A small Kaidan Alenko oneshot for one of my friends.

Note: I know this isn't what really happens in ME2. It's basically just him reminiscing between ME1 and ME2. But the story's meant to make you feel how he feels during ME2. Err… did that make sense? Either way, I just wrote whatever.

*&&*&&*

A woman stood in the middle of the dark room, blue light shining down upon her from no visible source. Kaidan peered around the corner he was hiding behind. They were the only ones in the room. It was quiet, creepy…at least he wasn't alone, but her presence wasn't one that Kaidan welcomed.

"Shepard!" he called out to her in a shaky voice. She didn't budge. Kaidan walked toward her, slowly and cautiously and turned his former commander around. He let out a frightened gasp and fell backwards.

Her face was lined with cracks, her eyes all black. Shepard's legs gave out and she fell on top of the startled lieutenant.

*&&*&&*

Kaidan suddenly sat upright with sweat covering almost all his body. Almost. Every nap he took, every attempt at sleep, he would always end up back in his apartment, far from the painful nightmare of past events. Far from Shepard, his past love. Or was it still ongoing? He always wondered about her and her feelings. He wasn't even sure about himself.

But Kaidan didn't want that on his mind at the moment. His old friends from Basic Training were taking him out for a drink and a blind date to take his mind off of Shepard. He looked at the clock and sighed.

"Damn, it's already evening…must've overslept."

He made his way to the bathroom for a shower, shaking his head at his thoughts. In an hour, he was sharp-dressed and ready to hit The Flux but his friends hadn't arrived yet. Kaidan went to sit on his leather chair, overlooking the buildings of the Citadel, and watched the shuttles zip by. He dropped his head into his hands and groaned.

A few days after Saren was taken down and the Council was restored, the Normandy crew of aliens and humans had broken up and parted ways. It had hit Kaidan the most. He and Shepard didn't get any chance to settle down or expand on their relationship; she was sent to wipe out the last of the geth and he wanted to continue his service in the Alliance.

Kaidan was unhappy about his decision. He didn't want give in to Shepard...

"Kaidan, I love you. You and I both know that you're much safer in the Alliance than on another wild geth chase. I don't want you to be in anymore danger." She kissed him softly on the cheek and boarded the Normandy without him.

…but he did and boy, that definitely made him feel less of a man. He was the one that joined the military, looking for romance. He should've been the one kissing her goodbye before leaving on a dangerous mission.

The doorbell chimed several times before snapping Alenko back to reality. At the door were two men easily recognized by Kaidan as Lieutenants Rennin Delan and Dash Vidhok. The room seemed to light up with all their greetings and smiles.

"Kaidan, my buddy! Haven't seen you since you stepped off to Eden Prime with Commander…" Delan trailed off. "Right, still trying to burn bridges…hey, we don't want to keep the girls waiting on the shuttle, right?"

In the shuttle sat the three dates: two were the girlfriends of Delan and Vidhok that Kaidan remembered from the photos that they showed him during Basic and the redhead was, Kaidan guessed, his date. But it wasn't such a blind date since he knew who she was!

"Dr. Chloe Michel? Why…what…huh?"

"Kaidan Alenko! Oh my, um… Rita, why didn't you tell me?!" she blurted out to the girls. The doctor turned back to him. "If I'd known my blind date would be you, I would have rejected this. What will Shepard think of this?"

Everyone else looked at one another. The doctor was clueless and knew nothing about separation. Kaidan only smiled but behind that smile were traces of sadness and regret.

"Nah, she won't mind," he said at last.

*&&*&&*

After a few drinks at The Flux, Delan and Vidhok and their girlfriends hit the dance floor. Kaidan and Chloe were left at the table by themselves. They were still trying to break the ice but the news of Shepard made it difficult to talk to the other. In the end, Kaidan basically said 'frack it' and spilled everything to Chloe about the relationship between him and Shepard. She was the only one that would listen at the club; others would have seen him as a depressed drunkard.

"Shit, the first time I laid eyes on her I knew she'd be the one," – Chloe was trying to figure out if it was the beer or Kaidan talking. Maybe the beer was working against him like a truth serum… - "Like, damn, I must've dropped so many hints. And you know what? It just bites me in the ASS when she leaves without me."

Chloe was about to say something when he held up a hand. "Nuuh, nuh-uh, I'm not done yet! There was a couple of times I went into kiss her but Joker would always interrupt. That happened a couple of times before we went into Ilos. But, damn, the night before Ilos was the best night of my life…"

"What happened?" she asked. Kaidan smiled wryly. "Oh! Ooooooooooh…What'd you think about it…?"

"It was the first time I'd ever gotten that close to a woman…probably even the first time I'd loved a woman that much to do it," he replied. "God, it was so relieving. I don't even know if I just did it for the sex. I want to think I loved her for real."

Chloe sat with a thoughtful look on her face and spoke. "1 Corinthians, chapter 13, verses 4 to 13."

"What?"

She ignored his confusion and picked up her shot glass. "A toast to Shepard. Thanks for the memories."

Kaidan, puzzled, went along and raised his. "Uh, okay, I'll drink to that."

An upbeat song began to play. "Care for a dance, Lieutenant?" Without waiting for his reply, the doctor grabbed his arm and walked him over to the dance floor slowly. He pulled free.

"I…you can go ahead, I just need a few minutes," he said. She nodded with understanding and joined the four friends. Kaidan went back to his seat at the table and circled his shot glass with his finger.

"Thanks for the memories, Shepard…even though they weren't so great."