She watched him stride back and forth at the front of the lecture hall, confidently speaking about his advances on the Wolfsbane Potion and proposed theories of what to do next. For every derogatory statement he threw at himself for his teaching ability, she loved to hear him lecture. His voice would rise and fall with each sentence, occasionally rising with passion when he spoke of items he was excited about. Usually, she would have to take notes to keep herself awake in lectures. But when he was speaking, she didn't have any issues. Riveted to her seat, was a description she would use. She snorted to herself at that thought. Like he would even notice, she told herself.
Since leaving the University, Hermione kept in the habit of going to Professor Snape's lectures whenever she could. After the war, Professor Snape had left Hogwarts for higher learning. It also was a good way to continue his research with better financing behind it and the opportunity to teach students who actually wanted to learn his beloved subject. As much as she loved potions, it didn't feel like it would be her career. Brewing to her was someone relaxing and fun, and the classes were beginning to strain on her. They weren't fun anymore and were too much like work. Not that Hermione Granger would ever shirk from work, but her full heart just wasn't in it. She floundered a bit to find what she was really good at. Eventually, there came an opportunity in the Ministry of Magic in Scotland for a full-time researcher of Transfiguration and Charms. It was perfect for her. She could get lost for hours looking through old texts to back up the statements made by the people looking for patents or permission to continue on with their theories.
The distance from everything she knew and loved was difficult. She was able to get back to Hogwarts and London about every six months to visit her parents and the Weasleys. Harry and Hermione started dating in their seventh year, after trying to date Ginny and Hermione trying with Ron. They got along well and she really thought she was in love. They married years later and had to move for the job, though Harry was happy to keep away from the public. Though they had talked about it frequently, they had yet to have children. She was content with her career and her life for the most part. Living with Harry was really like having your best friend as your roommate. They already knew everything about each other and felt it was comfortable. She knew Harry loved her very much and told her often.
Content, which would be the best description for the way she felt. Not necessarily happy, but yes rather content. She had gotten in touch with Professor Snape as she usually did before she visited London. He had written that he had a class and perhaps they could go to dinner afterwards. Hermione was filled with nervous anticipation about the class. She had taken two years of study in Potions with him after all and knew him rather well. Even after all these years, she still held a torch for him in her heart.
Hermione remembered the first time she told him about possibly dating Ron. Snape had been against it from the beginning, saying she was too good for him. She was stubborn about it, but knew he was right the entire time. When the relationship crumbled, Snape was one of the first people she thought of for comfort. They had been in contact back and forth over the next few years and here she was, sitting back in his classroom. The last time she had been home, he had taken her out for a nice dinner and conversation that was wonderful. Over the two years in his class at the university, they had developed a rather flirtatious, but respectful relationship. It had been difficult at dinner, as she remembered, to keep from having another drink and responding to the electric charge that was starting between them. She had driven back to her parents feeling the loss of his company, something she hadn't felt in a while from anyone. Now she was sitting in class, letting these thoughts fill her with even more anticipation for the end of class.
Severus, she believed, hadn't changed a bit, except that he was more toned and had a healthier glow about him. He smiled and laughed more, something he never did at Hogwarts. She knew he kept busy by participating in various Potion clubs, did guest lecturers around the community, and planned on renovating Spinner's End finally into what he had always envisioned it to be. Flirting with Snape was something she would have never expected from the usually stoic man. University life agreed with him in a way Hogwarts never had. Or it could be that, with the defeat of Voldemort, he had finally been able to relax and be himself. He had even started to grow a goatee, looking quite distinguished in her opinion with the salt and pepper colors. In his last letter, he told her about taking care of himself more and possibly expanding his knowledge in Potions by taking Chemistry classes from the local muggle college. She was happy for him, truly. And she envied the freedom in which he lived his life. He didn't have to anyone to account to but himself and that is something Hermione wished she still had. Not that her marriage was horrible, but Harry could be rather controlling about things, especially when it came to who she spent her time with and how she spent her money.
Hermione looked at the clock again and saw that the class time was almost up. Severus looked at her and winked as he asked another question to the lecture hall. He knew she was struggling not to answer his questions and wanted to tease her. She had teased him all class after all with the extremely cute outfit she wore that showed off the curves he had long admired with a slight cleavage view to keep him intrigued. Once class let out, he teased her about the outfit, saying she was the only thing in the class that the students were looking at anyway. Hermione laughed. She knew it wasn't true. Severus was a flatterer.
He took her arm and side-along apparted them to a shore side restaurant. The light breeze in the air made it perfect to sit outside and eat. Severus ordered drinks for both of them and made sure she participated. Hermione didn't drink alcohol very often, as Harry couldn't drink anymore or aggravate the potions he took for his injuries during the war. But with Severus, she felt comfortable and eased into their usual flirtatious conversation manner.
After dinner, he took her to Spinner's End to show her his renovation plans first hand. She loved to watch him talk so affectionately about ripping out carpet and changing the place he grew up. Hermione laughed at the pictures from his youth he still kept on the walls, though his parents had passed some time ago. She teased him about the 'bachelor pad' as she fixed them both mixed drinks from his stocked bar. As the night went on, they drifted closer together on the couch, touching each other gently to emphasize points. At one point, Severus put his glass down and looked at her seriously. "Hermione," he began slightly slurring his words, "I really want to kiss you right now." Hermione felt a small flame burn in her stomach with anticipation of his statement. She had wanted to hear it for so long.
"So what are you waiting for," she coyly answered. The kiss was earth shattering, in her opinion. The warmth in her stomach spread like a fire out of control all over her body to the tips of her toes and fingers. Her limbs acted of their own accord to wrapping around his neck to get a better grip. His lips and tongue sought to deepen the kiss and she gladly accepted. Their hands roamed everywhere. She felt more alive than she had ever felt before. He pulled back from the embrace for a moment to smile into her eyes. She hoped he could see the same desire in her eyes that she could plainly read in his. He pulled her into his arms and leaned back on the couch until she was curled on his chest. She could hear his heart beating out a fast rhythm in response to that moment. He sighed and started to stroke her hair.
Hermione's eyes started to feel a little heavy as she felt completely safe and warm in his arms. It was with tremendous regret that she pulled back and told him she had to stop. She was married after all. He smiled sadly at her and confessed that he was in a committed relationship as well, but wasn't sure if he was ready for the next step. They both laid back and enjoyed each other's company for the next two hours, alternating between kissing, exploring each other, and getting frustrated. When Hermione finally left to go back to her parents for the night, it was with a very heavy heart.
They did go to dinner one other time the week she was home. It was even more enjoyable than the previous night, but ended the same. He admitted to her that if she was single, he would probably chase her. That sentence sent her senses reeling. What do you say after a statement like that, when that is what you had hoped to hear for a rather long time? He took her to lunch before she had to catch her portkey back to Scotland and tried to talk to her about Harry. He hated seeing her so sad and not herself. He had to work to get the real Hermione back in the course of the week home. She was usually full of energy, laughing at everything, and making remarks that almost made him blush. It was a shame that she was going back to a place she didn't like, away from her family and friends, to a man who changed her from the sparkling young woman she was to a more focused and serious person. He tried to talk to her about the future, but she was evasive. Hermione didn't want the week to end on such a down note. She wanted to keep it light and to frankly get another kiss or two to keep in her heart.
As she waited in line for the portkey, she fought the tears back. It wasn't because of her parents crying as she was leaving. It was for the loss of Severus's company. He didn't seem to fully get what she had been trying to tell him. She had wanted to convey to him that she would leave just to be with him, if he would just say the word. Eventually, she wanted to transfer back to the Ministry in London, but had to fulfill her contract. They could be together then, but she would deal with the distance as long as she knew what she would eventually be coming home to. It would be a life with a man who was steady, something Harry simply wasn't. She wanted that feeling again, of being held confidently by a man who treated her like a princess and not taken for granted.
Harry hugged her tightly at the portkey station to walk her the short distance home. He was so happy to see her. She wished she felt the same. He could feel her distance and a fight broke out about it. "If you aren't committed to us, then why you are here?" he demanded. She hated seeing those green eyes she loved so confused and angered. It wasn't that she didn't love him or care for him. It was that she just didn't feel the same as he did. She didn't want to believe this is how marriage is supposed to feel, one-sided.
The next few weeks went by with no change. Hermione continued working on a particularly difficult project on a new charm that used a potion to heighten its effect on the taker. She fought to keep her attention on the project at hand. That was happening a lot lately. After she would speak with Snape, whether by owl or floo, she would smile more and feel the same warm feeling she did in his presence. She admitted to him that she missed cuddling with him, and he had laughed and agreed. Hermione fought herself to not analyze anything.
Their last conversation by floo was almost embarrassing to her. She was half teasing, but half serious when trying to convince Snape that he needed to let her know how he felts. She was scared of rejection, so she used their familiar flirtatious banter to ease the blow that never came. Hermione giggled to herself, remembering some of the things she said. She had promised breakfast in bed occasionally, that she wouldn't take up much space and that her cat Crookshanks would have to come along. She knew Snape's dislike of cats, but knew that he might concede knowing how much he meant to her. They talked easily, but mainly of Hermione throwing herself at him or at least seemed that way in her mind.
Hermione gathered the papers she was working on and got ready to go home. She wondered if Snape thought of her as much as she thought of him. He had told her that he wasn't worth the effort, or the crush of so many years, but she believed he was something special. Perhaps next time she would go home, he would throw caution to the wind and hold her like they both wanted to. That is only if he'd have her.