Disclaimer: I do not own The Suite Life on Deck. I don't even own the plot to this story. This was inspired by the Perfect Strangers episode, "Eyewitless Reports." I hope I don't plagiarize too much. To the administration, if you want me to remove this fic, I will do it ASAP. Just don't punish me or remove my account.

Author's Note: In this story, Zack, Cody, and Bailey are all nineteen. Maddie and London are both twenty-two. And this story is totally just for fun. Plus, this is my first attempt at a Suite Life fic, so I hope I get the characters right.

THE SUITE LIFE OF A MAD DOG

Zack and Cody Martin brought their suitcases into a cabin they were staying at for the weekend. Cody said, "You know, Zack, I gotta hand it to you: You actually managed to get us a nice place for the weekend. I thought for sure that with you planning this whole thing, everything would go wrong."

"See?" asked Zack. "I told you I had things under control. In fact, Mr. Moseby is the reason we got this cabin. He knows a guy who takes kids camping here sometimes, so it was easy to convince him to let us use it for the weekend. It's just you and me with Maddie and Bailey, making out, having fun, playing all sorts of games if you know what I mean."

"That I do," agreed Cody. "I just hope London gives us our space. Why did she have to come anyway?"

"Oh, you know London," said Zack. "When she starts whining, sometimes even Mr. Moseby needs a break from her."

"I'm just afraid how much more whining she's gonna do when she finds out there's no TV, phone, or Internet service our here," said Cody.

"We outnumber her," came a voice. It was Bailey Pickett, followed by Maddie Fitzpatrick. "So we can just hogtie her if we have to."

Seeing his girlfriend, Cody said, "I like the way you think. You know, those farm tricks come in real handy sometimes."

"Want to see some more farm tricks?" asked the corn-fed Kansas girl as she put her arms around Cody.

"Yes I would," answered Cody as they kissed. It had taken a while, but Cody had finally hooked up with Bailey after several failed attempts.

"Nice cabin, Zack," said Maddie as she put her arms around Zack.

"I try," said Zack.

Maddie smiled. "You succeed." Then they kissed. They had been dating for about a year now. They often drew looks from people due to their three-year age difference, but that didn't bother them. But what did bother them. . .

London Tipton ran out the back room of the cabin screaming hysterically. "THERE'S NO TV, PHONE, OR INTERNET HERE!"

"It was fun while it lasted," mumbled Maddie.

Even though she was Maddie's age, London was none more mature than she was when any of her four friends had first met her. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE IN SUCH A PRIMITIVE PLACE LIKE THIS?"

"You know, London," said Bailey, "before TV, phone, or Internet were invented, people survived just fine. Perhaps even better."

"Besides," said Maddie, "your cell phone is still in the car, remember?"

This immediately quieted London. "Oh, yeah. Yay, me!" She then ran out to get it.

"Good thinking, Maddie," said Zack.

"Hey, at least we got a radio," said Bailey as she walked over to the lamp stand. "Maybe it'll pick up a country station."

"What about sleeping arrangements?" asked Cody. "Since we've only got three beds, how about the girls sleep in them, I'll sleep on the couch and Zack sleep on the floor."

"No way!" said Zack. "I can snuggle with Maddie, you, Cody, can snuggle with Bailey, and we can make London sleep on the couch."

"But mom told us not to do that," said Cody.

"Mom's not here, so how's she gonna know?" asked Zack. "It's not like we're gonna do anything TOO morally questionable. Besides, don't you want to see London suffer?"

"I know I do," said Maddie with a smile.

"NO!" London ran back in screaming again. "THE BATTERY IS DEAD!"

"Why don't we put her out of her misery and hogtie her now?" asked Cody.

Bailey was still going through radio stations when she said, "Quiet, everybody, there's a news bulletin."

The radio announcer said, "Convicted killer, Larry 'Mad Dog' Ogan has escaped from prison. Ogan is 6'4, completely bald, and is considered extremely dangerous. He was last seen in the vicinity of the Boxford State Forest."

"Wait a minute," said Cody, "WE'RE in the Boxford State Forest. What if Mad Dog shows up here?"

"Well, if he does, nobody try to pet him," said London, forgetting her "misfortune" for the moment.

"You know, maybe we should leave?" suggested Maddie. "We're very isolated up here."

"Oh my gosh, I'm gonna die!" yelled London. "And I never got to marry Jesse McCartney!"

"Let's get out of here," said Cody.

Everyone was trying to grab their bags, but Zack said, "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, guys! Come on! We came up here to have fun! Are you really gonna let the whole weekend be ruined by one, 6'4, bald-headed, psychotic killer?"

Cody, Bailey, Maddie, and London looked at each other. They then looked back to Zack and answered in unison, "YES!"

Zack jumped back from that, but quickly regained his composure. "I can't believe you guys! Come on, think about it, this is a big forest! What are the chances of Mad Dog finding us here? He's probably on the other side of the forest just trying to find a place to hide. Come on, you're letting your fears get the best of you!"

Finally, Cody said, "You know, for once, I agree with Zack. We're overreacting. I'll tell you what, I'll start dinner."

"Well, I'm locking the door just in case," said Maddie.

"Alright," said Cody. "But by the times the steaks are done, we'll forget all about this. Trust me."

Cody was facing his friends with his back to the window of the kitchen. Then, a big, bald, man with a mustache appeared outside. Zack, Bailey, Maddie, and London all screamed.

"What?" asked Cody. "Steaks are my specialty."

"It's not the steaks we're worried about," said Bailey. Pointing, she added, "But if that guy has anything to say about it, we're gonna BE the steaks!"

"What guy?" asked Cody confused. He found out what she meant as he turned around to see the man standing outside. Now it was Cody's turn to scream. As he did, he quickly closed the shutters. "Oh my gosh, it's him! It's Mad Dog Ogan!"

"What are we gonna do?" asked Maddie.

"The only thing we can do is run!" answered a panic-stricken Zack.

But as they all ran towards the door, there was a heavy knocking. "Open up!" came the voice of Mad Dog. He turned the doorknob, but it wouldn't open.

"Somebody better come up with a plan and fast," said Zack.

They all tried to think when London said, "I got one!"

Everyone turned to her. Normally, London was the last person they would turn to in a situation like this (or any situation for that matter), but they were too scared to do anything else. "Alright, London," said Bailey, "I know we're probably going to regret this, but what's your plan?"

"Alright, here's my idea: I'll hide in the closet. If Mr. Mad Dog breaks in here and kills all four of you, he might get tired, and then I can escape while he's resting."

As everyone was staring at London in disbelief, Maddie said, "Thanks a lot, London. You're a big help."

"What?" asked London. "Survival of the least expendable." Mad Dog banged on the door again. "I'll be in the closet if you need me."

With London hiding, Zack, Cody, Bailey, and Maddie were on their own. Zack said, "Maddie, please tell me you brought your cell phone."

"I brought my cell phone," said Maddie. "And no, the battery's not dead. I turned it off when we got here."

"Yes," said Zack and Cody.

"But it's in the car," said Maddie.

"No!" cried Zack and Cody.

"We're so dead," said Zack.

"Not yet, we're not," said Cody. "Alright, new plan. It's risky, but it may be our only chance. Girls, if Mad Dog breaks in, Zack and I will try to keep him busy. Hopefully, that will allow at least one of you to get out to the car and call the police."

"Are you nuts?" asked Zack. "I'm stupid enough to mimic Houdini, but even I'm not crazy enough to try to fight a psychotic killer."

Suddenly, Mad Dog punched out a part of the door, reached in, and unlocked the door.

"Then again, maybe I am," said Zack.

Mad Dog swung the door open. "Oh, this is gonna be fun."

Zack, Cody, Bailey, and Maddie cowered as Mad Dog stepped forward with a smug look on his face. . .

. . .and was rearrested. "Alright, get him out of here," said a State Trooper as two more took him outside. Zack, Cody, Bailey, Maddie, and London were all sitting down as the Trooper turned to them. "I can't believe you kids captured Mad Dog Ogan. The last time he was captured, it took half the National Guard." As he took a seat, he asked, "So, how'd you do it?"

Everyone started talking all at once. The Trooper broke it up, saying, "Hey, hold it! HOLD IT!" He then pointed to London, "You. You tell me what happened. And try to stick to the facts. Sometimes, people tend to get elaborate with their stories."

London smiled and said, "Well, it all started innocently enough. Out of the kindness of my heart, I decided to bring my four favorite subjects to this lovely cabin for a cozy weekend away from the big city."

Zack, Cody, Bailey, and Maddie started protesting all at once, but London quieted them, saying, "HE WAS TALKING TO ME! Anyway, here's what happened."

Flashback:

Zack and Cody walked into the cabin and stood on either side of the door. Maddie and Bailey rolled out a red carpet. When it was rolled out, the two girls stood on either side of the carpet. In unison, all four of them said, "Hail, our Princess, London Tipton!"

London walked in, all smiles as everyone bowed down on the floor before her. "You may rise." When they did, London continued. "This place is filthy. Bailey, clean up. Zack, prepare me a drink."

"I'm Cody," said Cody.

"You look like Zack to me. Cody, give me a pedicure."

"I'm Zack," said Zack.

"You look like Cody to me. Maddie, turn the radio on. It just wouldn't be a relaxing weekend without classical music."

"Yes, Princess," said all four subjects in unison.

While everyone else was doing their duties, Cody was preparing London's drink. Suddenly, Mad Dog appeared in the window. Cody screamed and closed the shutters. He ran and bowed down on the floor before London. "On your knees," said London. "Where's my drink?"

Cody got up on his knees and put his hands together. "Forgive my disobedience, fair and noble Princess, but there is a Mad Dog killer out there!"

"A Mad Dog killer?" cried Bailey in panic. "Save us, Princess!"

Soon, everyone was begging London to save them, when Mad Dog began banging on the door. "Open up!"

London stood up. "Everybody get behind me."

As they did so, Maddie asked, "What are we going to do?"

"Just leave it to the Princess," said Zack. "She'll save us. She's the greatest Princess in the world!"

"Stop it, you're making me blush," said London.

Suddenly Mad Dog punched through the door, reached in and unlocked the door. Zack, Cody, Bailey, and Maddie yelped, but London never lost her composure. Mad Dog opened the door. "I'm gonna kill you!"

"No, you're not," said London as Mad Dog stepped forward. London kicked him below the belt, causing him to keel over. She then knocked him out with one punch.

With Mad Dog down for the count, Zack, Cody, Bailey, and Maddie gathered around London. They cried, "Hail, our Princess," before bowing down before her."

End Flashback

"So, you kicked Mad Dog Ogan below the belt and knocked him out with one punch?" asked the Trooper.

"Yep," said London. "Yay, me!"

Maddie frowned and said, "You know, London, for a girl who lies to everybody, you're not very good at it."

Bailey said, "Us kissing your feet like that is as likely to happen as a cow running for office. And winning."

"Officer," said Cody, "if you want the truth, I'll give it to you. You see, London was hiding in the closet like a coward the whole time."

Flashback:

Mad Dog swung open the door. "Oh, this is gonna be fun."

Mad Dog stepped forward and Cody said, "Now!"

Zack and Cody grabbed him, but Mad Dog fought them off. He pushed Cody and he went sliding into the end of the bar. He then rammed Zack's head into the lampstand, knocking him out.

"Zack!" yelled Maddie and Bailey in unison.

Mad Dog then stepped forward, grabbed Bailey, and began choking her by wrapping his massive arms around her throat. "Run, Maddie," Bailey managed. Maddie ran outside to try and call the police.

Cody got up and got behind Mad Dog. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this." He then made a karate noise. "Let my girlfriend go! I know karate!"

"Big deal!" said Mad Dog umimpressed. He kept choking Bailey.

"You asked for it," said Cody. He yanked Mad Dog's left arm away, freeing Bailey. As Bailey watched from the couch, Cody then chopped Mad Dog in the throat and kicked him in the midsection, before landing multiple blows to the midsection and chest. To top it off, he dug his fingers into Mad Dog's chest, causing him to scream, as if his heart was being dug into.

As Mad Dog stood there, Bailey said, "Cody, I don't think that worked."

"Oh no?" asked Cody. "Boo." At this, Mad Dog fell to his knees, then onto his face.

End Flashback

London sat their sulking. "I liked my story better."

"Hey, you're lucky they're not arresting you," said Cody. "You know that it's illegal to lie to the police, right?"

The Trooper said, "Is there anyone here who can tell me what happened without turning themselves into Indiana Jones?"

"Bailey," said Zack and Maddie in unison.

"Yeah," said London. "She could bore you to death with her stories about her dull life on the farm."

"Alright, Bailey," said the Trooper. "Could you tell me what happened? Start at the very beginning."

"Well," said Bailey. "As Cody told you, London was hiding in the closet when Mad Dog broke in. Now it's true that Zack and Cody tried to fight him, and Zack got knocked out. But when Cody went into the bar, I think he was knocked silly, because this is what really happened. . ."

Flashback

Mad Dog swung the door open. "Oh, this is gonna be fun."

Mad Dog stepped forward and Cody said, "Now!"

Zack and Cody grabbed him, but Mad Dog fought them off. He pushed Cody and he went sliding into the end of the bar. He then rammed Zack's head into the lampstand, knocking him out.

"Zack!" yelled Maddie and Bailey in unison.

Mad Dog then stepped forward, grabbed Bailey, and began choking her by wrapping his massive arms around her throat. "Run, Maddie," Bailey managed. Maddie ran outside to try and call the police.

Cody got up and cried, "Bailey!" He then got behind Mad Dog and said, "L. .l. . let my girlfriend go! Let her go!"

"Why?" asked Mad Dog as he continued to choke Bailey.

Fearfully, Cody said, "Uh, well, um, I know. . . karate!" He tried to make a karate noise, but it wasn't very threatening.

Cody tried to pull Mad Dog's arm away, but he just went right back to choking Bailey. When Cody wouldn't let go, Mad Dog released Bailey. As she fell to the floor and tried to breathe, Mad Dog turned to Cody and said, "Okay. I think I'll kill you first."

Cody chopped Mad Dog in the throat, but it had no effect on him. Cody held his hand in pain. Bailey took off one of her shoes, got on the bar and hit Mad Dog on top of the head with it. Mad Dog just looked to her and snarled.

"That didn't work!" said Bailey, stating the obvious.

Mad Dog began choking Cody with his bare hands as Bailey dumped out an old ceramic candy jar. She broke it over the top of his head. Mad Dog let go of Cody, but like before, he just looked at Bailey and snarled.

"That didn't work!"

Cody tried kicking Mad Dog in the legs and midsection with no luck. He then tried hitting him in the chest and midsection, but Mad Dog just wrapped his right arm around the back of Cody's neck and began choking him again.

While all of this was going on, Bailey was able to get a frying pan. She hit him on the top of the head with it, causing Mad Dog to release Cody again. Cody attempted to dig into Mad Dog's chest, perhaps not realizing that it was having no effect.

"Cody?" asked Bailey.

"Yeah?" Cody asked back.

"I think that worked."

Sure enough, Mad Dog fell to his knees, then onto his face.

Bailey got off the bar and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Except I think I broke my hand."

"Let me see," said Bailey as Cody offered her his hand.

But as soon as she touched it, Cody screamed. "Ow!"

"Oh! Sorry!"

End Flashback

"Fortunately, Maddie was able to get a hold of you. Zack recovered and now, Mad Dog is back where he belongs. Are you satisfied?" asked Bailey.

The Trooper got up from his chair and said, "Yes, I believe I am."

He and Bailey walked up to the bar as Cody asked, "What? I'm confused. Bailey, did everything really happen the way you said?"

"I'm afraid so, Cody," said Bailey, sorry that she was making Cody look like a fool.

"Well, that would explain this," said the Trooper as he picked up the badly-dented frying pan. As he walked away, he said, "If we have any further questions, we'll be in touch." Pointing to Bailey, he smiled and said, "With her."

As London followed the Trooper, she asked, "Is there some kind of reward involved? Twenty-five, fifty, a hundred thousand dollars? Come on, surely you can tell me something!"

When London and the Trooper were gone, Cody said, "I. . . I could've sworn I was the one who knocked out Ogan."

"Well, Cody," said Bailey, "sometimes, we remember things the way we WISH they had happened."

"Aw man," said Cody dejectedly as he sat on top of the couch. "I thought I was a hero."

"Hey," said Bailey as she sat down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "You were. The fact that you even had to the guts to try and stand up to him, well, that's heroic in itself. That makes me all the more proud to call you my boyfriend."

Cody looked Bailey in the eyes. "Really?" he asked.

Bailey nodded with a small smile. "Yeah. Really."

Zack and Maddie smiled at each other then back to Cody and Bailey as they kissed.

THE END