It Was Over Before It Could Ever Start

by XI-Am-ObsessedX

In which Patrick laments his broken heart and wonders what it would be like if Charlie could be the one to pick up the pieces. One-sided Patrick x Charlie, takes place during the scene where they kiss. T only for language, I suppose. One-shot.

It was over before it could ever start.

When I thought I'd given away all the love left in my heart only to lose it, I found room. Not for anybody, either: for him, because he wasn't an ordinary guy. He was about as normal as a pig with wings, I think, but that was what made him amazing. A nice guy, nicer than I ever thought I deserved, shipped express to my life to be the person I was convinced didn't actually exist. But here he was in the flesh — Charlie.

After and through it all, Charlie was still here. When he couldn't find the words to comfort me, he just listened. When he saw the look on my face, worry tainted his expression. He didn't understand me most of the time, but I'll be damned if he didn't try. He was the nice guy I was waiting to meet. There was only one problem, of course.

Charlie wasn't gay.

Sometimes I imagine if I could meet Charlie in a world where he was into guys and I didn't let Brad break me after stringing me along for such a long time. But you can't pick and choose life; you just take what you get when you can. And I knew that it was really Sam that he wanted, but he was bitter that she was taken anyway.

I was sitting there, watching his eyes trying to decide where to go as I spilled my feelings all over the floor. I didn't know what I wanted him to say, but he didn't really have to say much anything at all. His words were far and few between, but so well chosen. Why couldn't I meet a gay guy who would treat me like Charlie would? What if the love of my life was a guy I could never have? And what if, for just that moment, I could pretend that everything was going to be okay?

I crashed into him all too fast, thoughts running around like they were going mad. Though I panicked, I was loving every second I spent there. I didn't want to leave, yet I knew I'd already fucked up so I jolted back. I looked into the eyes that spoke to my soul and everything I was experiencing overwhelmed me until the tears rained on down. All I could do was choke out an apology and pray that he'd keep doing what he was doing and never let me go, because I needed him, whether as a lover or a friend. I just needed his warmth there around me, if only for a moment.

It was over before it could ever start.