The Coward's Way Out
Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders or anything in it.
Written from Dally's point of view
The metal of the gun feels cold in my hand, as cold as I'm trying to make my heart. This would be so much easier if I didn't feel anything.
Immediately, I'm angry at myself. Suicide isn't supposed to be easy, is it? If it was, it wouldn't be so hard for me to follow through with my plan. It's not like I don't want to do it. I decided I did when Johnny died. He was able to, so why couldn't I?
Because I'm scared. The realization hits me, almost jolting me to a stop as I run along the dimly lit street. I'm afraid to do it.
If I'm so scared, then why have I decided to die in the first place?
I think about Johnny, lying still on his bed, not answering when I called his name. The image makes me sure that I can't deal with life anymore.
I'm as scared of life as I am of death. I'm afraid to die, but I still want to. I want to escape life. Either way, no matter what I do, I have to face one of the fears. It may as well be the shorter one. If I die, it'll only take a moment. Living is a much longer form of torture.
As I raise the heater, I know that it doesn't matter that I'm conquering my fear of death. I'm still running away from life. Facing death doesn't make me brave at all. If anything, it makes me less so. I couldn't deal with life, so I chose the easier path. It may be what I want, but suicide will always be the coward's form of escape. I suppose that means it fits me well.
Author's Note: Well, definitely not my best, but I'd love your opinion anyways. Please review and tell me what you thought. Thanks!