Author's Note: This is for you, StillThereForMe

This is my first full-on Yusuke x Kurama fic. I hope it doesn't disappoint. I'm on a roll! Third story uploaded this weekend.

Important Note: It would be better to read my other fic, The Art of Losing a Fox, first. Although this one can stand alone, it sort of jumps from that story arc. Click on my profile name and look for it under my stories.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho

The Art of Making Choices

Very soon after I hop down from the portal, my first intake of breath sends a shock to my too-long-unused human system.

I drop down to the ground and inadvertedly take a deeper breath to steady myself. With the rush of scent of pines and coffee and fruit and pollution into my senses all at the same time, I feel much like a creature short-circuiting. That, and the beginnings of regret, suddenly fill my now all-too-small gut, and I let out a small cough in reaction as my hands grab the rough pavement. I've never been one to be nostalgic, but this world has been, after all, the one that taught me real love and torture many years ago. I feel gratitude, and as if my body has been waiting for it all along, in an instant I feel lighter; although I have learned to say goodbye and have let go a long time past, it's nice to still have things to go back to. Even if a lot has changed, and you can see that in the way clothes and technology keep evolving over centuries, Ningenkai will always have, at its very core, what keeps it worth protecting: humanity.

They're eyeing me strangely now, as I bent on the cobblestones catching my breath, and I stand up chuckling at the irony. Humanity may have much goodness in their hearts, but it's buried so much under countless layers of pretension, insecurity, greed and malice, that it takes some very special kind of people to represent them just to make hardened demons like me realize their real heart.

She had been one. Shiori. It was the purity of her soul that attracted me like a moth to a flame. Looking back almost unwillingly, saying goodbye to her had been a real test of my resolve, and it was probably one of the most painful farewells I have ever given.

With a slightly heavier heart I slowly make my way along the narrow street, feeling strange and yet moving with the coat-and-tie crowd bearing a practiced fluidity only years of living amongst them could provide. I push forward and vaguely enjoy their bodies bumping into me; convincing me that this was real, I was in Ningenkai, and not merely trapped inside one of my all-too-often dreams. They were slightly different – the people around me were mostly caucasians, speaking in a soft and hushed language very different from the one I've grown up speaking. I vaguely understand it and catch a few phrases here and there, and I chuckle at an almost forgotten thought; foreign language electives apparently have some benefits, after all.

The crowds thin out as I reach the end of the alley and become faced with a road that could go either left or right. I look up at the street sign and feel comfort that I am in the right direction. 17th Avenue.

Now, where was number twelve?

Deciding on a simple whim, I move towards the left and walk a few meters to monitor the progress of numbers along the posts. I look further beyond the glass doors and note that the shops lining the streets were pretty interesting: fortune telling and trinkets, quaint antique stores, small book shops and a few cake places interspersed in between. As I walk along the path, the numbers grow from 20 to 26 to 34; with slight nervousness I glance at a clock on a nearby photography studio and feel a little relief. I was in the wrong side of the street, but I still had about five minutes to explore and trace my way to the agreed-upon meeting place.

I open the door of one book shop, and the tingling of the bells above the frame jolted me into nostalgia once again. When I was young human, I had frequented a western-style one along our small street in Okinawa, and hunched in between bookshelves I secretly dreamt of owning a book shop exactly like that someday. It was maintained by a kind old lady who died of cancer a few years after, and I remember my lips quivering as I held back tears when I learned that it was being converted into a Kombini store by the grandchildren. Now, I could almost feel the same rising heat in my chest as the familiarity shook me like a long-lost lover; if I had built that bookshop, it wouldn't be too much different from this.

"Bonjour!" a young lady with auburn hair and hazel eyes greets me from behind the counter.

"Good day," I greet back, hoping she would understand some English.

"Oh, tourist?" she inquires. Her accent was laced heavily with French, and I smile in small delight. It was cute.

"Yes, just passing through," I reply.

"Where from?" she smiles, then beckons me closer with her head. I walk nearer and finger the handmade bookmarks hanging from a stand near the register. Hmmm, good quality.

"Japan," I say. "Okinawa."

"I love Japan," she giggles. "Anime, toys, manga!"

I laugh along with her, enjoying her human sound. "It's not all that but yes, we do have a lot of those."

"We also have a lot of good looking men," a voice said behind me.

I turn around, surprised.

"I figured you were here," the source of the voice says with a smirk.

I open my mouth but no sound comes out.

"Friends meeting up?" the girl says, smiling still but clearly annoyed at being interrupted.

"Oui. Mind if I steal him for a moment, mademoiselle? We have a lot of catching up to do."

"Naturellement. Get out, explore! Have fun in Paris… ce qui est votre nom?"

"Mon nom est Yusuke Urameshi," he says. He puts his arm on my shoulder. "C'est mon ami Minamino Shuichi."

"Merveilleux! Here, so you won't lose," she says, handing me a booklet that she refuses to accept any payment for.

Yusuke and I make our way out the shop after saying thanks a thousand times. As we walk along the street, Yusuke leading and me following like a prodigal child, he punches my shoulder and grins.

"Still the ladies man, eh?"

I couldn't help smiling back. It was good to finally see him again. I've almost forgotten his cheer, and here he is still bearing much of it.

"Not at all. I was charming her so I can pocket some of those handmade bookmarks. Thanks a lot for interrupting, mon ami," I jeer lightly.

"Ah. So you understood. Couldn't help it, she looked so smitten by you."

I chuckle in response and look at him to note a few changes: his hair is still in the same brushed up style he always wore, but now he was dressed much more maturely. He was wearing a black long-sleeved shirt and European-styled jeans, polished with some expensive-looking shoes.

"What are you staring at?" he asks, eyes quizzical.

"Why Yusuke, I never thought you'd… overdress me!" I joked, moving in front of him while putting my fingers together to form a frame and pretending to capture him in it.

He blushes like a teenager and swipes my hand away. "Cut it out!"

I chuckle and move beside him again, but unconsciously my mind reaches for some memories in some purposely locked drawers.

His magic has always been there. It never left me, and I doubt it ever will. From the moment he saved my life, to the cases we solved, to the tournament in Makai, and most especially after… Yusuke…

"Here we are!" he says, interrupting my thoughts. Number twelve. He motions towards a small café on the right and we move towards it. He was about to open the door when I stop him, then I grab the metal chair outside and sit on it.

"Mind if we sit here? I'd like to smoke."

He shakes his head but sits across me, leans back and throws me a pack along with a lighter.

"No smoking allowed in Makai?"

"My youko form has asthma," I explain.

He raises an eyebrow but doesn't laugh.

A girl hands us the menu, orders were given ("Try the Tuna Nicoise Tartine,") and soon after it was just him and me again.

"How's life?" he asks, lighting a stick of his own and inhaling deeply.

"A few scruffles here and there, but nothing to sweat about," I reply, then took a long drag. God, how I missed the nicotine.

"Scruffles?"

"Well, the peace didn't last too long after Enma was assassinated. It wasn't of much length after and Mukuro and Yomi had already reestablished their old domains. But Makai's still in relative peace. There are just two warlords, and your presence here ensures that no unauthorized portal cross-overs happen."

"Man! Why didn't I know any of this?"

"We did send letters to your home. But you apparently moved out. Nice choice though. Can't help but be envious myself."

"You mean Cannes?" Yusuke took another drag. "Just needed a change of pace."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

The orders arrive and we pause our conversation. I was silently glad; I wasn't sure I was ready to breach this conversation ground just yet, even if clearly Yusuke has been trying to raise the topic since we sat down.

I take my time mixing my tea and sipping it. I take a bite of the tuna tartine and nodded in agreement of the choice; it was creamy and fresh. Across the table I spot Yusuke do the same with his Tomato Tarte Tatin, but the former detective had a determined look in his eyes I knew I would not be able to contend with. He was ready to talk about it, and no matter how much I avoided it or brought up other topics, I knew I would not be able to resist answering him. Even after this time, he still had a hold on me. After all, I could only take a few bitefuls of tuna or sips of tea, and he knew it.

"How's Hiei?" he begins.

"Working. Killing. He's Mukuro's greatest general and was responsible for much of the reclamation of territory."

"And you for Yomi, I assume."

"Some things never change," I smile, and then take another sip from my tea. "We are, technically, at each other's throats by day. It's always a race as to who can recruit the bigger army. Train the strongest of fighters. Claim the biggest of lands. It's a never ending vicious cycle and quite honestly, it's just about right. Makai was never built for unity."

"You're still in love with him?"

"Yusuke."

I was prepared and was expecting it, but it still hit me like a punch in the gut.

"You are."

A pause. "I've always been."

"Yeah, I know," he snorts. He takes another drag from his cigarette and blows off a ring of smoke. The wind carries it to the next table until it dissipates into nothing. We sat there for a while, quiet, playing with our food until he looks at me and breaks it.

"Look, Kurama," he starts. "When I got your message asking for a meeting, I didn't know what to think. I thought I was over you but I won't lie; a gleam of hope came over me. Perhaps you wanted to get back together, I thought. Perhaps you needed me again. Perhaps you changed your mind. And for a few days I was excited."

I inhale deeply but let him continue. I doubt I would have been able to speak anyway.

"Then I remembered that day. You know, when you said you and Hiei were having an affair and you were choosing him. And then I remembered the pain. The fucking pain of being left hanging in the air just, like, that. I didn't hate Hiei. I hated you," he speaks more quickly now, the rehearsed words coming into play. "You were the one who made me fall for you. You were the one who promised all sorts of things. You chose to be a coward and fuck him without having the guts to tell me. Then I thought, no matter how much you begged and no matter what you said, I'll say no."

I bite my lip, the accusation stinging much more than I accounted for.

"You know what he said to me right before you left? I'll never forget it. The art of keeping a fox is the same as losing him countless times but trying again and again. Well, fuck that!" Yusuke says, pounding the table with his palm. The cups shake nervously at the impact, and I keep silent, just looking at a scathing ex lover.

"I lost you countless times too, godammit! I gave half my life for you with that stupid mirror. I died inside when I thought Karasu had killed you. I woke up from death to make sure Sensui didn't kill you. I lost you just as many times as he did, and I've tried as many times as he did. I deserve you as much as he does!"

He was panting as he said those words, eyes so wide in rage only yeas of subverting such emotions could bring about. Yet, as I look at him, in his angriest and most passionate, he was still at his most… beautiful.

Yusuke Urameshi. He's never been one to conceal anything he's thinking. Although it took him some time to realize his feelings for me, once he did, he never held anything back. After the Makai tournament, he gave me much needed comfort when Hiei had left, although at that time I didn't want to accept that it was Hiei's absence that was making me miserable. But life immediately got all the better with Yusuke's own stamp of optimism beside me. Yusuke was, in all aspects of being, human life at its utmost representation– passionate and funny and honest and sacrificing. While Hiei… Hiei was Makai – vengeful, calculating, dark and selfish.

Yet in the end, I chose Hiei.

Yusuke has been silent for a while, and I suddenly realize he's been waiting for me to reply. I take a deep breath to steady myself.

"I asked for you to meet me to let you know we're about to enter a mating ritual in exactly fourteen days," I say softly.

He snorts. "Now, you're letting me know? What is this, Kurama, a way to make amends? Closure? Lose your guilt? Fuck you," he says, stubbing his cigarette on a crystal ashtray in the middle of our table and opening his pack to light a new one.

I take another breath, and lean forward. My heart kicks me like a horse. I've practiced this a thousand times. Why was it so difficult?

"What I did was wrong, and I admit that. There's no excuse to cheat on somebody. And I'm not excusing myself, because you're not the first one I fucked over. But you're unique, Yusuke…" I say, letting my voice trail off, unable to say the last part; something I knew could screw the remaining vestiges of our relationship even further. But something that can never be left unsaid, and misunderstood.

"Why?" he says, looking at me intently.

I meet his stare. "Because… even after I left, I still loved you."

We grow silent again, the revelation taking root inside both our heads. Our food was left untouched except for a few initial bites, and the waitress comes outside offering to reheat it. Yusuke nods with an absent smile, and she whisks our dishes away. After a while she comes back with it, but we remain unmoved from the positions and thoughts she left us with.

Finally, a movement. I knew it would come from him.

"You still love me now?"

"Yes," I answer, almost inaudibly.

"But you're choosing Hiei."

"Yes."

"… even if I tell you I've forgiven you and I'm ready to take you back anytime?"

"Yusuke, you hate my guts."

"That's true. But you know what? All of that… has changed."

"What?"

"When I saw you at the bookstore earlier, talking to that woman, I realized that I… still loved you. And even if you flirted with that girl, it was okay. I'm willing to accept you as you are."

I close my eyes.

"You expected that, didn't you?" he says, blowing off another stream of smoke.

"Expected, and hoped."

"So… what happens now?"

I inhale deeply and take a long drag, treating the nicotine like something that would jumpstart my system. This was it.

"Yusuke, a mating ritual is a complete bond of demon body and soul. In two weeks, Hiei's pain will be my pain, and his joys mine too. My thoughts will become his, and literally we will become one creature with two bodies. It's the ultimate symbolism of love, dedication and sacrifice in Makai. To lose one's self, and yet to gain another part of one's self. Such is the love Hiei and I share, that he's willing to let me in entirely. But that means letting him inside me, too."

Yusuke's eyes sharpen, a sign that he's caught on quite quick. "He'll know you still love me, and you don't want to hurt him."

"More than that, when we become bound, the knowledge of my love for you will hurt him, and then hurt me as I can feel everything he does, and we'll share the pain in an endless feedback loop of torture that will eventually break us."

Even before he could speak, I reach my hand out and put it on top of his. The experience of his flesh sends shivers up my spine, but I leave it unsaid as more important things were on the line.

"Yusuke… I have to leave my love for you here. Hiei and I won't survive its existence."

He doesn't move his hand away, but he clenches his fist in annoyance. "What do you want me to do, Kurama? It's not like I'm going to break you two up anytime soon. Believe me, I want to forget too. If you just know how much I want to get rid of my feelings for you, how long I've tried, how many people I lost…"

"You misunderstand, Yusuke. You don't have to anymore."

He looks at me with confusion.

"I'm… I'm leaving my love for you here, along with my human body and soul."

"What?"

I grasp his hand with both my hands now, pleading. "My youko persona is back in Makai, and he's the one going to bind himself with Hiei; in his pure form, with nothing but his love and dedication for the fire demon. It's just right – it's always the fox Hiei had always been after, and they're going to be happy bonded to each other. Just… just as they deserve to be," I whisper, a sob almost escaping from my throat as the pain of saying my plan out loud hits me like an axe to a tree.

"Kurama…" he whispers. He reaches out his hand and caresses my face, and I lean my cheek on it, seeking the warmth and comfort.

"You'll be miserable," he says sadly. "You, I mean the human you… you love Hiei too. And without the youko's soul, you won't even have your powers! Just… how often will you sacrifice your own happiness?"

I look at him. "This is where I'm counting on you."

"You mean-"

"I'll stay… only if you'll let me, and love me just the way you used to. And I promise, I promise I'll love you back the way you deserve. No more lies. No more affairs. You'll have me, my human form, and I can just hope it will be enough for you even without the youko inside me."

We stay there holding each other for a while, our hearts and minds racing. It was difficult coming to this decision, but it was the only way we could find all our happiness. The happiness all three of us deserved. Because all of us lost each other at some point, and we tried, again and again. Just as Hiei had mentioned… the art of keeping each other was to never give up. And none of us ever did.

The waitress comes back outside and looks at us disappointedly. She shakes her head at Yusuke and scolds us like a mother. "Allez-vous manger cela ou ce qui?"

"Pardon, mademoiselle, pouvons-nous juste avoir ces derniers enveloppé?"

The girl gives an exasperated sigh, then take the plates away. She came back almost immediately, bearing takeout boxes with our half-eaten food inside it. When she sees our clasped hands, she sighs again, but this time smiles.

"J'espère que vous et votre amoureux êtes bien," she tells Yusuke.

Yusuke grins and nods at her. He then takes out his wallet and pays, then stand up and motions for me to follow him.

As we walk further along the street, he grabs my hand and holds it tight.

"If we're going to do this, I expect a mating ceremony too," he says, giving my hand a squeeze.

I couldn't help but laugh at the tender proposal.

"I don't think same sex marriage is allowed here in France," I reply.

"We can move to Canada."

"What about your job?"

Yusuke gives a cough.

"Yusuke! What are you not telling me?"

"Well… since Genkai died, she gave me all her inheritance and it turns out she had quite a number of caves filled with Makai gold…"

"You're rich!" I laugh. "That explains the Armani shoes!"

He scratches his head, clearly uncomfortable with the fashion compliment.

"So what do you drive, a Ferrari?" I tease.

We stop in front of a black Volvo and Yusuke fishes out a key from his pocket with a red flush on his cheeks.

"Nice," I say, fingering the smooth black finish of the car.

"It'd be nicer with you in it," he whispers huskily. He leans into me, and presses his body close, trapping me underneath it and above the sedan.

"I bet," I whisper, then rise up to crash my lips onto his.

We kiss for a while, enjoying the feel of each other's soft lips and tongue. It had been so long. I didn't really miss it when the youko and I were still one; my love for Hiei kept my mind and my heart busy. But now that I've split myself and this half had all the love for Yusuke, even if I took some of the love for Hiei too, holding him in my arms, in this world where we met, seems just about the rightest thing in the world.

Well, Kurama just had to have the best of both worlds, didn't he?

Pardon my French here, it's not as fluent. Anyway, it's not too vital to story development. And no, I've never been to France, but the unrequited love of my life just went to Cannes and came back with wonderful photos, hence the inspiration.

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Update: This has a sequel called Watch Me Burn. Click on my profile and look for it under my stories.