Cao Cao stares at the moon then at his large navy floating on the currents of Chibi. Cao Pi walks next to him.

"Father, what do you think will happen during this battle?"

"Guo Jia's not here. If he were, this will be swift victory. But.. now I'm not so sure... I mean, that Sima Yi guy gives me the chills."

"You begged for him to work for you. You stood outside of his house for five days."

"And I was getting nice views of his wife at that time."

"Father, if you didn't like him in the first place, why did you go through the trouble?"

"I did like him! It's just... he's... When I first saw him opening the door, I expected a Zhuge Liang-looking guy! But he... he just looks like you with a stupid hat. He didn't have the "wise man" beard!"

"I thought he would be a lot older too. Isn't he around thirty? He should have at least have a Lu Su goatee by now."

"Anyway, I'm just going to see how he works out." A finger taps him on the shoulder. Cao Cao turns to see Guo Jia waving his hand at him. "I'm here! Talking about the new guy? Oh, oh! I heard he faked illness just to avoid working for you!"

"Wait, you died back at Mt. Bailang!"

"That's the magic of hypothetical stages. I'm alive and kicking and you don't need the new guy anymore."

"But I didn't get to see how Sima Yi does here!"

"Well... we do need all the help we can get. How's the situation?"

"With you here, we can crush the Shu and Wu forces before morning!"

"Great! When do we start?"

"Later. You can get comfy with Sima Yi and Jia Xu until then."

"And Xu Shu?"

"Who?"

"The man with the hood?"

"I thought he was a sleeping bag."

"...A sleeping bag?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to meet up with Jia Xu. You can continue staring at your giant fleet of ships." Guo Jia walks away while Cao Cao yells at him, "That's not what I always do here! Right, Pi-" He turns to see Cao Pi gone.

"Agh, I'm always alone at this time..." At another area of the ship, Guo Jia greets Jia Xu.

"Well, look who finally decided to show up."

"I hear there was a new guy?"

"Yeah, he's over there." Jia Xu points to a bored-out-of-his-mind Sima Yi sitting in front of a rambling-about-Zhuge Liang Xu Shu.

"You should meet him! He is the wonder of this world!"

"Uh-huh..."

"He is everything I cannot hope to be!"

"Uh-huh..."

"You should see god-like abilities in strategy!"

"Uh-huh... Oh, forget it. I can't even pretend to care." Guo Jia points at the hat Sima Yi is wearing, "This man has the nerve to take one of our lord's ships and uses it as a fashion statement! This is insulting to us!"

"...That is not a ship... That's his actual hat."

"We should use him as another vessel."

"Okay, I know his hat looks stupid, but he's excellent at battle strategies."

"I can hear you two. You're right next to me." The two look at Sima Yi staring right at them. "Certainly you're more interesting than... that..."

"Having fun with him?"

"No."

"Do you know a man name Zhuge Liang?"

"Just now. Some man who can call the Heavens to change the wind."

"Hmm... Zhou Yu?"

"I just barely got here. Don't give me a pop quiz on people who are barely being written in history."

"Fine. Let's start over. I'm Guo Jia."

"From Cao Cao, I've heard you try to drink and hump the nearest thing that breathes."

"Whoa, whoa! That's over-exaggerating what I do in my spare time!" A silence fills between them. "...Now you say something."

"My name is Sima Yi. Happy?"

"What's with the negative tone?"

"Oh, I don't know. I could die at any minute, so I'm not exactly in a happy mood."

"Do you have family?"

"I have seven brothers. One died when he was young."

"Anything else?"

"I'm married."

"Oh... Any... children?"

"One son. Are you married?"

"Oh no! No,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no, no,no,no..."

"Alright, I get it. You won't be getting married anytime soon."

"I hope the two of us can get along. Also with Jia Xu since you seem more like each other."

"Yes, yes. I wonder when is this skirmish going to start. The other army is probably putting on make-up."

"Haha!"

"That wasn't meant as a joke."

"Oh..." A peon runs up to them.

"The battle had begun! There is a mysterious ship reeking of oil coming towards us!" Guo Jia yells out,"They are trying to set the ships on fire! We must act!" The four take out their weapons and Guo Jia looks at Sima Yi's whip.

"...A whip?"

"You use a stick with magical orbs and I'm not questioning you."

"Touche..." They all run into the battlefield.

*Skipping fighting millions of peons, strategy scenes, and more boring stuff*

Sun Quan gets knocked down and the Wei group watches as he scampers away. Cao Cao raises his sword, "We have defeated Liu Bei and Sun Quan! Let us go home and have a celebration!" The group cheers and began to walk back onto the ships.

After a while Guo Jia and Jia Xu look at the enemy camp as the ship moves away from it.

"Hypothetical stages are fun, you know that?"

"Yeah, that's if you're someone that benefits from it." He looks over to Sima Yi sitting on a chair looking at a mountain range.

"You know... You should be looking this way."

"I sense trouble in those mountains." Guo Jia goes and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Ah, you're too tense. Maybe the banquet will help you calm your nerves."

"I'm not a party person." A voice is heard, "You won't be anything after this!"

"What? What's happening?" The mountains has Sun Quan, Lu Su, Zhuge Liang, Huang Gai, Han Dang, Gan Ning, Ling Tong, Zhou Yu pop out holding rocket launchers.

Zhou Yu yells out, "How's this for hypothetical?"

Lu Su finishes the sentence,"BIEETCH!"

Guo Jia looks at them with widen eyes, "What? They're still not giving up?" Zhuge Liang yells at them, "Oh no! We're simply getting rid of the competition!"

He shoots a rocket at Guo Jia, sending him flying off of the ship. He hits the water with an audible splash. Sima Yi gets up from his chair while yelling out in a very sarcastic non-sympathetic voice, "Oh no! He just came back after being incredibly sick, and he dies just like that! Well, that means I get a promotion-AH!"

A rocket hits him, sending him off the ship and into the water.

Jia Xu complains, "Aw, man! They always take out the one that just got here or the one who just got back! Why don't I get put out this misery too-"A rocket hits him, sending him into the water also.

Zhuge Liang looks through his launcher's sight and he sees Xu Shu. Xu Shu waves at him and Zhuge Liang ignores him to shoot at Xun Yu. He puts his hands in his pockets and kicks dirt.

"Aw.. I never get picked for anything..."

Guo Jia struggles to fight the strong currents he got thrown into. "Ggh! Blgh! Huff! Cao Cao! Jia Xu! Cao Pi! Fine, even Xu Shu! Koff! Koff!" He sees the ships float away as he struggles against the strong waves.

"Grr! I'll have to swim back to them then!" He swims angrily against the waves, but they consume him the moment he gets exhausted. Nearby, Sima Yi coughs and spits out water. "Damn it! I barely started here and they try to kill me! That Zhuge Liang has some nerve!" He sees Jia Xu lying face down floating near him.

"Am I-blub-dead yet?"

"..." Sima Yi swims away from him, but a strong current sends him back.

"Oh, come on." He continues to swim against the current, but he runs out of breath and the water consumes him.

When the ships docked, Cao Cao runs at the back of the ships. "Where did they go? They must have gotten to them... And now I'm stuck with a sleeping bag. Right when things were starting to get better, the Heavens take away my best men. But.. maybe they're still alive! Men! Set your sights in every body of water! I want you to find those three!" The peons answered, "Yes, sir!" Cao Cao then chuckles to himself, "I hope I can get a nice "peek" of Sima Yi's wife before this search is over..." Cao Pi says to him while walking away, "You're old enough to be her father."

"Yeah, yeah..." Xiahou Dun walks by him, "She has a child."

"Mm-hm." Xiahou Yuan walks by him,"I heard an intruder got his you-know-what ripped off when he tried to have his way with her."Cao Cao turns to stone with a crack down the middle. "..What?" Li Dian walks by,"I heard she served human meat in one of the baozi she gave to us." Cao Cao cracks even more. Dian Wei walks by, "I heard she killed a maid in order to make sure she couldn't tell you that Sima Yi was okay when he was faking illness." Cao cao breaks apart and turns to dust. He gets back up. "Ok, ok... maybe later... A lot later..."

A bright light shines in Sima Yi's face. He opens his eyes groggily and sees a figure. A hand extends to him.

"Yi... come with me... to the afterlife..."

"Who are you...?" He makes out a face and it was a very old man with a long beard and whiskers. "Father...?" The figure changes form and grows devil wings and horns. The light turns red.

"Come join me in the depths of Hell!"

"Oh hell no! I'm not going with my demon of a father!" The old man reaches at Sima Yi, but he gets interrupted. "Grr! Who's-GAH!" He disappears while yelling out. Sima Yi opens his eyes slowly and sees Guo Jia over him.

"He's not waking up... I might need to give him mouth-to-mouth." Sima Yi opens his eyes wide and sits right up. "Not necessary!"

"Oh thank the Heavens! I thought I would be alone here!"

"Where's the other man? The one with the bandana."

"I can't find him! Who knows what happened to him!"

"Actually I saw him floating face-down..."

"Oh no! He's gone! I couldn't save him!"

"Tell me, where are we?"

"...I don't know." The camera zooms out to a sandy beach with a large jungle. "I'm pretty sure this is just South."

"The Yangtze goes across China, not vertically."

"...Then..." The screen zooms outwards as Guo Jia yells out, "We're no longer in China?!" He pants and runs around yelling. "We're doomed! And I didn't even get to tap that palace maid!" Sima Yi looks around as Guo Jia is running around.

"Can you be quiet? I'm trying to think."

"Oh, and by the way... Why is your hat still on you?" He points to Sima Yi's hat that somehow is still stuck onto him. Sima Yi shrugs at the question.

"Now we're going to have to survive this place for a while."

"Then we'll have to go tribal! Rip off your sleeves!"

"NO! Just because we're stranded, doesn't mean we have to act like animals!"

"You're right. I'll go to my normal personality." He takes a deep breath and says, "Hello. Let us drink the night away..."

"That doesn't apply here."

"Darn it! Then what are we supposed to do?"

"Avoid contact of skin."

"What...? That's..."

"No, because..." Sima Yi points to a group of fangirls standing across the beach. "They will be waiting for one of us to "cuddle" and the fanarts will have another addition to its archives. Hey! Get out of here! Scat!" He runs after the fangirls and they run away screaming.

"There."

"If that's how we're supposed to live... Then..." Guo Jia grabs Sima Yi's sleeves. "You won't be needing these!" He tears the sleeve and Sima Yi yells at him, "What the hell are you doing?! Do you know how much this robe costs?!"

"Who cares?! We're going to die! "

"Not if you calm the hell down!" He slaps Guo Jia in the face. "Shut the f*bleep* up and quit acting like a baby!" He slaps him with the back of his hand. "I'm 9 years younger than you, for Confucius' sake!" He slaps him with his palm out, "That's for making fun of my hat back there!"He slaps him again for the fourth time, "And that's for letting me get jumped on by that Huang Gai! For Heaven's sake, I thought I was going to suffocate between his thighs!"

"Ok, ok! I'll stop acting like this." He gets slapped again. "That's for being a dumb blonde!"

"What?! That's for blond women! Not blonde men!"

"It applies to both!" He slaps Guo Jia again for the sixth time.

"Stop slapping me!"

"You need some sense into you! Now let's go and explore what's here." He turns to see Guo Jia sleeping on the ground.

"Oh, really? Get up!" He kicks Guo Jia in the head. Guo Jia gets up quickly, rubbing his head. "I'm tired!"

"God, I hope I don't get a child like you."