ANAKLUSMOS

Can anyone even spell that? I can't.

For Pete's, Zeus's, Appendix's, Kevin Youkilis's, and Pie's sake, why can't people name swords something convenient? Or at least something that sounds cool!

Riptide is a stupid name. And Perseus Jackson is a stupid person.

Like, take this one time, he gets his grubby paws on me and chucks me into a bush. A holly bush. I'm allergic to holly. And then I have to disappear, which, by the way, sucks, and appear in his grubby pocket, which, for your information, smells like feet.

And he shoves me in his jeans, leaves me on the floor of the BOYS LOCKER ROOM! The floor was wet. And it smelled like the inside of a Hellhound's excretory system.

Yeah, I do pay attention to class. Unlike Perseus Jackson!

I guess I shouldn't complain too much-my friend got named Brisingr. And he has the unfortunate habit of bursting into flames all the time.

But I was stuck once, with someone even MORE stupid than Perseus Jackson!

His name was Hercuszl. Or Hersxcohslehsehs. Or maybe it was HeraHFSFKJYHejskjhgasxs. The dude never learned to spell.

And he didn't even name me. Oh no, he let some freak with a hairpin do that.

Who lets a chick holding a hairpin name a really cool sword?

But Herajaekgwlhks;dless never had much common sense. Or personal hygiene….or brains in general, for that matter. Big on strangling things, though.

But, anyways, backing away from , Jackson has no taste in women.

I mean, I get that he's from New York and all, and I get the whole gods are living in New York, but the Yankees? Really?

Yeah, I'm a Boston sword. And Jackson would find the only Yankee fan in camp. So now, I have to attend all these dates with her and once, they went to a Yankee's game. And I have to listen to all these mushy lovey-dovey comments, like 'Oh darling, your eyes shine like a glistening moonbeam' and 'Oh, baby, your hair is woven out of Nyx's cloak!' I mean, come on! It's enough to induce vomit in an inanimate object.

And then he'll pull me out and slice me through things like: Mortals, monsters, ghosts, gods, demigods, and Titans. Not that it bugs me or anything. Really.

I am actually a very peaceful sword. I mean, I'm not like Annabeth's dagger, Mary, who loves killing monsters. Of course, Mary also enjoys math. I'd love to join the 'Swords for Peace' group, but I can't.

Recently, I met a set of twins, very nice, named Nora and Thea. Great ladies. They were Siamese fraternal twins, and their master, Duke or something, had this strange fascination with dipping them in blood. He was a weirdo. And he did this because he thought that blood would make them stick together. Dude, you could just ask nicely or you know, not dip them in blood. I mean, what's wrong with water these days? I ask you.

Suffice to say, Nora and Thea were scarred for life. And then my owner killed them. Like they ever did anything wrong.

So yeah. I hate my masters and Jackson is a moron. Zeus help his poor children. Scratch that, Zeus help me.