Barney: "Hell, Gordon, I don't think you really have a choice. If you think you can handle her, then go for it!"
Dr Kleiner: "What? Really? Yes, yes, by all means. Now take a look at these calculations, tell me what you think."
Dr Magnusson: " Not that anyone bothered asking for my opinion, of course, but if you want my advice, then I say – look out! Freeman, you clumsy oaf, it took Uriah hours to organise those! Pick them up and put them back where they were. All of them, Freeman."
Gordon rolled his eyes and stooped to examine the spill of transistors, short lengths of wire, and assorted components that lay scattered across the laboratory floor. It wasn't his fault, he had only come in to ask Barney and Dr Kleiner's advice, but Magnusson had chipped in as always, and in turning to the sound of his belligerent colleague's voice, Gordon had caught the pile of boxes with his knee. He groaned inside. Now he had a sore knee and a stupid job that would take him forever. Gordon was very uncomfortable with the awestruck way that so many of the citizens still reacted to his presence, but there was nothing like five minutes in the company of Dr Magnusson to make him long for a bit of hero worship.
Trying to ignore the smirk on Barney's face, he knelt gingerly. He was still tender from his last encounter with a Hunter. The HEV suit meant that the creatures tossed him into the air when they attacked him, rather than skewering him like a kabob. It had developed into a very effective distraction technique, one that had undoubtedly saved lives, but that didn't make it any more fun for him while he was doing the distracting. It was worth it, though, when he had lured them far enough that his less well-protected colleagues could make their escape. Then he would let his AR2 swing round, and execute the marauding synths with a single press of the secondary fire. Although he didn't consider himself to be sadistic, he had an enduring memory of the sight of metal tusks piercing Alyx's tender abdomen, and when it came to Hunters his only regret was that the creatures didn't seem to feel fear.
Gordon felt the tails of his coat trailing on the ground as he began sorting through the pile, the white fabric picking up dust and grime, no doubt. In spite of his annoyance, there was a part of him that always enjoyed tasks like these. He was the kind of man who kept his CDs and books alphabetically. Had kept. And so his irritation soon died away, and was replaced by a sense of calm as his hands and a small part of his mind became occupied with the task of categorising the components before him, leaving the greater part free to wander, thinking about the decision he'd just made. Gordon became so engrossed in his task that he failed to notice the sound of gunfire from outside dying down, until the door to the range swung suddenly open. He looked up to see Alyx standing in the doorway, her eyes bright and face flushed from the winter cold. She darted inside, pulling the door tightly closed behind her against the wind, a smile illuminating her features.
"Hey guys! What's…" Her expression changed to one of consternation as she caught sight of Gordon on the floor. "What's going on?" Gordon saw Barney's face light up at the opportunity to make a joke at his expense, but before he could speak, Magnusson interjected.
"Calhoun was about to demonstrate the new Rollermine modifications. Well, come on," he continued, turning to Barney, "don't waste my time." Barney opened his mouth to retort, but then his eyes widened slightly, and he nodded quickly to Magnusson. Gordon raised an eyebrow at the sight of them, so rarely in agreement.
"Sure, right this way Dr Magnusson. Dr Kleiner, why don't you come along too?" He placed his hand on Kleiner's shoulder, Magnusson took his other arm, and together they manhandled Gordon's bewildered mentor from the room. Alyx looked slightly surprised at the turn of events, but then she shrugged and made her way over to Gordon and crouched by his side.
"So… what are you up to down here?"
He sighed ruefully, and cast his hand across the assorted parts still strewn across the floor, and the piles he had begun to form around the edges.
"I, uh… tripped." Alyx smiled.
"Gordon…" She had the same tone of amused affection in her voice as she did the many times he'd crashed the car. Gordon had never understood why she seemed to enjoy it so much when he did something foolish, but he was glad of it none the less, because it seemed to happen all too frequently whenever she was around. "You must be tired, I guess," she continued, her voice full of sympathy. Gordon nodded, feeling a little embarrassed as he remembered the night before. He'd had the dream again; the one that came around once a month, more often when the fighting was particularly bad. It would always start with a voice, but Gordon could never quite make out the question. Then he would look up and see he was surrounded, by Combine, zombies, Xen creatures without number; and at the same point the realization would hit him that his hands were empty. Sometimes Alyx was behind him, begging him to protect her, or his parents. Sometimes he would turn to find a pile of corpses. Once or twice, he'd been alone, but when he looked down he found he was completely naked, as well as unarmed. Gordon was a man who only spoke when he needed to, not much given to vocalizing even in moments of extreme pain or pleasure; yet when he had that dream, he had the capacity to wake half the base. There was certainly no hiding it from Alyx. She reached out now, and gently touched his cheek.
"Maybe I'll stick around and help you." She began to pick delicately through the pieces, drawing his attention back to the safe light of day. Her fingers brushed the back of his hand, accidentally on purpose, he thought, and she gazed at him with those beautiful golden brown eyes. "Maybe later on you can help me out with something." He could feel the look spreading across his face, the one Barney said looked cheesy, inappropriate and basically ridiculous, but he couldn't help it.
Alyx was brave to the point of fierce, but still kinder and more compassionate than anyone he'd ever met; and with a smart, practical intelligence that he felt complemented his own abstract mind rather well. And she was, quite simply, beautiful. He had bent Barney's ear on the subject on several drunken occasions. He couldn't say what it was he found so irresistible about her, but the individual elements of her figure combined to produce a lovely form that stirred his soul, made his heart soar, lit a fire in his belly and generally rearranged other parts of his anatomy.
At that point, Barney would usually frown and take the bottle away.
Gordon thought for a moment. Maybe this wouldn't be so difficult after all. They were in a lab, the environment in which he felt most comfortable; they were alone, apart from a few muffled whispering sounds he could hear from the corridor outside; and he was already in the right position. He swallowed slightly and took her hand in his.
"Alyx. Um… Alyx."
No, this was definitely going to be difficult.
"Alyx, we're… good together, right?" Her eyes widened slightly, and she nodded. "I mean, it would be bad if we were apart, it would be, generally… disadvantageous. For everyone involved."
"Disadvantageous?" She just sounded confused now.
"Ok, so… Alyx. Two particles, right? Each of them has their own specific energy. But sometimes, when the two particles react, the effect they produce is greater than you could predict from the individual energies. It's called a synergy." He frowned at the look of incomprehension on her face. How was she not getting this? He cast around frantically for inspiration, and his eyes settled on a shiny copper washer on the edge of the pile. He picked it out and delicately slid it onto her finger.
"What the…?"
She pulled her hand away, seeming slightly shocked. Gordon winced and cursed himself inside. Engagement rings were presumably very much a pre-Combine thing. He doubted if the Resistance would have had much time to bother with ceremonies and rituals; and as for the rest of the citizens, it probably hadn't even been an issue, thanks to Dr Breen's Private Reserve. Relationships would have to be pretty much impossible if you kept forgetting you'd even met before. How much was he going have to explain? People still referred to their husbands and wives, and she must know her parents had been married. Maybe she would know what he was asking, if he found a better way to phrase it, but such things were never his strong point, and he sighed.
Risking a cautious glance, he saw that her face was lit up with a playful smile. She chuckled and pulled him to her. Gordon could feel his cheeks burning. Alyx was way, way too good at teasing him, better even than Barney. She kissed him and whispered, "yes," in his ear, and an instantaneous sense of joy surged through him that was almost physical. There was a thudding sound, and an impatient Barney stuck his head through the door. "Can we come in now? Aw, man, Gordon, you're doin' the look again!" Gordon didn't care; he just waved them in, and they filed back into the room; Barney grinning broadly, Magnusson projecting an air of forced nonchalance, and Dr Kleiner beaming with bumbling enthusiasm.
"Well done, Gordon my boy. The revival of the species continues apace!"
Barney and Gordon raised their eyebrows at one another, adding the comment to the 'did he really just say that?' list that they privately maintained. Gordon glanced at Alyx to see her reaction, but he saw that she was gazing across at the pinboard attached to the wall of the lab. Dr Kleiner's collection of memorabilia had been rearranged to surround a new photo. It was Eli's photo from his Black Mesa ID, enlarged somehow, so that his benevolent face with the hint of mischief around the eyes beamed down at them all. The small group fell silent for a moment as they stood together, considering it. Gordon put his arm round Alyx's waist and let her rest against him.
"Your father would have wanted this," Magnusson interjected suddenly. He said it with the same arrogant certainty he gave to all his opinions; and that confidence seemed to help Alyx now. She took a deep breath, brushed her hair back, and straightened up.
"Well," she said, "I guess those targets won't reset themselves."
"Quite so," said Magnusson. "Now Freeman, come and take a look at these calculations. Help me prove to Kleiner quite how spectacularly wrong he is."
Gordon gave a regretful smile as Alyx left and he bent over the document, which appeared to be written on the back of a large roll of wallpaper. Superficially, nothing much would change. They would continue to take hard-won territory from the Combine, gaining new recruits who would have to be fed and housed and trained. Magnusson would continue to bicker with Kleiner, and Gordon and Alyx would continue to have to spend too much time apart. Inside, though, Gordon felt dramatically different. Previously, his definition of happiness had been anything that reminded him of his life before the resonance cascade; but from now on he would carry his happiness with him, whenever he remembered the sight of the copper washer on Alyx's finger.
A/N thanks once again to the lovely KRSON-Mar for beta reading! To everyone who has been reading and reviewing my stories this year, thanks so much, you've been really encouraging. I hope to be back with more stuff soon.