TITLE: Jealousy
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM. (Obi-Wan is 13) Non-slash. Obi-Wan is jealous of Master Bren's new interest.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please.
ARCHIVE: Ask me first.
MY WEBSITE: http/ The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
Jealousy
Obi: Master, where is Master Bren? I haven't seen her all week. I miss my hugs. I don't suppose you'd hug me in her place, would you? No, just ignore that. I know you won't and I'll just end up getting another long drawn out boring lecture about how I need to concentrate on the moment and trust in the living Force for comfort, blah blah blah blah blah. Anyway, have you seen Master Bren lately?
Qui: No.
Obi: Don't you miss your adult mush time with her?
Qui: As usual, that is none of your business.
Obi: It is if it leads to a baby brother or sister for Obi-Wan. You know I need to be an only child, Master. My time with you cannot be shared with anyone. Well, anyone except Master Bren. But since she's not around any more, I guess it's just you and me again, hey Master?
Qui: Don't you have something that you need to be doing right now? Some type of training or studying? Something Jedi-like?
Obi: You're the master, you tell me.
Qui: I'm busy.
Obi: You are not. You're sitting on the couch reading one of your old wrinkled books. Which, by the way you've already read about 50 times. Don't you ever get tired of reading the same story over and over again?
Qui: Don't you ever get tired of running your mouth over and over again?
Obi: No.
Qui: Then you answered your own question, Obi-Wan.
Obi: Can I read with you?
Qui: No.
Obi: Can you read to me?
Qui: No.
Obi: Can you tell me where Master Bren is?
Qui: I don't know. We've been through this already. Why don't you go look for her.
Obi: I did. She's not in her quarters. She's elsewhere…eluuuuuusive.
Qui: Then send out a search party.
Obi: You don't seem too concerned that she's missing. Maybe she's cheating on you.
Qui: I don't think so.
Obi: You don't think she could do better?
Qui: I doubt it.
Obi: You have a high opinion of yourself, Master. You lecture me all the time about pride. You should listen to your own lectures. Then you might realize how boring they are.
Qui: Do you want to spend the next week training with Master Yoda? Or worse, Master Poof?
Obi: You wouldn't do that to me. I'd come back after a week talking backwards and swaying my head back and forth. Do you really want that? Do you really want me to become a smart-mouthed padawan who mocks his master?
Qui: Oh no, I'd never want that.
Obi: There. You see? You do care. I knew it.
Qui: Why would I want what I already have?
Obi: I'm special to you.
Qui: You're annoying to me.
Obi: Give me a hug and I'll be quiet.
Qui: No. Go find Master Bren. And don't come back until you've found her.
Obi: What if I find that she's cheating on you?
Qui: Obi-Wan, get out. Now.
Obi: Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you.
(Obi-Wan bounded out of the apartment and ventured out into the halls to search for the elusive Master Bren.)
(Several hours later, as his legs began to give out on him, he spotted his target at the far end of the dining hall. And she wasn't alone.)
Obi: Ah ha! She is cheating on Master Qui-Gon. I knew it. Wait till he finds out that I was right. Again. As usual.
(Quickly he moved across the large room, but as he did, he noticed that the Jedi she was with was a lot shorter than he appeared when seen from the other side of the dining hall. And he had a short hair cut. And…a braid!. She wasn't cheating on Master Qui-Gon. She was cheating on him! With another padawan! He decided to play it cool though and approach calmly.)
Obi: Hi, Master Bren. I've been looking for you all week. Where have you been? What have you been doing? Who is this boy with you? Why is your hand on his shoulder? Did you just finish hugging him?
Bren: Obi-Wan! Good to see ya, kid. How's things? This is Edaan Kreegan. He's the same age as you. Edaan, this is Obi-Wan Kenobi. The padawan of my good friend, Qui-Gon Jinn.
Edaan: Nice to meet you, Obi-Wan.
Obi: Okay. What's going on here? Master Bren, when did you take a padawan?
Bren: I haven't. I'm just looking after Edaan until his master recovers. He's been wounded and will be in the hospital for a couple weeks. Master Yoda asked me if I could fill in temporarily.
Obi: So that's why you've been avoiding me. You've been mushing another padawan. I see how it is. How can you do this to me? To my master?
Bren: What are you babbling about? I haven't done anything to anyone. In a couple weeks things will be back to normal and I'll resume my usual teaching duties and I'll be back to harass your master. Don't worry. I haven't forgotten you guys.
Obi: Hmm. Something sounds funny to me. You just happen to find a padawan who needs comfort, support and love and you adopt him as your own so you can hug him while his master is not able to. If you needed someone to hug, you could have just called me.
Bren: Obi-Wan, as usual you are blowing things out of proportion. Did Qui-Gon send you to find me? No wait…he probably just told you to go look for me so that you wouldn't be home to ramble on about this to him while he was trying to relax and read one of his old wrinkled books.
Obi: How did you know…never mind. You're trying to get me off subject. Did you or did you not, hug Edaan today?
Bren: I did. Twice.
Obi: How cruel can you be? Why not just take a saber and run it through my heart?
Bren: I think your master has dibs on that method of disposal if you don't grow out of this huggy-yappy stage that you're in right now.
Obi: I won't forget this, Master Bren. You can keep your precious Edaan and hug him until he turns blue for all I care. I'll seek my mush elsewhere. Just because mush is eluuuuuusive for me, doesn't mean a thing. I'll find it. Somewhere. I'll just wait until Master Qui-Gon is asleep and then do a sneak-attack hug. I'll show you!
(He stormed off leaving Bren and Edaan to roll their eyes before they headed to the hospital to see his master.)
(Obi-Wan stomped into his quarters. Qui-Gon felt the anger coming from his apprentice as soon as he entered the room, but just rolled his eyes.)
Qui: What's the problem now? Did you try to hug the council members again and get rejected?
Obi: No. Worse. Master Bren is cheating on me.
Qui: I see. No, I don't see. I thought you said that she was probably cheating on me?
Obi: That was the obvious answer, especially knowing how you look in the morning when you wake up.
Qui: Do not joke about my hair.
Obi: I didn't say anything about you hair. Can we get back to the real topic here? Me!
Qui: So, Bren is cheating on you. Explain.
Obi: She has a padawan. And she's been spending the last week comforting and hugging him. That's why she's not been to see me.
Qui: You mean me. She doesn't come over here to see you, Obi-Wan. No one does that intentionally. At least no one who is sane does that intentionally. So she has a padawan. A temporary one, correct?
Obi: Something like that.
Qui: A padawan that she is looking after until his master is healthy and back on his feet, after being seriously wounded on a mission, correct?
Obi: Yeah, she gave me some story like that.
Qui: She told me earlier this week that she would be taking over the training of a student for a short time.
Obi: And you didn't tell me?
Qui: Did you need to know?
Obi: Yes.
Qui: Why?
Obi: Because.
Qui: Because why?
Obi: Because…Master! She is spending time with another padawan my age. The age that needs hugs more than any. A time in his life when he needs the comfort and support and love of a master.
Qui: Which she is providing for that padawan while his master is recovering. Are you paying any attention to the flow of the conversation here, Obi-Wan?
Obi: I am. You are missing the point. If she hugs him, she's not here to hug me. If she comforts him, she's not here to comfort me. If she supports him, she's not here to support me. Are you beginning to see that picture I'm creating here, Master?
Qui: It's not her job to hug and comfort you. It's my job.
Obi: Then why don't you do it?
Qui: I would, if you needed it. But you are healthy and well and yappy. Therefore you have no reason to need all those things at the moment.
Obi: Do I have to be on death's door to get a hug? Is it not possible for you to hug me just for the heck of it?
Qui: No. Now, back to the point of this conversation. Was there a point to it? No, I don't think so. You need a hobby, Obi-Wan.
Obi: I have one.
Qui: Mush is not a hobby. It's an odd obsession. Why don't you play holo-vid games with your friends on your down time?
Obi: I'd rather spend my time with you. And Master Bren.
Qui: That's unhealthy. You need the company of your peers sometimes. It's not good to hang around with adults all the time.
Obi: My peers won't hug me, Master.
Qui: Neither will I.
Obi: But Master Bren will. Well, she used to. Now she's cheating on me with that…that…kid. Egor or something.
Qui: It's Edaan. And you're not being very respectful of his situation. He's going thru a difficult time right now with his master being injured. You should be supportive of him.
Obi: I can't. He's stolen the only mushy person I know, away from me. That's just wrong, Master. Why am I the only one who can see that?
Qui: He didn't steal anyone. Bren volunteered to train him.
Obi: She ASKED for this? The traitor! That's it. I'm done with her. Washing my hands of her. She's no longer part of my life. And she's no longer welcome in this apartment.
Qui: Okay, then when she does come over, you can just leave. I won't mind. Trust me.
Obi: I can't believe this is happening to me. I need to go talk to Nev. He'll listen to me.
Qui: Only if I pay him to. And if you promise that you'll go see him right now, I'll be glad to do that.
Obi: Bye, Master!
(Obi-Wan hurried from the apartment and towards the offices of the healers. He came to Nev's office, walked inside and was greeted by Nev's assistant, a blue tinted being named Rylis.)
Obi: Hi, Rylis. Remember me? Is Mr. Nev free?
Rylis: Kenobi. You don't have an appointment. You know how Nev feels about people who don't have appointments.
Obi: I see people coming in here all the time without appointments.
Rylis: Okay, you know how Nev feels about you coming in here without an appointment.
Obi: Discrimination, huh? This is not the 1960's! I will not be oppressed any longer!
Rylis: Huh?
Obi: Never mind. May I please see Mr. Nev? It's important.
Rylis: Let me comm him. (He reached for the comm unit and buzzed Nev's office.)
Nev: Yes, Rylis?
Rylis: Obi-Wan Kenobi here to see you. No appointment. He's a walk-in. And he's babbling about being oppressed.
Nev: Damnit. Doesn't that kid ever go away? Doesn't his master ever talk to him? Why is it always me?
Rylis: Kenobi is right here, sir. He can hear you.
Nev: Tell him I'm busy.
Rylis: Doing what, sir?
Nev: Paperwork. Yeah, that's always a good excuse.
(Obi-Wan reached for the buzzer.)
Obi: Nice try, Mr. Nev, but the temple no longer uses paper. Remember the Paperwork Reduction Act? Strictly computers. Please talk to me. I promise I won't be long and winded. It's important and my master is too busy reading his book to give me the time of day. Help me, Mr. Nev. You're my only hope.
Nev: Fine. But make it quick. I have things to do. Come in, Obi-Wan.
(The boy smiled at Rylis and walked into the office, immediately plopping himself down onto the couch.)
Nev: In 20 words or less, what's the problem?
Obi: How about lies? Deception? Cheating? Treating me like a piece of trash that can just be hugged and thrown away at the drop of a hat.
Nev: I hate to ask this, because I know where it'll lead, but, can you be a little more specific about this? I don't speak your weird language. Thankfully.
Obi: Master Bren is cheating on me.
Nev: I didn't realize you were dating. Isn't it against the code for…
Obi: That's not what I'm talking about. She is training a padawan.
Nev: Oh, I heard about that. I met him too. Edaan. Good kid. His master was hurt pretty badly. Terran is treating him. She's filling in for a short time.
Obi: She's hugging him. She's comforting him. She's supporting him. She's ignoring me.
Nev: Maybe she's just busy right now with training and doesn't have time to visit you and Qui-Gon. I'm sure things will change when Edaan goes back with his master. Don't worry, Obi-Wan. This is just a temporary situation. Thank you for stopping in. Goodbye.
Obi: She is the only person in this entire temple who will hug me. Well, except for Master Brazo, but he's been busy making goo-goo eyes at Mari again. We won't even go there. I can't afford to keep losing my huggers. They are such a rare breed. And now I find out that she's turned her mushy affections towards another padawan. How do you think that makes me feel? I feel like I've been trampled on by a thousand Master Yoda's. My heart is broken. Doesn't that mean anything to you? You are a mind healer, correct?
Nev: Your mind is fine Obi-Wan. Wait, on second thought, forget I just said that. Your mind is not what's broken…it's… No, that's not right either. Your mind is…a terrible thing to waste? No.
Obi: Please don't babble, Mr. Nev. It confuses me. Can you talk to Master Bren? Tell her how much she is hurting me? How much I miss her?
Nev: No, I don't think so. Get your master to do it. It's time he take some responsibility for your odd quirks.
Obi: Can you at least hug me?
Nev: No, sorry. Can't do that either. I just showered. Can't get dirty. I have a date tonight. I have to be clean.
Obi: Date? You? With a woman?
Nev: Is there a problem with that?
Obi: It's not that irritating G'mee Hugg woman, is it?
Nev: It is. And she is not irritating.
Obi: Is too. She wouldn't hug me either.
Nev: Get Rylis to hug you. He's always looking for new adventures.
Obi: That's okay. I'll leave. You go on ahead. Enjoy your adult mush tonight, while I suffer from the worst rejection of my life. Which means nothing to you, or to my master. I'll get through this somehow.
Nev: That's the spirit, boy. Now, get out there and be strong!
Obi: Adults are so cruel. I hope I never become one.
Nev: Unless someone kills you beforehand, which is not out of the realm of possibility, you will be one of us eventually. And then you'll have a padawan who acts just like you.
Obi: No, my padawan is gonna be angry and grumpy and hang out with some girl with cinny buns on her head. He'll be the total opposite of me. The world can only handle one Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Nev: You've said a mouthful. Now go away.
(Obi-Wan strolled out into the lobby of the office and was about to leave when he saw something on the small table near the door. Specifically the letter 'M' caught his attention. He picked it up and his eyes got big.)
Obi: Mush Illustrated? There's a holo-mag called Mush Illustrated? When did this happen and why wasn't I notified?
(Rylis motioned towards the boy.)
Rylis: Are you talking to me, Kenobi?
Obi: How long did you know about Mush Illustrated? Are there more? You guys have been holding out on me.
Rylis: Someone comes in weekly and drops those off. I don't look thru them, so I don't know what's there.
Obi: Can I take this with me? I'll bring it back. No, that's a lie. It says mush on it. It'll stay with me forever.
Rylis: If I say yes, will you leave?
Obi: Yes.
Rylis: Then it's all yours. Get out.
(Obi-Wan took staggered steps to the door, quickly scanning the mag as he did. Inside he found subscription chips for other mush mags.)
Obi: Mush Monthly? Mushkeeping? Mush Week? The Mush Street Journal? Mush Beat? I think…I think…I think… (and he fell onto the floor)
Rylis: Kenobi, please get up and get out. You are in the way of other patients.
Obi: Huh? Who? Wha? Oh…okay. (he pulled himself up onto his wobbly legs) I've gotta go now. Gotta see about getting all these mags. And all the back issues for every year of their issue. I'm leaving now.
(He staggered into the hall, unsure of where to go next. Home was the most obvious answer so he could read every little word of this mush mag, but he was getting the urge to hug. Maybe Brazo would release his face from Mari's lips long enough for him to visit for a few minutes. He ventured down the hall to find out.)
(The boy was so involved in one of the articles that he didn't look up in time to avoid the obstacle in front of him. Or should he say, obstacles. When he looked up, his face was plastered into the stomach of Brazo, who was himself paying no attention to anything as he was busy sucking face with Mari.)
Obi: Oof! Sorry. Oh, Master Brazo…ewwww. Stop that. Don't do that in the hall. Get a room or something.
(The pair separated and looked down.)
Brazo: Obi-Wan! It's good to see you. Sorry about that, I was preoccupied.
Obi: You were being nasty. Hi, Archives Mari.
Mari: Can you stop calling me that, please?
Obi: What else should I call you? You're not a master, so I can't call you that.
Mari: Call me Mari.
Obi: I can't do that. I'm just a padawan. I've been taught to address people by their titles. It shows respect.
Mari: You've been taught? You mean something that Qui-Gon taught you actually stuck? Amazing.
Obi: A lot of things stick. I just pick and choose when I want them to surface.
Brazo: To what do I owe this visit, my young mushy friend?
Obi: (he held up the holo-mag) Did you know about this?
Brazo: Mush Illustrated? Can't say that I did. It sounds intriguing though. A mag devoted to mush? I need to subscribe to that.
Obi: I'm going to subscribe to all of them. Well, not all of them. PlayMush and PentMush are about that nasty adult mush crap. I'm staying away from that stuff. Did you know that Master Bren was cheating on me?
Mari: Just changes subjects like they're not even there.
Brazo: Cheating on you?
Obi: With another padawan. Giving him hugs and comfort instead of me.
Brazo: Oh, that apprentice she's looking after for a few weeks. He's a good kid. You'd like him, Obi-Wan. She's just filling in for his master for a short time. She'll be back to hug you in no time.
Obi: Everyone keeps saying that, but she didn't even bother to tell me. She just went ahead and volunteered for this without talking to me about it. I have feelings too, you know!
Mari: Brazo, is this going to take long? We do have reservations this evening for dinner.
Obi: This is important! Dinner can wait. My sanity of mind is more important than feeding your stomach.
Mari: Sanity of…oh never mind.
Brazo: Obi-Wan, listen to me. You are not thinking rationally. You are letting mush overload your senses again. You must learn control. Just as I have. You can love mush without being obsessed. I am proof of that.
Obi: But there are other people like me, Master Brazo. I know that now, after reading this holo-mag. I'm not as nuts as some people would like to think I am. I'm pretty normal actually. Just read this. You'll see.
Brazo: How about you leave that mag for me and I'll look at it when I get home this evening?
Obi: Yeah. Sure. Are you kidding? I'm not letting this thing leave my sight! Master Qui-Gon needs to know about this.
Mari: Good idea, Kenobi. Go terrorize your master. I'm sure he'll appreciate it.
Brazo: No, bad idea, Obi-Wan. Unless you want him to move to some desert planet and start talking to Jawa's.
Obi: He can't do that. That's my destiny. Is nothing sacred anymore? Sheesh!
Brazo: Sorry. Okay, you just run along now. I'll talk to you later about this.
Obi: Have fun at dinner. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Even though I've been rejected by the one person I rely on more than anything for my daily dose of mush.
(Brazo and Mari hurried away as Obi-Wan continued to babble until finally he broke into a sprint and ran towards his apartment.)
(He tried to open the door to his quarters, but his lock code wouldn't work. So he resorted to banging on the door with his the hilt of his lightsaber.)
Obi: Master! Master Qui-Gon! I know you're in there. Please let me in. I have something to show you. It's important. It's proof that I am sane. And Master Bren is still avoiding me and hugging
some other padawan. Can you let me in now? I promise I won't try to hug you. At least you haven't deserted me for another apprentice. You still love me. Even if you don't act like it and would never admit it. Please open the door. Please, Master! I've gotta use the bathroom. No, I'm sorry, that's a lie. I don't really have to go. I just want to get into my own quarters. I need to talk to you, Master. I promise I won't babble to you about Master Bren and her cheating ways. Even though what she is doing is just flat out wrong. How am I the only one sees that? I just need to show you this holo-mag I found in Nev's office after he kicked me out. He's got some hot date with that anti-hug woman. Master?
(Realizing that the boy was not going to shut up or go away, Qui-Gon reluctantly got up from his favorite chair and overrode the lock code on the door, which then swished open.)
Obi: It's about time.
Qui: Don't start.
Obi: Look at this, Master! (He held up the mag to his teacher.) Mush Illustrated. Articles all about mush and people who love it. I'm not alone anymore, Master. I feel so…so…mushy. There's even a personal section where people put ads and are looking for fellow mushers.
Qui: Do NOT call any of those people. You don't know where they've been. I don't care if you read them all a hundred times, but you are in no way contacting any of them or inviting them over. Understand?
Obi: Yes, Master. I promise. Some of them sound really desperate though. I hope I never get like that.
Qui: You hope? You don't think you're there already?
Obi: I don't think so, Master. I'd never fall that far, to have to put an ad in a publication seeking mush.
Qui: No, you'd much rather demand it from me every ten seconds.
Obi: It's a lot more entertaining and there's always that possibility that you might say yes one time.
Qui: Don't count on it.
Obi: I wish Master Bren were here to read this with me. But she's off throwing out hugs to any padawan with a master who is sick. Leaving me without the company of her hugs.
Qui: Cut it out, Obi-Wan. She's not off hugging random padawans. She's helping one of them. ONE. She's not doing it to make you angry. Or to make you jealous. In fact you didn't enter into the decision. She does have her own life away from us. You do realize that? Her life does not center around you and I. Although how she can bear to take herself away from me for any period of time is beyond my comprehension.
Obi: You have an ego problem, Master. Just because she calls you Stud Muffin and Sexy Beast, doesn't mean that you're all that. Your nose alone would be enough to turn most away from you.
Qui: Do you ever want to be a Knight?
Obi: Yes.
Qui: Then I suggest you quiet your lips for a while. There is nothing wrong with my nose. I broke it several times when I was younger. Bren loves my nose.
Obi: Okay, Master. Whatever you say. But right now, she doesn't love you or me. Only that padawan who is stealing her attention away from me. Away from you!
Qui: Obi-Wan, sit down, read your mush mag and settle down. I'll make you some tea to help relax you. You're stressing out. The veins in your forehead are starting to look like mine. Do you want to suffer from the same stress I do?
Obi: No. I've seen you when you get really stressed. You look like a madman or a deer in the headlights. I can't deal with this, Master. It's too much to take in. I can't accept that she's cheating on me.
Qui: Sit. Read. I'll be back in a moment.
(Obi-Wan sat down and tried to absorb himself in the mushy articles of the holo-mag, but he couldn't do it. All he could think about was Master Bren hugging another padawan. Master Bren not hugging him. Qui-Gon returned a few minutes later with a warm cup of tea spiked with a small dash of valium.)
Obi: Thank you, Master. What is it about tea? Everyone always drinks tea when they need to calm down. Doesn't seem to help you though. You didn't put any valorum in this did you? To try and put me to sleep for a week?
Qui: No, there is no Chancellor in your tea.
Obi: Good, because I know that won't help me. There is no help for me. Only revenge.
Qui: That's my line.
Obi: I know, but when you talk as much as I do, sometimes you have to repeat things. This tea is good, Master. Did Master Dorko teach you how to make this?
Qui: No, Master Dooku did not. Bren did.
Obi: Oh, her. The traitor.
Qui: It's good though, right?
Obi: She is a good cook. I miss her. Do you think she'll ever come back and see me again?
Qui: I'm not getting into that again. Drink your tea.
Obi: How come you aren't drinking any, Master? (His eyes fluttered.) I know why. You did put valorum in my tea. That's okay. I know you only do that because you love me. I think. You don't want me to stress out so that I end up acting nuts like you do when I talk too much or ask for too mush much. Mush mush. Much much. MUCH MUSH…whew. I'm tired, Master.
Qui: Then shut your mouth for a while and sleep.
Obi: You're asking a lot.
Qui: Yes, I know. But you can do it. Just think mushy thoughts. (He took the cup from the boy's hand just as Obi-Wan leaned to the right and landed with a soft padded thud onto the couch.) The power of valium. Works every time.
(Days passed. Another week went by. Obi-Wan continued to babble on about Bren cheating on him. He was rambling on to his master about it when he was interrupted from behind.)
Obi: I just don't understand, Master. I need hugs too. You know why I have no energy lately? No hugs. And why is that? You know why. I can't believe she can put me through this for so long. I don't think I'll ever speak to her again for what she's done to me. It's just unforgivable. I mean, think about…
(A tap on the shoulder halted the boy's mouth. He turned around and immediately put his hands on his hips to address Master Bren Anders.)
Obi: Where have you been? Do you know how long I've been without hugs? Do you know what you've done to me? Do you know…hey, wait a minute. Where's that kid that's been following you around?
Bren: Edaan is his name. And he's an apprentice. Same as you. You'll never speak to me again, huh?
Obi: Where is he? You're hiding him aren't you? So you can bring him out and hug him right in front of me. I know all your tricks, Master Bren. I know…
Bren: He's back with his master. You should be happy to hear that his master is back on his feet and they are able to work together again.
Qui: That's wonderful news.
Obi: Does this mean you're back in my life? Will I get my hugs now?
Bren: You're not happy for Edaan and his master?
Obi: I have my priorities.
Bren: Obi-Wan Kenobi! I'm ashamed of you. You've been carrying on for over two weeks now about this. Yes, Qui-Gon has told me all about your babbling lips these past days. What if you were in Edaan's shoes? What if it was Qui-Gon who was hurt and couldn't train you. Wouldn't you want a good master to look after you rather than some grumpy old troll? Wouldn't you want someone looking after you who cared about you and did everything they could to help the pain of what you were going through?
Obi: Um…Yes?
(Bren took a hand and whapped the boy on the head.)
Bren: You need professional help.
Obi: I'm getting that already. It's not working. I know, I know…I'm sorry. I'm not thinking about him. Yes, I would want a master like you to look after me if Master Qui-Gon was hurt. You already do that anyway, but if you weren't around, I would want someone like you. Edaan is lucky to have had you looking after him. I'm glad his master is okay. I didn't mean anything bad I said about him. But sometimes I have no control over what comes out of my mouth. You know that.
Qui: Sometimes? How about never.
Obi: See, Master? Cracks like that don't help my cause. You are part of the reason that I'm like this.
Qui: I think not. My training schedule does not include sessions on how to babble constantly. I try my best with you. It's not my fault that you don't listen or obey me. No wonder so many Jedi want to get on the council. They don't have to deal with a padawan while they are there.
Obi: Then they miss out on the innocence of youth.
Qui: That's what you think you offer?
Bren: ENOUGH! Both of you, cut it out. I had two weeks of quiet. I come back and it's life as normal with you two. You sound like a couple of bickering old women. You're Jedi. Act like it.
Qui: I act like a Jedi at all times. It's just this babbling, mush hungry shadow of mine that causes me to lose it from time to time.
Obi: If you would just hug me once in a while…
Bren: Obi-Wan, shut up about the hugs.
Qui: Thank you, Bren.
Bren: Qui-Gon, shut up about Obi-Wan.
Obi: Thank you, Master Bren.
Bren: Both of you, shut up! Quiet. Now, this is what we are going to do. We are going to walk to your apartment. Neither of you is to say a word. When we get there, Obi-Wan, I will hug you. Qui-Gon, I will tickle your beard.
Obi: Ewwwwwwww.
Bren: Shh! And then we will eat a late dinner and talk. Not about mush. Not about babbling. No complaints about your master or your apprentice. No talk about mushy holo-mags, yes Obi-Wan I know about those too. No talk about the lack of adult mush, Qui-Gon your face is turning red. We are going to have a civil conversation about important things.
Obi: Mush is important.
Qui: Adult mush is more important.
Obi: No, that's just nasty.
Qui: You'll think differently when you are my age.
Obi: What age is that? Old?
Qui: I hope you have a padawan just like you.
Obi: Me too. Then I can hug him.
Qui: Good, then I'll be off the hook.
Obi: Not until you are one with the Force, Master.
Qui: Don't give me any ideas, Obi-Wan.
Obi: That's Darth Maul's job.
Qui: Who?
Obi: Oh, um…no one.
Qui: Is that the guy you keep pretending to kill with your saber? Your invisible sparring partner?
Obi: I don't have imaginary friends, Master.
Qui: But you do have imaginary enemies.
Obi: Do not!
Qui: Do too!
Obi: Do not!
Bren: BOYS! PLEASE! I said it was quiet time. Do you not know what that is? Or how to go about it?
Obi: He started it.
Qui: Did not!
(Bren reached up and then down, grabbing both Jedi by the ear, pinching them enough to cause severe pain and began dragging them down the hall.)
Obi: Ouch! Master Bren, that hurts!
Qui: Bren, let me go!
Obi: I haven't seen you for days and days, missing my hugs while you cheated on me and this is how you try and make it up to me?
Bren: Nuts. Both of you.
Obi: Master Bren, I need that ear. Please let it go.
Qui: If you let me go, I'll get rid of Obi-Wan for the evening.
Obi: Master!
Qui: What?
Bren: Nice try, Stretch. I'm putting both of you on a time-out. Childish? Yes. But when you act like a child, you get treated like one.
(She opened the door of their apartment, pushed them both inside and then stuck them on the couch together, sitting side by side. Then she disappeared into the kitchen for a moment and returned with a large roll of gray duct tape.)
Qui: You wouldn't!
Obi: Can't I have my hug first? You promised!
Qui: Bren, don't even think about…
(She slapped a large piece of tape across the big Jedi's mouth, quieting him instantly.)
Bren: Remove it and you'll suffer my wrath, Sweet Knees.
Obi: Ewwwww, don't use those adult mush nicknames around me…
(She slapped tape across the boy's mouth. He continued to mumble after the tape was stuck to him.)
Bren: There. Silence. Kinda. Okay, Obi-Wan, I will hug you now.
(Sitting next to the boy, she wrapped him in her arms and hugged him close, as tight and as comfortable as she could. He slid off the couch and onto the floor.)
Bren: One down, one to go.
(Then she moved to Qui-Gon, whispered a few soft mumblings in his ear, tickled his beard until he too slid off the couch and to the floor.)
Bren: Wow. I have more power than I thought.
(When both recovered, they situated themselves back on the couch on either side of Bren. Both looked content and relaxed.)
Bren: I think we can remove the tape now. (Of course, she ripped the tape from each of them, sparing no pain.)
Qui/Obi: OUCH!
Qui: SITH!
Bren: Ah ah! We are nice and relaxed. I'll put on a Lima vid, Obi-Wan will be occupied and then you and I can…
Obi: No. Forget the Lima vid. I'll watch it in my room. You two are disgusting. Goodnight.
Bren: Thanks, kid. I'll give you another hug for that one. I do owe you hugs because I missed so many of them lately. Believe it or not, I did miss them. (Arms wrapped around the small body once again. This time he managed to stay on his feet.)
Obi: I love this. I won't complain anymore tonight about you guys and adult mush. Have at it. Just keep the hugs coming. I expect one in the morning.
Bren: You got it, kid.
(She released him and he wobbled to his bedroom, collapsing on his bed. Bren then turned back to the couch only to see Qui-Gon laying on his side, sound asleep.)
Bren: Awwww. Worn out by a hyperactive, mush-starved, yappy-mouthed padawan. You're so cute when you're not bickering with that boy. You'll wake up eventually. What a pair you two are. I'd better keep this duct tape handy just incase tomorrow leads to another babbling battle of childish insults. I had a nice time with Edaan these past couple weeks. But I have to say I missed the entertainment that comes with Jinn and Kenobi. Although I still wonder what Yoda was thinking when he paired you together. Strange little backwards troll. Oh well. Life is back to normal. Whatever that means. There's never been a normal moment that I've known since I've been hanging out with you, Stretch.
(Qui-Gon opened his eyes.)
Qui: Huh? Who are you talking to, Bren?
Bren: No one. It's not important. Go back to sleep.
Qui: But I thought you and I were going to… (He sat up and put an arm around her.)
Bren: Oh…now that you're awake…
(From the bedroom Obi-Wan couldn't resist.)
Obi: YOU TWO NEED TO GET A ROOM! DON'T BE SLOBBERING ON EACH OTHER ON THE COUCH! I LIVE HERE TOO YA KNOW! HAVE A LITTLE CONSIDERATION FOR MY YOUNG INNOCENT EYES AND EARS! ADULT MUSH SHOULD BE BANNED! MAYBE I'LL SUGGEST IT TO THE COUNCIL! NO NEVERMIND, THEN I'll HAVE TO HEAR THE TROLLS TALK ABOUT TROLL MUSH AND THAT JUST GETS INTO THINGS THAT I REALLY DON'T WANT OR NEED TO KNOW ABOUT. IT GOES BEYOND DISGUSTING. IT'S JUST FLAT-OUT WRONG!
(On the couch, Bren looked at Qui-Gon and both just closed their eyes and shook their heads. Bren had to smile though. She couldn't help herself as she and Qui-Gon took a deep breath and yelled in return.)
Bren/Qui: SHUT UP, OBI-WAN!
Obi: OKAY, BUT…(he stuck his head out of the door of his bedroom)…can I have another hug?
END