LITTLE BOY LOST
Written by Ann Rivers ann.rivers@virgin.net
Completed 20 June 2001
Summary: Jesse and Steve go Christmas shopping – and take a little trip down memory lane…
Spoilers : None applicable
Disclaimer: Diagnosis Murder and its characters belong to CBS and Viacom
No profit is being made from their use here
15 December 1998 – a shopping mall somewhere in Los Angeles
On a Scrooge scale of one to ten, Steve Sloan was hovering around the nine point nine mark.
If he'd had his way, he would have been at home right now, stretched out on the couch with a pizza in one hand and favourite beer in the other, all ready to watch the Lakers whup the Bears.
But no. Over coffee at the beach house, Jesse had said he had to do some Christmas shopping.
And since Community General's walking accident magnet hadn't recovered from his latest mishap,
(a flimsy chair plus decorating his apartment plus Jesse Travis equalled dislocated shoulder), guess who'd been drafted in as chief nursemaid, chauffeur and parcel carrier ?
Needless to say, Steve had vehemently protested at having his plans curtailed – or at least tried to.
"Oh, come on, Jesse, you've got to be kidding…! You've a clear ten shopping days to go yet…!"
Protest had then given way to amused suspicion. "Oh, Jesse, please don't tell me you're one of those sick, sad people who start on next year's pressies the second the decorations are down…"
Wisely choosing not to reply, knowing the months, no, years of teasing he'd endure if he did,
the young doctor had pretended not to hear him and settled for relatively safer pedantry instead.
"Actually it's only nine days, seeing as you… er… can't count Christmas day itself, since…
well, it's too late by then and… um, well, the shops are shut anyway, and…"
Seeing Steve theatrically roll his eyes heavenwards, he'd then brought out his secret weapon.
Well, two to be exact – his own, plaintive to perfection as they met long suffering blue.
"Besides, with your dad covering for me, and Amanda out of town and me being unable to drive…"
Before Steve had the chance to protest further, Jesse had then played his failsafe trump card.
"I'll treat you to dinner… and I've only a few more to get… aw, come on, Steve… please…?"
Under the double assault of those eyes and a wheedling smile, Steve had reluctantly caved in.
Then again, he'd ruefully reflected, didn't he always…?
"Oh, I know I'm going to regret this, but at least I'll get a free meal out of it…" he'd sighed,
though not quite able to keep the grin from his face as he'd watched his young friend celebrate.
"Okay, Jesse, you win… I've some paperwork to take care of here for the rest of the morning,
then we'll head out once I'm clear, okay…?"
Not that he'd ever admit to it, of course, but watching Jesse bounce happily onto the sundeck
had given Steve a real buzz of seasonal goodwill. Or maybe he'd been overdoing the egg nog.
And now the kid had gone missing. Jeez, all he'd done was stop next to a TV outlet to check the latest score (the Lakers were winning at least, up twenty points to seven) and when he'd turned around to protest to Jesse… well now, what a surprise – the little so and so had gone walkabout.
When it came to disappearing into thin air, Jesse Travis could out Houdini Houdini himself.
Still, he silently groused, at least one long standing Christmas dilemma had been resolved.
Now he knew what he'd be buying his young friend this year – an industrial strength dog harness.
Smiling at the mental image of a securely leashed, highly indignant Jesse walking to heel,
Steve carefully shifted his armful of parcels (just a few, my foot !) into a more secure load while peering over the mall's gallery to the crowded concourse below – hoping against hope to see a familiar shaggy blond head amongst the masses of fellow eager beaver shoppers.
No joy, of course, although another sight caught his attention. One that was strangely familiar,
and which now took him on his very own trip down memory lane…
15 December 1976 a shopping mall somewhere in Los Angeles
Legs. The world consisted of legs. Other people's legs that were much longer and larger than his.
And to a lost and frightened little boy being endlessly shoved and jostled by those legs,
that world was a pretty bewildering, not to mention terrifying place.
He hadn't meant to wander away from his parents. He never did. But the flashing lights around him were so entrancing and he'd been so excited to see all the trees and toys and decorations.
And of course, he'd simply had to find out whether Santa had remembered his present.
So that big parcel laden sleigh in the centre of the concourse had proven irresistible.
Climbing into the back of the sleigh hadn't been a problem. Trying to climb back out had –
until one of Santa's helpers had kindly come to his rescue.
At least, he'd looked like one of Santa's helpers, since his red uniform was very, very smart.
And he was nice and jolly too, even while he'd scoldingly warned him that Santa didn't visit overly curious little boys.
Then he'd laughed out loud and shook his head, gently ruffling his hair before going on his way.
Alone once more, the blond haired little boy watched him go, eyes wide in puzzled curiosity.
Funny, all he had to do was tilt his head and blink his eyes and grown ups seemed compelled to ruffle his hair. Most strange…
He'd been given a present too, although it was too small to be the Big Book of Trains
that he'd asked for in his letter. Maybe this volume only dealt with little trains…
Too curious to resist (surely Santa wouldn't mind if he opened just one small present too early…?) he tore off the wrapping paper – brightening a little as he held up his surprise treat.
Not a book, but a candy bar. And a big candy bar at that. Well, at least now he had something to eat…
Nibbling on it as he walked, he didn't see another pair of denim clad legs heading right for him…
Steve Sloan had to admit that he was getting a little too old now to get over excited by Christmas.
Besides another interest had replaced the magic of toys, gift filled stockings and men dressed up in white beards and red suits.
Girls. Oh yes, to an already strikingly handsome twenty two year old, girls beat Santa hands down.
In fact a rather pretty brunette was smiling shyly at him right now…
Catching a glimpse of her through the crowd, Steve had just started to move towards her when…
Whump…
Something soft collided with his legs, the now familiar impact of some distracted, over excited kid not looking where it was going. And in view of his current pursuit, it was one impact too many.
"Oh, for crying out loud, kid, will you look where you're going…?" he muttered –
his annoyance though quickly fading at sight of the little boy before him.
He was small and slight, no more than five years old. From under a tousled shock of blond hair
two of the biggest, bluest eyes that Steve had ever seen stared plaintively up at him.
And the fearful bewilderment in those eyes effectively forestalled all further protest as Steve remembered a time when he'd been that age. When he had got separated from his parents during,
he now wryly recalled, a Christmas shopping trip.
Bruised shins or not, he couldn't leave the little mite to the mercies of this roughly jostling crowd.
Oh, if my scout leader could see me now… I'd have my community badge here, no sweat…
he thought, dropping to his heels while offering the youngster a friendly grin.
"Hi, kid… you lost your folks…?" he asked, the grin widening as the tousled head nodded,
sending a loose lock of blondish brown hair across his left eye.
"Oh, that can't be nice…" Steve went on, moved by genuine sympathy for the kid's plight.
Brushing back the unruly fringe, he added gently, "Want me to help you look for them…?"
Another nod, more vigorous this time – joined by a sweet, shyly hesitant smile.
While relieved that the lad was responding to him so calmly instead of screaming the place down,
Steve couldn't help but feel rather uneasy that this so vulnerable little boy could be so innocent, placing such trust in a total stranger. Quickly he glanced around, half expecting to see a furious, handbag wielding mother bearing down on him, howling with indignation.
Fortunately no such vision appeared. Unfortunately a high on Christmas spirits teenager did –
pushing so roughly that the child would have been sent flying had Steve not been there to catch him.
"Hey, squirt, get out of my way…!" the youth snarled, starting towards the wide eyed youngster –
only to stop in his tracks as Steve stood up to face him.
"Hey, ugly, why don't you pick on someone your own size…?" he shot back, his voice quiet but his blue eyes livid with fury as he and the bully glared at each other.
After twenty seconds of unwavering stalemate, the bully finally saw sense. And fled.
Once sure that the threat had passed, Steve relaxed again and dropped back onto his heels –
offering the still owl eyed child a reassuring grin.
"Somehow I don't think Santa will be visiting that idiot…" he said breezily, his smile fading slightly as he saw how impossibly wide those blue eyes had grown. "Hey, you okay there, kid…?"
A simple enough question, but one which seemed to stump the still dumbstruck little boy,
who was still staring wonderingly up at him. Either that, Steve reflected with some unease,
or he just wasn't used to having someone protect him like this. Steve had never been bullied himself,
but he could easily imagine how this vulnerable little boy would be.
"Hey, it's okay now, no one's going to hurt you… it's okay now, you're safe with me…" he added, gently drawing him into a protective hug – alarmed to feel the little boy still trembling regardless.
Hugging him closer, he smiled. "Now, what say we find your mom and dad…?"
That won him a trembly smile – one which hesitantly grew as Steve grinned and took his hand.
"Okay… well, the first thing I need to know is who I'm looking for…" Steve went on –
again struck by the trust in those guileless blue eyes. "So, er, what's your name…?"
"My name's Jesse…" the little boy replied, thinking for a moment, as though coming to a decision, before tilting his head, peeking shyly up at his new friend and protector from beneath his fringe.
"But if you're going to be my friend you can call me Jess…"
"Gee, thanks…" Steve grinned, wryly wondering if it was too late to send a letter to Santa himself – trade his increasingly obnoxious kid sister in for this much cuter, much less annoying kid brother.
Mentally relishing what his parents would have to say to that, Steve turned back to offer the still patiently curious Jesse a friendly smile.
"Well, that's real nice of you, Jess… my friends call me Steve…"
With the formalities out of the way, Steve felt it safe to lighten the mood a little.
Nodding towards the candy bar still tightly clutched in Jesse's hands, he grinned.
"You know, that's a pretty big candy bar for someone so little… need some help to finish it…?"
Again that charming head tilt as Jesse studied his treat for a moment in grave concentration.
Then, to Steve's surprise he broke the bar in two and held one of the halves tentatively up to him.
"'kay…" he murmured shyly, frowning as he tried to understand the odd expression on Steve's face.
"Whassamatter, Steve…? Don't you like candy…?"
Still guiltily surprised to be taken so literally, Steve was now faced with a considerable problem.
Either he could try and explain the concept of wry humour to an unbelievably innocent five year old,
or he could reciprocate that innocence and simply accept the little boy's gesture for what it was –
an unquestioning offer of thanks and friendship.
"Oh, I could just take you home…" he sighed, moving on before he had to explain that remark too. "Oh no, Jess, it's just that… well, I only had lunch a little while ago, so I'm not hungry…"
Anxious not to cause the youngster further confusion he took the offered treat anyway and grinned.
"Still, this'll make a neat dessert… thanks, Jesse…"
"Y'welcome…" the little boy murmured, adding with a somewhat regretful shrug of his shoulders,
"'sides, mommy doesn't like me to eat too much candy…"
Abruptly he looked down again, a telltale sniff and rub at his eyes reminding Steve that there were
far more urgent matters than candy bars to tend to.
"Hey, now come on, Jesse… it's okay, we'll find her…" he said soothingly, drawing the once more disconsolate little boy into a gently encouraging hug. Glimpsing an approaching security guard,
Steve was about to call him over – only to wince in both relief and apprehension as a well dressed though slightly flustered woman appeared from the crowd, relief warring with exasperation as she knelt beside the little boy and swept him into her arms.
"Jesse…? Oh, Jesse, how many times have I told you not to go wandering off like this… ?
Your father and I have been looking all over for you…!"
Watching this happy reunion, Steve couldn't help but smile – something told him that this little boy, for all his guileless innocence and adorable charm, was one hell of a handful.
Little Jesse, needless to say, was oblivious to all the tension and exasperation around him.
He was just thrilled to be back with his mother – even if she did look rather annoyed.
Rather like Santa's helper had done earlier…
This seemed a good time to try out that head tilt again, see if it had the same calming effect…
And an apology too. Yes, that was bound to do the trick…
"Sorry, mommy, I didn't mean to get lost… but it's okay, Steve took really good care of me…
didn't you, Steve…?"
Not quite sure how the boy's mother would react to him, Steve had been trying to keep a low profile. Now, all too aware of that security guard's approach and the woman's warily grateful eyes upon him, he knelt beside Jesse while offering the little boy's mother his most charming smile.
"I was, er, just keeping an eye on him… you know, making sure he was safe and okay…" he said - feeling relief rush through him as Jesse sidled back into his arms in an unspoken gesture of trust.
In spite of this, his mother remained doubtful, and Steve started to try and reassure her further –
only for Jesse to beat him to it.
"A big bully was nasty to me… but Steve protected me and scared him away…" he said softly, looking up at Steve with idolising eyes while snuggling himself further against his chest.
Caught off guard, his mother simply stared at her son in open surprise at such a display of loyalty.
Then she met Steve's eyes and smiled, her austere face transformed with warmth and gratitude.
"Well, Steve, in that case I owe you both my thanks and an apology…" she said at last,
casting her son a lovingly exasperated glance. "I hope Jesse didn't cause you too much trouble…"
"Oh no, he was no trouble at all, ma'am…" Steve grinned, winking playfully at the little boy.
"We did just fine… didn't we, Jesse…?"
Jesse nodded vigorously, although his smile faded a little as his mother held out her hand.
"Well now, Jesse, we'd better go and find your father…" she said – unable to hide a smile at the plaintive disappointment on her son's face at having to say good bye to his new friend.
After a few moments thought, realising he had no choice to obey, Jesse sighed and nodded –
casting Steve one last longing look as his mother, clearly determined not to take any further chances, gently lifted him into her arms.
"Bye, Steve…" he mumbled, smiling sleepily up at his new friend then rubbing his eyes as all that walking and wandering began to take its toll.
Never one for long goodbyes, Steve grinned back at him while gently ruffling the little boy's hair.
"Have a good Christmas, Jesse…" he said, unable to resist one last piece of big brotherly advice.
"And no more wandering off on your own, okay…?"
"'kay, Steve…" came the now very sleepy reply – although, Steve noted with delight and disquiet,
the adorably mischievous smile that came with it told a wholly different story…
Present day…
"Steve ! Hey, Steve, wait up…!"
Startled back from past to present, Steve Sloan turned round in response to that familiar voice –
and shook his head in honest amazement.
The wanderer had returned – with, to Steve's dismay, yet more parcels.
And, to Steve's growing amusement, Jesse now had a new parcel carrier at his beck and call.
Female, of course. Young, blonde - and totally smitten.
Steve just stood and stared as Jesse and his escort approached, still shaking his head in wry disbelief.
What was it about Jesse Travis that always provoked this 'Let me mother you' reaction ?
Okay, he groused to himself, stupid question. Especially since he already knew the answer.
Those big blue eyes for one thing, not to mention the smile and that boyishly ebullient charm.
What amused Steve even more was knowing how much his young friend hated being mothered.
The only reason Amanda managed to was because Jesse simply knew there was no point arguing.
Surfacing from his musings, Steve had to bite the insides of his cheeks to keep from laughing.
Having found his original parcel carrier, Jesse was now trying to politely discharge his replacement –
and meeting with very little success.
If this latest hopeful young lady was aware that she was wasting her time, she wasn't showing it.
Oh no, she was still clinging to Jesse's arm like the proverbial limpet.
"Are you sure there isn't anything more I can do for you…?" she purred, smiling up at him –
her words innocent enough, the predatory gleam in her eye anything but.
Jesse seemed to sense this, since he then blushed furiously while vigorously shaking his head.
"Yes… I – I mean, no… I mean… um, well… no, thank you, I – I'll be fine now…" he stammered, casting a pleading glance towards a now silently convulsing Steve.
Fearing that if he didn't act soon he'd laugh himself into a hernia, Steve stepped forward and patted a now crimson faced Jesse on the back while offering the still stubbornly attached blonde his most charming smile.
"So then, Jess, just some tasteful lingerie for Amanda and we're done, yeah…?"
It was, Steve reflected, intriguing to note how closely Jesse's reaction to this seemingly innocent question mirrored that of his admirer. Two pairs of eyes widened, staring at him in polite disbelief – and for one awful moment it looked as though Jesse's latest disappointed conquest was about to dislocate his other shoulder in a fit of female jealousy.
But then she smiled in appreciative approval, and once more Steve simply shook his head in wonder. Jeez, not even the implication that her prey was already claimed had dented her admiration of him.
How the hell did the kid do it ?
"You know, my mother was right – all the best ones are taken… and a doctor, too…" she said at last, her next words husky with regretful innuendo as she traced a finger down the front of Jesse's shirt. "My boyfriend wouldn't dream of buying me something so… intimate…"
Stunned by such brazen flattery, Jesse blinked in surprise then threw another helpless glance towards his gleefully watching friend. A glance which screamed the same message in all the world's languages.
Help, I am drowning here…!
Steve knew he was risking some seriously evil payback from what he had in mind by way of rescue…
but, hell, this was just too tempting a chance to miss.
"Oh, he's very nineties…" he chipped in, meeting the expected half indignant, half relieved glare with a beatific smile. "In fact, he's forever buying Amanda new underwear… aren't you, Jesse…?"
Maybe not the rescue raft which Jesse had hoped for, more like a plank if truth be told, but…
well, a plank was better than nothing…
His only regret was that plank wasn't real, or else he could quite happily have walloped Steve with it. Then again, he thought with an evil private smirk, Christmas Day would bring some sweet revenge…
Instead he met Steve's smile with one guaranteed to give his friend a serious case of the heebie jeebies -that smug, I-know-something-you-don't look of total innocence which always culminated in total chaos.
As Steve's smugness level predictably dropped so that of Jesse Travis happily rose as he turned back to offer his admirer his most melting smile.
"She's, er, a very special woman…" he said at last with a sheepish shrug of his good shoulder.
Ever the helpful friend, Steve started to open his mouth to add his two'penny worth –
but then caught his young friend's glare of warning and wisely if not regretfully changed his mind. Oblivious to this silent exchange, the blonde nodded – finally if rather reluctantly conceding defeat.
"So I guess you're well and truly claimed…" she sighed, giving Jesse one final appreciative glance.
"Shame… I would just love to have found you in my Christmas stocking…"
With that and a playful wink she slinked away, leaving Jesse to stare bemusedly after her.
Not for the first time since he'd known the young doctor, Steve wished he had his camera.
That expression of open mouthed astonishment on Jesse's face was, as ever, joyously priceless –
the temptation to tease him further too great to resist.
"You know, Jess, if that stocking was big enough, you could probably fit in it too…" he deadpanned, at his most infuriatingly innocent as he grinned at his still dumbstruck friend.
Knowing better than to retaliate, Jesse said nothing but simply sought refuge in his bagful of parcels.
In fact, Jesse now happily noted, this stay silent ploy proved to be pretty good retaliation after all. Seeing the pile of bags and boxes already stacked at his feet, it was Steve's turn to pull a rueful face.
"Aw, Jesse, you call this just a few more to get…?" he asked in polite, not at all sarcastic disbelief.
Jesse had the grace to look contrite – if only for a few seconds before his enthusiasm took over.
"Yeah, I'm… um, sorry to take so long, Steve… guess I just kind of got carried away…" he replied,
offering his friend an apologetic smile as he nodded towards the various bags and parcels around them.
"But I've managed to get everything I was looking for… including a really neat present for you…
and something just as neat for your dad too… I mean, I know I'd already got him something, but… well, I just couldn't resist buying it and…"
The explanation cum apology then skidded to a halt as Jesse noticed the look on Steve's face.
That half smile of patient indulgence which usually preceded a brotherly lecture on the dangers
of rushing headlong into a crime scene, or standing on flimsy wicker chairs to decorate, or…
going walkabout in crowded shopping malls…
Uh oh…
Jesse winced, realisation dawning as he looked down at the bags of parcels heaped at his feet.
He had been gone a hell of a long time, his guilty unease at having left his friend so rudely in the lurch not exactly helped by that maddeningly benign smile.
A plaintive growl from his stomach reminded him that he'd somehow forgotten about dinner too.
And if there was one thing guaranteed to fire up Steve Sloan's temper, it was missing a meal.
Time for the disarming, little boy smile… and a peace offering…
"Uh, Steve…?" Fishing about in his pocket, Jesse finally drew out a fair sized bar of chocolate,
risking a tentative grin as he held the bar out towards his friend. "I'm, er, sorry I took so long and…
well, I know this isn't exactly dinner like I promised, but… well, wanna go halves with me…?"
Steve's eyebrows rose slightly as he took the chocolate. Then they drew into a frown and Jesse couldn't help but uneasily wonder if his butt was about to join his arm in its sling.
"Steve…?" he finally ventured as Steve continued to stare in a near trance at the bar in his hand.
"Um, Steve, are you okay…?"
Steve nodded absently, fingering the bar's wrapper – lost in both thought and memories.
True, the design of the wrapper had changed, but he'd seen the name of this candy bar before.
A long time ago, when he'd shared the same bar of candy with a lost little boy called… Jesse…
"Jesse…" he murmured at last, smiling at the memory of floppy blond hair and big blue eyes…
Finally he looked up again, momentarily seeing that mischievous five year old face peering up at him –
that face transforming into just as mischievous adulthood, now regarding him in some concern.
"Steve…? Steve, are you okay…?"
The time lock broken once more, Steve blinked for a moment, still halfway between past and present. Then, seeing the concern on Jesse's face, he smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, Jess, I'm fine… sorry, I… er, just took a quick trip down memory lane…" he replied,
guessing from the bewilderment on his face that Jesse himself hadn't taken that trip with him.
Then again, he thought, smile widening in anticipation, if his memory were to be jogged too…
Nodding towards the still unwrapped candy bar, he met puzzled blue eyes once more and grinned.
"So, Jesse, did you travel much when you were a kid…?"
Caught completely off guard by such a change in subject, Jesse frowned then smiled and shrugged.
"Quite a bit, yes… especially when my mom was assigned to different hospitals…" he replied,
the frown returning as he realised this wasn't quite the reply that Steve had expected. "Why…?"
Still smiling, Steve gathered up his bagful of parcels and waited for Jesse to do the same before slipping his free arm around Jesse's shoulders and giving him a gentle nudge towards the car park.
Homebound at last. Now if he could just get Jesse's memory going in the right direction too…
Always a firm believer in the straight to the point approach, Steve glanced across at Jesse and grinned.
"Ever been to Los Angeles before, Jess…? I mean, before you joined Community General…?"
Jesse remained puzzled for a moment, his eyes narrowing slightly as he sought to remember.
Los Angeles ? Why the hell would Steve be asking if he'd ever been to Los Angeles ?
Yes, he'd been there once. A long time ago, when he'd been really little and he'd gotten himself…
Blue eyes suddenly grew wide and round, staring at his now broadly grinning friend in utter disbelief.
"Steve…?!?"