Disclaimer: I don't own. It would be pretty arrogant of me to write fanfiction for something I created myself...
Tony holds the tears back determinedly as his fist collides with the wall.
It makes another sickening thud.
He looks at the wall as he draws his hand away.
There are four round, red marks.
He gently places his knuckles back against them.
They fit perfectly.
The draws his hand away again. His knuckles are scraped raw.
He doesn't know why he's taking it out on the wall.
It's not the wall's fault.
It's not the wall's fault Kate's gone.
It's not the wall's fault he's in so much pain.
It's not the wall's fault that a terrorist is on the loose with a severe intent to kill.
And that's what makes it so painful; it's not the wall's fault.
It's so many other people's fault.
It's Gibbs' fault because he misled Kate, because he didn't kill Ari when he had the chance.
It's Gibbs' fault because of rule twelve.
It's McGee's fault for not stopping the computer in time.
It's Abby's fault for not doing her insane match making.
It's Ducky's fault for not being able to save Kate, not that he could have done anything any way.
Tony feels guilty, because all these other people are grieving too and yet he's secretly blaming them.
He knows he had a part to play as well.
It's his fault because he got too emotionally involved.
It's his fault because he didn't take the bullet.
It's his fault because he was too much of a jackass to tell Kate to run when she got shot the first time.
It's his fault for never telling her.
It's all someone's fault, not some stupid inanimate object's fault.
He wants to yell at, and to punch one of the people he finds responsible.
He wants to kill Ari.
He wants to suspend him by the hair and stab him in the stomach.
He wants to be sick.
He wants to cry.
He wants to take it all back.
But it's too hard to do any of these things.
That's why, he decides, that's why Tony is punching the wall.
AN: Last Tate from me; I'm Tiva now...
Cheers,
Darcie