This is something that just came up to me. I'm a little depressed right now…My boyfriend and I broke up about 5 months ago, but it's a little harder than I thought, mostly because it wasn't because we didn't love each other… so this is basically how I felt in the first… let's say…two months I was alone again (and I sometimes still feel it...) through Rory's POV and what she might have felt when Jess left her(and I consider Dean has never even existed, so Jess was her first boyfriend here) …because in some crazy way, my ex was my Jess, in just less rebel and James Dean like …I was also kinda inspired by Linkin Park's Valentine's Day, from their latest CD, Minutes to Midnight (amazing, by the way). I hope you'll like it.

Dying to Live Again

I've been alone on Valentine's Day before. But it has never bothered me as much as it does right now. It had always been a day like any other one of the year, but once you've felt what love is, you hope that the person you love will show you that day that they do love you. I never knew what it was like to be truly alone on Valentine's Day.

You know, in the first while you're with someone, that wonderful sensation you have in your stomach when you feel loved by someone else, well now it has been replaced by a sharp pain that cuts through me over and over again. I sometimes want to die because it hurts so much. I want to cry, but nothing comes. There's a knot that forms into my throat, and it becomes so tight that I can't even breathe. I sometimes can't even walk in a straight line, blinded by the pain, tears and regrets.

He was the first to love me for what I am. I was just getting used to the idea that someone loved me for what I am, not for what I pretend to be, and he slips away between my fingers like sand. Was it me? Was it something I did or said? I don't even know, because he's never told me. He's said that problem was him, not me, but you know what that sentence means most of the time… so I have a hard time to believe that. He's said that he loved me more than once, and he's proved it too…so what happened? What THE HELL happened for him to do such a 180?

Despite all the hurt I feel, I don't hate him. And I don't think I ever could. I think we'd have broken up eventually, with me going to college in the fall and him staying in Stars Hollow. The lack of time spent together because of my schoolwork would probably have driven us apart in the end.

I've more than once wished things were different, I still do, that we would have gotten together in other, better circumstances. But I can't help the things that happen. I've been told that things happen for a reason… I just wish it's true, whatever the reason might be.

Please review and let me know what you think…it would be much appreciated.

Yours truly,

RoRyJeSsAdDiCt