Hello hello!

I'm back again, with yet another one shot with the dynamic duo. This randomly came to me while I was listening to a song and I wanted to see how I could go. It's a little different from how I normally write, but I hope you can all tell that this is sort of from Elliot's view in a way. I hope you guys get what I'm trying to say.

Anyway, this is set in season 8 with flashbacks to the infamous 'Fault' episode of season 7. I hope you all enjoy.

Again, don't own these characters but how I wish I did.

Enjoy xx

Home [ONESHOT]

3:39am.

You stare at the bright red numbers on the bedside alarm clock until your vision crosses. You know sleep will not come tonight – yet again. Sleep has not come properly in the last six weeks. Sleep has not come since you learned that you were left alone. Your mind keeps you up every single night. You wonder if she is okay. You wonder will you walk into the squad room in the morning and see that the blonde has been replaced by the familiar brunette. You wonder where you both stand. You wonder if she can ever forgive you for this mess that you so obviously caused.

Six weeks ago, your lives changed completely.

Your relationship had been already six and a half years in the making when it had begun. Following the split and quickie divorce from your wife, you began the relationship that you had always dreamed of – one with her. You were both in deep from the jump. You both plunged from the safety net of a professional partnership, into a world of recklessness and desire.

Two people who were known within the NYPD as hotheads with a volatile relationship, had plunged into a world of recklessness and desire.

Whenever you fought, God, it was like a war. Both of you knew just what to say to hurt each other, to cut each other deep and bring out the rawest of emotions. She never backed down from your temper, she never flinched when you shouted at her. She gave it right back, probably shouting louder and resorting to calling you an 'arrogant son of a bitch' and a 'bastard'. You never called her out of her name as that just was not in your nature, but you certainly could argue with her.

This most recent fight, however, had changed everything.

Your relationship was already starting to strain due to the overwhelming feelings that surrounded the Special Victims Unit; the cases growing more gruesome by the day. A lot of cases involved children and there were so many times you had lashed out at her. She was growing sick of it and called you out on it, and you had gotten defensive instead of apologizing. 'Fucking bastard.' You can still hear her voice as the words rolled off her tongue, dripping with venom and hanging in the air whilst you stood there breathing heavily as anger coursed through your veins.

With an already straining relationship and emotions running high, of course, it only took one thing for one of the ropes holding this – whatever it is – together, to snap.

Gitano – that narcissistic, arrogant, cold blooded bastard. He was one of the worst killers your squad had ever faced, and you all found yourselves tracking his every move.

You thought you had him when you were at that bus station. You had the plan in action, all the clerk had to do was play the part. Gitano, however, was able to figure things out and began taking off in a different direction. You remembered seeing her taking off after him, and in the blur and confusion and throng of people, you did the same. You took off after her, and caught sight of Ryan, one of the children Gitano had kidnapped and was taking on the run with him. You remember calling for him, his brown eyes pouring into your blues as you tried to get him to come with you. He stood frozen on the spot, very obviously traumatized by what was going on and unwilling to go through anymore hell by going with a stranger. As you took another step towards him, you heard a shrill scream of a child and the voice of your partner, yelling "Freeze!"

And when you looked, what happened next sickened to you the core.

She had the gun pointed, trying to find a shot, when he took his knife and in one quick motion, slashed her across the throat.

Screams filled the station as people began running around, and you watched as she fell to the ground. Her hand was on her throat, blood seeping out of the wound and gushing over her fingertips. You glanced at the boy, suddenly torn; 'Save her or save him?'

You did what your heart said do – you ran to her.

"Move! Olivia!"

You crouched to her, mumbling as you tried to hold her; "Oh my God, no…no!"

"I'm okay; where's Gitano? Go Elliot go, I'm fine; just go!"

You left her and ran, but when you got to Ryan, it was too late. Gitano had slit his throat and left him bleeding on the pavement. Guilt consumed you; guilt and anger at the situation.

But you chose to direct your anger on the wrong person…

You swallow hard and shudder as you remember your heated argument in the precinct hallway. She had called you out on your pissy attitude, words were exchanged;

"I can't do this anymore; I can't keep looking over my shoulder making sure you're okay!"

"You son of a bitch, you know that's not true!"

"I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to the rescue!"

You regretted the words as soon as they slipped from your mouth. The anger in her brown eyes were gone and replaced with hurt. You saw the tears well up, but her nostrils were flaring, and she was breathing heavily. She was trying not to break down while in the presence of others, and now you felt guilty and like the 'son of a bitch' she had just called you out as. You were doing the one thing you promised never to do six months earlier when your relationship began – you were hurting her.

Your temper was officially costing you everything.

You talked to Huang later in the day, allowing the doctor to help you clear your mind. You realized how deep in love you were with her, you realized how much you wanted to fix your relationship and come back together the way you were meant to be. You had a plan – as soon as this case closed, you were asking for you both to take time off and you were going to remind her of why you both started this in the first place. You loved each other. You always will love each other because what you two have, is beyond words – too deep for anyone to understand...

You were determined for nothing to break this apart. As much as you hated to admit it, you needed her. You needed her like you need air to breathe. God, how you needed her.

But of course, Gitano wasn't done wreaking havoc, and God did he do a job on this.

You had cornered him, but in the struggle, your gun was dropped, and he held a gun to your head. She ran straight to where you both were and pointed her gun, trying to talk him down. You kept begging her to take the shot, but she refused, fearing that she would either miss and hit you, or that his finger on the trigger would be faster than her bullet. Either way, you would die, and she would take the blame, and that was something she could not handle.

Gitano taunted you both. He called you both a couple of screw ups, he blamed her for Ryan's death and kept telling her that your death would be all her fault too. You watched as tears filled those brown eyes and she began to shake slightly, emotions threatening to take over when she was desperately trying to keep her composure. She took a deep breath and blinked, and that's when you saw the one lone tear trickle down her cheek. You spoke softly to her;

"Olivia, look at me…"

Her browns flicked to your blues. You kept talking to her, trying to get her to not listen to him, to block him out and just focus on you and this moment. She whispered to her that it was alright, she whispered that she was sorry, and you could hear in her voice that she was not only sorry for what was potentially about to happen, but sorry for every fight and nasty slew of words she ever delivered to you. You nodded your understanding, mouthing 'I'm sorry too' before closing your eyes.

Then there was a shuffling sound, followed by the loud crackling of gunfire.

Gitano fell to the ground, and you stood frozen for a second. Your gaze flicked back to hers; there were tear stains on her face. You wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in your arms and whisper that things were okay, yet you could not move. You both simply stared at each other, and you knew then that this case had screwed it all up. You could see in her eyes that she was hurting, that she was scared almost.

You screwed it up even further about an hour later when you were both sitting outside the ward where little Rebecca – the girl you both had rescued – was resting.

"…I know you would've taken the shot Olivia."

"No, I wouldn't have, did you really expect me to? What about your kids?"

"I don't know, I just couldn't get that boy out of my head."

"What about me?"

"Look, we both chose each other over the job and we can't let that happen again," your heart broke a little more as you uttered the next words; "Otherwise, we can't be partners."

You could hear the sob that was threatening to escape as she uttered, "I can't believe you're saying that."

"You and this job are the only things that I have left anymore, I don't wanna wreck that."

You took one more glance at her, your heart breaking at the sight of the distant look on her face; "I couldn't take it."

When you walked away, you had no idea that the next day, you would walk into work and receive news that she was in Computer Crimes. "You needed a break from each other." Was what Cragen said, and now, you felt like an asshole all over again.

'She ran away because of you, you prick.' Was all you kept saying to yourself.

She came back briefly after two weeks, but it wasn't the same. She was still weary around you, afraid of getting too close and having the pieces crumble even further. You had no idea where your relationship stood, but you could see the look in her eyes and see that it matched your own – you loved each other and so desperately wanted to fix it yet felt so lost because you had no idea what to do.

And talking was never the strongest point for either of you.

It was only a few days later that you walked in with two coffees and a plan to take her to lunch to begin to sort this mess out. However, when you walked in, her desk had been cleaned off. Munch and Fin made the comment that this was not something she would do, she would not leave without telling anyone. You asked Cragen where she was, to which he explained that he could not tell you.

And your heart shattered completely when you called her number, only for your ears to be met with; "We're sorry, but the number you have reached has been disconnected."

Disconnected.

She was gone.

All of this brings you to now, laying in this bed at now, four in the morning. Your mind has replayed the scenes of the last few weeks over and over. Gitano. Finding out she was gone. Her coming back. Her leaving again. The blonde detective that was now in her place. Everyday, you hope you will walk in and see her again. You hope you will see those brown eyes glistening in the squad room lights, that soft smile that lights up your world. You want to run your fingers through her sandy blonde hair, you want to feel her soft pink lips against your own. You want to wrap your strong arms around her tiny frame, whisper to her how sorry you are for this mess.

You want to tell her that you love her and want to be with her for the rest of your life.

You swallow hard, your eyes staring at the darkness of the ceiling. The only light comes from the streetlights outside, filtering through a small gap in the bedroom curtains. You remember a time a few months ago, the beginnings of a complicated yet beautiful relationship. You remember how she laid in this very bed, her head resting against your firm chest, her soft skin against yours. Your ran your fingers through her shoulder length hair, peppered kisses across her forehead and nose until you finally settled on her warm lips. You whispered that you loved her, she whispered that she loved you too. You both knew how complicated your relationship was, but it was what you both loved – and what you still love – the most about it. Complicated and complex – it is simply just Elliot and Olivia.

Tears once again fill your eyes and slip down your cheeks, rolling onto the pillow your head is resting on. This has become a regular occurrence since she left. You can not longer be angry at her, you never were angry at her. This was your fault. She left because of how arrogant and unbearable you had become. You hate yourself for how your temper and asshole like behavior has cost you the one person that means the world to you. You feel an actual pain in your chest where your heart is, as if your heart is breaking piece by piece without her here beside you. You glance to the side, reaching your arm out, feeling the coolness of the sheets where just a few short months ago, she happily laid. You can faintly hear her giggle as you remember back; the softest, most beautiful sound as you used your fingers to trace patterns on the bare skin of her stomach after making love to her. You can almost smell her perfume and shampoo.

You just wish she was here right now.

You wonder where she is right now – out of state is all you heard. You did find out that she was undercover, but that did not take the pain away. You just wanted her to come back. You wonder if you are crossing her mind like she is yours. You wonder if she wakes up some nights and reaches out for you.

You wonder if she misses you like you miss her.

A dull knocking sound coming from your front door brings you out of your mind. You glance at the clock, it is now ten minutes past four. You wonder who the hell is knocking at this hour, so you grab your gun and go straight to the door, only in just the sweatpants you wore to bed. You check the peephole and your heart stops for a second.

You would recognize those brown eyes anywhere.

You practically tear the door open in a flash; she looks up from the floor. Browns meet blues, and you drink in her appearance.

Her hair has grown longer to flow over her shoulders a little more, she has bangs hovering over her eyes, her hair has gone from sandy blonde to a darker, chestnut like color. Her body has become slightly fuller, with curves in all the right places from her ample bosom to her curvaceous bottom, even to those wonderful thighs that you automatically want wrapped around your wait. Jeans hang low on her hips, worn down Converse sneakers are on her feet, a pale blue shirt hugs her torso and a black leather jacket is over her arms and shoulders.

It is her – she really is here in the flesh.

The bags beside her indicate that she has only just come back, but she is here nonetheless. You say nothing. You just pull her into your arms, your strong arms wrapped around her frame. Her slender arms wrap around you, nails claw at your back, her face buries into your chest. Her body shakes slightly, and a sob escapes her lips. The words hit your ear and it is all you can do to stop your own tears from sliding down your cheeks.

"Elliot, I'm so sorry – for everything."

You keep an arm around her and reach forward, grabbing her bags before finally closing the door. You drop the bags on the sofa before holding her again, finally speaking once you find the words;

"You have nothing to be sorry for, baby; it was all me," you pull back to look at her, you reach a strong hand up and brush the tears away with the pad of your thumb, "It was me; I'm sorry for blowing up at you during Gitano, I'm sorry for hurting you and driving you away – I'm just…I'm sorry Olivia, please, I'm so sorry."

Her forehead rests against yours, her hands cup your cheeks, the soft pads of her thumbs suddenly wipe away the tears that you did not realize were falling. You choke back a sob. Your strong arms remain around her waist, clutching her as if your life depends on it.

"I don't want to lose you baby, I'm so sorry."

"You'll never lose me, Elliot," she presses a soft kiss to your cheeks and nose, "I thought about you every day; I missed you so much."

"I missed you even more." You whisper back. She gives you a soft smile, which you return.

And then you feel those soft pink lips against your own. You feel her arms loop around your neck and your grip on her tightens. The kiss is warming you up, and for the first time in weeks, you feel the clouds of despair part ways and shine a ray of hope into your seemingly miserable existence. Your senses are on fire, your heart is beating out of your chest.

And the love you have for this woman is coursing through your veins.

You pull apart and rest your foreheads together, tears flow down both of your cheeks. You lift your head enough to kiss her nose before you place a soft kiss against her lips again, uttering the sweetest words to her without a second thought;

"I love you, Olivia Benson."

She swallows hard, her brown eyes pouring into your blue ones. You see it there – she feels what you feel, and she is not afraid.

"I love you too, Elliot Stabler."

Your heart fills with joy at the words. You kiss her again, lifting her off her feet and carrying her to your bedroom.

You are just so glad that she has finally come home, and now, you finally feel at home as well.

Finished.

Hope you all enjoyed! I'm really enjoying writing these little one shots for our dynamic duo. Maybe I'll post a fic or something soon!

Until next time xoxo