AN: star wars and all mentioned characters do not belong to me and I make no profit off of them. Wrote this at work yesterday and I'm not sure if I like it yet. I have a few ideas so it will be continuing for a while. The jedi code has always puzzled me. It paints them as a sort of selfless nomadic group. Your choices are either no emotion or evil. The force almost sounds like a curse. This story will center around a third force teaching where you can be a force user and still be yourself.

When Kylo Ren roused from unconsciousness he became aware of three things; That this was not his ship, that he was chained to the chair he sat in, and that his helmet was resting heavily against his head, putting a strain on his neck. Even so, he sat completely still and reached out with the force to try to gain his bearings. He was not completely surprised when the door opened and she sat down across from him. They sat in silence for a few seconds and he was reminded of the young resistance pilot he had captured. 'Who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?'

Thankfully she broke the silence. "Are you comfortable?" She repeated his question from many months ago.

"These restraints are insufficient to contain me."

"They might give me a second or two. That's all I could really hope for."

He shrugged and they fell back into awkward silence.

"An unmarked freighter with only you on board, what did the resistance hope to gain from this mission?"

"That's none of your concern."

"We're not at hyper speed, are you waiting for a rendezvous or are we just wandering aimlessly?"

She tensed and avoided his eyes. "This isn't a resistance sanctioned mission."

"Then what is the reason for my capture?"

"Can't it just be a happy accident? I didn't come looking for you, but here you are."

"Why didn't you remove my helmet?"

He felt her emotions flare up at the question and was a little offended at her aversion to his face.

"You're the same person without it, it makes no difference."

"You and I both know that's not true."

She ignored hie comment and looked down at his shackled hands. "Why haven't you tried to escape?"

"If you were going to kill me you would have done it already. For now, I'm content where I am."

She nodded and picked at a speck on the table between them. "They didn't have a funeral for him. It's assumed that his body was destroyed with the rest of the base."

Ren clenched his fists and sat up straighter. "And my mo- The general? How is she?"

"You almost sound like you care. Like everything that happened isn't your fault."

"You wouldn't understand. Is she okay?"

"No. But she's good at pretending."

"And Skywalker? I assume that since you're here you didn't find him."

She stood up and turned her back to him, moving her hand down to where the lightsaber was hanging from her belt. "I found him."

He frowned in confusion behind his mask. "He rejected you didn't he? That's why we're not at light speed back to the resistance base. You need a teacher."

She nodded once. "I need a teacher."

He pulled his hands towards himself until the chain pulled taut "My mask. Please."

She kept her eyes down but stepped behind him and ran her hands over the smooth surface covering his head until she found the two small bumps by his ears. After the hisses and clicks she removed the helmet from his head but took care not to actually touch him.

"Sit" he nodded to her chair. "What did he say?"

She was more than a little put off at his new found interest but did as he requested. "All he said was that the jedi life was not for me.

Ren scoffed. "The jedi life isn't for anyone."

"What is that supposed to mean? Just because you couldn't do it-"

"Because I'm not a droid! Because I actually want to feel something! That's not wrong."

She jumped back at his outburst expecting to see rage but instead seeing the frustration of an argument he'd obviously had many times before.

"Jedi are heroes."

"Jedi are banthas! They are made to feel nothing! The important things in life, love, family, passion, they are all forbidden."

"Maybe the life is for me" she mumbled "It's not like I have those anyway."

"And are you happy with your life?"

"Are you?"

He glared at her for several seconds then slammed his fists down on the table. "My uncle made his students repeat the jedi code over and over again. The first line: There is is no emotion, there is peace. What good is peace without emotions? You can't feel pride over your victory, you can't feel relief that the fighting has stopped, you can't feel grief for your fallen. No emotion, no ignorance, no passion. War means nothing. Peace means nothing. Death means nothing."

She stared at him in shock for a few seconds. "And the sith?"

"If the jedi numb you, the sith light you on fire. Their mantra is: peace is a lie, there is only passion. That has not been my experience. They trade passion for pain. To be with the sith is to be in agony every second of every day."

"And that's better?"

"Yes! No!" He laid his head on the table as if the conversation was exhausting him.

"If not, then why do you aspire to be as powerful as Darth Vader?"

"As strong as him, not as powerful. My uncle will tell you that in his last minutes Vader was redeemed, but he wasn't, not truly. He overthrew his master to save his family, that goes against the rules of the jedi. I want to be strong enough to decide for myself how I use the force. I want to start a teaching where it's possible to use the force and be happy."

"Why can't you?"

"If I defected from the empire I would be as good as dead. They would hunt me to the ends of the galaxy, and any resistance who found me would shoot on sight."

"Your mother would take you back. Even now she begs the force to bring you home."

"I can't go back. My destiny is to suffer, we all know it."

"It doesn't have to be. Teach me."

"Weren't you listening? The force is more trouble than it's worth."

"Then teach me your way. Think about it, the only know force users in the galaxy are the two of us and our would be masters. This is your chance to be as strong as Vader. Teach me."