This takes place at the point in "New Moon" where Bella is standing at the cliff about to dive off. I wanted to twist it so that we can see what would have happened like Jacob said, if she would've just waited for him to get there. Told from Bella's POV in this chapter, but I have a feeling that I want to take a ride in Jake's mind next chapter! :) Tell me what you think!
Disclaimer: I do not own any the Twilight series or anything having to do with it. I do however, own my imagination. :)
Chapter 1: Cliff-Hanger
The waves below were crashing rhythmically against the rocks below. I watched as a ray of sunshine poured through the storm clouds, dancing on the water.
'I wanted this,' I thought to myself as I looked down, watching the rain meet the sea. 'If I weren't such a stupid, foolish person I wouldn't have let myself believe that Edward was really in love with me. He's far too perfect...even for the immortal.
How could he want to be with someone as plain-jane as me? I must admit though, he really had me going with making me believe that he cared for me. Okay, so he did care for me, but only in the sense that he tried to keep himself from killing me. How gracious of him' I thought, rolling my eyes.
I pondered these things in high hopes of hearing his voice. These days, it was getting harder and harder to provoke it.
'That whole time with me- it must've only been about piquing his curiosity. He was drawn to the scent of my blood and it made him delirious. Fascination...that's all it was. He took interest in an average human girl for a fleeting moment. So in the end, the lion wasn't in love with the lamb; he was simply intrigued by it.'
My bare feet moved closer to the edge of the cliff, suddenly ready to take the plunge.
Step back, Bella. This is absurd!
I smiled inwardly taunting the voice; 'I may be absurd but this is the only way to remember you. I don't care if you are cursing me to a thousand deaths, it's better than the deafening silence.' I took a deep breath and hesitated, looking back out at the warm rays still out on the water.
The closing in the clouds began to choke out the small bit of warmth still left in the sky. It was sad, really. I shivered knowing the water must be freezing and also knowing that this was one thing that would've sent him over the edge. Maybe I was just spiting him.
As I took my last deep breath, the hole in my chest started to ache. 'Pull yourself together, Bella,' I thought miserably, as I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, already chilled from the oncoming storm.
Then as if out of nowhere it hit me head-on like I was a de-railing train and someone switched the tracks to the right, causing me to shift safely...I was being absurd.
I was a real person, letting a not-real thing get to me. As much as I loved him and would always love him, he backed out on me. Even if I had imagined this whole scenario, he was no longer here. Listening to this echo of his voice was causing me to be okay with doing dangerous & deadly things that in my pre-Edward life, I would have never been okay with doing. Sure, Edward was real at one point in time, but the minute he left me he should've became non-existent in my eyes.
Yes, he was perfect and I am surely not, but does that mean I should have to spend the rest of my life mourning over his departure? After all, it was his decision to leave me in that dark forest where who knows what was roaming around. There was a time where in the beginning, Edward would never let me be by myself in that forest alone. His 'clean break' caused me to lose not only my essence of being; it cost me a family and friends.
The way I see it, he apparently wanted me to 'get over' myself and grow up.
Becoming the zombie that I did, now only angered me that much more. Why should I spend all my time crying over him when this is what I should want in the end? I don't need a guy to come and rescue me at my every peril. I was clumsy and generally a magnet for trouble, but if I have survived this long from the harsh blow of him leaving me...who's to say I won't survive anything else?
Surely nothing could possibly be as bad as him deserting me. Leaving me here, to literally rot.
'Why is it that everyone around me thinks I'm such a damsel in distress? Do I really come off like that? If this were the case, then I really need to take some self-defense classes or something,' I thought bitterly. The only person here lately that wasn't constantly trying to save me from myself was my best friend. But now it's as if I can't even have Jake, my own personal small ray of sun amongst the clouds. I was tired of being made to feel like a little china-doll, so easily breakable. I wasn't any more fragile than any other human out there- at least the non shape-shifting type.
I finally realized how pointless it was to stand so close to the edge when I had no intention of jumping, so I began backing up and sat down a few feet from the end of the drop. I steadied my breathing, just now noticing how close to hyperventilating I was. I suddenly wished I had a blanket, once the wind started picking up.
I heard footsteps coming up from the right, moving faster and faster towards me. They stopped and without turning around, I immediately knew who they belonged to. The warmth was already emanating from him, despite the rain beating down us.
He sat down next to me on the wet grass, following my blank gaze. I could see that he was staring at me from the corner of his eye. 'He can probably see the wheels in my mind turning.'
We said nothing to each other, but I had a feeling that I wasn't the only one who felt as though a huge shift in our lives had happened. It was like someone was scribbling out the future and re-writing it.
I picked a blade of grass out of the ground as he turned toward me, watching me carefully as I put the blade of grass between my thumbs and blew, making an awful whistling noise. He grinned. I shivered as his smile caught me by surprise, making me draw my knees up to my chest. My chest that felt like it was suddenly beginning to sew itself up.
Jacob picked up a larger blade of grass and tried to copy me. For the next few peaceful minutes, we both sat there like the best friends that we were always meant to be, acting like little kids. Jacob's expression turned grim.
"This is really dumb of me to keep you out here in the-"he started.
"I don't care. I feel fine and I know a little rain isn't really bothering you." I said. I stretched my legs back out to show him I was okay.
Looking down at my soaked clothes, I only then grasped that I was wearing a white shirt. I quickly folded my arms across my chest, hoping Jacob didn't notice. He looked at me with a curious gaze, then realizing just what I was doing, he laughed wholeheartedly. His body shook so hard from laughing, that for a second I thought he was going to phase right there.
"We really should get back. I'm sure I can find you some warm...possibly dry clothes," he laughed, standing up and pulling me up towards him. I scowled.
We carefully hiked down the most leveled side of the cliff, Jake trying to keep me from breaking my neck the whole time. This kind of 'saving' wasn't so bad, but I wouldn't be able to stand it if he kept putting his life in danger to protect me from Victoria. Even thinking this, I knew he would never stop until she was no longer a problem.
Once we made it back to the Black's house, Jacob threw me some of his clothes, quickly tossing his wet shirt over in the corner of the room. I blushed, thinking my obvious prude-ness was stupid since it was just Jacob. He stared at me for a second and pointed to the bathroom.
"You can get dressed in there," he smirked. I nodded, practically running past him. I shut the door, trying to compose myself.
'This really is stupid...I'm just running off of my adrenaline from earlier,' I thought. I peeled my wet clothes off and grabbed the towel on the rack, pausing for a moment to look at my face in the mirror. It was splotchy with purple colored half-circles forming under my eyes. I looked like the dead, if the dead looked like hell. I dried myself off and threw on Jacob's enormous t-shirt and sweat-pants. I pulled the string in the pants as tight as it would go and tied it. The pants were still about the fall off of me anyway.
Frustrated, I sighed opening the door and making my way back into the living room. Jacob was still in his room getting dressed, so I began to try to tidy up the room. Billy & Jacob were definitely not the types to pay attention to clutter I saw, as I looked at the shirt that he had flung in the corner. It'll probably still be there next week, I thought gathering it up and looking for a place to put it.
"What are you, my babysitter?" Jacob mused behind me, pulling the shirt out of my hand.
"No, but you sure could use a house-keeper," I mumbled, sitting down on the edge of the couch. He chuckled, putting the shirt in the laundry.
As he sat back down next to me, I felt the heat-wave rolling off of his russet-colored skin. I felt dizzy, leaning back and folding my legs underneath me while Jacob kept looking down at me.
"So...are you going to tell me why you decided to go cliff-diving by yourself? Or maybe why you were going to jump from the highest peak...or even why you won't say anything to me? I have nothing but time you know..." Jacob mumbled. I looked up at him, knowing he deserved an explanation for what was going on...even though he'd kill me when if I mention his name. I paused, trying to word it right.
"I've been...messed up in my head, Jake. Since...since he left, you know...I...kept hearing his voice when I would do something stupid or reckless...I just wanted...I just..." I tried to explain. As expected, Jacob's eyes flashed at the name, suddenly putting him on edge. I held my hand up for him to let me finish.
"It was always about trying to get him to speak to me, even if only in my mind," I sighed at how ridiculous I sounded as he raised an eyebrow. "But I realized before I was going to jump...just how idiotic I was being.
I was letting him...a boy, er...man...control my every move. I've always been more of an independent person, that is until he happened, but in that moment...I had to break out of my...habit. It was like I was addicted to him, only much worse. I couldn't get enough and I only thrived when I was with him. I just had to hear him say something...even if that meant jumping 100 feet off of a cliff." I looked at him like I was being scolded...sheepishly. His fierce expression turned into one of frustration.
"Bells...this was what the bikes were about? And the cliff-diving? And....me?" he asked, sounding hurt.
"Jake, I don't know what to say except this: I was pretty much drowning in my own sick sorrow, not wanting to be pulled out of it. Absolutely pathetic. It kept me near his memory, near him." I shook my head at the ideas I had for keeping Edward's voice alive.
"But this hand grabbed hold of me and kept trying to yank me out of it. It just wouldn't let go of me...no matter how stubborn I was. No matter how much I wanted to be left alone. After all that wallowing though, I can finally say that I've been saved by myself...but more importantly...by you. You saved me from turning into a human-zombie. Yeah, the bikes and the cliff-diving were about him. But the warm sodas under the tree, the beach...the thousands of phone calls to make sure you were alive...that was all about you. You're my best friend and nothing could or would ever change that." I murmured, fiddling with my hands in my lap. Jacob rested his arm around my shoulder.
"I know, that probably sounded corny and lame," I said shyly. Suddenly I was aware of Jacob's arm, more so than usual. It was like the heat between his arm and my neck was white-hot...making me feel like I was being pleasantly burned, if that were even possible.
He looked up at the ceiling for a minute, definitely debating on what to say to me next. In an instant, he moved his arm from around my neck, turning to face towards me. His expression was one of pity and I could hear him suck in a breath.
"This is it, Bells. No more chasing down fake voices, trying to defy gravity, or trying to give me a stroke at the ripe old age of 16," he cocked one eyebrow, waiting for me to agree. I nodded fervently, reaching for his warm hands. He sank back against the couch and against me, with his chin overtop my head. I turned only the slightest, taking in his earthy scent, even through his clean shirt.
This was the way it was supposed to be, me & my best friend. I would learn to forget about Edward, in hopes of someday being able to live my life accordingly-maybe even going to college in a new place. The thought sliced my chest deeply, in a new area. I couldn't leave Forks; it was my home. Here with Charlie, my sick memories...and my Jacob.
"I'm so scared of trying to be normal again," I whispered as I leaned in to smell the skin on his shoulder once more. Jacob sighed heavily, intertwining our fingers together as he always did.
"You can't be normal, you know. After all that's happened to you...and especially having a wolf for a best friend...You deserve more than normal anyway," he simply stated. I smiled at his words, my lips moving against his arm. Without thinking, I moved my lips together on his shoulder, lightly kissing him. It should've been a friendly thing, a Jake & Bella thing...not to be confused with that.
The only problem was that in that moment, the heat from his skin burned my lips so deeply, I became achingly thirsty. My eyes grew wide at my own reaction.
Jacob turned to me, surprised at the gesture. I looked up at him, not meaning to give him the look that I did. He was my Jacob and if I were to let my thoughts wander off any more on his skin, or hair, or eyes...I could very well end the best thing I had going for me. I couldn't even fathom losing one of the only things that made me get out of bed these days. His knowing eyes left me no choice. I stood up, almost knocking into him.
"Okay, well...you know Charlie is probably going to be calling over here any minute since he knows I'm out in the middle of this storm and all." I sputtered, almost tripping over the huge pant legs I was swimming in. Jacob rolled his eyes, getting up to grab jackets.
"So...you're ready to head back out into this weather?" he jut his thumb toward the window. The rain was crashing down almost violently to the ground. The treetops were swaying back and forth, making my stomach turn from watching. We both stood staring at each other, neither really knowing what to say. Yet another impasse.
The phone rang. It was Charlie, judging by the call-waiting. Jacob picked up the receiver, cradling it with his shoulder, as he threw on his jacket.
"Black residence," he spoke into the phone, winking over at me. I shook my head, getting ready to grab the other jacket from his hand. He caught my hand and pushed me back, shaking his head at me, all while looking very alarmed.
"What happened? When? Is my dad with you? Yeah she's here. Okay, hang on," he handed me the phone as he started pacing back and forth.
"Hello?" I said.
"Bella, look, I need you to stay with Jake for a bit. Billy & I are at the hospital with the Clearwaters. Harry just had a heart-attack. He...he didn't make it. So just stay put until I come for you later on tonight, alright?" his voice was harsh, sounding like he was trying to keep it together. I nodded, and spoke clearly, "Yeah, I will. Okay dad, bye." I hung up. I could already tell Jake's face was twisted in pain before I even saw it.
He turned away from me, making sure I wouldn't see this. I went to him, hugging him as hard as I could. I knew that Harry was like another father to him as well as Billy's other best friend. Charlie wouldn't be taking this well either. I felt him try to breathe deeply to deceive me but when I felt the moisture fall on my cheek, I knew it wasn't mine. Jacob pulled away, sniffing and wiping his nose like he wasn't just crying.
It seemed almost unreal that only hours before we had seen the Clearwaters. Poor Sue, Seth & Leah, I thought. This would be hard on all of the pack and their families, but nothing would compare to their pain. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought of the sad sight...many black-haired figures, dressed in black in front of a coffin. It was maddening.
"I was supposed to go run patrol tonight," he started, "but it looks like we'll both need to stay put. I don't think Charlie would be able to handle another loss any time soon."
"Yeah, I suppose you're right," I whispered quietly. I watched as he went down the hall to his bedroom, shutting his door behind him. I slid back onto the couch, closing my eyes & letting myself fade to unconsciousness. No dreams this time, just silent sleep.
When I woke, the first thing I noticed was that the storm was starting to let up, showing some of the pale lavender sky. Next, I felt the warm, itchy wool blanket laying across me. I looked down at it, seeing the colorful blocked pattern worn out and frayed along the edges. It was not usually something I would admire, but something made it really showed through. I rubbed my hand over the fabric, bringing it up to my face and inhaling the scent. This must have been one of Jacob's covers, I thought, picking up on his smell.
To my left I heard the sound of light snoring resonating over the hum of the refrigerator. It was him, sprawled out on the floor diagonally from me, holding on to the tv remote. I saw that the tv was on mute, but still on nonetheless. I hopped up, carefully pulling the remote from his hands, un-muting it. The sound of the tv sprang to life, causing both him and I to jump. He looked around panicked, but saw me hovering over him.
"Um, where you planning on a sneak-attack or something?" he asked almost humoring the idea. His brows narrowed, like he was concentrating really hard on my face. I sat back, turning the tv off. I just had to laugh at the face he was making.
"Wow, Jake! Are you hiding psychic werewolf powers from me now?" I mocked him, a smile spreading across my face. He shook his head, lying back on the floor.
Fanning out his hair, he put his arms behind his head and watched the ceiling fan spinning around. I watched him and his thoughts start to wander off again. He kept doing this and honestly, it was starting to worry me. Jacob wasn't one to sit around and think so hard.
"I'm not trying to freak you out, you know," he said, looking back over at me. I blinked. It's not possible that he can read my mind, is it? He sat back up, ruffling his hands through his hair. Only then did I realize that he was starting to grow his hair out. It was getting long enough to reach past his jaw. 'His hair must grow really fast, like how they heal,' I mused. It looked better longer in my opinion, but of course my opinion didn't matter that much.
"Are you growing your hair long again?" I asked. Right away I could see this topic was of interest once his dark cheeks had a red tint to them.
"Yeah I just figured, well. I think it looks better longer...do you think so?" he quizzed. I smiled.
"I agree. But why did you just now decide to grow it back out?" I could see his cheeks flush again. It was good to know that my emotions weren't the only ones out like an open book to read.
"I thought you liked it better that way...you know...you used to play with my hair and stuff," he paused. I blushed, seeing why his hair was making him act this way. He stood up while simultaneously using his free hand to help me up.
His hand burned in mine and I knew he wasn't going to let me get away with anymore silence on the particular subject. Was there even a 'subject' to talk about? Surely, we were just very comfortable with each other. Of course I knew how Jacob felt about me; it was pretty obvious...but could I even begin to comprehend the other end of our friendship? Would it make things easier if I were to let myself give in?
I couldn't...at least I was pretty sure of it. Although I may have given up on anything I ever had with Edward, I wasn't sure that I could start something like it, up with Jacob. It could very well ruin everything we have. Jacob could do so much better than me, a basket of broken. And what if he imprinted on some other girl? What would I do then? These annoying thoughts were clouding my mind. He sighed, seeing the frustration on my face.
"You make things a lot harder on yourself," his voice calmly sweeping over me. Somehow unknowingly I ended up on Jake's bed, staring down at the same blanket from earlier. 'This is too much," I thought, pulling the blanket around me.
"This is a beautiful blanket. Did someone make it for you?" I asked, changing the subject again. He sat down next to me, eyeing me and the blanket.
"Yeah, my mom did when I was a baby. I think for my first birthday or something like that." He reached out and took my hand. "Did you want to watch that new alien movie I was talking about earlier?" he asked.
I had the feeling that he just wanted to be close to me and for that I could just scream; but I knew I would end up giving in anyway. It was too hard not to be near him. This wasn't an addiction like I had previously thought...this was what I wanted. I wanted to be close to Jacob. Maybe not as close as he'd like, but who knows what might happen in time.
First, we just needed to focus on helping our dads' through their friend's death. We moved back into the living room, a safer choice.
"Yeah, that sounds good to me," I shrugged. I sat closer to the edge of the couch while Jacob popped in the movie. He hesitated as he sat back down, seeing that I moved all the way down to the other end. He obliged, sitting as far away from me as possible, head in his hands. I eyed him suspiciously- I knew he must be trying to make me feel bad for sitting this far down, and GAH why did it matter anyway?
'He's over there, I'm over here and we're going to watch this movie that has nothing to do with any romance of any sort. Hopefully...'
Thirty minutes into the movie, I noticed Jake becoming antsy. He kept bouncing his knees really fast while looking around aimlessly. He looked a bit anxious, actually.
"Jake, everything...okay?"
"Sure, sure. I just have a lot of energy built up...it happens sometimes when I know stuff is going on around me. Sorry," he mumbled. I smiled sympathetically at him, not helping the fact by scooting down closer to him. I cursed at myself, remembering that this was what he wanted me to do. He was taken aback, but only for a moment.
He stretched his long legs out and promptly put them over mine, his face suddenly sporting a kid-like grin. My grin.
"Ugh, your legs weigh a ton!" I whined, pushing them off of me. He scooted closer until he was sitting right next to me, once again wrapping his arms around my shoulders.
"And my arms?" he breathed half-heartedly into my ear. I could feel his slow intake of breath through his nose- he was smelling my hair. I felt my shoulders and possibly my left ear turn into jello. I couldn't let myself feel like this around Jake. I was a hot mess and leading him on like this was not only unfair to him, it was confusing to me.
"Yeah, all of you- all your werewolf-y muscles are pretty heavy on me. And really warm, phew!" I said, shaking off his arm then fanning myself. My heart was pounding rather loudly now. He looked down at me with that smoldering look he'd probably been trying to perfect, a smile playing at his lips.
His lips...they seemed to be dangerously close to my face and once he started bending toward me again, I thought I would have to duck. Until I felt his warm breath on my neck. I started shivering- this felt too good and it really needed to be stopped, now. I couldn't let myself go through this again.
'Jacob deserves more, I'm broken, what if, what if?' my thoughts kept circling around. He took my hand and started to very lightly trace something on it...I started feeling faint.
He was telling me all he wanted to say, here on my hand, without spoken words. He traced the words 'Please Bella'. I felt the tears well up again...God I was being so overdramatic about this! Why was I letting Jacob's flirting get to me now, after all the previous times?
I was supposed to be a new Bella now- a stronger person. Someone with priorities and goals and a mortal life to worry about..someone not dependent on another for life.
Jacob's breath calmed down when I said nothing. He pulled away, removing his arm from around me. His look was a mixture of sadness and defiance.
"Please don't do this Jake. I'm so, so sorry. I told you this would happen. I can't feel the same after....after what he did to me. I'll never be whole enough for you...you deserve so much more than me. You gotta stop this." I pleaded with him. I knew it sounded bad, but it was true. He stuck out his chin and grabbed my wrists almost causing marks. At least he wasn't afraid of breaking me...
"Bella, don't give me that crap. You are whole the way you are. You'll get better, I promise you that. You can't just...give up because of that stupid bloodsucker making you feel unloved. That's what makes things like the cliff happen. " His eyes were swirling with wetness, threatening to expose his vulnerability; me.
"Don't you see that you won't have to do anything but be yourself? You don't have to touch me, don't have to humor my attempts at trying to 'woo' you," he smiled at the word, but his face was still looked like warm stone.
"Don't even have to be strong for me...damnit Bella you don't have to do a damn thing but sit there and be you. Be clumsy and sarcastic, be thoughtful and quiet at times and sometimes if you want to, you can look at me and think how it would be if we were....like that. It never has to happen and you can rest well knowing that I'm not going to try to force you to feel any differently." He stopped, his breath becoming hitched.
I was surprised at his tone with me- usually he only yelled when he was really mad, but this...this was different. This was hurting him more than I thought. Could I let my guard down just this once to let him be happy...just this once? Maybe.
Jacob let go of my arms quickly as if I was the one to burn him this time. He thought he'd hurt me, I inwardly thought. As if he would even contemplate the very thought.
"I'm sorry Bells, I really didn't mean to do th-" I stopped him by tracing my finger up and down his forearm. I couldn't believe I was going to do this, but if he needed to be happy, then this would be what it took. He looked down at me with a confused expression, not sure what I meant by this.
"Can we just watch this movie like old times?" I sighed contently. Still staring at me, he let his arm drop, sitting back against the couch. I slid back down, still high enough for me to put my head on his shoulder. I knew that this must be good to him, since he laid his head ontop of mine, clasping his hands around mine.
"Hey...I was thinking about how I don't get why they always thought that you werewolves smelled bad," I said, my head spinning faster with each lazy word that rolled out of my mouth. It was true, his scent was so...like home. Like I belonged there.
"They think we smell bad? Ha! They smell like year-old ice cream and sickeningly sweet perfume. Like...an old broad's perfume" he scoffed, rolling his eyes.
"Hmm. But you always smell so...good," I murmured into his neck. I could feel the goosebumps rise on his skin, as well as mine. This was the definition of a blurry line, if ever there were one. Jacob laughed after pause, unsure of what to say. He left it as it was and continued watching the movie. This really was something else. It made me smile, seeing the effect that my breath had onhisskin this time.
I wanted to try it again...if this was the game he wanted, this was what we would play. He seemed to be thinking the same thing.
"These movies are always so dumb. I haven't seen a good horror movie since I was a kid."
"Really, so...it's been what, a few weeks?" I teased, poking him in the stomach. He scowled at me, then laughing.
"Yeah, because I'm the one who really looks like a kid. You make me feel like...like a pedophile or something...Since I'm middle-aged and whatnot," he smiled. I narrowed my eyes at him, realizing that he was for the most part right and also for the most part, a smart-ass.
"You forget that I'm older..by over a year Jake! That may not make a big difference to you, but it is to me. I'm 18 & you're a kid to me, literally. A minor...and that makes me more of the pedophile," I whispered.
" A.) Can you really look at me and tell me that I'm a minor?" he waved his hand up and down in front of his chest. "And B.) You would have to be actively pursuing me to me classified as a pedophile. I'm sorry Bella, but I don't picture you riding around in a black van looking all creepy," he snorted, sitting up straight.
When he went to pull away his hands I held onto them. He shot me a look that warned me not to go there. But...if he would be happy if I went there...then I would.
'For you I will, Jake.' I thought. I sat back, pulling at his hands to follow me. He obeyed, opening his mouth to say something that wouldn't come out quite right.
"Look Bells, I get what you're doing here. You think you can only make me happy by pretending to be interested in me...in the other way. It's not going to work though, because I know for a fact that this-" he dropped my hands, pointing between him and I "-is not what you really want, so therefore...I'm not letting you sacrifice your feelings once again, to make someone else feel better. You need to stop with this martyr crap, sweetheart," he finished, trying to scoot away from me.
'Oh, that DOES IT!' I thought. "You are not allowed to tell me what to do Jake! If I want to hold your hand, you're going to let me hold your hand. If I want to say things that are on my mind and that I shouldn't say, you are going to listen. If I for example, want to run my fingers through you hair-" I stopped to demonstrate, slowly winding his hair around my finger- "Let me...if it makes us feel better, then what does it matter? Just let things be how they are and don't go getting so uptight about it." I said.
To say he was shocked was an understatement. His eyes were wide, and his mouth twisted into a small 'o'. I laughed again at his expression, thinking about how round his face looked, still a cute baby-face as always...yet it matched his new muscles and extra inches of height, oddly. He shook his head is disbelief.
He got up heading toward the kitchen, stopping for a moment, and turning on his heel back towards me:
"This...this can't be right. Bella, tell me I'm dreaming...pinch me...anything." His breathing started turning ragged again. I thought about what my next move would be. Then I realized that this wasn't me just trying to make Jacob happy.
This...this was me letting myself know it was okay to be happy with him, too. We were Jacob & Bella. Bells & Jake. We weren't boyfriend and girlfriend...but we were no longer just best friends. Definitely something more, but in all honesty there was no label I could give to what was going on between us. And this, most of all was what pleased me.
I thought hard about what I wanted to say, but it would just be words. I had plenty of time for words.
I waited for him to go back into the kitchen, before I followed him. He grabbed an apple out of the refrigerator, handing it to me, while he grabbed another one. I looked at him quizzically.
"What's this for?"
"So I can keep my mouth busy from saying stupid things that won't ever get me anywhere."
I laughed quietly, taking a huge bite. The juice ran down my mouth, making me look like I was drooling...this was going swell. I wiped my chin, Jacob catching sight of my faux pas, smirked and took a dainty bite of his apple.
I approached him carefully, still biting off of my apple, this time more discreetly and not caveman-like. He was being backed up against the counter, not noticing until he bumped into it, startling him.
"Bells, come on don't do this to me...I don't think I can hold back everything much longer," he murmured, looking down at me with his brown eyes. I looked up at him, holding his gaze and defiantly biting into my apple. I wouldn't back down and I wanted to see just what he meant. This was one curious cat that was going on her ninth life...
"Oh please, Jake. I find that hard to believe. You have much more willpower than you give yourself credit for." I finished my apple, starting to turn away. He caught my elbow pulling me back towards him.
"Not when it comes to you, Isabella," he whispered my full name in my ear. My heart was racing faster than what I imagined was healthy for it. This right here, was simply intoxicating. Finding out that there was something underneath all the teasing and friendliness...it was actually more than I bargained for. I thought I would be able to pull back from him, but something kept me glued in place.
"You wouldn't do anything you'd regret, Jacob," I said softly calling him by his full first name as he had with me. He turned me back around towards him.
"You're right, I wouldn't do anything I'd regret...but I wouldn't regret any action of mine that got me closer to you." he answered in his deep husky voice. This was too much Jacob at once...too mature and looking at me with that hungry face. But I desperately needed it.
He pulled me to his chest smelling my hair and groaning at the unfairness of it all. I had to stop hurting him...this was sick on my part...I had to...
And then it didn't matter because Jacob's finger was lightly tracing my jawline, cupping my chin so that I was tilted for him to see. His eyes had only the utmost desire in them, but not for what I thought...his eyes wanted me in all my plain insanity, not just my body. He was really in love with me...and to be honest with myself, I knew it was the end of our friendship as we knew it.
"Bella, seriously, you don't have to prove anything to me," he whispered. He loved me and would wait a million years for this moment if he had to. But I wasn't cruel enough to make him wait.
"Like you have to say anything to me at all," I smiled. I dropped the core in my hand and reach up to pull his face towards mine. I froze for a second, then slowly closed my eyes, tilting my head up to meet his face. I slowly and awkwardly placed my lips on his.
The fire that burned my lips was surreal. They had to be his...lips, right? Was it possible to be engulfed by flames from someone kissing you? Jacob hadn't even kissed me back yet, still cautious at what I was doing. But after a second or two he realized I was seriously kissing him, returning my kiss with an even stronger one. His hands wrapped around my arms so easily.
We broke apart a few seconds at a time to look at each other, not being able to fully break the kiss. Neither of us could believe this was real, and that we had waited so long to let things just fall into place like this. Jacob's hands softly slid down to my waist, holding me there, not scared of going too far...not scared of breaking me. There weren't any rules to this.
His lips trailed down my jawline and to my ear. Whatever he wanted to say, he could say to me and I still probably wouldn't have been able to pay attention to it. His mouth was on my earlobe and his breath in my ear, I had to remember to breath with him.
"We have an audience.." he mumbled, slowly letting me go and turning his head toward the hallway. Pausing, it took a second for what he said to register in my mind. I followed his gaze, to where Sam, Quil, Embry & Paul were standing with some of the biggest grins and harshest frowns I had ever seen. Oh, great, I thought. Timing is everything.