Someone was calling from the front seat as I spaced out, looking out the car's window, watching the desert blur by, not really retaining any of it.
"Rebecca!" the voice shouted and I snapped up.
"Wha-?" I asked in a slurr. Oops, I'd made a mistake. Done watching melting scenery I remembered who Bella was. Me. Or, fake me...new me? She was some form of myself the government had conjured up. At least it was sort of close to my real name; Rebecca. Well, when you used the nickname anyways. Though I'd never let anybody call me by my first either. Now I'd gone from Becca to Bella.
"You're going to have to work on that," Lara chastised from the front seat. "What good is a fake identity if you don't answer when called."
Lara was a sweetheart really. She was risking her own life just driving me away, not to mention everything else. I felt so frustrated though and she was a close target but I bit my tongue. No. I wouldn't lash out, not at her. None of this was her fault. It was mine. All mine. Nodding mutely I returned to gazing out at the sprouting green blowing past us.
How had it come to this?
Leaving behind Phoenix. My home. My friends.
My life.
HIM.
Yes. Him. he was the reason I was doing this. He was the cause of all of this. But I had set it all in motion. The blame lay with me. If it hadn't been for me, he would have never entered our lives. My mom would still have hers to live. Our house wouldn't be taped off. News reporters wouldn't be trying to find an inside scoop.
I wouldn't be having these nightmares.
Oh god. His eyes. I could see his eyes; watching me, waiting, smiling, darkening. All of his moods for the world to see. Not that anyone ever did. No one ever got close enough. I did though. Or rather, he came close to me. eyes open or closed I was tossed back into a whirlpool of memories.
"What'sa matter Beckie hun, can't sleep?" his voice rasped in my ear, soft and warm, like rich honey. So very inviting.
I shivered instead.
"Aww, are you cold?" he cooed and I felt the shock of the night air as her lifted the layers of blankets off of me. Actually, I was on fire. Burning up underneath all the comforters and layers of pajamas I'd put on. Yet, as I felt him slide into my bed my body broke out intoa cold sweat as goosebumps covered my skin. "Let me warm you up," he said, voice sounding sick and twisted now. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt his body press down the mattress and gravity mocked me as I slid towards him slowly, his hands prying mine away from the bedframe. I didn't fight him, no screaming of scratching. It was all pointless anyways. No one would hear me. My mom worked the graveyard shift and our neighbors would never hear me. I was his to take and he knew that. I knew that. How many nights had this happened now? Even when I pretended to be deep asleep, the second that door creaked open he just knew I was awake and would slink inside.
His hands quickly disposed of my protective armor and piled them on the floor. His chest vibrated as he gave a deep throated laugh. "Becca, Becca, Becca," he soothed, a deceptively gentle hand stroking the side of my face. "Putting on so many clothes only makes the suspense build up more as I take them off," he said huskily, bowing his head to my ear, his minty breath tickling as I shrugged away from him.
Instead I was caged between the thickly muscled arms, tanned from working in the sun every day. He hovered above me, taking me with his eyes first as I squirmed, twisting my legs together in a knot as I tried to hide myself in plain sight. "Ah-ah," he clucked, pinning both of my arms to one side with one of his big ones as he drove his knee down in th ejuncture between my thighs, easily parting my legs. His body radiated heat but I was frozen to my core to my core as I felt one hand travel down my torso, callous fingers making my body shake as they slipped between my legs.
I yelped reflexively as I felt him dig inside of me before clamping my mouth shut as he gave me a sick grin, adding a second finger as he began to move them around. Oh god, it felt so disgusting, I was going to be sick.
Hold it in Bella, I told myself, don't give him the satisfaction.
Luckily, Lara chose that moment to shake me awake before I had to remember any more of it. As it was, when I woke up my body was misted in a fine layer of sweat that I tried to wipe away quickly. Lara gave me a sympathetic look that conveyed so much pity I didn't know what to do but stay nothing as she filled the silence while we sat in the parking lotand she chose my quietness as the perfect time to lecture me on all the orders I'd heard before.
"Okay Bella first, remember you ARE Bella now," she said firmly, "try to get used to it so there's not a such a delayed response that makes you look like an idiot and don't answer to anything else." Sheesh, love you too. Still, she continued, ignorant my mental voice of course. "Second, no more gymnastics, or ballet, or even cheerleading," she said. NO. WAY. Cheerleading was a way to stay in shape so I would live...but gymnastics AND ballet?! KILL ME NOW! "You stand out too much and he might find you even quicker that way if you end up in the papers somehwere," she said, avoiding my loud outburst which I just barely managed to contain as she brought HIM up again. Right okay, I'd become clumsy Bella if I had to. Which spoke volumes of how much I wanted to stay hidden considering I was the most agile, graceful girl in school, not to mention the sharp reflexes I'd honed over the years.
"Also, you absolutely cannot contact anyone back home or give away any information to people you meet here," she said. Yeah, like I'd be stupid enough to try that one. I just nodded instead, waiting for her to continue. "Other than that, just be safe and call me the second you think something might be up," she said, softening up again, "I'm serious Becks, we want to catch this bastard too," she said, her face twisting in anger. "Which reminds me," she calmed. Sheesh, she was so capricious. "At least try to go to the group meetings okay, once a month is all I ask, I swear it'll be better to get it all off your chest," she said kindly and I just noddded dumbly. I couldn't say anything. I just wouldn't show up.
She didn't need to know about the 'Plan B' I had in my mind. A plan in which did not involve me calling her when I smelled fish, but taking care of the problem with a rather big...ad rather ILLEGAL...boom. Yeah. I'd just keep that part to myself. I already had complete hassle free flight ensured with no security interuptions to pick up anything 'off' in my bags. Phew. I would have sme serious explaining to do if they caught me. Where a teenage girl with little to no money got her hands on the items...well I just shouldn't tell you. It was not one of my best trips downtown, but was certainly worth it when I left.
Finally, I got out of the car with only my carry on filled with the necessaties for staving off five hour flight boredom. I was taking a small plane so there'd be no stops of course, which was fine by me really. In the bag were the following: i-Pod filled with hundreds of my favorite songs, three blank, or mostly blank, spiral notebooks for writing, two mechanical pencils and a pen, newest Jodi Picoult book and crisp new bookmark tucked in the cover, brand new cell phone with a new number and only one contact sadly, and then some snacks...okay...a lot of snacks. I never liked airplane food, plus they charged you a lot for it. Oh right, plus there was you know...Plan B as well. It was in there too. I'd never let it out of my sight. If I did, things would not end very well for me. Though it was probably equally as dangerous to carry around I didn't care. I wanted it with me if something went bad.
I was the queen of paranoia.
As I took my ticket and special pass from her I plugged in my i-Pod to be ready the precise moment airport people stopped talking to me. Walking in I enjoyed being able to bypass all the long check line and going straight for my gate where they were already loading. I handed my ticket over for appraisal and the lady barely looked at it before ushering me in, pointing at my seat in the back. Following her easily, I clutched the bag of my new life closely before seating myself, putting the bag right by my feet before playing my i-Pod without looking at it, listening to the opening strum of an acoustic guitar before I heard Avril Lavigne's voice start singing one of the more situation descriptive songs. It was as if Fate was determined to remind me of what was happening. Still, I couldn't break away from the lyrics.
Went back home again This sucks, gotta pack up and leave again Say goodbye to all my friends Can't say when I'll be there again
Its time now To turn around Turn my back on everything (Turn my back on) Everything
Everything's changing When I turn around I'm out of my control I'm a mobile
Everything's changing When I turn around I'm out of my control I'm a mobile
Oh yeah
Start back at this life Stretch myself back into the vibe I'm waking up to say I've tried Instead of waking up to another TV Guide It's time now I turn around Turn and walk on this crazy ground
Everything's changing When I turn around All out of my control I'm a mobile
Everything's changing Out of what I know Everywhere I go I'm a mobile
I'm a mobile
Hanging from the ceiling Life's a mobile Spinning 'round with mixed feelings Crazy and wild Sometimes I wanna scream out loud
Everything's changing Everywhere I go Oh, out of what my control
Everything's changing Everywhere I go Out of what I know Yeah, yeah, yeah
La la la la la la La la la La la la la la la La la la La la la la la la La la la La la la la la la
Everything's changing When I turn around All out of my control I'm a mobile
Everything's changing Out of what I know Everywhere I go I'm a mobile
Everywhere I go
I'm a mobile
-
I didn't realize I was crying until one of the passing stewardesses tapped me on the shoulder with a concernced look on her face.
"Sweetie, are you feeling all right?" she asked me with honey in her voice. She was so nice, she sounded so caring, so sweet. It made me want to cry harder than ever but instead I wiped my eyes and put on my best cheerful expression. If I was going to by lying to people for the rest of my life I might as well get a jump on it with her.
"I'm just fine," I smiled easily, watching her facial features relax. "It's the flight I think, maybe I'll just sleep for a bit and try to forget it. I've never been good with travelling," I said, looking away in what I hoped to be a demure way so I wouldn't have to meet her eyes in case she saw my lie.
"Oh okay then, would you like me to get you some aspirin then?" she asked, already straightening herself out and ready to forget someone not on the brink on a major meltdown.
"No, no, that's okay," I said, and I let the last lie slip free between gritted teeth.
"I'll be just fine."