Gamora to Quill
-Greeny-
DID U LEAVE DRAX AT CENTRAL PARK U DUMBASS?
-Quilly-
yeah. and who's playin one direction?
-Greeny-
Who tf even listens to that shit?
-Quilly-
Ikr..i swear if it's that maria chick...
-Greeny-
Why do we put up with this?
-Quilly-
cause the avengers r fckn cool man
-Greeny-
yeah
-Greeny-
but maria f-ing hill needs to turn that shit off.
-Greeny-
AND GO AND FIND DRAX FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
-Quilly-
aw I thought we were gonna complain more
-Greeny-
ONCE U FIND DRAX U DUMBSHIT!
-Quilly-
alright.
Quilly
shld I get u icecream?
Greeny
JUST FUCKING GET DRAX!
Greeny
and yeah pls
Tony to Rocket
Da Scrapyard
hey go get ur weird friend out Central Park.
Rocketcoon
nah
Rocketcoon
romanoff lost a card game w/ Barton a while bk n now shes trimmin my fur
Rocketcoon
if the assassin thing goes to shit she could b a hair person or some crap cos this is great
Rocketcoon
so i aint cmng
Da Scrapyard
yeah whatev idc just go get ur freaky friend
Rocketcoon
hes not that bad
Rocketcoon
jk who am i kiddin he is
Rocketcoon
tho what abt that Thor dude hes pretty far out
Da Scrapyard
ik
Da Scrapyard
now ru gettin ur friend or nah. cause i can send the falcon if u that lazy
Rocketcoon
its cool quills on it
Da Scrapyard
and why didn't u tell me this?
Rocketcoon
idk cause its hella fun seeing u stress
Da Scrapyard
Man fuck u
Rocketcoon
Thx
Coulson to Quill
Coulson
Is this Peter Quill?
Peter Quill?
nah its gamora
Coulson
quill I know its u
Coulson
u gettin drax or not?
Peter Quill
wellll...
Coulson
WHAT DID U DO?
Peter Quill
who said i did anythin man that hurts
Coulson
:(
Peter Quill
ok fine so i lost drax
Coulson
:(
Coulson
U IDIOT!
Coulson
GAMORA WAS RIGHT ABT U!
Peter Quill
ouch
Peter Quill
calm ur superweapon im finding him. ill even buy u icecream.
Coulson
good now get on it
Peter Quill
and tell whoevers playing one direction to not play it
Coulson
FINEEEEE NOW JUST GO
Tony to Natasha
Twat
heard ur trimming the raccoons fur
Twat
don't worry he says ur doing good
Natty
f u
Natty
but its actually kinda fun
Twat
ur weird
Natty
UR weird
Natty
and could the person playing one direction pls stop
Twat
ikr
Twat
ill tell Coulson he takes care of that shit
Coulson to Steve
Phil
Quill lost Drax
THE MIGHTY SHIELD
Why the hell do these children put me in this crap
Phil
LANGUAGE! :)
THE MIGHTY SHIELD
Phil just stop
Phil
cap im sry
Phil
pls dont b mad
THE MIGHTY SHIELD im not mad
Phil
Yaaaaaay!
THE MIGHTY SHIELD
also ill be even happier when the person playing that one direction stuff shuts up
Phil
will do sir!
THE MIGHTY SHIELD
Phil u don't have to call me sir. I'm just steve.
Phil
Will do... Steve...
Phil to Maria
Loser
Maria turn that shit off!
Hill
FUCK U I LIKE IT
Hill
me n thor r havin a dance party
Loser
wtf
Loser
just turn it down
Gamora to Drax
Gamora
tf ru?
Gamora
ur a twat
Thesaurus
gamora u know his phone is in the kitchen
Thesaurus
btw its clint
Gamora
ik its Clint i saw u
Gamora
Im just leaving a message for when he checks his txts
Thesaurus
alright
Quill to Drax
Star-Lord
Hey where u at?
Star-Lord
gamora will kill me
Star-Lord
u know it so stop bein a dick n make this easier
Walking Thesaurus
its clint
Walking Thesaurus
im messing w his candy crush bc last week he broke my fifteenth best bow
Star-Lord
he will try to rip out ur spine
Walking Thesaurus im aware of that
Walking Thesaurus
but im a motherfucking ninja
Star-Lord
alright but if u end up in hosp dont blame me
Steve to Gamora
Steve
any news on the drax situ?
Gamora
nah
Gamora
hopefully quilly still gets my icecream.
Gamora
gotta love that stuff
Steve
Im sending Sam
Gamora
alright whatev
Steve to Sam
Wingman
Hey Wilson
Falcon
what up bro?
Wingman
get drax
Falcon
thought quill was on it
Wingman
Coulson says hes bein useless
Falcon
ahaha prob tru
Falcon
kk im on it
Tony to Thor
MAN OF IRON
u need to stop leaving ur alcohol around k?
MAN OF IRON
bcause the coon drank some n passed out
Hammer Time
I AM SORRY MAN OF IRON!
MAN OF IRON
ill forgive u if u come get him
MAN OF IRON
he is drooling ALL over my newest iron man boots
MAN OF IRON
and whoever made him fucked up majorly his spit is hardening as i text u so HURRY UP
Hammer Time
I AM COMING
Natasha to Clint
-Widow-
oy barton!
-Hawk-
wat
-Widow-
u, me, vodka, cards round 2
-Widow-
if u lose u have to ask someone to paint ur nails
-Hawk-
fine but if u lose u have to shave thors back hair after he gets sweaty
-Widow-
kk, ill be down in five
Loki to Gamora
/UNKNOWN/
hey I found ur friend
Gamora
tf ru?
/UNKNOWN/
its Loki of Asgard, burdened with glorious purpose
Gamora
wat?
Gamora
oh ur that dude
/UNKNOWN/
whats that supposed to mean?
Gamora
i know u tried to take over the world w freaky aliens
/UNKNOWN/
whatever. just get ur friend. hes by the thing with the fake horses
/UNKNOWN/
it spins and plays annoying music
Gamora
ik what u mean
Gamora
how did u get my number?
/UNKNOWN/
midgardian tech is a joke, now get over here.
/UNKNOWN/
ur friend is rly annoying
Gamora
fineeee im omw
/UNKNOWN/
cool babe
Gamora
dont even
Gamora
ill kick ur ass into nxt week
Gamora
i will i swear to thanos
Sam to Steve
Falcon
yo im flyin and i see drax w some guardians
Falcon
ill just go home cos i think quill and gamora got it
Wingman
OK you can do that
Falcon
wait lokis there
Falcon
hes picking something out of a box
Falcon
...its a kitten
Wingman
why would he adopt a kitten?
Falcon
whatever if he aint doing anything wrong i cba to stop him
Wingman
i know he hasnt done anything in ages
Falcon
how pathetic
Wingman
also good for us
Falcon
true dat
Falcon
wait gamoras beating him up what did he do
Falcon
LMAOOO
Rocket to Tony
Rocketcoon
man wtf happened last night
Rocketcoon
did someone water groot?
Da Scrapyard
Aw its so sweet u care
Da Scrapyard
and yeah, i did
Rocketcoon
stfu
Rocketcoon
n thx
Rocketcoon
tf did i do last night
Da Scrapyard
drank too much
Rocketcoon
i had five sips thats not why
Da Scrapyard
you had asgardian liquor
Da Scrapyard
that IS why
Da Scrapyard
i got thor to carry u up to ur room
Rocketcoon
fml
Da Scrapyard
dont feel bad the others only lasted abt 2 sips
Da Scrapyard
u did well
Clint to Wanda
Clint
can u paint my nails
Wanda
no
Clint
nvm
Wanda
?wtf
Maria to Gamora
Agent Hill
gamora follow my blog plsss
QuillMORA
y? i dont rly want to
Agent Hill
ill scream
Agent Hill
or play one direction
QuillMORA
ok fine im on it
QuillMORA
done
Agent Hill
yaaaay now i can post it
Gamora
?
Quill to Bruce
-Quill-
u know shit dont u
-Bruce-
yeeeeaaahhh man u cant even get on my iq level
Quill
ok, so y is that maria chick writing fanfiction abt me n mora
Greeny no. 2
bcos its what she does
Quill
kk
Quill
actually im still confused and weirded out
Greeny no. 2
its her thing
Greeny no. 2
she shipped me n tone for ages last year
Quill
hang on
Quill
lol looks like ur off the hook cos shes written abt Rocket n Stark now
Greeny no. 2
ffs
Greeny no. 2
shes crazy
Quill
ik
Quill
i mean one direction, rly?
Gamora to Clint
Green Girl
so thats why hill wanted me to follow her blog
Barton
lmao u found out
Barton
just roll w it, shell move onto someone else
Green Girl
rly?
Barton
actually idk. she still hasnt got bored of me n wanda.
Green Girl
um wandas abt half ur age thats a bit gross
Barton
IKKKKKK
Barton
straight couples r kinda her thing now
Barton
last yr she shipped steve and tony, but also banner and tony, she even went through a week of me and tony
Barton
she ignores the fact that he is with pepper
Barton
she weird
Barton
also i need u to paint my nails
Gamora
wtf
Gamora
no
Thor to Tony
Hammer Time
MAN OF IRON MARIA OF HILL SHOWED ME HER 'BLOG' LOOK AT IT
MAN OF IRON
y?
MAN OF IRON
ill do it whatev
MAN OF IRON
WTF
MAN OF IRON
WHAT IS WRONG W HER?
MAN OF IRON
HES A RACCOONY THINGY
MAN OF IRON
IM A HUMAN DUDE
MAN OF IRON
never thought id say this but y cant she just ship me n banner
Hammer Time
YOU WANT TO COURT BANNER?
MAN OF IRON
no wat?
Hammer Time
I SHALL TELL HIM
MAN OF IRON
noooo thor ffs dont do it
MAN OF IRON
youll make it weird pleeeeaaase dont do ittttt
MAN OF IRON
THOR YOU ASSHOLE!
MAN OF IRON
GET BACK HERE
To Buckitty: Thanks for reviewing again! I don't ship most ships actually, except for low-key Stucky- i kinda go back and forth. WandaxClint- I don't even know if that exists, I just think someone would do that, and yes, the nail painting was totally a dare from Nat.
Rocket to Quill
Furry One
someone needs to deal w maria hill
Star-Idiot
yup
Star-Idiot
i think she has issues
Star-Idiot
actually i dont just think.
Star-Idiot
i fricking KNOW
Furry One
yep u got it
Furry One
ill tell Coulson
Wanda to Pietro
Sister
hey get this barton just asked me to paint his nails
Brother
LMFAO
Brother
everyone in this tower is crazy
Sister
ikr
Brother
ftikbxsstujbxzdtioo
Brother
sry got a bit out of control then
Sister
ARE U TXTING AND RUNNING?
Sister
we have had words about this you dumbass :(
Sister
pietro?
Sister
PIETRO?!
Sister
did u run into a wall again
Sister
OK so i think u ran into a wall
Sister
URRRRRGH FML
Clint to Thor
EYE OF HAWK
thor can u paint my nails
Thor
YES! :):):):):)
Thor
I THOUGHT YOUD NEVER ASK
EYE OF HAWK
wtf
EYE OF HAWK
just meet me in the purple living room w ur stuff
Rocket to Coulson
Rocket Raccoon
can u pls deal w Mariam Hill or whatever her name is
Agent Coulson
ohhhh trust me i have tried
Agent Coulson
oh look she posted something new
Agent Coulson
me and...cap?
Agent Coulson
im flattered but also weirded out
Agent Coulson
actually im mostly flattered
Rocket Raccoon
tf dude y r all of u crazy?
Wanda to Vision
Ms. Maximoff
vision wheres my bro?
Vision
I do not know, Ms. Maximoff
Ms. Maximoff
well i think he ran into a wall and i cant find him
Vision
I have started scanning protocols so that we may find your brother, Ms. Maximoff
Ms. Maximoff
aw thx vizh ur the bae
Vision
You're very welcome.
Thor to Bruce
Thor
BANNER I HAVE HEARD FROM MAN OF IRON HIMSELF THAT HE WISHES TO COURT YOU
BANNER
youve been spending too much time with hill
BANNER
hang on ru serious?
Thor
IT IS TRUE
BANNER
ooookkkk...ill just see whats up w that
Coulson to Steve
Phil
hey u seen any of marias blog lately
THE MIGHTY SHIELD
no
THE MIGHTY SHIELD
why?
Phil
no reason
Bruce to Tony
Hulkmeister
look stark im flattered but were just friends
Science Bro
tf man what have u been smokin
Science Bro
maybe too much Mary Hill time?
Hulkmeister
her name is maria
Hulkmeister
and thor said so
Science Bro
FUCKING FUCK THAT ASSHOLE ITS NOT TRUE
Hulkmeister
ok cool
Hulkmeister
were good
Science Bro
now do u want to do the thing
Hulkmeister
heeeeyyy i swear u said that it was thor being delusional
Science Bro
IT WAS!
Science Bro
i was going to suggest that we shld work on everyones personalised jetpacks...
Science Bro
not...that
Science Bro
but if u dont want to do the jetpacks then ill do it anyway
Science Bro
alone and miserable
Hulkmeister
ffs tony
Hulkmeister
weve been working on that for ages
Hulkmeister
over my dead body will u build them without me
Science Bro
sry man
Science Bro
lets do it
Science Bro
n im doing thors
Hulkmeister
y?
Science Bro
no reason
Loki to Wanda
/UNKNOWN/
yo weird one i found ur brother
/UNKNOWN/
hes lying under some rocks at central park
Wanda Maximoff
who the hell ru?
/UNKNOWN/
loki of Asgard
Wanda Maximoff
youre that dude arent u
Wanda Maximoff
ill come but if ur lying i will find u and mess with ur mind
Wanda Maximoff
howd u get this number
/UNKNOWN/
never u mind
/UNKNOWN/
im just trying to help woman jeez
/UNKNOWN/
but if u dont want ur brother...
Wanda Maximoff
f off im on my way
Vision to Wanda
Vision
I have found your brother
Ms. Maximoff
thx but ik where he is
Ms. Maximoff
that loki dude found him n i can see them both
Ms. Maximoff
poor pietro, hes all passed out
Vision
That is unfortunate
Ms. Maximoff
doesnt not make him an idiot
Ms. Maximoff
im going to fly down and get him
Vision
Good luck!
Steve to Maria
Cappy
ok so i checked out your blog
Hill
oooooh what'd you think?!
Cappy
maria this isnt healthy
Hill
its just a casual hobby
Hill
ok its serious like real serious
Cappy
yes it is
Cappy
so we will help you
Cappy
also pleeeeaaase make you and thors dance parties quieter
Hill
NEVVVVEEEEERRRR
Wanda to Tony
Wanda
heeeeyyy im bringing home a new roomie
Assbitch
who?
Wanda
that loki guy
Assbitch
NOOOO ANYONE BUT HIM
Assbitch
he STABBED COULSON
Assbitch
he CONTROLLED CLINTS MIND
Assbitch
hes betrayed thor like five times!
Wanda
hes not soooo bad
Wanda
he found drax and pietro for us and returned them to us without hurting them or asking us for shit
Wanda
at least he didnt indirectly blow up YOUR home when u were ten.
Assbitch
IDC WANDA HE CANT STAY!
Wanda
but theres a cat with hiiiiim
Wanda
a little baby kitty called frigga
Wanda
im actually more worried abt the cat the poor thing
Assbitch
yeah havin loki as an owner is rough shit
Assbitch
but i get u
Assbitch
tell him he can stay, but if he messes anything up he is kicked out and we get the kitten
Wanda
kk asshole
Wanda
so he agreed
Wanda
get wilson to fly pietro home n ill take loki
Wanda
im not very experienced but if i drop loki its no prob i care way more abt my bro
Assbitch
ikr ill send him
Tony to Steve
Stark
heeey guess who's cmng to stay w us
Capsicle
who?
Stark
actually i dont wanna tell u, youll get mad
Capsicle
what did you do?
Capsicle
whos the new roommate?
Stark
aint never gonna tell u
Capsicle
STARK! GODDAMMIT!
Stark
language
Capsicle
that wasnt even real cursing now tell me what you did
Stark
nah dont rly feel like it
Capsicle
ill tell pepper
Stark
no u will not
Capsicle
i will im serious tony tell me
Stark
i let wanda bring loki to stay
Capsicle
WHAT THE HELL
Stark LANGUAGE
Capsicle
:(
Fury to Coulson
Boss
hows it going
Coulson
marias still doin her shipping shit but were all fine
Coulson
hang on Steve texted me abt something urgent
Boss
ffs what happened
Coulson
WHAT THE FUCKEROO?
Coulson
wanda invited loki to live with us and tony agreed
Boss
FMLLLLLL
Maria to Quill
Crazy Lady
heeeey quill
QUILLmora
hi hill whaddya want?
Crazy Lady
i want to know how things r w Gamora
QUILLmora
were good friends thats all
Crazy Lady
rly? i heard from rocket that you two had a moment
Crazy Lady
tho now hes stopped talking to me
QUILLmora
i wonder why
QUILLmora
but that asshole was listening to our convo? that was deep n private
Crazy Lady
yup, and- HAH! U ADMIT IT! IT WAS A MOMENT!
Crazy Lady
I KNEW IT I KNEW IT
QUILLmora
fiiiine ur right
QUILLmora
dont tell anyone
QUILLmora
gamora doesn't like me like that
QUILLmora
after our moment she slapped me
Crazy Lady
thats how all the best relationships begin!
QUILLmora
NO IT ISNT!
QUILLmora
DO U EVEN KNOW HOW REAL HUMAN INTERACTION WORKS?
QUILLmora
look hill ur really nice even if u do write creepy fanfic abt us all
Crazy Lady
F YOU ITS NOT CREEPY
Crazy Lady
but thats one of the nicest things someones ever said to me
QUILLmora
awwwww no ur not that bad
Crazy Lady
thx -_-
QUILLmora
sry sry what i meant is that you would benefit from some human interaction so im going to set u up
Crazy Lady
no i like being alone in my room writing my stories!
QUILLmora
hill thats sad pls just do it!
Crazy Lady
fineeee but if it goes wrong i will tell gamora abt ur opinions of the moment
QUILLmora
deal
Natasha to Clint
Widow
hows ur manicure?
Hawk
go away nat there r suns and daisies all over my nails n i dont wanna talk abt it
Widow
thor?
Hawk
eeeyup
Widow
hes especially good at it i was hoping youd pick him
Hawk
gamora n wanda were too busy to do it
Hawk
Coulson just cc'd us all in a text
Widow
WHAT THE HELL DID U JUST READ WHAT I READ?
Hawk
YES! Why would wanda do thiiiis?
Widow
shes in it for the cat
Widow
it better be reeeeeeaaal adorable
Hawk
yeah loki has a cat now wtf
Widow
IKKKKKK
Thor to Wanda
Thor
WANDA WHY IS LOKI RESIDING IN OUR HOME?
WITCH OF SCARLET
bcos hes homeless and needs to crash somewhere and also i dont want his kitten to die
WITCH OF SCARLET
shes called frigga
Thor
WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH HE NAMED IT AFTER MOTHER?
WITCH OF SCARLET
i guess so
Thor
GET OUT OF MY WAY I MUST WELCOME MY BROTHER
WITCH OF SCARLET
Thor we r txting, im not actually in ur way ffs
Steve to Pepper
Steve
pepper we are getting a new roommate
Pepper
who?
Steve
...loki
Pepper
WHAT? :(
Steve
...it was tony
Pepper
i go on a business trip for a weekend and u people fk this much up
Steve
yeeeeeeaaaah
Quill to Natasha
Qu-idiot
hey natasha
Red
quill if ur trying to flirt w me again i will hurt u
Qu-idiot
nah i dont even like u like that
Qu-idiot
youre a friend i hope
Qu-idiot
i like someone else its not u but ur cool
Qu-idiot
i was just joking that time anyways
Red
well it was a gross joke
Qu-idiot
sry now do u know anyone who i can set hill up with?
Red
ill look into it
Red
btw who do u like
Qu-idiot
dammit
Qu-idiot
NONE OF UR BUSINESS!
Red
if u wanna b shady b shady but i will find out
Qu-idiot
no u wont
Red
ohhh but i will
Qu-idiot
just find hill a date everyone i know is a space criminal or someone she writes fic abt
Red
calm ur galaxy quill im on it
Thor to Loki
Fool
BROTHER CAN I SEE YOUR CAT?
BROTHER
fine and don't mess with my stuff
Fool
I BELIEVE YOU HAD NO RESIDENCE HOW CAN YOU EVEN HAVE HAD BELONGINGS
BROTHER
i have my ways, and if u get poptart on my helmet one more time i will not let u see my cat. you have been warned.
Fury to Tony
Pirate
care to explain yourself stark
Stark
abt what?
Stark
is it about the fuel me n Bruce used for the jetpacks or is it about the new roomie
Pirate
i will look into that fuel and its about loki living with u
Stark
actually the fuel is perfectly safe
Pirate
oh reeeaaally
Stark
yup n lokis settling in well. he, thor, and wanda r sitting in his room playing with frigga
Stark
friggas lokis kitten and shes adorable
Pirate
i dont care stark!
Stark
oh come on! he and vision are even making us dinner
Stark
u can come
Pirate
no i will not come, and from now on both u and loki will be monitored very closely
Pirate
tell me abt that fuel
Stark
im tellin u its safe!
Pirate
stark im done with ur shit send me the ingredients list
Pirate
stark where r u
Pirate
STARK!
Steve to Natasha
Cappy Murica
oy natasha i need your help with maria
Natasha
whyyyy meee?
Cappy Murica
because...actually i dont know
Cappy Murica
i think we need to arrange an intervention for her
Cappy Murica
she posted something abt me and Coulson
Natasha LMAO RLY?
Cappy Murica
its not funny
Natasha
of course not
Natasha
im trying to set her up with one of the shield agents
Natasha
but since 'more than science bros' went viral no one seems to like her that much
Natasha
dont worry im finding someone
Cappy Murica
seems like youre cool with it so bye
Natasha
noooo get back here
Cappy Murica
ok fine ill come to your room and help because frigga the kitten is on my bed and is glaring at me like she wants to eat my face
Cappy Murica
im gonna get loki to move her
Cappy Murica
he better or were kicking him out
Natasha
WHAAATEVEEERR now get ur patriotic butt over here
Cappy Murica
did you just
Cappy Murica
never mind im coming
Fury to Bruce
Fury
BANNER WHAT DID U MAKE THAT FUEL OUT OF
Banner
if i tell u ill have to kill u
Banner
we put a secret ingredient in. v. interesting properties
Fury
i dont care just email me the contents
Banner
look me n stark r just gonna ignore u
Banner
if u keep out of it and we evade attention then were cool, k?
Fury
u lot r shady
Banner
yup, now see u after u forget abt this
Fury
banner?
Fury
u will have to unblock my number some day
Steve to Loki
Righteous Man
loki please get your cat off my bed
Loki
cant im at the walmart w thor
Loki
do u know how hard it is to shop w him?
Loki
hes so loud and everyone is staring
Righteous Man
i dont care find some way to move ur cat for goodness sakes
Loki
u arent scared of frigga are u rogers?
Loki
thats funny but also sad
Righteous Man
loki i swear to God
Loki
fine ill get wanda to move him k captain?
Righteous Man
yesss get wanda to move that thing
Loki
rogers dont b so mean to frigga, shes just friendly
Righteous Man
just. get. the cat. off. my bed.
Loki
alriiiiight jeez its just a cat
Pepper to Wanda
Pepper
Wanda what made u think that moving loki in was a good idea
Wanda
have u seen his kitten?
Wanda
he named it after his mother
Pepper
thats sweet but its still loki
Wanda
ik but hes being cool for now
Wanda
he and vizhy r making us food tonight n also he actually volunteered to take thor to get poptarts
Wanda
also if hes bad we get frigga but he has to leave
Wanda
so overall its kewl
Pepper
okkkkkk whatev i have another meeting now
Wanda
and i get to play w frigga so HA!
Wanda
lol i have to move her off steves bed cos hes scared
Wanda
byyeeeeee
Clint to Natasha
Hawk
naaaaaatt caaaaaards
Widow
go away were finding hill a date
Hawk
theres no hope for her u know
Widow
we can still try
Widow
ill play u and if u lose u have to b her date
Hawk
no deal no deal NO DEAL!
Widow
aw come onnnnnn it would save me n cappy a bunch of work if u lost
Widow
which u would
Hawk
nat ur great but nahhh
Hawk
ill come over n help
Widow
okaaaay get over here
Sam to Steve
Falcon
so i get in and i see that bitch loki makin food with vision
Falcon
n wanda is carrying a kitten
Falcon
do i get an explanation or nah?
Wingman
tony let wanda move him in it wasnt me
Wingman
you know he still feels indebted to her and pietro because of the whole bombing thing
Falcon
k whatev if visions watching then i can eat it
Falcon
did tony also let wanda get a cat
Wingman
no loki adopted it
Wingman
its quite a large part of the reason that hes staying, also if hes bad he leaves but we get the cat
Falcon
oh its that cat
Falcon
alright im not sure about this
Falcon
wait theyre making pizza man im sold
Maria to Wanda
Maria
heeey
Wanda
hi anything u need hill
Maria
just saying youve been pretty nice to loki
Wanda
maria if you do that ill hurt u
Wanda
i dont wanna but if u do... my hands will be forced
Pietro to Vision
Mr Maximoff
heeeey vizh my man what happened
Vizh Bro
You ran into a wall while texting and were unconscious for several hours. According to my medical results you will sustain no permanent injury
Mr Maximoff
greeeeaat
Vizh Bro
You should also be informed that Loki Laufeyson and his kitten Frigga now live here for an unspecified amount of time. There is pizza for dinner, which Mr Laufeyson and I are making.
Mr Maximoff
okkkkk, but isnt he like total evil dude? maybe ultron was worse?
Mr Maximoff
whatev if he doesnt do wrong shit i cba to care
Vizh Bro
Your sister wishes for me to inform you that you should not text and run, so you will not end up in these situations
Mr Maximoff
shes got a point but ill run n txt foreveeeerrrr!
Vizh Bro
Not a wise decision, sir
Mr Maximoff
eeehhhhhhh
Drax to Rocket
Drax-cula
You people should take care of my phone
Raccoon
ehhhhh but we cba
Raccoon
just bring it with you
Drax-cula
what is 'cba'
Raccoon
its an abbreviation for 'cant be asked'
Drax-cula
anyway i know it was Barton who messed with my game i saw his messages
Drax-cula
will you help me have revenge?
Raccoon
first of all i cba
Raccoon
second of all he will put arrows through our eye sockets
Drax-cula
no he would not. my reflexes are too fast. i would catch the arrow.
Raccoon
mine arent so im not helping u
Raccoon
ask someone else
Drax-cula
okay I will
Drax-cula
i suppose that 'u' is used here in place of the word 'you'
Raccoon
u really are a thesaurus
Raccoon
dont rip out bartons spine ok?
Drax-cula
do not call me a thesaurus
Drax-cula
and im not going to hurt barton that badly
Drax-cula
should i go for two toes or one toe
Raccoon
NO TOES! NO RIPPING OUT BONES! JUST PRANK HIM!
Drax-cula
alright calm down, I will form a plan that merely pains the mind
Raccoon
cool beans but i had nothing to do with it ok?
Drax-cula
okay can u help me
Raccoon
NO IM STAYING OUT OF THIS! DO U NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT 'NOTHING TO DO WITH' MEANS?
Drax-cula
calm down
Raccoon
grrrr
Tony to Bruce
Science Bro
hey tell me u didnt cave to fury
Hulkmeister
of course not do u think im an idiot
Science Bro
weeeelll...
Hulkmeister
ruuuuuuuddddeeeee
Hulkmeister
wait thor wrote something on hills blog
Science Bro
wat?
Hulkmeister
yep
Science Bro
u still follow hills blog?
Hulkmeister
the more followers she has the happier she is, therefore that makes her quiet
Science Bro
tru dat
Science Bro
whatd thor write?
Hulkmeister
k lookin
Hulkmeister
alright if u have to know just read it
Science Bro
im worried
Hulkmeister
u shld b
Science Bro
ok less time with hill for thor then...
Drax to Gamora
Thesaurus
cba cba cba
Gamora
lemme guess rocket taught u a new txt phrase
Thesaurus
YES
Thesaurus
Gamora
woooooowwwww do u want a medal
Thesaurus
yes please
Gamora
im not giving you one i dont even have any
Thesaurus
then whyd u ask me if i wanted one
Gamora
argh its a sarcastic expression
Gamora
bye now i cba to explain it
Thesaurus
CBA!
Natasha to Rocket
Little Red
look rocket imma make this quick cos i hate talking to u but who does quill like?
Annoyance
whoa whoa whoa whoa why shld i tell u anything
Annoyance
ill tell u if u trim my fur and give me a bottle of vodka once a week
Little Red
grr
Little Red
no deal i have better things to do
Annoyance
fiiiiiine but youll never know
Little Red
i will ur not the only person who would know whats up
Annoyance
alright whatever u say
Annoyance
mightve told u if u werent mean to me
Little Red
urgh just go away
Annoyance
ooooooh tetchy
Little Red
dont ill hurt u
Annoyance
no u wont im adorable
Little Red
ehhhhh...no
Fury to Steve
Boss
rogers u need to get the tower under control
Rogers
its alright
Boss
OH REALLY?
Boss
loki lives with u, banner and stark are abt to give you all jetpacks w potentially dangerous fuel in them, the guardians are a mess and the fridge in the break room broke
Rogers
um the fridge is not any of our faults. we dont even use it
Fury
alright that last one was just me listing all my probs. three of them are u peoples fault
Rogers
but loki made us pizza, banner will keep stark under control and the guardians are fine
Fury
lokis a criminal, banner and stark are BOTH being v shady and Drax got lost, quill couldnt find him and rocket drank Asgard alcohol
Fury
and allllll of this shit happened in one weekend
Fury
i will inform miss potts of the fact that she can never go away again
Natasha to Maria
Nat
hey maria ive got a q for u
Maria
yaaaay someone was nice to meeee
Nat
that was courtesy
Nat
anyway we're very nice, we put up w u writing creepy fic abt us and were setting u up on a date.
Maria
ehhhh
Nat
whatev. now do u know who quill luuuuurves?
Maria
yeah but im sworn to secrecy Nat
biiiiitch
Nat
we're planning ur date just remember that
Maria
ehhhhh ask rocket he knows
Nat
I DID! hes just bein a lil fuck abt it
Maria
soz, can't help
Nat
:(
Drax to Quill
Walking Thesaurus
i need revenge on Barton and rocket won't help me
Star-Lord
I need a cookie and gamora wont get me one cos apparently im 'right next' to the kitchen and to make someone get me one is 'lazy'
Star-Lord
get me a cookie and we'll talk.
Pepper to Tony
Peppy
ANTHONY STARK!
Tony
whaaaaat
Peppy
get it together you dumbass ok? no more moving in criminals, no more losing track of people, no more scotch.
Tony
awwwwwwww but its fuuuuuuun
Peppy
I'm serious, Tony. For example, the fuel? WTF are you doing, these are your teammates? Also, what about the new pet? You cant just get a random pet I'm serious. Like has that cat even had its shots? Wanda's been playing with it, what about her? Can I not go away bcos then ill be in this situ when I get home.
Tony
wow ur txting in proper grammar, u must b reeeeaal mad
Peppy
tone can't you just be responsible for once in your life?!
Tony
whoa calm the hormones
Peppy
wow tone call me when your life's together.
Gamora to Quill
Greeny
y ru n drax being so shady?
Quilly
none of ur business mora get out of my face
Greeny
look im not an idiot
Quilly
rly
Greeny
yeah, rly, and stop tryin to act like hanging around the kitchen 'spying' through the back door isn't shady
Quilly
mora hooooonestly calm down
Greeny
i will calm down when u dummies tell me whats up
Quilly
no can do ms mora
Greeny
i will find out im warning u two
Pepper to Wanda
Pepper
oy wanda
Wanda
wat?
Pepper
take the cat to the vet now u do not know where it and loki have been
Wanda
yeah i shld do that shit
Wanda
kk doll
Wanda
y ru so antsy btw
Pepper
bcos stark is a dipshit
Wanda
TELL ME ABOUT ITTTTTT
Pepper
ur the one who invited loki to live with us. u also may have dipshit tendencies
Wanda
OY THAT WAS RUDE AND UNCALLED FOR
Wanda
im takin the cat alright
Pepper
just freaking do it
Gamora to Rocket
Gamoron
tell me anything u know about drax n quills shady shit
Rocketard
ok drax wanted revenge on Barton and i said nah cos i cba to help, so he probs made quill do it
Rocketard
for the record it was me who stopped him from rippin out bartons toe bones.
Gamoron
cool, now shld we tell barton?
Rocketard
nooooope lets just watch from the sidelines n laugh
Gamoron
yeah thats good. u know in his phone im 'green girl'
Gamoron
like thats just stupid n insulting
Rocketard
well ur just gamora to me
Gamoron
sure i am
Tony to Bruce
Jetpack Master
bruuuuuuuuuuce im changing the fuelllll
The Banner
whaaaaaaaaaaat n whyyyyyyy
Jetpack Master
i think pepper broke up w me n i want to get into her good books
The Banner
what
The Banner
im really sorry
The Banner
ru sure ur not overreacting
Jetpack Master
bruuuuce everyone hates meeeee. coulson keeps glaring, steve shook his head at me n im pretty sure pietro shoulder bumped me on purpose. n now u prob hate me cos im changing the fuel
The Banner
stark pietro is clumsy, coulson is still mad abt loki bcos loki stabbed him, plus steve is stressy cause he feels like he needs to take care of us. also u can totally change the fuel cos it nearly killed coulson when he came in here n i think its a good plan.
Jetpack Master
okkkkkkk thx for the fuel thing n MAYBE ur rite abt those guys but peppeeeeeeeerrrrr
Jetpack Master
i kneeeewww it wouldn't last
The Banner
slow down just tell me what she said
Jetpack Master
she said 'wow tone call me when u get ur act together'
Jetpack Master
im going to drown my sorrows
The Banner
thats not going to get u into her good books
Jetpack Master
IDC BRUCIE IM SAAAAAADDDD
Natasha to Drax
Romanoff
heeeey draxyyyyy
Romanoff
ok sry im a little drunk
Romanoff
me n gamora broke into pietros raspberry vodka stash
Drax
hello natasha
Romanoff
soooooo can u tell me who quill likes?
Drax
quill likes all of us, i believe he considers us all friends
Romanoff
okkkkk but who does he like like
Drax
i do not understand
Romanoff
draaaaax ur killin meeeee who does he looooove
Drax
i do not believe that quill romantically loves anyone
Romanoff
kk bye boo do u want vodkaaaaa
Drax
do u mean vodka because if so then yes
Romanoff
did you know u look like a christmas hehehehehe
Drax
i am confused
Drax
ok bye natasha
Vision to Wanda
Vizhy Vizh
Ms Maximoff, you might want to know that your friends Ms Romanoff and Gamora have passed out in front of your brother's cabinet. Judging by their surroundings and demeanour, I conclude that they were drinking his fruit-flavoured vodkas. I believe your brother will not be pleased.
Ms Maximoff
ffs i cant do anything bcos stark was supposed to pick me n frigga up and hes late so im stuck without a ride n thor wont answer my calls also i cant fly very far rn im way too tired
Ms Maximoff
pepper and the rest already a bit annoyed n i dont want pietro mad either bcos he runs everywhere and knocks into everything and ends up in weird places unconscious bcos he ran out of control
Vizhy Vizh
I understand and have formed a plan. I will ask Captain Rogers to help me move the unconscious. Either Dr Banner or Agent Barton will pick you up. I have sent both the coordinates of your location. I can reach the store Pietro buys his alcohol at in approximately six minutes and will match his original selection as close as I can.
Ms Maximoff
awwww vizhyyyyy u r actually the baaaaaaeee
Vizhy Vizh
I appreciate that.
Loki to Coulson
Dickhead
just so you know, im sorry for stabbing you
Coulson
ohhhhh sure
Dickhead
its true
Coulson
sure it is
Coulson
i will get back at u u know this
Dickhead
no u wont
Coulson
try me bitch
Coulson
actually i wont fuck with ur stuff if i get to see ur cat
Dickhead
alriiiight but she's at the vet w wanda u can see her tomorrow
Coulson
deal u lil shit
Bruce to Wanda
Banner
hey so the lowdown is that pepper and stark fell out n now hes at a bar drowning his sorrows
Wanda
whatever idc abt stark what i care abt is the fact that u assholes haven't answered me and left me outside in the rain for an hour
Wanda
AND THE CAT
Banner
well im pickin u up and vision gave me ur location so were cool
Banner
and apparently its ME who has to pick u up even though Barton is just all up in my lab n shooting shit and im doing important science
Wanda
cool story bro but just hurry tf up it is raining sooooo hard rn
Wanda
this is just like stark he knew i wanted to ride in his ferrari
Wanda
or at least bartons spy car
Wanda
ur car is rubbish
Banner
thx
Vision to Steve
Vision
Mr Rogers, are you available?
Captain Rogers
yes, i am watching the movie versions of the Harry potter series right now, but i can always pause
Vision
Good. Would you assist me in moving Ms Romanoff and Gamora away from Mr Maximoff's cabinet? They have broken into his selection of fruit-flavoured vodka. I have replaced the vodka but I need to move them quickly and I am unable to move them myself in our time limit.
Captain Rogers
ok im coming meet u in pietros room
Tony to Bruce
-Jetpack Master-
heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy
-Jetpack Master-
BRUCE M DRUNKKKKKKKK
-Jetpack Master-
nerdy hulky
-Jetpack Master-
hulky nerdy
-Jetpack Master-
nulky herdy
-The Banner-
tony honestly where ru ill come pick u up. however, wanda is in the car w me bcos u were supposed to pick her up but instead i had to do it bcos ur drunk
-Jetpack Master-
kkkkkkkkkkkk bruceeeeeeee im at the ussssual
-The Banner-
ok, im cmng over there dont do anythin stupid
-Jetpack Master-
haaaaaaahahahaaaaha too late
Coulson to Wanda
-Phil-
hey wanda i forgive u bcos that cat looks cute and loki told me he was proud of my captain america trading cards
-Idiot-
ikr i knew what i was doin
-Idiot-
ill send you a video of drunk tony if u want boo
-Idiot-
bruce just picked him up out of a bar
-Phil-
LOL yes plsssssssss
-Idiot-
urrrrgh bruce plays the worst music
-Phil-
so does someone inside the tower
-Phil-
ok im 100% done with this shit im getting me or marias room moved
-Idiot-
alright now heres the vid
-Idiot-
{video attachment}
-Phil-
LOL
Steve to Pepper
-Steve-
ok can u pls go deal with ur boyfriend
-Pepper-
hmmmmm kk what did he do
-Steve-
ehhhhh nothin out of the ordinary, just super drunk
-Steve-
hes crying, he says u broke up with him
-Pepper-
oh shit
-Pepper-
it could be read like that but im not doing that i was just ranting at him to b more responsible bcos everything is a bit of a mess
-Steve-
sry pep its hard to keep everyone under control
-Pepper-
steve dont worry its not ur job ill come get him im like five min away
-Pepper-
tomorrow i will explain everything
-Steve-
ok thank you
Fury to Natasha
-Boss-
Romanoff, I'm sending you, Barton, Rogers, Maximoff, Vision and Stark to deal w some illegal arms dealers networking around eastern europe next week, they got way too powerful n r defeating some of the normal teams weve sent. We're getting ur stuff together and u leave in two weeks.
-Boss-
NATASHA!
-Boss-
Honestly what are you doing, answer your phone!
-Boss-
For god's sake, i'll tell someone else
Fury to Tony
-Matey-
Stark?
-Pain in Ass-
YAAAAAAHHHHHH
-Matey-
youre acting even more stupid than usual Stark, but can you just hold up and let me debrief you
-Pain in Ass-
LA LA LA LA LA BEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP
-Matey-
what?
-Pain in Ass-
eyyyyyyptch furious shit pirate
-Matey-
OK I'LL TELL SOMEONE ELSE
Pietro to Wanda
-Brother-
oy why is vizh in my room
-Sister-
drink suggestions for stevie, who is also there
-Sister-
actually nah steves downstairs w tony
-Brother-
alright they need to hurry up
-Brother-
sdkhafhiadha
-Sister-
what did i tell u abt txting n running
-Brother-
ehhhhh u think i care
-Sister-
u shld
-Brother-
ehhhhhhhhhhh
-Sister-
fml ur impossible
-Sister-
do u wanna see a video of drunk-ass stark
-Brother-
send itkjafkasdfhaks
-Sister-
STOP TXTING N RUNNIN U IDIOT
-Sister-
{video attachment}
Quill to Clint
-Quillman-
oyyyyy i have a dare for u
-Birdman-
what do u want quill im busy
-Quillman-
no ur not i can see u n ur in banners lab shooting targets n eating oreos
-Quillman-
for this dare u dont even have to leave ur roost
-Birdman-
damn right this is meh roost and i aint leavin
-Quillman-
alright, u know that song anaconda by that woman with the huge ass
-Birdman-
yes
-Quillman-
the next person who txts u, u can only reply using lyrics from that song, also send me the results
-Quillman-
ill buy u food or arrows or a quiver or some shit
-Birdman-
make it a bow, some good wine that isnt abt a buck a bottle and two bars of chocolate n were cool
-Quillman-
yesssss deal
Fury to Clint
-Furious-
Barton, i know i dont usually make u do these but i need u to debrief everyone for a mission
-Barton-
my anaconda dont
-Furious-
what?
-Barton-
my anaconda dont
-Furious-
Barton, quit messing around, i need to debrief u
-Barton-
MY ANACONDA DONT WANT NONE UNLESS U GOT BUNS HUN
-Furious-
…bye barton im done with all of u
Natasha to Gamora
-Nat-
urrrrrrgh what happened last night, all i remember is being by pietros drink cabinet
-Mora-
idk im too headachey to think
-Nat-
i remember the taste of whatever we drank
-Mora-
yeah it was fruit vodka i remember that now
-Nat-
cooooooool beans
-Nat-
oh shit ive got five txts from fury
-Nat-
SHIT HES GONNA KILL MEEEEE
Gamora to Bruce
-Gamora-
banner just thought youd like to know that a high/drunk/hyper barton is in ur lab doing bunny jumps n squealing
-Gamora-
he will end up breaking somethin
-Bruce-
FFS
-Bruce-
hes probably ingested all of the rewards he got off quill for doing the thing
-Gamora-
what thing?
-Bruce-
OH SHIT UR NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW BOUT THAT
-Gamora-
tell me what did u do
-Bruce-
no can do
-Bruce-
n i didnt do shit
-Gamora-
idc ur still dead
Drax to Clint
-Literally-
barton beware
-Game Ruiner-
y
-Literally-
what is y
-Game Ruiner-
abbreviation for why
-Game Ruiner-
now WHY should i beware
-Literally-
youll find out
-Game Ruiner-
ok so a bucket of liquid just fell on my head
-Game Ruiner-
ill wash it off
-Literally-
it might not b so easy
-Game Ruiner-
what did u do u idiot
-Game Ruiner-
OH WAIT DO YOU NEED 'U' EXPLAINED TOO
-Literally-
no i do not
-Literally-
this is revenge for ruining my game of candy crush
-Game Ruiner-
that was revenge for ruining my bow
-Literally-
that was revenge for ruining my knife
-Literally-
there is some of starks superglue in your hair now
-Game Ruiner-
u asshole
-Game Ruiner-
but fineeeeee we r even
-Literally-
good barton, i do not wish to fight with u
-Literally-
now what is 'r'
Gamora to Quill
-Greeny-
u n drax r so immature
-Quilly-
haaaaa ik it was funny tho
-Greeny-
it wasnt it used everyones hot water bcos barton was trying to wash it out
-Quilly-
OOH added bonus hows ur luscious locks cmng along now mora?
-Greeny-
go away quill u all suck