I woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air. Paranoia overtook me for a moment, before I realised it was just another one of those dreams…

They've been going on for awhile, although lately have been more detailed. They always start at the same place, but get longer and more in depth with every night that passes.
I rubbed my eyes sleepily then checked the small alarm clock next to my bed. It read 6:32AM in bright red letters. I don't want to, but I know I should get up and start my day. After all, I don't want to ruin my attendance any more than I already have.

I dragged myself to the small bathroom the three of us shared. I brushed my teeth, staring at my reflection. I glanced down at my scars. Instantly I felt a pang of hurt deep in my chest and looked away, directing my attention back to my face and hair. Takuro limited me on water supply, so I'd have to settle with splashing a handful of water on my face and trying to calm down my hair with a comb. I had grown used to this lifestyle; no breakfast, not being able to shower daily, and dealing with my abusive foster father's limitations, restrictions and rules. This morning probably wouldn't be any different from every other morning here. It's a repeated cycle of school, sex, sleep, (not necessarily in that order) and repeat. I was like a slave to him and I hated it.

I clenched my teeth and tightened my grip on the brush.

"Kill me." It's a thought that I never thought I'd ever repeat as often as I do now.

"Just fucking kill me." My voice quietly rasped out.

I spat out the excess toothpaste angrily into the sink. Then, I grabbed a random shirt that didn't look or smell too dirty and threw it on. I also found a pair of jeans, not the cleanest, but close enough and slid those on too. I exited the bathroom, buttoning up my pants and looking around, making sure the coast was clear.

I crept down the stairs quietly; I don't want to wake the person who made my mornings like this. Tiptoeing my way across the floor, I only manage to wrap my hand around the doorknob before I hear my foster father's cracked, uneven voice say my name. "Shiiion…"

I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him. He was at the top of the stairs, peeking out of his bedroom door. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. "Yes, sir?" I answered, but knew I wasn't going to like what he had to say. It was never anything good.

"C'mere. I have a surprise for you." Nailed it.

"What is it sir?" I hesitate, holding onto a small sliver of hope he wouldn't do 'it' to me again... The odds were against me, but there's always a chance right?

"A surprise! The fuck you think? Stupid kid." He growled back at me. My eyes widened in fear. "Get up here. Now." The command was emphasized by a large, chubby finger pointing in the direction of his room. I wanted to vomit… This was definitely no surprise.
"Yes, sir." I whisper as I make my way to the stairs and up to his room. I already knew where this was going. It's like a morning routine. He grinned at me as I passed by him. I felt his eyes scope down the back of my body.

"You know what to do, Shion."

So much for a surprise… I glanced back at him, feeling tears well up in my eyes. Takuro was still smiling just as brightly as before. His expression was one of a child getting his way, but he was no child by any means. He was a disgusting, sick-in-the-head grown man who knew what was right and wrong, yet had no guilt in the acts he was about to commit.

"Yes, sir…"

I stripped naked, laid on the bed and waited. He never took long when these things happened, but I knew to use the time wisely, and mentally prepare myself. Things like this tend to put an emotional toll on people.

I heard unzipping pants and a belt buckle clinking as it fell to the hardwood floor. Seconds later, I felt him violate me for what felt like the millionth time since I had begun living here. A low moan emitted from him as I cringed in discomfort. I felt like a piece of meat. His own private piece of meat to use and abuse to his hearts content. A tear slid down my face onto the bed. I couldn't help but moan during his thrusts… I knew it was disgusting and wrong but my body was betraying me. On the inside, it hurt not only physically, but emotionally too. Sighing, I calmed myself and closed my eyes. I thought of a better life; with sunshine and music, a mom and a dad that loved me. I imagined us playing outside at a park or racing after an ice cream truck. I imagined me graduating, top of my class and hearing people cheer my name. Happy memories I've never and probably won't ever experience.

I'm late for school again… I almost laughed internally. That was the only thing keeping me from being at the top of my class. Surprisingly, I like school. It's something I'm good at, and it's somewhere I get praised and appreciated. It's not at all like home, unless you count some kids picking on me. But those kids hardly matter in my mind. In school, as long as I focus I can do anything I set my mind to!

I heard one more gurgly moan flow out of Takuro's mouth that snapped me out of my thoughts. I was back to real life, and realized what was happening.

I shivered as I felt him finish inside and pull out of me. My stomach felt like it was sinking into the bed. Suddenly, I felt like I was starving, but I was too tired to care.

I heard him rustling his clothes then felt a large indent next to me. I laid there naked and allowed myself to doze. He was snoring, but it was peaceful for now...

Hours later…

I opened my eyes. I didn't want to move, but knew I had to, soon. I stared at the ceiling for a few moments; trying to collect myself. I took deep breaths. I knew my back and hips would probably be sore… When I was ready, I tentatively felt around for anything in arms reach.

That monster was gone.

I sat up and glanced around the room. Takuro must have gone to work. I suddenly felt a throb of pain go through me. My whole body ached. Looking down at my naked body, I noticed green and purple bruises on my hips and thighs. There were lines from his fingernails digging into my flesh circling the bruises. The older, fading bruises and my own self infliction marks made it look even worse. I looked horrible.

I felt tears again. Emotions were building up. I wasn't sure what exactly I was feeling. All I knew was that I hated myself.

It was all my fault. Tears streamed down my face.

I needed something. There's something missing, but I can't figure out what… I just want something to get rid of these feelings, but the only way I know how to rid myself of this emptiness and self hatred is to cut. I tensed up and held onto my arm, which was my most heavily used victim when it came to hurting myself. I stared at my marks, old and new, trying to convince myself into thinking this was a bad idea. I inhaled slowly, then exhaled.

"Relax." I whispered to myself, and repeated the process a few times. I couldn't go to school unless I composed myself.

I stood slowly and limped around the room, searching for my clothes. I dressed myself cautiously, after all, I was very sore. I didn't bother covering my own scars; it was my stepfather's marks I needed to worry about. Those were the ones that would get questions.

I didn't like it, but theres nothing I can do about it. I had no other options but to hide it and hope someday he would slip up and get caught.

This was my life. Full of bitterness and loneliness… There was hardly any hope left for me, and I knew it. I'm just a sitting duck, waiting for the day I'd die either by suicide or by my foster father's hand.

Solemnly, I grabbed my book bag and went downstairs, continuing my slow route to the door. I didn't know what time it was, but I was starting to care less and less the more I actually thought about my fate.

I have no way of escaping this vicious circle.
Things won't ever change.

I'm 12 years old now. I have a long ways to go before I get a chance at freedom, that is, if I ever do.

But… I don't know if I can survive much longer.