A/N: This began as the product of being way too bored in history class. I started having a lot of fun with it, and it grew. One warning: This is a PARODY. Don't take it too seriously. I love MR to death, but I just couldn't resist this. Enjoy!
Also, chapter 2 of Dazed and Confused will be up pretty soon-- by Monday, probably.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't even really own this plot. I don't own Max. Or the rest of the flock. Or Monty Python. Dang it...
Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment: A Busy Reader's Guide
Max: Hi! I'm going to be exceedingly overdramatic and claim that reading this book could save your life, even though that has nothing to do with the actual plot!
Gazzy: I'm not a very important character and probably won't say much for the next few chapters.
Iggy: Hey, I'm a blind pyro who likes blowing stuff up and cooking.
Readers: (stare)
Iggy: What? It's not like it's an odd combination or anything.
Fang: I'm the stereotypical angsty emo type, because every book has to have one. (emo scowl)
Hordes of fangirls: (drool)
Nudge: I'm not a very important character either, which is really annoying, so I try to bring some attention to myself by never shutting up. I like to talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk…
James Patterson: (brings out muzzle)
Nudge: O.O (hides)
Angel: I'M A DEMONIC MIND-READING, MIND-CONTROLLING, FISH-TALKING, UNDERWATER-BREATHING, FLYING, POWER-HUNGRY SIX-YEAR-OLD WHO WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING!!! BUAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Readers: (blink)
Angel: Oh. Erm… I love you, Max.
Max: (is blatantly oblivious)
Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel are eating breakfast (Iggy's scrambled eggs).
Angel: LET'S GO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND OBLITERATE ANYONE WHO STANDS IN OUR PATH!!!
Iggy: What?
Angel: Er… I mean, let's go pick strawberries so we can make strawberry shortcake!
Iggy: (is also blatantly oblivious) Oh, okay.
Erasers add to the cliché by showing up at exactly the wrong time.
Max: Crap.
Angel: BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!
Max: What was that?
Angel: Um… I said, "Oh, no! Erasers!"
Max: (STILL blatantly oblivious) Yeah, I agree.
All: DRAMATIC FIGHT SCENE!!!!!!!!
Ari: Hey, remember me?
Max: Wtf?
Angel: Goodbye, you worthless little humans. I'll see you later, when I'm ruling the world and you are nothing.
Max: Angel?
Angel: Er… Help, Max!!! They're taking me away!!!
Max: I'm unnecessarily melodramatic about Angel being taken away, even though she's really evil and will destroy everything (including me)!!!
James Patterson: (whispers from offside)
Max: Oh, wait… I'm not supposed to know that yet. (sobs) ANGEL!!!
Flock: Wow.
Max: So, even though I am blatantly oblivious to Angel's evilness, I somehow know exactly where they've taken her—the stereotypically evil School!
Flock: Crap.
Max: So I get to be Supergirl and go off and save her!!! Yay!!! Oh, except Iggy and Gazzy need to stay home because they're completely useless. Fang and Nudge get to come along because I couldn't survive without my emo-boy and I guess Nudge is supposed to add something to the plot.
Nudge: Really?
Max: No.
Iggy and Gazzy: You suck.
Max: I know. Wait… what?
Angel: Wow, look at these pathetic little freaks. I bet I could control them. Hey, kids, you want some candy?
Max: Wow, Fang, you're really angsty and emo!
Fang: (emo scowl)
Hordes of fangirls: (drool)
Max: Okay, everybody, listen up. Despite the fact that we're on an important rescue mission, we're going to stop at an empty vacation house and sleep for an inordinate amount of time. Got it? Good.
Gazzy: TIME TO KILL!!!!!
James Patterson: (whispers from offside)
Gazzy: Huh? Um, okay…
Iggy: What is it?
Gazzy: Apparently, I'm acting too much like Angel… What's that supposed to mean?
Iggy: I don't know. Let's get back to planning. What do we have so far?
Gazzy: Make bombs. Blow up Erasers.
Iggy: Sounds good. There's absolutely no way that could possibly fail.
Angel: Stupid scientists. I will rule you all someday. Then you'll have to bow down to me and do my bidding all the time. And then I'll kill you, just for fun.
Max: Ooh, look! Someone in trouble! I get to go be Supergirl again!!!
Fang: You're already being Supergirl. We're trying to rescue Angel, remember?
Max: Who cares about Angel? She's evil, anyway. I want to go be Supergirl!!!
Boys: Hey, freak.
Max: OH, NO YOU DID-N'T
Boys: OH, YES I DID!
Max: (is dramatically heroic by running away)
Boys: Ha! Let's shoot her! This will be fun!
Angel: (appears randomly) BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (disappears)
Boys: Wtf?
Max: They messed up my Supergirl routine!!! Prepare to die, boys!!!! (tries to run and gets shot instead)
Boys: We win!!!!
Max: 'Tis but a scratch!
Boys: A scratch? Your arm's shot!
Max: No, it isn't.
Boys: Well, what's that then?
Max: I've had worse.
Boys: You liar!
Max: Come on, you pansies!!!
Boys: (shoot Max again)
Max: Crap.
A/N: I am really having too much fun with this. Anyway, there's more to come. If you could tell me what you thought, I would really appreciate it, as always. Thanks for reading!
TheSmartypants