Author's Note:

(Well, I know I've got other fics to update but I really have a lot of ideas ok! I actually took a little poll kinda thing on my Tumblr and this was the most popular of the list~ And since I myself am autistic, hopefully I won't have to do too much research huehuehue

Probably rated T for now? May go up to M for some super-serious topics or something.)

Chapter I

Sound. Too much sound. Why so loud? Is no one else bothered by all this?

Lately, something had felt different in his mind. Usually he's able to at least pretend to be at peace in his setting, but these past few days have been unusually difficult. There was no real reason why it would be this way, of course - it was never something easily understood or predicted. An unfortunate thing for a guy like him to put up with, but it wasn't like he could really do anything to stop it. Not anymore. There was no point dwelling in the past, especially in the now, where everyone and everything around him was making him feel unreasonably furious. So furious that, at the moment when a particularly rowdy student shouted obscenities with a laughing group of friends, the flustered Asian boy stood and made to exit the school cafeteria entirely, leaving his lunch and table of companions as he all but stormed through the flimsy double-doors. At that moment, he couldn't care less what peers or staff thought of his leaving without permission; he had to get away, to some place where the noise couldn't reach him. The only real sanctuary accessible to him at the time was the upstairs men's restroom.

After nearly walking right into a pair of tardy 9th graders and narrowly avoiding a confrontation with the guidance counselor, he arrived in the empty bathroom and shut himself into the stall farthest from the door. He didn't have to use the restroom, but he felt comforted by the sense of security that little stall lock gave him. His own little personal bubble - or square, really - where he could finally take the time to rest and collect his scattered thoughts. Everyone was either eating lunch or in class, so he could be assured that the tranquil silence would remain uninterrupted. Letting out a shaky breath, he rested his sweating forehead on the cool, painted metal door, closing his eyes to simultaneously block out the light of the room. He wasn't about to let any little detail get to him here, not in his only safe place. It would be ideal to sit down somewhere, but the toilets had no lids and he wouldn't dare rest on the dirty bathroom floor. But it wasn't long before his resolve wore thin and he leaned against the brick wall, sinking down onto his knees, and finally sitting fully after deeming the floor completely dry. The cool temperature of the stone wall and flooring were such a relief that he actually felt tears beginning to form in his eyes. He couldn't cry now... he'd done so much too often since then...

Since he found out he'd been living his entire life so far suffering from a treatable condition. All that confusion and hopelessness... all of it could have been prevented. He could've had help as early as his preschool years. But apparently it wasn't "obvious enough" to diagnose until recently. They had to let it grow worse and worse until the anxiety was so bad that he could hardly breath, had to let it get to a point where they deemed him "autistic enough" for a proper diagnosis. He felt his sweaty hands curl into fists as that familiar anger resurfaced in his mind. He just couldn't understand why... why they never listened to him. Weren't doctors supposed to listen closely to everything the patient said? They were meant to help treat people, not brush them off and send them away with an increase in anti-depressive meds and a pat on the back. Well, now he was paying the price - now he'd gone so long without help that he's become extremely difficult to treat.

What was worse was the way his family was treating him. He could tell they were really trying, but... they didn't know how. Of course they didn't. He just wished they could be a little more respectable about it instead of assuming how it must be for him. Except that he himself thought the same of autism until recently. It's really not like the media makes it out to be, but what does hollywood actually portray accurately?

As the young student sat with his thoughts, the door to the bathroom suddenly swung open, startling him as the noise broke that fragile silence. Another guy stomped into the room, clearly upset about something. Best not to bring attention to me... he thought as he tried to hide himself as much as possible in what little space he had. From the area between the stall door and the ground, he could only make out the bottom half of the other's legs, but it seemed they were larger and more well-built; if this guy was a jock, and he happened to find someone else in the room... the smaller teen shuddered at the thought. The unknown student paced hastily in front of the sinks, his breathing heavy enough to be heard. He then stopped abruptly, turning to face the mirror as he sighed and turned a faucet. Though he couldn't see, it could be assumed that whoever it was was probably washing their face - did something happen to him? He obviously didn't sound to be in a positive mood. Great, who supposedly stole who's girlfriend now?

As yet another shocking factor, the disgruntled student began to speak to himself. A voice that most anyone in the school would recognize. "Damn... what am I supposed to do? I have a test today... can't just leave..." he mumbled to himself, unaware that someone was listening to him intently. With eyes wide and mouth slightly agape, Kiku Honda, the school's top wallflower, instantly recognized this angry stranger as the ever-popular football player, Alfred Jones. The optimistic, smiley, good-hearted Alfred Jones was now standing alone in the bathroom, sweating and shaking nervously. Alfred had never really picked on anyone as far as he knew... he could only wonder why the usually happy athlete was so upset. "Why now? I didn't do anything... all she did was say hi... why did that do it? I didn't mean to yell at her," he continued, voice quivering as he thought out loud. He sounded like... was he crying? Kiku suddenly felt a bit guilty for hearing words meant to be private. But it wasn't like he could just step out and apologize after he'd already heard so much. "So loud today... I hate pep rallies. Everyone gets too close... too noisy... too hot... wish I could just not show. Do we really have to do this every month?"

Wait. Alfred was complaining? About pep rallies? About... the things he sensed during pep rallies? No... no, he couldn't be. He's probably just stressed about an upcoming game or something. After all, how sensitive could he really be if he was playing football? Getting tackled to the ground by dirty, sweaty teenage guys didn't sound to be a particularly pleasing experience. Or maybe he was just really good at hiding it... that would give them something in common, then. However, just as soon as he had entered, Alfred turned on his heel and marched out of the bathroom, accidentally leaving the faucet running in his haste. Just like that, Kiku was alone again, sitting still on the cool bathroom tile, left to wonder what was really on the other's mind.

Ah, home at last. Finally he could get to his comfortable, air-conditioned room. As his siblings filed into the home behind him, Kiku quickly made his way upstairs, ignoring his mother's question of "How was your day, sweetie?". He didn't want to delay any longer than he really had to - his mom would understand if he wanted to be left alone. Although he had many siblings, they were each granted separate rooms - more to keep them all from tearing each other apart than anything else. He was lucky to have such wealthy parents, otherwise he'd never be able to afford his medications. As he shut himself in his room, he once more felt at peace. For once, he didn't mind leaving a bit of a mess, dropping his bag on the floor next to the doorway and lazily kicking his socks off. As it was a Friday, they weren't assigned any homework, so he could take this weekend to fully relax and calm his nerves. Especially after that pep rally... god, those were always his least favorite parts of spirit weeks. The school insisted they have a spirit week every month, to help improve motivation and school pride. Honestly, most students went along with it just because it got them out of 8th period early. But for Kiku, it was like living 45 minutes in an inescapable hell made just for him. They even held a contest between grades to see which was able to scream the loudest... unfortunately for him, it was his grade that ended up winning. The ringing in his ears hadn't stopped since then.

It was their father's pay week, and as per family tradition, they all went out for ice cream right after school. This he actually didn't mind, as the place was usually pretty isolated, and the freezing cold dessert was much needed relief from that sauna they tried to pass off as a gym. Mom was busy with her work, so she wasn't there to badger him about how he managed through his day. She had been doing so every single day since the appointment; the sentiment was appreciated, but he had to admit, it was very, very unwanted. He didn't feel particularly comfortable recounting such trivial details about school, or the work he was assigned, or what his friends talked about at lunch - not that he was there to speak with them much today. After lunch ended, his they hunted him down to make sure he was alright, not knowing about his health issues. He just assured them that it was nothing but a stomach ache - must have been something he'd eaten earlier. Though some didn't seem entirely convinced, especially the imposing German, Ludwig. Though he'd never been one to pry, he did truly care about his closest buddies, and Kiku was someone he'd known for years.

"Are you sure? It must have been bad for you to leave for so long," he'd questioned, a slight suspicious look in his eyes. Feliciano, the third in their close-knit trio, glanced up at the taller student in confusion.

"Ehh? Lud, you shouldn't ask such things! What Kiku was doing in there is his own business!" the auburn-haired Italian spoke up, causing Ludwig to blush in embarrassment. Kiku chuckled at this, comforted by the familiar company.

"Feli, you make it sound as if I was doing something inappropriate," he commented, and it was Feliciano's turn to rethink his words.

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that, Kiku! I know you wouldn't do anything so naughty, especially in a public restroom!" Ludwig lightly smacked the back of his head, telling him to be quiet when saying such things out loud. He was right though - one good thing about the bullies in this school was that they were smart enough to know when a rumor would simply be too unbelievable. Kiku was a quiet and modest young man. If anything, they'd tease him for not "getting around" more, as if worth was defined by how much meaningless sex you'd had.

Those two always knew just how to make his day even a little bit better. They even made sure to sit on either side of him during the pep rally, knowing how uncomfortable he was sitting so close to strangers. They didn't even scream along with the rest of their grade, something Kiku was entirely thankful for. Ludwig's deep, booming voice would've surely caused some kind of nerve damage to all sitting nearby. He did, however, take notice of one curious little detail - that little detail being Alfred, who'd been on his mind constantly since the little bathroom incident earlier. He hadn't really paid too much attention to the other before, but now he could really see how awkward he looked among his shouting companions. His smile was very obviously forced, tan cheeks flushed a rosy red as his gaze shifted anxiously among the crowd of cheering students. He looked like he was about to burst. Even Feli took notice of this, pointing out how his face resembled the bright red of a tomato under the unappealing light of the school gymnasium. Kiku had to wonder, though... had he always been like this? Surely other people would've noticed such strange behavior at some point?

As the his family sat leisurely at the outdoor table of the ice cream shop, his sister Mei decided to make conversation with him. "So... I caught you staring at that guy Alfred at the rally today," she began, her voice teasing as she leaned closer to her brother, "you interested in him, hmm? Maybe you should talk to him, he's a pretty nice guy!"

Like he hadn't already blushed enough for one day. He could just feel the heat rising in his cheeks, siblings laughing at his shy reaction. "I knew it! You are soooo totally gay!" Yong Soo shouted, raising his hand high in the air as if he'd just accomplished something incredible. Leon nodded silently in approval at this statement. "So he's the kinda guy you like, huh? Tall, tan, blond, muscular...," he listed off, mentally naming the key aspects of their classmate's appearance.

Kiku shook his head rapidly, regretting it as the vertigo left his head spinning. "N-no! You've got the wrong idea! I was just- he was acting a bit odd, and I happened to notice!" he said truthfully, not wanting to deflect yet another barrage of romance questions. It was like a game among them to try and hook their brother up with some kind of date, even if he was genuinely uninterested in that person altogether.

"Acting odd? What do you mean?" his older brother, Yao, questioned him, an eyebrow raised in curiosity. "He just looked a bit sweaty to me, but everyone was sweating in there."

"Well... I guess he just seemed a bit... out of his comfort zone," Kiku decided to say, not wanting to let slip anything too personal. If he was unwilling to even talk much about himself, no way was he about to disclose such details to his gossip-loving family.

"Hmm... maybe he was just tired?" Mei asked, not able to see the bubbly jock being uncomfortable in a pep rally, of all things. "Anyways, I'm glad it's finally Friday! This week has just dragged on and on, and all I've wanted to do is nap every day! I almost fell asleep in art class the other day too, oh man, Ms. Gillespie would NOT let up on me -"

Ah, there she went. Once she started talking, there was no stopping her. Luckily his brothers were there to listen to her this time, or else he probably would've just turned tail and ran straight home.

They didn't even know the full severity of his diagnosis. Through clenched teeth, Kiku had to explain to them how it was just "mild autism", mentally praying that they wouldn't blow anything out of proportion. Luckily, they seemed to understand, commenting how he must be classified as "high-functioning". Ha. He had almost laughed right in their faces upon hearing that statement. He could barely even muster up the energy to function on some days, yet he was considered better able to function than some others with autism? No. No, he thought, he was just better at pretending he wasn't autistic. Pretending like he wasn't dangerously close to a mental breakdown while reading an oral presentation in front of his class, pretending like the various smells and sights of the cafeteria didn't bother him so much, pretending that the scratchy texture of his winter coat didn't nearly drive him insane whenever forced to wear it.

Allowing himself to fall back onto his bed, Kiku wondered just how many others around him were wearing a similar mask.

End Note:

(Again, I suck at first chapters. All that introductory crap isn't too exciting to write out. Also, I got Dragon Age: Inquisition this weekend since it was on sale through Origin. I had a 4-day weekend, and I told myself "This is my chance to finally write stuff!" but as per usual, video games happened and now it's 8:40 on Monday evening and I have to go take a shower because I have school tomorrow. Ah well, at least it'll only be a 4-day week.

I'm aware that not all people with Asperger's are autistic, but from what I've seen, it's usually the case. Also, not all autistic people have sensory issues, and not all sensory issues make you more sensitive. Some people actually have dulled senses, which can be equally as bad as overactive senses. I feel like Kiku would be sensitive like me, though, considering he's canonically uncomfortable with Feli's crazy fast driving and spontaneous hugging.)