Leo approved of their relationship, but Donnie was a much more sensitive soul that needed constant reassurance and approval.
On the other hand, if the results were negative, that meant they weren't brothers. And while that totally meant Raph was free to bang the purple-masked terrapin as much as he liked, it also meant that they had no true family and were all alone in the world. Of course they'd always be brothers, in a respect, but there was no common parentage there. No blood to hold them together. They were just four giant mutated turtles that happened to grow up together. Like children at an orphanage.
"What was the result, Donnie," Leo asked in a cool, somewhat uncaring voice. Raph wanted to smack him upside the head.
"Shut it, Leo," Raph bit out. Then in a much gentler, warmer, perhaps lustier voice, repeated the question. "What was the result, Donnie?"
"We're not, we're not-"
"Brothers," Raph cut in?
"No, we're not, we're not-"
"Related," Leo supplied.
Donnie shook his head quick.
"No. We're not-"
"Incestuous pillowbiters," Mikey offered.
At this, Splinter replied with a slap to the bald cranium.
"You guys aren't listening," Donnie wailed dramatically, "We're not turtles!"
This time nobody had a response. Of course they were turtles. What else could they possible be? Capybaras?
"Don't you guys get it? This entire time we were living a lie!" Here Donnie broke down sobbing into Raph's shoulder once more, barely able to choke out the last bit of his confession. "You guys, we're nothing but no good, dirty, hay-eating, burrow-digging, vegan-pussy tortoises!"
Never before had the four brothers felt such shame.